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Can adult women project "pretty" and be taken seriously?

Day Vies

Veteran

Deborah said in another post somthing I thought was interesting very interesting. "... such a pretty look but not juvenile..does that make sense?" I think this idea completely makes sense because we've been trained to think of pretty as young, without substance or depth. I'm thinking the proverbial airhead.

It wasn't until I joined YLF that I realized that pretty could be grown up and didn't need to be just ballarinas, pink tulle and sparkles. What do you think?

Dressing

56 replies

Latest reply was from T-Rex

Anonymous

Of course! That is why I said you looked pretty and strong. Aesthetically, the look you crafted was very pretty, but a solid grounded pretty, a womanly pretty as opposed to little girl pretty.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Hm...I don't think I necessarily equate "pretty" with "youthful". "Cute", however, is a word I use almost exclusively for young people, small children, baby animals, and occasionally, little old ladies.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

It's a really good question, DV. I think you achieve this, just as Ceit says. The question is, what are the elements, if someone should want to copy? I think your strength always comes through. Perhaps that is the secret. Someone without your inner strength and character might be taken less seriously.

Beth Ann

Veteran

You are a master at grownup pretty, DV. I think it's a very advanced and valuable skill. Do people take us seriously when we look pretty? Hmmmm. I'll have to think about that.

I know that I feel brighter and happier when I'm around other women dressed "grownup pretty." I like arty/edgy looks too --- as if creative dressing helps unlock my own creative energy.

MsMary

Veteran

Definitely! I like to think I'm pretty, and I also like to think I have plenty of authority and, dare I say it, gravitas. I actually kind of enjoy the contrast. As I've said before, today I may be rocking a turquoise pencil skirt, green heels, and a purple jacket, but you underestimate me at your peril!

Day Vies

Veteran

Suz & Ceit -- I guess I wasn't talking about myself as much as I was commenting on how we generally use the word pretty. I was surprised to have the word used to describe myself. (I definitely see it as a complement!) So much of the time I am described as strong, direct, substantive etc. I am just curious about how we can use outfits to convey aspects of ourselves that aren't all that obvious.

Aziraphale brought up a great point on how pretty is used. A woman in her prime is generally described using goregeous, beautiful, attractive, but pretty connotes something or someone that's dainty, fragile or requires protection of some sort (like babies, small children, adolescents, and little old ladies).

We all have the potential to be pretty but beyond style preference why have many of us given up pretty or decided not to show this side of ourselves consciously or unconsiously?

ramya

Veteran

I just came back to add I think Maryk suits this to the T and here she replies

Day Vies

Veteran

Suz - I think the elements of "grown-up pretty" are clean crisp lines juxtaposed with more organic textures and prints. Grown-up pretty has structure but maybe there is a focal point that is distinctively feminine like pearls, a bow, a pastel color, lace etc. I think in someway there is always a juxtaposition of crisp tailoring and 1 or 2 strongly feminine elements ... any more and the look would be specifically juvenille or costumey.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Yes. Women can be taken seriously no matter what they wear or what they look. It may take a little work, but yes.

Sona

Veteran

Also pretty is not just long haired super young victorias secret models. I recently read and article about controversy surrounding a short haired lingerie model. I was agahast. I think Angie, Rae, Aida and other fabbers with short hair would look fantastic in lingerie/bikinis. Age, size, face structure hair length have nothing to do with pretty, sexy or sartorially fab.

Sara L.

Veteran

I hope so because "pretty" is the one compliment I get more than any other. I'm not beautiful or gorgeous but I am pretty. I've never thought of "pretty" as being associated with juvenile though - I think of "cute" as being juvenile, not "pretty".

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

What IK, Ceit, Elisabeth, and Mary said.

Okay. I need to write a blog post about this because when I hear negative talk about "pretty", I furrow my brow. Being called pretty is a beautiful compliment! End of story.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I really hope so as I define my style as urban pretty.

I'm drawn to soft fabrics, soft silhouettes, soft colours and some aspects of vintage. I am not twee, saccharin or frivolous. I hope I come across to others as having a grown up yet pretty style. I am certainly not a push over.

rae

(website)

Veteran

I think sometimes the word pretty gets conflated with twee. They are two wholly different things in my eye. There is a whole forum here full of pretty, stunning, striking, and gorgeous women, and I take everyone seriously.

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

I agree with everyone, I think this forum is filled with pretty, strong, smart and confident women of all ages and shapes!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

IMHO, "pretty" is just another word for "beautiful" and they are both wonderful words.

Anonymous

Absolutely. I think I go for pretty but oh boy, I am as serious as a heart attack, when it comes to business. It is the only way to go about it. I am the second youngest in my position and tend to look a bit void of substance. I like the surprise element there.

Echo

Veteran

It is fascinating the associations we have with different words. I have never equated "pretty" with being weak, delicate or in any way less serious. I do find "cute" to bring up associations with youth or inexperience, but not pretty. I have to agree that I see it as nothing more or less than a wonderful compliment.

Thistle

Veteran

I agree with what everyone else here has said. Pretty is entirely different to me than "cute". I think of my DD as "cute". Twee is my niece, and oh is she ever! But them, she is 12.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Interesting discussion, which I believe we've touched on here before. I agree wholeheartedly with Elisabeth, Mary, and Angie.

An artists' group that I belong to had a lively discussion one day about being taken seriously as an artist if your work is considered "beautiful" or "pretty." We started calling it the "pretty problem." So much of the art that gets attention by the critical world is not "pretty" and to the contrary uses visual dissonance and ugliness to make a statement. When work is "pretty," people often stop at that surface assessment and fail to look deeper at what the work means.

I suppose one could argue there is a parallel with looks and style. However, I can think of a lot of women who are/dress "pretty" but still forces to be taken seriously. Again, the devil is in the details -- situation appropriateness comes into play of course (there is a time and place for ruffles and other "pretty" details, and you have to know how much and when to use them), but I've never thought of "pretty" as anything other than a compliment.

Day Vies

Veteran

I am so glad you all chimed in! I learned something new twee -- never heard of the word before and had to google it.

I just wanted to be perfectly clear that I absolutely agree that "pretty" is indeed a wonderful complement.

I was just picking up on Deborah's hesitation in using the word and associating it with a juvenille look. I also wanted to explore some of my own conditioning with regard to the word. Especially when I know I have often censored myself when describing someone I see as authoratative and strong by not also describing them as pretty. I am more likely to use "attractive" or "gorgeous", because I don't want to diminish their credibility in the eyes of my audience. I am certainly aware that being attractive does not mean empty-headed or lacking in gravitas.

I think Janet has a point. Critical acclaim and deep contemplation is generally reserved for things that aren't "pretty" in art and sometimes in fashion. I remember a thread some months ago about wearing silhouettes that aren't necessarily figure flattering to make a statement or to achieve a certain look.

rachylou

Veteran

Hmm. To me, pretty is "looks nice and is undisturbing." Beautiful is "looks nice and is disturbing."

Jyoti

(website)

Veteran

Eh. I would like to think so, because I think my style is starting to skew quite heavily towards pretty/girly/romantic, but I have to say that in the past little while I've come across some remarks that make me think its more difficult to be taken seriously when projecting 'pretty'.

I'm in the medical profession and I was reading something online about some reality show involving doctors. There was apparently a scene where a female doctor said that if she felt pretty, she had a good day. There were TONS of comments suggesting that people would switch doctors if their doctor dared to care so much about her appearance. My takeaway is that apparently the stereotype pretty/caring about appearances = vacous is very much alive.

I've also had a patient tell me to stop wearing such high heels, and a lot of older creepy patient dudes make inappropriate remarks about my clothes. Apparently I don't project enough gravitas that they treat me like their doctor, lol. I do think the things I have experienced go beyond pretty as a descriptor and more towards the struggle between caring about appearances and certain professions/roles that we fill. Apparently patients trust doctors in scrubs the most. xD

I have to say that compared to the comments here, I definitely see pretty, as it is commonly used linguistically, as more like cute and twee and related to dainty/delicate, etc. as was previously mentioned. Beautiful has different connotations as does gorgeous. They all essentially are driving at the same idea but bring up different associated imagery in my mind, and I think that's where your question comes from. In summary, I think they can, but it is more difficult. I think that's why the 'power suit' exists. Its a shortcut for a woman to plant ideas about how she'd like to be perceived by others. Its ubiquitous presence in the media and pop culture has conditioned our minds that the power suit = powerful woman. In a similar vein, pretty is more often attached to other kinds of women (whether we like or approve of this or not).

I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I hope something of this post is relevant, lol.

rachylou

Veteran

A thought for y'all: I associate "beauty" with powerful women, but by the same token I associate "pretty" with successful women. I propose to y'all that the two are not the same - but are equal in value all things considered - and that people say what they mean, and mean what they say.

deb

Veteran

I like the word 'pretty' and never thought of it as juvenile. I hope I have not offended anyone by using it. I equate pretty with feminine and handsome with masculine.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Looking forward to Angie's blog post on the topic.

However true it may be that "pretty" and "beautiful" are not perfectly synonymous adjectives, I would still consider it a compliment if someone applied either term to me. Neither implies weakness. I would be less thrilled about "cute" for that reason -- although I'm probably a little oversensitive, owing to the fact that I'm short. Smallness and cuteness often go together in people's minds, and let me tell you, it's hard to get taken seriously by anybody when they think of you as cute.

K. Period.

Veteran

I definitely think yes, but I would add this qualification: as long as pretty is being used to lightly say attractive or beautiful. To me, attractive and beautiful both have much more forceful connotations. A woman who is attractive or beautiful is also strong. Pretty is a fabulous word when used among women with respect for each other as a light way of saying attractive or beautiful. I think that is why, among all the great women on the forum, pretty feels so comfortable and carries no negative connotations. Outside the forum, in a professional context, it is an entirely different word.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Whenever I hear "pretty" I think airhead too - and I think that it happens a lot to me, when people think that I'm basically just sweet and butterflies and twirly skirts (and they're kinda right). I think my "uglier" colleagues are taken more seriously, because it seems like they don't really have distractions, but people tend to ask me about family (spouse) and if I have children. Some of my frump-tastic colleagues never get asked about stuff like this. Alternatively, it may be that I am just more open to personal conversation.

I don't mind being pretty (I may twirl when I am alone) - and I think as a clinician I sometimes use that to my advantage, especially when I project "put together" pretty, not necessarily bimbo airhead pretty. When people think I'm honest-to-goodness sweet, it seems like I don't really have a hidden agenda, and patients are more forthcoming with me.

What comes to mind for me is that I have a colleague who is very conventionally beautiful and wears very tailored clothes - you could stick her in France or Italy on any old day and she'd just belong there - and I think people think she is more cold or has a nasty attitude, even though she is a very nice and considerate person.

I smile a lot as well - and tend to use a lot of humour (as appropriate) and empathetic statements - but that's also part of the therapeutic persona (which of course, is grounded in who I am as a person).

I think "pretty" is good for taking people off guard too, and it is also useful for when you need someone to help you do things :p Like lift heavy boxes. Or do car things when you're kinda stuck. Tee hee.

dizzys

Interesting topic. I will be rereading some text. I have been on this forum for a very short time and have to say, your style or look does not project juvenile or cute....the word pretty could denote a bit of juvenile or cute...maybe. I suppose it depends on how its said....you are classic beautiful and strong. I am straddling the line of juvenile and cute.....I find my self attracted to the ice cream cone or Scotty dog prints in the Jr. Dept. I love pink and Peter Pan collars etc. I am a bit whimsical and I wonder how I am perceived. I think I don't take my self seriously but I am capable and smart and loyal. I am working on confidence though.... I think that is the key to a lot! ( gone through a million interviews with little luck and wondering how I should change my first impression.)

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