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Body changes and style challenges

viva

Veteran

I have to admit that I am going through a tough time regarding clothing and style. I think I have hit that point where my post-50 body is really beginning to shift, and it's happening at about the same time that my love of things like really good cheese is ramping up. I haven't really eaten cheese in two years. WHY NOW????

For years I've been able to pretty well predict what will work on me. My weight and body have been very stable, and as long as it works on a rectangle it will work on me. But suddenly, no. My weight is only 1-2 pounds up, and I'm going to barre or Ashtanga (athletic, challenging yoga) 3-4 x a week, plus walking, but the shifting is real. And current styles are not helping. God help me if this mock turtleneck / high neck thing continues much longer: nothing is less kind to my neck. Sweaters are suddenly sporting seams across the biceps! What is that all about? I have actual biceps and this is not only unappealing, it is annoying. (The NAS Vince t-neck had this seam, so did a Leith sweater I just tried.) And the shorter sweaters, so now my zipper pooch is out there for all to see.

I have started selecting clothing because it is COMFORTABLE. Style is taking TOO MUCH WORK. Shopping is DEPRESSING. And this all makes me very, very sad, to tell you the truth.

Ugh. Just had to vent. Sorry to have been absent only to come back and unload.

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18 replies

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Anonymous

Sometimes you just need a sounding board and that's ok. Sorry to hear of your frustrations, hopefully things will shift back to a good place soon.

Andrea H

I feel you. I'm 4 years post surgical menopause and was feeling slightly smug that my body hadn't really shifted. Then suddenly all my bras (which, I've been wearing the exact same Wacoal style for 10 years, just going up and down in cup size with mild weight fluctuations) started feeling not-right. I got a look at myself in a thin t-shirt in a mirror at Ikea a couple weeks ago and was horrified at how saggy I looked.

I figured, eh, current bras are a couple years old, probably stretched out and not supportive enough anymore. Ordered 3 new ones online. Still look like crap in new ones. I used to have dense breast tissue and now I don't anymore and I guess I have to find a whole new bra style and, yeah, it's just...horrifying.

Chris987

Veteran

I'm going to try to avoid being super negative about this, but let me just say you are in good company Mother Nature is just so unkind sometimes. I try to remind myself that I'd rather have a little body-shifting than some difficult medical condition but it doesn't always help. Go ahead and vent There isn't actually anything wrong with selecting clothes because they are comfortable, unless you feel awful in what you are wearing. I too wonder what that sleeve seam thing is all about. Many of these sleeves are just too narrow for me to even think about...it seems like another shortcut to save $$ to me.

There ARE clothes out there that will work for you, but you are right that it might take more work to find them. Ugh. Take a deep breath, take a break from shopping, do something else, and regroup. That tends to work for me anyway.

Sal

Veteran

Well I always love good cheese so I have sympathy....

It sounds like you are living a healthy lifestyle Viva with lots of exercise and I know you eat sensibly. That feeling of constriction in the middle is uncomfortable and some of the current fashions are poorly made/designed for flattering women. Did you see the blog post last week that resonated with many of us?

Big hugs from NZ.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

So sorry you are going through a rough transition. I always feel the change in seasons makes it harder, somehow. It can be tough to figure out a good look when the weather's all over the map and you haven't quite settled into a seasonal style groove.

I am all in favour of good cheese, though. Do not deprive thyself of joy! Walks are also good, and all the rest.

I have a feeling that you might be being harder on your body than the circumstances actually warrant. But be that as it may, can you focus on the areas that you still feel great about and highlight those a bit? Or focus on a bit of maximal textural fun? For the glam gamine in you?

It's tough accommodating to any body change, I know. It can take a full season until you get the hang of what will work now on the newer you.

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

Comfort is where it's at. I don't care how good it looks, if it's not comfortable, I'm not wearing it.
Other than that, all I can say is, I've been to a place very similar to the one you describe. I was afraid to spend too much on anything, especially jeans, for about a year. Now I'm back to wearing more expensive jeans (with a lot of lycra, quite forgiving) in my current, larger size, and I feel pretty fabulous, most days. So I want to say: I anticipate that there will be life and style on the other side, once you trudge through the muck you're in right now.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I have no advice for you (but the others who have chimed in have some good words!), but I totally understand and relate! I'm trying to make the best of my body and appreciate my health and ability to be active.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I can relate. I just recently caught a glimpse of myself in some jeans that I thought were good - but after a full day the way they sagged out and down in the worst way truly made for just the most unflattering look I could imagine! Made me feel old and frumpy. I've never had a real issue with weight but the redistribution is a reality. Maybe I just need to ditch the thin fabric jeans in favor of the more substantial 100% or close to it cotton. I'm not going to do much more than I already do for exercise because I do have a life. And I eat very well - healthy I mean. DH has similar experiences so at least we can commiserate.

At least you know you are not alone. I still love fashion and I think you do too, so I bet we'll work through it. You always look beautiful to me in your posts so a lot of it is just in the mind.

catgirl

Veteran

Are you and I on the same page or what? Everything seems to have shifted to my midsection, and I am not amused. I have been climbing and trying to do more exercise, and I eat less than I ever have, and yet I feel schlumpy and lumpy. A friend gave me a sweater that was much too small, and she said "But you're so petite!" - so there's also that disconnect. At the consignment store, I tried on a Smythe jacket and felt like I was going to rip the seams in Hulk style. I can't seem to do proportions that work anymore. Comfortable clothing is a must, but I don't want to feel like I've given up.

Sorry, that was all whining about me! Just want to let you know I am right there with you feeling your pain.

lisaflex

Veteran

lol

i feel the same pain

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

I feel your pain, Viv...and I only just turned 33. Weight shift is all too real and terrible....and it's already happening to me.

There was a time I could know I was gaining weight because my bra would get uncomfortable. I always started gaining & losing weight on my bust! These days, the weight is creeping up on all weird places. (And by that, I mean my stomach & my back). What's with the flab on the back???? And my weight hasn't changed in 5 years, so I guess it's basically shifting.

I have been dressing for comfort for the last year and it's been good. I don't feel like the most fashionable woman on the street, but at least I'm comfortable.

I also feel like a body builder in most sweaters.....why are the sleeves getting narrower??? Plus, I think I may be packing on more fat on my arms....I do hate to see myself in sleeveless tops now. Ugh.....

Also, I have always loved CHEESE. I cannot imagine a world without it! Don't deprive yourself...life's too short to live with avoidable regrets. I'm sure you'll figure out a way to dress your changed shape fabulously very soon!

viva

Veteran

Oh, everyone, thank you. I had read Una's thread and felt such empathy there, but yesterday after a little shopping I read Approprio's "how do you shop?" thread and it just did me in. Because it was painful -- just painful -- to finally find something (the lace shell) that would work for the concert. And I just had to post (yet another venting post).

There is something so nice about the community embrace and I appreciate it.

Zoiechic and Sally, your kindness.

Janet, your positivity.

Andrea and Tex, your understanding: that feeling when you catch a glimpse in the mirror and you just know, things have changed.

Lisa and Una, your sisterhood.

Suz and Manny, your encouragement not to give up everything. (A world without cheese! Such horrors!)

Sharan, the promise of comfort AND style (you don't look like you dress for comfort, so that is hugely inspirational).

Feeling better today. I'm really trying to embrace the positive (there is so much of it; I am ridiculously fortunate), be more restrained in my eating (this has to happen), and choose my outfits carefully (I have to follow Approprio's rule of dressing intentionally every day). I may also start posting WIWs again. It might help to get feedback on what is working and what's not. Thank you all. xxxxx<3

Anonymous

Venting is one of the healthiest things you can do. I hope it felt good to get it out there. Dressing intentionally is the best advice. I look forward to seeing your WIWs.

kkards

Veteran

viva....let me just say., nothing wrong with dressing for comfort! and comfort does not mean giving up.
as for the other things....yes unfortunalty as we age our bodies shift and move, and yes we may need to change some eating habits. but honestly, for me, re eating, i've found the best thing is not to be restrained, but to be thoughtful....by this i mean, paying attention to portion size, understanding when and why i reached for sweets, setting small goals of adding fruits and vegtables, and balancing each day so that i dont' deny myself.

RobinF

Veteran

Another here who totally feels your pain. My weight hasn't changed much in 20+ years but my body definitely has. It has been a lifelong battle for me and I guess always will be. I agree that we can look good and still be comfortable but it takes more work for sure. Much easier to pull out the sweat pants (it helps to have cute sweat pants:)).

Elizabeth P

Veteran

I'm so sorry you're feeling down, you always LOOK amazing, and I love your style, and seeing your WIW's (so yes, please post!). I don't think you need to give up looking good to be comfortable, at all. At least I sure hope not, because comfort is a priority for me, too. Perhaps you'll need some new silouettes to accommodate this though. Have you by any chance tried the EF crepe slim ankle pants? Wearing mine today... fantastic.

Firecracker, I'm also happy to hear that you dress for comfort, because you are one of the most stylish women on here.

Eileen Fisher Slim Ankle Pant (Regular & Petite)

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Beth Ann

Veteran

Viva, having struggled with weight issues and some fluctuation, I understand the struggle. I think in some ways it is harder for people who have spent decades with a stable weight and physique. I am shifting, too, and am doing some research on changing my diet to focus more on metabolism and insulin production. Sheesh. So much thinking going into what goes in my mouth is tiring. On the plus side, I think they'd say cheese it great! You activity level demonstrates that you are taking care of the body your given, and you style will not desert you!

I'd encourage you to invest some energy into your hair, accessories, and perhaps footwear. I have found my style energies reinvigorating when I place the focus here for a few weeks. I'm getting ready to play with silhouettes, and I know that proportion shifts are the toughest, so I'm creating 5-10 go to outfits for days when the new silhouettes (cropped wide legs, for example) aren't working. I keep pictures of these outfits on my phones to refer to at 7am when I'm staring in my closet!

Anonymous

Boy, do I feel your pain and need to vent! I've struggled with weight redistribution, too, and it's royally annoying. I stayed the same shape and size for my entire life, so the change was not welcomed. I did have to change my style, but I also recently switched to a vegan diet, which seems to be helping somewhat.