Black tie event - THANKS - YouLookFab Forum

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Black tie event - THANKS

Anonymous

My DH and I have been invited to a black tie event, and I don't have a long dress. I have some really nice dresses, but they're short. Do I have to have a long dress? Am hoping I don't have to buy one, as this is the first time we've ever been invited to such a thing, and we've been married almost 30 years. I mean, really...

I'm counting on some smart advice, ladies. Help!

Urgent

55 replies

Latest reply was from donnat

abc

Veteran

Hard to know what's appropriate. Do you have anyone that went to the event in the past you can ask?

Cerinda

Veteran

I would suggest short is not out by definition but it'll take a lost more effort to style appropriately. I would take the easy way out.

Anonymous

I'm afraid I'm at a loss here. My DH's boss is being honored, and has asked us if we want to come. He has a table for 8 and has invited others to join him as well. From the invitation, I can tell it's going to be a big event. I wish I had more time (and $$) to shop! Unfortunately, this is not a good time for me to splurge on a long dress, especially since I have no need of one for anything other than this one event. Ugh! The only long dress I own is the one I bought for our upcoming cruise. I don't think it's dressy enough, though I might could do it with the right accessories. Oh me...

abc

Veteran

Can you show us your shorter dress options?

Elly

Veteran

Unless your hubby is renting a fancy tux (or owns one) I think short and fancy with the right accessories is fine. I don't run in these cycles, though.

abc

Veteran

I agree with what Elly said. Unless you feel you'll be totally mortified if you show up in a short dress when the rest of the world has a long one, I would probably try to work with what I have, dress it up and call it a day.

Kim

Veteran

Thrift store? Consignment stores? They almost always have quite a few long dresses for very reasonable prices, and if you only wear it once...Oh well. Or Rent the Runway? (dress rental option.) https://www.renttherunway.com/

I found this lovely $650.00 black tie dress there, for $90.00 for 4 days. It's just one option here.

https://www.renttherunway.com/.....glitz_gown

Anonymous

I may have to buy something, but this is rather short notice. I have to get my hair cut and styled, too.

ETA: Oh thank God! My DH's boss said black tie, but when I looked at the actual invitation, it says "black tie optional or African attire" (it's for the "United for Liberia" gala).

Diana

Veteran

You CAN wear a cocktail dress, but it needs to be a dressy material (absolutely no jersey, for example; I'd probably also stay away from ponte personally) and look "evening" (so not something you'd wear to a business formal event). I would probably choose a dark color as that is more evening and dressy looking; black is always safe. I'd wear it with sheer black hose and dressy accessories.

Also, how conservative do you think this event is going to be? Like, really stuffy, or could you do "creative black tie"?

You could try Rent the Runway or similar if you don't have anything in your closet.

And to Elly's point, my husband owns a tux and wears it to a lot of events. I've never felt inappropriately dressed next to him while wearing a short dress. Admittedly most of these are black tie optional or creative black tie type affairs.

Sadie

Unless you are the host or the honoree, a dressy short cocktail dress should be fine. My husband and I go to 4-5 black ties a year (work related) and most of the non-society women are in short dresses. I have worn either my black dress or a dark blue silk dress.

Anonymous

Lol, Sadie. I most definitely fit in the "non-society women" category.

I have a dressy gray cocktail dress that more than likely will work. I also have my LBD that can be accessorized, and that ivory dress with black trim that I bought recently. My other dresses are more casual, except for the maxi sundress that has fancy beads sewn on it and might could be dressed up with metallic accessories.

This is an ag-related event, so it'll more than likely be on the conservative side.

MsMaven

Veteran

I've been to a lot of black tie events and there are always a sizable number of women there in shorter cocktail dresses. Go ahead and wear a shorter dress--the event should be fun, not a pain in the rear to get ready for.

Wear a dress that makes you feel happy.

Anonymous

As long as I'm not the only woman in a short dress, I should be fine (I hope). I asked my DH to check, but since it says black tie optional, I figure that means I don't have to wear a long formal gown.

abc

Veteran

I bet you won't be the only one.

Based on what you described as your options, I would go with the grey cocktail dress or LBD. The ivory may not be formal enough for a night affair and I would not think a maxi would dress up enough even with metallic accessories.

Good luck, relax and have fun.

Anonymous

I think you're right, abc. My first pick will probably be the gray cocktail dress, as it only needs a statement necklace (which I have) and fab shoes... which leads me to another dilemma. I have foot problems, so all I have is Dansko sandals. I did purchase some that are black snake print, which dresses them up somewhat. Will those work??? I can't wear anything else, as I have arthritis in my toes, ankles, and sometimes in the soles of my feet. It's awful.

always trying

Veteran

We go to one, sometims, two, of these formal functions a year. There are always some in short cocktail dresses. A few years ago I purchased a loNg silk crepe skirt. This has been a wonderful investment. I go to Stein Mart and for $50.00 or less get all sorts of tops, lace, sequin, satin, embellished, and even velvet for winter. If you have a near by stein mart this may be a way to go without spending a bundle.

Sadie

As far as shoes go: you will be standing for cocktails so comfort will be important. Then you will be seated at a table where no one will see your shoes- so I'd vote for something comfortable. FWIW I have several pair of Cole Haan heels that I could wear all night and my feet are very fussy, if that helps.

unfrumped

Veteran

I struggle with the "occasional occasion" as well. I know the types of things I'd like to wear but have trouble finding, first, and maintaining a wearable outfit year after year.

If you can get a hint that some men will wear dark business suits and there will be a few cocktail dresses at least, then you're good to go--you can do with very dressy shorter dress and accessories. So many fundraisers are stuck a bit, trying to put on an elegant "do" and play to that, attract good donors and such, and have fun--they want to give a dressy party and are entitled to do so--but are also happy to fill tables and know that not everyone will do a tux or maintain a "gown capsule". It's only clothes, but you just want to feel appropriate enough to have a good time.
For example, will DH wear a suit or rent a tux?

rachylou

Veteran

Strictly speaking, black tie is casual... So haha, short is fine. Not that anyone knows that but me. In any case, what Diana said

But I'd personally love the opportunity to wear something long...

carter

Veteran

I always read "black tie optional" as "cocktail or better". I typically wear a pair of black satin pants and a swanky silk jacket or a pair of colored silk pants and a black short tuxedo jacket. Don't forget the jewels!

Thistle

Veteran

LBD with glamorous accessories.

unfrumped

Veteran

Yes, if the invitation says optional, that means they are happy with somd cocktail dresses and suits. Dressy and festive and good to go.

Anonymous

Well, my DH is asking me if he has to rent a tux. I told him I don't know and to ask his boss. The answer will clue me in to the level of formality.

Meanwhile, I'm browsing long dresses just in case. I don't want to fork out too much, though! I'm also considering a dressy top and pants option.

Rambling Ann

(website)

Veteran

Is the boss married/partnered and do you know his wife socially? If so, I'd call and ask what she's wearing.

(But I'd probably wear something short that I already owned anyway.)

Anonymous

My DH's boss (and my boss indirectly) is married, but his wife has a severe case of Alzheimer's, even though she's not elderly. It's really sad. I can't ask her, obviously, and don't know who to ask. This event is out of the realm of normal university events we attend, so I'm out of my element here. Don't get me wrong - I would feel perfectly comfortable wearing a long dress. I don't have problems dressing up. It's just that this is rather short notice and I'm questioning the wisdom of buying a long dress that might only be worn only once. I would have to catch a real deal to decide to buy one.

To be honest, I hate it when the dress code is ambiguous. Maybe the organizers of the event are hoping that people will dress nicely. After all, most people dress too casually in the ag field.

Rambling Ann

(website)

Veteran

Academics? With an African dress option? You are surely safe with whatever cocktail attire you have in your closet! Do you have a camera that fits in your cocktail handbag? That is going to be a fun event.

We have done academic benefits many times, sometimes with big entertainment (one of the donors where DH works has Las Vegas connections). The variety of attire will range from over the top to appalling (as in "could not find his comb"). Unless it was a university presidential installation, I would not feel obliged to wear a long dress.

Anonymous

Thanks, Rambling Ann. My DH asked his boss, and was told it's ok to wear a suit. Dr. Boss is going to wear a tux, but he & the university are being honored, so it makes sense. I think I'll be ok with my dressiest short dress. The thing with my DH's boss is that in his world, smart casual is quite dressy. I've been to his home enough times to know.

Anonymous

What do ya'll think of this one? I went ahead and ordered this one. It's not what I'd call fancy, and it's not too formal... but I really like it, it's on sale at Nordie's, and one reviewer said she wore it to a black tie wedding in the South. My DH's suits are all dark and if I don't end up wearing this for the gala, I have a 7-day cruise coming up in November that has 2 formal nights. I have some super comfortable Dansko black snake sandals that I think will work well with this dress. My thoughts are that a long dress will make it easier for me to wear the shoes I want to wear. I can put on earrings and a bracelet, carry a nice clutch, and be done with it.

Dress front:

http://g.nordstromimage.com/im.....685992.jpg

Dress back:

http://g.nordstromimage.com/im.....685986.jpg

Sadie

Could you post photos of the choices already in your wardrobe (just on hangers- if you want advice about which might be best).

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