Anxiety over trip and packing

Gail

I typed this once and lost it all so here goes for a second time.
I am leaving tomorrow for an 8 day trip to the UK to see my Mother who moved to a nursing home in May. It is a long overdue trip that I have put off as it is hard for me to think about her in her new surroundings. It isn't how she wanted things to go. She is physically disabled but very on the ball otherwise.
I am riddled with worry about the trip, ISIS, Ebola, renting a car, staying with a friend of the Mothers who I don't know, and PACKING !
So far I have packed and unpacked twice with different sized suitcases.Going to try with small/medium sized one. I am packing a nylon carryon bag to bring some things home. In addition to visiting my Mother I will be starting to clear out her house:( I think I have too many clothes so need to reduce. I plan to wear a comfy knit dress tights and tall boots with a jacket and scarf for the plane. Pack some black booties for jeans and some sketcher go walks for clearing house. I am hung up on what else to take.
I don't know what is wrong with me this time I am not usually like the is when I go. I have such a sense of impending doom that I cannot shake. I have 3 children two who are away at school I went to see them both last week.One is 5 hours away ( I drove there and back last Wednesday ) , the other 2 and half hours away I saw yesterday. I think in my mind I wanted to see them both before I go in case I never see them again.
Any suggestions, advice on packing, how to get my act together and stop behaving like a baby would be appreciated

9 years ago

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11 replies

Latest reply was from Jenny H

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

I used to worry a lot about forgetting something and then realized there was very little I could forget that I could not pick up at my destination. I try not to worry about it any more.

As to the safety, I try not to waste too much time worrying about what might happen because it detracts from the enjoyment of life. I suspect your mom's condition and change in circumstances may have served as a reminder of mortality. Try to relax and enjoy your visit and take the usual precautions.

9 years ago

kkards

Veteran

1st, deep breath. And repeat.
And then don't worry about what you are packing, seriously, if you forget something, or need something else you can always buy it, and since you are staying in a private home, I assume worst case, you could always do some wash.
I can say that it's very stressful to see a parent in a hospital or nursing home, and I can't imagine how hard it must be to have to travel so far to see her. I would just throw some jeans, tees and a few sweaters (and or sweatshirts) together and focus on seeing your mom and making the most of that.

9 years ago

bj1111

Veteran

I think you are displacing your worry over your mother and her shifting situation onto your clothes. Focus on what is critical...you get yourself to your mother and you get yourself safely back for your family. Much of this is beyond our control. Save you energy for being present for your mother--that is something you CAN control.

Clothes are fungible. If you need something you didn't pack, you will find it there or do without.

Big hugs. As an adult child of aging and ill parents, I know what you are going thru. I'llbe thinking of you. You can do this.

9 years ago

Gail

Veteran

Thank you for the replies. I am taking some deep breaths.I think once I am packed and arrive at the airport I will feel better.
This post should have gone to off topic I apologize I don't know what happened.

9 years ago

rabbit

Veteran

I completely understand as someone who recently has had (new to me) problems with strong anxiety before long plane trips. I would be happy to PM with you or discuss it off topic. I will say that in my experience (which was similar in that I needed to go see family and help parents), the trip itself was completely fine and I was very very glad I went. The worst part was the pre-trip anxiety. There are various methods and medicines that can help with that, and ongoing steps you can take. For me it's helpful to remember (although it doesn't feel like it and your mind can run away with itself) that it's just an uncomfortable emotion, there is no real danger. Focusing on the ritual of packing, and planning step by step, minute by minute everything I would do to get to my parents helped. Once I was in process I just focused on the immediate next step. Once I was with my parent's caring for them helped me to feel centered and useful and I wasn't focused on myself.

Have you flown recently? Are you familiar with carry-on requirements, security procedures, etc.?

9 years ago

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Gail, I sympathize. It can be tough to pack for a trip at any time and so much harder when you are worrying about an aging parent.

What you propose to bring and wear makes a lot of sense. My one piece of advice would be to check the weather forecast and bring items that should be comfortable for the range of weather you are expecting. I would also focus on "favourite fall back" combinations if you can; you'll need comfort and familiarity as you negotiate this unfamiliar terrain.

For a similar trip, I packed what you described plus jeans, a neutral cardigan, several knit tops, several patterned scarves, a pullover, a bright knit jacket, a trench, a woven shirt/ blouse or two. Plus undies and exercise clothing and Pjs. It worked out just fine.

You can do this. It's tough, but you will feel so much better once you are en route.

9 years ago

Gail

Veteran

Thank you everybody. I have since reading the responses checked the weather, rain ugh. I have cut down a lot on what I am taking , been out for a walk with friends and had a nice dinner. I am about to print my boarding pass and have arranged my ride to the airport, I am leaving plenty of time for check in/security due to the trouble and strife in the world. Feeling a little more in control thank you for all your helpful suggestions.

9 years ago

DonnaF

Veteran

Deep breath. Make sure you pack your prescriptions if any. Reading glasses. Tighten caps if you are packing any liquids, then put them in a plastic bag. Spare bras if you are a hard to find size. I-pod & Kindle if you use those. Almost anything else you can certainly pick up since you are travelling to a first world country. On this trip, I would pack for comfort; style is secondary.

9 years ago

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Gail, I sympathize. Travel stresses me out. Family can be intense at the best of times. Medical issues are so very hard to deal with. Putting them all together may sound like a recipe for disaster. But I sincerely believe you'll be alright.
The ladies have offered you great advice and guidelines re. outfit choice. I would only add my own strategy, which is to see if I have at least something that feels fresh for each day I'm gone. It can all be based on the same jeans, or all rely on the same biker jacket. But if I know I'm covered for underwear and clothing combos for each day I'm away, I feel a great deal more prepared than if I'm desperately racking my brains to see if there's some obscure scenario I failed to account for.
And speaking of scenarios...I know the news headlines are laden with doom and gloom. I'm a journalist, and I spend my days up to my eyebrows in this stuff. These may seem like particularly troubled times, but remember that there has been discord abroad for as long as people have been travelling and it most often comes to naught. You have circumstances on your side. Your intended destination isn't anywhere near hotbeds of activity for either Ebola or Isis. In fact Britain recently went through a time of intense political discourse that was notable for its lack of violence and fundamentally respectful tone. If you have to venture far from home, you're likely going to the right place. Besides, you have more than enough on your plate on the family health front without letting international strife bog you down. I realize it may be easier said than done, but do try to remember that the world has kept turning through similar and worse turmoil, that drama further afield is very unlikely to touch you, and that there is little you could do on the offchance it did. Concentrate instead on making yourself feel in control, however you like to do this. It may also help to try and build something to look forward to into your itinerary. It may be small and simple, like the chance to revisit a favourite haunt, or the moment you sit down to an authentic English high tea, or the opportunity to do some people-watching (and possibly gather style tips). Maybe hugging your mom will fill that void. Just try to remember that this trip need not be wholely negative.
The very best of luck to you and your mother. Please reach out to us all again when you return.

Your reply

9 years ago

crutcher

Veteran

You are not a baby...Your plate is overwhelming to say the least...The duties that you have to preform take courage and deep breath...No wonder you feel anxiety over the plane travel, etc....I totally sympathize with you and send you good wishes..
I would select simple clothes for a trip like this...my favorite jeans, sweaters, and boots..with something to exercise in...Less is more considering all of the other pressures you have...
Bless you as you go through this time...

9 years ago

Jenny H

Active Member

Dealing with an aging parent is so difficult. I agree that it sounds as if you are transferring some of your stress from that situation onto packing and other fears (ISIS, ebola). Hang in there.

My parents are also having aging-related difficulties and I can relate-- it is a super stressful situation. Make sure you take care of yourself! You can do it. It's going to be hard but in the end it is going to be ok. Hugs.

9 years ago

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