...and then the SO does not like it at all! - YouLookFab Forum

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...and then the SO does not like it at all!

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

I have a massive pile of ironing waiting for me, but reading YLF is more fun! So, here is a question...

What do you do or how do you feel when your SO does not like your latest fashion/style choice? I take my husband's opinion very seriously as he has an eye for the detail and he gets it right... well, most of the times.

Those few times when we disagree, I stick with my decision about 50% times. The rest, I end up returning or passing the item on, as I don't want his funny looks when I wear the thing in question. But, boy, do I love it when it sees that something works and works better than he initially thought.

My latest personal drama involving his dislike is about the new frames for my glasses. I have been searching for the right frames for months and it's an understatement to say I'm disheartened. I'm beyond desperate. Then, last weekend, on my way to the local library on a cold, dull day with rain drizzling and annoying wind blowing, I walked by a small independent opticians which I have *never* considered at all (a bit old-fashioned from the outside) and - surprise! - the perfect frame was there. As soon as I had put them on, just as I had hoped it would happen once I see *the* right one, I knew I might have just found a winner. The color is wrong for my complexion and the store is getting other colors for me to try, but they were truly and really fab.

Fast forward a couple of hours and imagine my joy deflating when, after showing him the photo, he said they were not pretty at all! Shock, horror.

So, it's a dilemma... I am the one who will wear them and provided there is the right color for me, I want to buy them. But, if he doesn't like them, then they're not a winner. I guess the thing with the glasses and frames is they cannot be returned if I change my mind, so there is that added pressure of getting the right ones.

Over to you... your thoughts? How do you handle similar situations?

General

25 replies

Latest reply was from rae

Mellllls

Veteran

I think it depends on the item and the reason for the disapproval. Do you wear your glasses all the time? If so, I would be hesitant to buy a pair that my husband didn't like because I would be wearing them EVERY SINGLE DAY. I mean, he is going to be looking at you every day and if he really doesn't like them, I wouldn't want him to see them everyday.

In your situation though, I wonder if he might like them once you try on the right color.

Steph

Veteran

For me it depends. I am a serial returner so I am constantly bringing clothing home and trying it on for my boyfriend to get his opinion. When he doesn't like something that I do like, I ask him why. If he can articulate a valid reason, then I consider it. For example, last year I purchased a dress I really liked, but he had two issues with it: it had pleats at the high waist, which he thought made me look pregnant, and it was made up of several peach/light yellow colors that he thought washed me out. Once I know his issues, I can assess and decide if he is right. But if I decided he was wrong, or that I didn't care that I looked pregnant and washed out, I would keep it. I wouldn't return it just because I thought he would be looking at me askance when I wear them.

So with the glasses, I would try to understand what your husband doesn't like about them. Maybe he just doesn't like the color? Or maybe he sees something about the frame that is a legitimate negative and when he points it out you will agree. But if it were just an idiosyncratic "I just don't like this" and I loved everything about it, I would keep it. Of course, glasses are kind of difficult because you wear them every day and you don't really want your significant other disliking the way your face looks! So if these are glasses you will wear daily and he really hates them, I guess I might make an exception to my general rule, but I would really have to think about it.

catgirl

Veteran

Maybe the color will change his mind? That is too bad, because finding frames that you like is SO hard. I have to wear mine every day, and I like them to be SPECIAL! If you love them, get them and he will learn to love them, or make him go shopping with you. Can you post a photo of them here?

I honestly don't pay much attention to DH, although he will comment when he likes something I'm wearing. Nor do I say anything to him about his clothes, except about replacing them when they are too far gone. He's a conservative dresser and has a classic Eddie Bauer-ish style he hasn't changed since we met (khakis, jeans, button-downs, crewneck sweaters, in solid colors).

I used to share an office with all women, and it was so much fun to comment on each other's outfits and shoes. Now DH and I share an office (!), and I have a male paralegal. Occasionally the paralegal will make some comment about my outfits, but I just tell him I'm not taking fashion advice from a middle-aged redneck. :-}

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

Mellllls, I normally wear contacts and they remain my main sight correction, but I also need new glasses and I'm determined I get the best frames I have ever had. I have realized that my whole life I was always compromising when it came to frames.

I'm hoping there will be the right color which would work in my favor. If not, it's back to square one. I'm dreading the thought of it....

Queen Mum

Veteran

This is tricky. As outspoken as I am about his fashion choices, I don't always give him the same voice with mine.
When I picked out my glasses, I didn't show him the pictures at all. I let everyone here pick them and when I got them his response was "oh, why did you decide to go with such a dark frame" I just smiled and said "I wanted something different" Granted, they are only "evening" glasses for the most part. I might have given him more voice if I wore them all the time. Incidentally, I ended up wearing my glasses to church yesterday and with my husband standing right next to me, this woman came up and was just gushing over my glasses.
For my recent dress acquisition, I modeled for him before I posted here. I did want to give him a voice in that. for the most part, he only gives compliments on my fashion choices and keeps quiet when he isn't as sold on something.
oops! time to go pick kids up!!!!

Mellllls

Veteran

If you really really love them, then that should be all that matters then. I'm sure your husband would want you to wear a pair of glasses that you love.

Steph

Veteran

Ellie, if you mostly wear contacts, I would get the frames that you want. That's what I did--I wear contacts the LARGE majority of the time, but wear my glasses at home and sometimes wear them out when my contacts are bothering me. My boyfriend is not a big fan of my glasses, but honestly, I think he's wrong. I think they are cute and flattering, so I bought them anyway.

Astrid

Veteran

Maybe he just has to get used to the new look? I wear my glasses everyday and before I got the ones I wear now I had thin black metal frame glasses, totally unremarkable. When I went and bought the frames I wear now my family didn't like them at all! But after a few days they got used to the new look and my mother said she liked them much better then.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

For me it depends on whether the reasoning rings true for me. My BF does not like denim skirts or boots (not saying together!) and so when I wear either of these items it gets a lukewarm response. But I have come to realize it's a thing that for him, has a biker/bimbo connotation and that's why he dislikes these items. It has nothing to do with me or how I look in it or how I've styled it - he just doesn't like the article period. For that, I ignore and continue wearing what I love. But . . . just a few days ago he pointed out that an outfit looked like I was ready to get on a horse (he didn't know the word for jodhpurs) and he was totally right! In that case, I took his advise and changed it up!
If you love the glasses, he will eventually get used to them, right?

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Well, I don't always love what he chooses to wear, either. If it's unflattering, I will reconsider. If he just doesn't care for one or two items- that's ok.

Beth

Veteran

I'm with Mo. It depends on why DH doesn't like something.

99% of the time, he just needs to get used to the new look. The other 1% of the time, he usually thinks it's not flattering. He tends to have a good eye, even if he has very conservative taste:)

Kate

Veteran

I think that you should post the picture here so that we can see them! That way you can say that everyone at YLF LOVED them when he complains, or we might be able to explain what it is he doesn't like if we also notice something is off.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

I usually listen to my hubby...with a grain of salt. The main thing is to distinguish between "not adjusted" eye vs. remarks which make sense when he explains.
As for the frames - he just saw a picture of them and did not see them on you, right? That can make all the difference!

Dusty

(website)

I do take my husband's opinions seriously, but I don't always agree with them and if I don't agree, I do it my way unless it's for something like his high school reunion. However, I've learned that, even though my husband does have a decent eye for what is flattering, he's not very good at visualizing how something *could* look; the color thing would completely throw him off.

Aida

Veteran

My husband and I disagree on almost everything fashion related (but not fit related, important distinction). I used to try and buy things that sort of pleased us both, but then I ended up with a bunch of stuff that neither of us loved and was therefore unpleasant to wear. These days I'm trying to just wear what I like; I do listen to what he has to say but don't necessarily follow it I take his tastes into consideration, but if I know something will look good on me and fits my style I'll no longer pass it up just because it's not something he'd pick out. He's just happy I'm happy so it's not much of an issue

That said, I think I'd weigh his opinion on frames much more than I would on clothing since he'd be seeing them every day. But I would certainly make sure to show him the exact frames on me before asking his opinion because he doesn't visualize well often.

taylor

Veteran

My husband has a pretty good eye and I trust his opinion. I always listen to his remarks because I think he may see what others see:)

But something to be said for our own instincts!

Deb

To be honest ... my DH almost always likes what I trick myself out it, so it's never an issue. When he doesn't, I don't really pay attention, because I'm confident that I've made the right choice.

It works both ways, though ... I argue desperately with him to leave the shirttails out of his jeans every once in a while - loosen up and get with the program, as it were ... but it always falls on deaf ears. :-O

And so we jog along...

Queen Mum

Veteran

Deb- my biggest issue with my husband is that he wants to wear his shirts too big. I CANNOT convince him that this one particular shirt he has makes him look like a dumpy old man.... so it has actually been sitting in the bottom of the hamper for 2 weeks. I figure if I don't wash it, he can't wear it I wonder how long until he starts asking about it......

Deb

Very clever, QM! I'll have to remember this with the faded flannel shirt ... once navy and green plaid, now purple and yellow with age. *Not* my favorite colors ...

Do you wonder what is going through their minds - what they actually *think* when they doggedly continue wearing what they wear? My DH insists that his pants length is perfect - while I would argue that he'd be able to wade through a couple of inches of water w/o rolling up the legs.

Queen Mum

Veteran

I know exactly what my DH is thinking.. he is thinking that he doesn't care what others think. He as much as said that yesterday morning. But I know he really does care or he wouldn't ask me what he should wear.
When I started dating my husband he was in the army and had a grand total of one "nice" shirt. It was a plaid and the background was supposed to be off white but I think he had washed it with something red at one point, so it had a pinkish tinge. Shortly after we were married, he went to Iraq for the first gulf war and oops, that shirt might have accidentally gotten put in the goodwill bag while he was gone ;-0

Louise

Veteran

QM I love the idea of leaving it in the washing basket.
Ellie I would definately get DH to see the glasses in real life and in the new colour then if he still doesn't like them try to get to the bottom of why x

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

@Steph: You're right, if he cannot articulate what it is he doesn't like, then I don't quite know what the comment is based on and cannot do much but go with my own decision.

@Una: I'm checking the new colors on Friday. We'll take it from there (photos etc.)

@Astrid: You have offered a valid point here - he DOES need to get used to the new look. Often, with the big changes, he needs time to accept them. I also think he still didn't get over my drastic haircut from long hair which he loved to super-short (after which I just showed up at his office and he was s.p.e.a.c.h.l.e.s.s) about 15 years ago

@Kate: I can hear him say "you and your forum may like certain frame, but I live with you" (pretty much what Aida pointed out).

@Aida: we also never disagree on the fit, just styles. To be fair to him I think he's more of an instinctive dresser than logical, and infinitely more instinctive than me, and his choices are often edgy and really cool, but Astrid may be on the right track actually - he just needs to adjust his eye to what I want now. The funny thing is, when he picks frames for me to try, they are almost the complete opposite from what I'd go for, but he somehow finds the one that I might actually pull off.

@QM: Great tip for keeping ugly items away

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Melllls articulated my own views perfectly. For a purchase as significant as glasses, it may be worth giving his opinion a little extra weight. That's usually my strategy for large purchases or items I'll be wearing when we're conspicuously together, such as weddings, his work parties etc. He's expressed a distaste for things like textured hose, and stuff like that I'll ignore, but I always let him have his say when it comes to something like dresses, and more often than not I'll work with his suggestions. Be patient, though...even a dresser as conservative as my man has come around to accept and even appreciate YLF-inspired wardrobe innovations (on the weekend he voted for a scarf-centric outfit, which was a relationship first). Perhaps your husband will come around when all the right variables are in place for your frames.
Good luck with the hunt, it sounds exasperating!

Mamapicklejuice

Veteran

The thing is about expecting him to articulate what he doesn't like about the pair is that he just might not be a verbal person. Not everyone is, but it doesn't make his opinion less valid - just less useful when picking out the next frame. OTOH he may not be able to visualize the frames in a different color. Honestly, it's hard for me to see past a color sometimes with frames...could you try taking a picture in black and white?

rae

(website)

Veteran

I'm not adding anything new here; just wanted to wish you luck.

I know my fiance and I have had our differences with fashion, but I only really hold my ground on something if I know I can wear it when he is not around. Much tougher with glasses or hairdo, because those will essentially become a part of your face to him. I hope the color change wins him over so that you can finish your long search!