ahh--thanks but no thanks--awkward moments - YouLookFab Forum

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ahh--thanks but no thanks--awkward moments

Patty

Veteran

My friend brought me a dress she wanted to pass onto to me---she barely had it unfolded and I had a visceral NO DON"T WANT IT reaction (head shake , step back, and a curt no thank you). It wasn;t very sensitive to her style likes but we are cool with each other but I still felt bad. (left over 80s-pink grey white pattern. long puffy sleeve, high button collar--yikes!) ( Also made me wonder if she thought I am not covered enuff and was making an editorial comment LOL)
Have you ever had to deny a hand me down from someone when you know they specifically had you in mind for the piece--awkward!
I guess same can be said if you were shopping and your friend would keep taking things off the rack to put against you for a look--their idea of for you is not your idea--and vise versa---that's awkward too.

General

21 replies

Latest reply was from Katiepea

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Not that I can think of offhand, except my mother wanting to give me her cast off shoes, to which I always say "no thank you, I have plenty." I did once almost accidentally take back a top I'd given a coworker! A few weeks later I spied it behind the bar on a shelf and I said, 'oh, you don't want the shirt anymore?' She replied that she was bringing it to change into after her dance class - oops! I guess on my part, I was too quick to give it away if I was that ready to snatch it back ha ha!

Vildy

Veteran

I have a philosophy where I am friendLY to everyone but only friends with someone with whom I can be myself. I'm free to reject what they're suggesting to me and vice versa. I don't worry about their inaccurate
picture of me - and hey maybe there's something for me to consider.
Maybe I'm reflecting something and maybe they're talking to themselves or someone else.

catgirl

Veteran

Hmm, I think I owned that dress. And I would not want it back. Sounds like she's not really aware of your style - did she say she thought it was perfect for you?

I had an aunt who used to give me sweatshirts with puff-paint cats on them because she knew I liked cats. I always thanked her and then donated them later. But I wonder if I would have done her right by just telling her a better gift would have been donating to a shelter in my name.

When I have turned things down, I will usually suggest someone else who might like the item, or I will say "Oh my gosh, thank you but I have so many ( 80s-pink grey white pattern. long puffy sleeve, high button collar) dresses already!"

Your posts always make me smile, Patty - you have such a wry, dry wit.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

One of my work colleagues is the sweetest, kindest lady your will ever meet, she has family in Poland and whenever she sees items of clothing which are heavily reduced she buys them and once a season posts them to her family (I told you she was a gem).

A couple of months back she came back to the office really excited holding an M&Co bag (they had a burst pipe and the stock could not be sold for profit due to insurance complications), she reached into the bag and produced two tunics with really heavy embellishment. She asked me what I thought and I replied ' I think they are lovely, your family are very lucky' to which she responded ' you can have them'.

What felt like an eternity later, I am in the work loo trying on the said tunics, which are not be size, not my style because she really wanted me to have them.

I KNOW EXCATLY HOW YOU FEEL.

Patty

Veteran

A little sketch of the situation:
hope you can see it!

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Anonymous

You are too funny, Patty!

I predict an awesome career for you as a cartoonist!

bella

(website)

Veteran

wow, Patty! you're really talented. sorry about the awkward moment, though.

Patty

Veteran

Thanks ladies---and I'm sure my friend has a cartoon or two from her side of the hanger. :+D

Isis

Veteran

Patty, love the idea of thinking about the perspective from "the other side of the hanger"!!!!

Girl X

(website)

Veteran

The awkward moment was totally worth it for the comic panel!

catgirl

Veteran

You drew that?! So impressed at anyone who dashes pictures off like that!

san

Veteran

You're a great artist!
I think I'm usually the one on the other side of the hanger. I did offer a favorite dress to a neighbor many, many years ago. She politely told me that it was not her style. I was very embarrassed but learned a lesson on differing tastes.
I also learned not to choose clothing for my daughter because she would always laugh.

AJ

Veteran

Luv your illustration, Patty!

Kari

Veteran

Patty, that drawing is adorable.

I think I'm comfortable saying "no thank you" to a hand-me-down if the giver asks for my opinion - say, "I have a denim jacket sitting around in my closet that I'm just not wearing and I think you might like it. Why don't I bring it so you can try it out?" leaves me the ability to respond and say "Hey, I really appreciate the offer, and that is very generous of you. Right now, I'm looking more for a jacket that is a more uniform color and isn't as strong in the shoulder line, and I'm not sure if I'd get enough wear out of this to deserve taking it on. Would so-and-so maybe like it better?"

If someone simply gifts me with an item, especially if it's an item they purchased for me rather than simply passing on a hand-me-down, I'll say thank you, keep it in my closet for a while, and pass it on/donate the item if I'm not wearing it.

An example of a great hand-me-down situation - my aunt downsized her jewelry and accessory collection when she moved a couple years ago. She brought over several bags of jewelry and scarves for my sister and me, and she basically said that she was giving us first crack at any of the items we wanted. Anything that we didn't want, she could either pass on to other friends, or donate. It was extremely generous of her to do that, and we ended up with some fabulous pieces, but also didn't feel pressured to accept something that wasn't really "us."

Patty

Veteran

Kari--first crack at bags of jewelery is like surprise Christmas!! What a fab Aunt--particularly if she is anything like I image your Mom and Dad in the vintage pics!

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Patty, I love your illustration!

Queen Mum

Veteran

My grandmother tried to give me several pair of underwear (i'm not kidding) that she had bought but never worn for whatever reason... I graciously thanked her and passed them on to the goodwill.

I also had an elderly neighbor (well, she's only in her 70's but she's quite frail) give me a bag of (her words)..."beautiful things that I can't wear anymore because I don't wear shorts" EEEEGADS!!!I think this stuff was from the 80's. And not even stylish 80's stuff. Seriously? Now you guys know my whole wardrobe, is there anything about my wardrobe that would indicate that I want to wear someones 3 decade old clothes? again, I graciously accepted and added the bag to my Goodwill collection.

And my biggest pet peeve is when people give me hand-me-downs for my kids (which is great) but then tell me that if my boys can't use something to please pass it on to Suzie's boys. Umm, no, if we don't want it, it goes straight to Goodwill. I don't have time to be delivering everyone's hand-me-downs all over town.

Patty

Veteran

QM--you mean to say you passed on granny panties???

Queen Mum

Veteran

yes, I did pass on Granny panties. In a few years I might regret that

Elly

Veteran

Patty, QM I will freely admit that I accepted the granny panties from granny in that same situation. I believe I even wore them. I have clothes that belong to both my grandmothers, and not the fabulous kind that you hear about that they saved from the 50s or 60s. Luckily I am now much larger than my one grandmother, but have memories of my youth spent wearing her old sweaters because my parents were cheap. I still accept things from my other grandma because it makes her feel good. I actually have a sweatshirt I wear as gear that I get complements on all the time (although I think it is a man's) in a color I would have never chosen that was hers--- it is camel, which I thought I could never wear. Actually, I often accept gifts from one grandma and give them to the other one, especially if they don't quite fit me. It is cute.

That said, I can totally understand your reaction to the neighbor's dress. Especially if it was polyester or a dreadful color for you.

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Patty, your illustration had me in stitches, you clever artist you!

I must confess that my reaction is dependent on the person and our mutual relationship.

With an acquaintance I'd try to be polite and say that it wasn't my size, my style or my colour.

With a situation like what happened with your friend I see it as too good an opportunity to miss. I think I'd be evil and say something like... "Gee that's nice of you, but, no, I think I'll pass. Really, that purple and pink dress with the puffy shoulder sleeves and sweetheart neckline *always* looked better on you than me. In fact, looking at it now, I don't know why you are even throwing it out. Here, why don't YOU try it on again, it would be a shame to let this pearler go. If it's too small, you can always get it altered!" (Patty, like I said, I never said I wasn't evil!)

However, if Granny gave me the bloomers, I think I'd say "MY GOODNESS! Granny, that's so thoughtful! How ever did you guess that purple, frilly, spotty, snoopy knickers with and extra high waistband was just what I needed!" and I would probably wear them out of guilt. Precisely once.

Oh dear, I just read that dribble. Sorry about that - I think it's time for afternoon tea!