Approprio and BC, thanks very much for the links, off to check them out.

Well said! A very important reminder for all of us. Especially for the Moms raising little girls. There are some very unrealistic body images happening right now. I went shopping with my daughter not long ago for summer clothes and I found myself standing in a sea of denim shorts wondering where the rest of the material had gone. We all put our best foot forward when we lead with the beauty that comes from within.

Can't adequately address all the wonderful comments in this thread, but I wanted to say Angie, oh how I love your way of addressing this issue. Love, love, love.

I haven't read all of the comments (or even most of them) but I love what you said, Angie, and also what you said, Una. YLF is a place where we can /should be able to openly discuss things, but we do need to remember to have balance and not to be so hard on ourselves. I for one do not have a negative body self image, but I am fully aware of my trouble spots. But let's work around those trouble spots and get out there and rule the world, girlfriends!

Inge: I'm off to check "Violeta." After all Violetta is a great opera heroine. Of course, she dies in the fourth act (while singing), but still....

Violeta is AWESOME, Beth Ann. I love some of that stuff.

Post more photos. PMWIW. Everyone. Share your wonderful selves.

SO, SO, SO relevant

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhCzRr9EwBk

ETA- Angie is right, I really don't have body image problems. Honestly probably I really have never had a lot of direct personal criticism from family or others. Yes there had been some hear and there, but never constant. In fact I've never really had many comments on any parts of my physical appearance.
And also I feel this clip is relevant because as those less than a US size 10, going on and on about their issues....well does that mean I should be ashamed of my current size. I'm not trying to be flippant. Because airing your own issues doesn't just affect you.
Right now I'm with Inge. If I could find what I like in my current size...I would be forgiving of myself.
In the big scheme of my life at the moment...such a low priority.

Arriving late to this "party." So many of you have already written, more eloquently than I could, much of what I'd like to say.

I just wanted to add a special thanks to Angie (and others) who acknowledge that it's a precious luxury to have a SO who finds one attractive. Those of us who don't have a cheerleader at home might (just a theory) have to be even more vigilant about the negative messages we allow ourselves to absorb as there's no loving partner to provide counter-balance.

And to annagybe: "...Because airing your on issues doesn't just affect you." Thank you and AMEN!

Anna, I think to some degree you're right but I also think this kind of self-criticism is self-absorbed and inward-directed by definition. It's like high school - everyone worries about what other people see, when those other people don't give a crap because they're thinking about how others see them. My high school was filled with stressed out anorexic girls who were half my size but saw themselves as fat and me as fine. So many of us carry this kind of baggage at every size.

Beth Ann, well I think that means you should definitely check out Violeta;-) Fun to hear you like their stuff too, Suz. I've known about the collection for a while, but hadn't really looked closely at it until this Spring, and that's when I found my two denim dresses. So I'll absolutely continue to keep an eye on it.

Anna - Exactly! (re being sized out). And thanks very much for that link.
Mac - That is a very good point!

I am late in arriving to this thread - thanks to a battle with a very a nasty stomach bug. But Angie's reminder was exactly what I needed to read today. I've been struggling with my body image for sometime now - a difficult pregnancy,delivering a 10lb baby and breastfeeding a baby for nearly 14 months has left me in a body that I don't recognize. As my daughter's 2nd birthday approaches, I've been mentally beating myself up over still having some "baby weight".

But after reading all of these thoughtful comments, I am shifting my focus on the amazing things I can do with this body. Just the other day I dead lifted my body weight 3 times - something I could never have done at my pre-baby size or the size I was when I first joined YLF.

I do need to reestablish some healthy habits in my life with regards to my nutrition but I am framing those choices in a positive life instead of a negative one.

After all, I have two beautiful girls who are watching me, and I want them to see strength, beauty, grace, courage and a bit of SASS no matter the number on a scale or the size on the label.

My weight is up, and my lifestyle has changed making it difficult to keep up with healthy habits. And I'm okay with it. I may have a barely working kitchen due to renovation, I'm traveling a lot, I've hit menopause, and it's difficult to find time to exercise much less keep up with doctor appointments.

The one thing I can do is focus on my mental health and nip negative thoughts in the bud. This includes cutting out negative influences when I have to. And yeah, I may have been hitting YLF less lately because of the rumbling negative tones. I ditched my t.v. and fashion magazine subscriptions long ago. I don't subscribe to instagram or pinterest or any sort of online blog with unrealistic images. I like YLF because we're all real women, not models. There are a couple others I follow for that same reason, blogs that skew towards a 50+ crowd, since I'm 50+. I don't need to compare myself to 20 year olds. Also I am careful to surround myself at home with few & flattering mirrors -- I don't need brutal honesty every which way I go. I figure if I feel good about myself, I look good -- because beauty really is from the inside out.

I've learned to be kind to myself.

Despite all that, the negative thoughts can still creep in. When that happens, my trick is to focus on others. I look around wherever I'm at, and realize I'm not judging my coworkers, friends, family, strangers on the street. I see beauty wherever I go, no matter what size, symmetrical/assymetrical the features, fashionable or not, wrinkled and gray or smooth and shiny haired, physically healthy or dying of cancer. Which makes me realize, all over again, that we really are harder on our own selves than others, and effectively shuts the inner voice up ... at least for awhile.

My weight is up, too, and it's hard to stay positive. I think of all those less fortunate than me and realize I really shouldn't complain.

ETA: I recently binge-watched Orange is the New Black on Netflix. All those women in baggy prison garb, no make-up, varying shapes and sizes. I found ALL of them beautiful, not just the classically beautiful ones. You get sucked into their stories, and see past the exterior. Real life is like that, if you let it.

I just added a comment on the wrong thread.
I must be sleepier than I realized....

Someone far up-thread mentioned the website mybodygallery.com. Along the same lines ~ but more NSFW ("Not safe for work") ~ is a website dedicated to showing scores of "non-sexualized photos of breasts." Regular women send in photos of their breasts, to combat the perception that only certain sizes and shapes (which are overwhelmingly shown in the media) are "normal."

I found the site empowering and I hope it might help some of you in your journey t'wards self-acceptance but ~ um, yeah ~ if you're offended by lots of images of naked breasts then please don't click http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php

I'm a bit late to this party too. What a wonderful discussion.

On thing I feel we must do...especially as women... is to question the beliefs we have surrounding image. When I pass a mirror and cringe for a spilt second because my face looks "old"....where did that idea come from? If we look at our bodies and think they are not the "right shape", again, we owe it to ourselves to realize that these thoughts are not OURS, but what the culture has instilled in us. There are cultures where old is good and revered, or all body types are celebrated.

Fine, you say, but I live in this culture, how does that help me? Well, when we are aware of our thought process, we can make better choices. We might actually be able to think our own thoughts!

For myself, I got some new role models...wrinkled AND happy. Also, I notice when I focus on the body as an object it can be a kind of self imposed hell...too much shopping or diet and exercise, for example. But if I can appreciate my body as a communication device, an instrument, then any way it looks, I am able to give and receive love and contribute to the common good. And that seems to benefit my physical and mental health tremendously. FWIW!

I'm 45 years old and I just now learned that I have body image issues. I had NO idea that I had them - I believed my thoughts were "normal". Seven months ago I started going to a psychotherapist for PTSD symptoms and learned a great deal about myself.

My step-dad came into my life at the age of 13. I learned from him that women are objects and they are to be judged accordingly. The man was to be the leader in the home and there was no challenging his ideas. The churches that I had been attending reinforces this lie. The "purity culture" in particular is so incredibly harmful.

I have chosen to no longer spend time with my step-dad, however I will battle for a loooong time to recover from the lies I've been told.

I agree that we do have the power to change the way we think, but first we have to realize that our thinking is wrong. Second we have to remove the negative people from our lives (which has been so difficult!) Third we need to speak very very kindly to ourselves.

Emotional abuse is real and causes a lot of damage.

Mtgirl, what you say is so profound. These self-destructive thoughts can be so pervasive in our society that they seem normal. What woman doesn't understand wanting to be ________ (thinner, younger, fitter, etc)? Even when we KNOW it's not healthy we still have to fight these thoughts. And when it's what surrounds you and everyone does it to some extent, how can we even be aware that it's unhealthy? Kudos to you for finding help.

I am so late to this powerful thread of yours, Angie. You are so very wise and caring to all of us and I have printed this portion of your post in my iPhone notes to read and reread:

"Has it ever helped to focus on the negative? I can't think of an instance when it has. Strive to be healthy and you've won. There is no better body image goal than that."

I learn from everybody here who bravely open their hearts and as Angie said, we can interpret this message in many ways (aging and skin changes in my case and accepting it).

Together, with our shared wisdom, we can count on and strengthen one another. Wishing each of us mindful self-compassion.

Thank you so much for this.

i feel so blessed i found and joined this forum