What you gain from shopping bans

Anonymous

I've been off and on shopping bans for a while, and I've made a few observations about myself during the bans. After being on a fairly restricted clothing budget for almost a whole year (with a much-needed spree in between jobs) here is what I've learned about myself:

- I use my wardrobe as a tool. The way I dress, combined with my posture, eye contact and voice can change how people address or interact with me. I'm in my young 20s and I work with college students, and I'm paranoid about other professionals treating me as a student. My wardrobe is the most effective tool in my professional arsenal to gain credential in a conversation or meeting.

- Along those lines, one of my biggest fears is that I won't be taken seriously. I didn't know this was a fear of mine until I was on shopping ban and was thinking through "why" I felt like I had to dress nicely when my coworkers didn't.

- I'm hoping others do this too (so I can normalize my behavior and feel like less of a nut) but... I've been late to work because my outfit isn't right. OR I change into one outfit after another after another because I run into a wardrobe "bottleneck" or speed bump. The record number of outfits I wear in the morning before I actually feel stressed enough to "make do" and go to work? Seven. SEVEN, people! I'm working on deciding what I wear the night before.

- The NW's grey, drab winters depress me, and my wardrobe can lift me out of a funk. More specifically, color and texture help. In fact, I caught myself wearing a purple fall-weather coat because it made me feel more stylish than the black winter coat I should have worn due to my walking commute in the cold, rainy weather. I won't be doing that again (that was a COLD day!), but it's something I will keep in mind - I wear things that make me feel good.

Once my shopping isn't as limited (aka when Husband graduates) I plan on incorporating these revelations into my shopping - buying things that will help me feel pulled-together, confident, and cheery.

I didn't know any of these things about myself until I went on shopping restrictions and bans. Has anyone else discovered something about their habits, fears, or desires in this way? How have you made it through your bans?

16 years ago

General

11 replies

Latest reply was from PalmFronds

Dawn

(website)

Active Member

I discovered through a couple of shopping bans and the capsule wardrobe challenge that I have everything in my wardrobe that I need to fulfil my current style goals. I also discovered that I can experiment with most of my clothes to create some completely different looks.

However I also discovered that I need new items for my sense of style to grow and expand. I also found in the last three months that too many of my tops are way too plain.

But most importantly, I don't have to buy anything new unless I really want it. I most certainly don't need anything at the moment apart from a suit for conferences and interviews, and I'm willing to hold out for the perfect suit.

16 years ago

Kari

Veteran

LauraElizabeth, I can completely relate to much of what you are saying. For one thing, I have lived in the Pacific Northwest all my life - and in Seattle, so a little farther than you - and the gray, dark winters affect me. (A few years ago I started using light therapy in the winters and it's helped somewhat. My doctor has also recommended that I take Vitamin D supplements as D deficiency is fairly common around here.) However, I think that wearing bright colors can be very uplifting, too!

What you said about using your clothing or dress code choices as a tool is interesting to me because I've wrestled with that issue a lot. My first real job was in the university I had attended as an undergrad. I worked with and alongside students, but I also met with faculty members. We were in a rather unique environment in terms of striving for a very egalitarian, peer-centered vibe, so when I knew I would be working with students I often dressed down so I would be seen as a peer rather than an authoritative figure. (I guess that's kind of the opposite issue that you have, Laura.) When I knew I would be meeting with faculty, I dressed up a little bit more (dressy shoes or a blazer/waistcoat with my jeans.)

Now that I wear dresses and skirts most of the time, I struggle with being perceived as overly formal. I currently work in an office where professional communication is important, but the majority of employees dress quite casually. So I try to add more casual elements to what I wear - such as adding jeans when I wear a woven blouse or structured jacket, or knits or casual jackets when I wear a dress or skirt - to dress down my look a bit. I'll probably always get teased that I'm "dressed up" whenever I am in a skirt, but I want to dress in a style that feels true to me and also appears friendly and approachable. It can be a tough balance.

16 years ago

Anonymous

I often do a shopping ban (I call it a "fast") of about 6 weeks at least once a year. Once I went a year. The reason I do it is to use the money and time I would have spent on new clothes for some other purpose. When I just have to shop, I shop for mostly children and baby things for pregnancy centers, inner city day care run by a convent, school outfits and winter outerwear for inner city, etc. Other times a sister who runs a nursing home tells me of needy elderly who are in need of something, especially knee socks and snap or zip front house dresses.
Doing this fast helps me to realize how blest I am. I still shop, just not for myself. It also helps me to get more wear out of all the things I already have and forces creativity to keep from getting bored.
Sometimes, especially during weight loss when I know I'll need different clothing to fit, I'll only allow myself to buy used clothing, especially if it's from a place that uses the sales to benefit the disabled or inner city organizations. Anyway, the purpose of the "fast" helps me to make it through.

16 years ago

agrace

Active Member

Such a well put and well thought out assessment! To be honest, I have never been on a true shopping ban. For me, it feels too much like dieting. The minute I start dieting is the minute I start craving all kinds of things. I am intrigued about it and am giving it some serious thought however...

16 years ago

PalmFronds

Active Member

Wow, what perfect timing for this topic! I just started a shopping ban myself, now three weeks ago. It was initiated by me but "encouraged" as an "intervention" by my husband and sister. I admit it, I shop too much. Interestingly I don't think I spend that much money--my monthly budget was $100/month though admittedly I went over a few times a year, but not by that much(probably $200 during the after Christmas clearances).I am a bargain shopper--sales, ebay,consignment etc, so I buy several things for that amount of money.And I love shopping, it relaxes me

The ban I initiated because I had overspent way past my budget, when I started a new job in August and finally received a tax rebate we had been expecting. After a few weeks I realized I had to reel back in again, but decided to cut shopping completely until after Thanksgiving. I work part-time and we don't have money to throw around. Truth be said, I have truly enough stuff and don't need anything else THAT BADLY right now.

Thus far I have learned to use my existing wardrobe much better. There are several items hiding in my closet that I never got to, but now am using. In addition some of my favorites are being used in new ways and makes me feel so much more creative(and stylish!). I do have some angst and an itchy finger to shop. It has helped me alot in the ways I think about shopping though, so I think once the fast is over I hopefully will be a more discerning shopper and spend less.

16 years ago

garmenta

Active Member

Very thought-provoking! I haven't gone on a shopping ban--I run a side business that involves selling clothes through consignment and I'd be in trouble if I stopped buying!

I absolutely relate to what you say about needing to present yourself carefully for credibility and authority and finding that it takes more than a few iterations in the morning to get it right.

I have the same problem when I meet with a new client for the first time (when I'm not in the rag trade, I'm a freelance writer), and I've come to the conclusion that it has a lot to do with uncertainty. What's this new environment like? What's the best way for me to present myself as a good business partner? What do I feel best in? What looks fab? Some days none of those things are clear, and some days they are all warring impulses. Hence the iterations.

I feel better knowing that I'm not the only person why tries on half her wardrobe to find an outfit that sends the right message to strangers in a professional setting!

16 years ago

shiny

Veteran

I relate to everything you've said, though I don't think shopping bans were what helped me make these connections.

I also have always overdressed in the workplace because I am short and look young for my age. I'm a bit more relaxed about it now that I'm in my mid-40s. Now I overdress because I enjoy it and it gives me confidence. I.e., it's more about me and less about what other people think.

Yes, I can go through 7 outfits before choosing one!! Interestingly, I do this less often these days. I was thinking lately this may mean I am reaching an ideal state with my wardrobe where I have "enough." Most days I can reach for something on the first or second try and be good to go.

Otherwise, I am definitely a mood dresser and the feel of my clothes are a big factor. It can set the emotional tone for the whole day.

16 years ago

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

I derive many of the same shopping ban benefits and put my clothes to similar uses as the rest of you, but for me every element of my wardrobe selection is underpinned by my blindness. When I was growing up, my parents did everything in their power to ensure that I fit in with the sighted world. They were determined that I would have as many of the same experiences as my sighted piers as possible and hoped that i would be able to blend in with them as I aged. To that end, dressing like the people around me became a bit of a focus for my mother that got passed along to me. The typical teenage desire to be on trend was compounded by the blind girl's wish to look as sighted as possible. That has absolutely spilled over into my adult years. I work in a profession that is not always friendly to the blind; a reporter who can't drive, take pictures or shoot video is a very tough sell regardless of the other skills s/he can bring to the table. To that end, I now use my wardrobe as a tool to assert my ability to function in the sighted world, much as I did when I was younger. Angie's smart-casual formulas, plus the guideance I've received on this forum, have made me feel more capable of doing that in recent months. The polished yet effortless aesthetic you all promote is exactly the sort of message I want to convey to those around me, both in and out of the newsroom. You'd be amazed how much appropriate clothing can dictate the way I am treated in public. When I look like I know what I'm doing, people don't ask me if I need help; they just assume I'm up to the task of getting from A to B (Reva contributes to this too, of course).

But back to the subject at hand. My most recent shopping ban taught me the value of strategic shopping. The post-Ylf pieces I purchased could be combined in any number of ways that made me realize exactly how much ground was covered in my wardrobe and made the remaining gaps much easier to fill. The advice I have received here has made me more confident in my ability to mix and match items successfully; I always had great trepidation about doing so in the past and was more likely to just run out and buy something new. When I do break out the wallet now, I know I'm purchasing things that I really do need and that will see some use. The fact that I can get feedback on those purchases from the fashion-savvy forum also helps more than I can possibly explain.

16 years ago

Anonymous

Dawn, I hear you! I've learned those things too! Learning how to wait for the 'perfect' item has been tough, but I've got it now.

Joy, a "fast" is a great idea, and it's fantastic you can put your shopping to a charitable cause.

agrace, it can feel like dieting! I found that with shorter bans (1 month or so) I only maintained the ban because I could spend again in a few weeks. With longer bans, it helped me cultivate a lifestyle of buying what I need and will use, not whatever catches my eye. I *do* look forward to spending money on my wardrobe again, but it will be a more thoughtful, disciplined effort in the future. Like Shiny, some areas of my wardrobe are "enough" due to YLF knowledge and learning how I shop.

And of course, I feel better knowing I'm not the only one to change into a bajillion outfits each morning.

16 years ago

Anonymous

Yay Michelle! I had the same revelations in strategic shopping. And you looked smashing in your new pieces!

Palmfronds, "interventions" are tough! Have you been finding other ways to relax? How can we help you? For me, the bans were certainly tough without a little accountability!

garmenta, everything you said is what I think when I'm dressing. I even named a few of my items - I have a "boss skirt" for when I need to be authoritative, "kick@** boots" for when I want to feel energetic and confident, and the "unexpected" dress - it makes me feel feminine and professional, and sometimes I think it softens my approach towards others. Crazy? Maybe.

16 years ago

PalmFronds

Active Member

LE, it has been REALLY tough! I have tried shopping bans before but got around it because I was "buying only what is on my list" or "only buying consignment/pre-owned" , or "I am using a gift certificate so this doesn't count" etc and so didn't really stop buying. I think this time it has stuck because my husband and sister and watching me The "intervention" style version , while somewhat annoying at first, has helped me stick to the plan(no shopping until after Thanksgiving) if only because I feel the need now to prove it to myself that I can do it. The first week was torture!!! But then it got a bit easier, although I am still feeling a HUGE urge to run to the nearest mall.

An interesting thing about this ban is that not only have I larned to use stuff in my closet more, but I have also learned what DOESN'T work. I think the stuff was just getting drowned out in any little new purchase I made, so aside form a once-a-year closet sweep, I never really identified items that simply were not contributing to the wardrobe at all. wasted money sitting right there! And no lesson learned!!!
So I have been happy about that--I feel like the ban has helped me hone what works and what doesn't, and importantly focus truly on holes to fill in the wardrobe instead of "fun" shopping.

Thank you so much for your offer of help Unfortunately I actually have had to stay off YLF and other style sites for a period of time because every time I checked it out I felt like running to a store or started browsing ebay again. Interestingly after starting the shopping ban I finally took up with exercising regularly again, and eating better. Who would have thought?

16 years ago

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