Gosh, it's fascinating to read the different takes on the situation!
I'm hoping I haven't caused any offence in my above post. Oh dear. I think one of the tricky things with the internet is sometimes how I write/read something and how others interpret those same words can be different. I'd just like to try and articulate my "act like children" statements so you can hopefully understand where I am coming from - and not want to evict me from the forum!
I'd like to say that I wrote from the perspective that I believe as adults with certain people, or in certain situations or certain life circumstances, we can sometimes adopt a "childlike" persona. This is sometimes a conscious, deliberate act, sometimes it involuntary and unconscious. I know I've been guilty of it in the past. (<oops>)
My personal experience may have been different to the rest of you, which is what I've found interesting! My experience (now that most of the time I'm a hopefully most-of-the-time fully functioning adult) has been that sometimes, despite my very best efforts, it is impossible to make an adult who is acting like a child, to be an adult who acts like an adult. They can't or won't, no matter what amount of effort I go to, or frustration I feel, until *they* are ready. Sometimes they are never ready. Kinda like Peter Pan...
I know from reflecting on myself as a younger adult, adopting a "child's" role can be quite a security blanket, or very convenient at times and a heck of a lot easier than acting like an adult. It can sometimes take a lot of bravery and courage and be *really* uncomfortable and scary to stop acting like a a child and start acting adult.
I didn't mean "treat like a child" from the point of view of nagging, over the top controlling type behaviour, or the enabling behaviour that parents can do with their children. Far from it!
I actually mean "treat like a child" from the perspective of they have to find out consequences the hard way of their actions/inaction, almost as a form of natural justice. (Sorry I can't think of the exact term, but I'm sure you know what I mean!)
I also mean "treat like a child" from the point of view the BM should protect her property, her precious belongings and through the overconsumption of goods and services which may have a negative impact on her finances. Her houseguests have clearly shown that currently that they are not prepared to respect her and her partner's belongings. They are, for the most part, currently acting in a childlike role.
I'm not saying BM do a great big "mummy rant" and "confiscate" belongings ("mummy rant" is my little term for the occasional tantrum I throw when the kids act like kids sometimes do, LOL! :-)).
I consider putting "it" away (whatever "it" may be) to be the actions of an adult to positive steps to protect her property and future wellbeing.
When I mean "treat like children", I meant that actions sometimes speak a lot louder than words. I can say something a hundred times to my kids and get no response (particularly if the TV is on). Action (and not necessarily agressive, or mean spirited) is a lot harder to ignore.
Finally, I was hoping that possibly considering that her houseguests are acting more like children, rather than adults, might help BM deal with the interactions she has with them multiple times a day. It can be easier to know how to act when you have already worked out what the likely response will be.
I truly hope I've made sense and I haven't just got myself into lots of hot water. Just know that what I wrote was written from a caring place. Once again, I'm sorry if I hurt anybody's feelings.
I truly hope today is a much better day for you all BM - lots of sunshine and light coming your way! x