Greg -thanks so much for responding…i've struggled with some of the posts that i think are not quite authentic, but i never thought to use the "report post" option. thanks so much for making me aware of that option.

Thanks, Greg. I do love the open nature of the forum. It is unfortunate that sometimes things can get a little strange. I will be more responsible about reporting a concern in future, instead of assuming someone else has done it.

Thank you. Now I have found the "report post" button!
YLF is such a welcoming place, and I feel like I'm among friends here. It's distressing to confront the realities of the internet.
Sally I often wonder if I will bump into someone who recognises me from here.....

Thanks, Greg. You and Angie have exercised good judgement in the way you handle this forum, and I very much appreciate it. Yes, there are occasional trolls, but the "report post" button will hopefully help to take care of that.

I'm not sure what you mean by "abuse of private messaging". Would you mind clarifying that?

Thanks for clarifying, Greg. That's helpful. I will continue on as I have been doing, removing obvious spam, watching and waiting and being kind with those who may be legit, and reporting those who seem suspicious or bothersome.

I'm one who has shared a lot on the forums, and I'm okay with it. I just don't post anything I wouldn't be okay with seeing on the front page of the New York Times.

I'm with you, Mary. It's that legal training.

This has been a wake-up call for me and I have to rethink what level of participation I am comfortable with. I don't have the time to go back through all of the posts or comments on threads I've made - but I will be deleting anything sitting in private messaging that has my name and address in it. Although, nothing is safe anywhere on-line, is it? I am very guilty of sharing thoughts here that are too personal and forget that anyone can read anything on this forum, brand new troll or not. I need to get some outside advice on this but may elect to delete my profile and just be a reader here. The horror of anyone I work for and with discovering me here has often crossed my mind. Can anyone answer this: does deleting permanently remove pictures and comments, or do they still sit on the server?

Interesting topic. : D

For me, I have spent a lot of time in various online communities. This is probably the most trusting and open-hearted one, in my experience. That's probably why it's so annoying when someone seems to betray our confidence and play us.

I have seen a lot of spam (not so much here, but in general) that is commercial-based. Of course it's annoying, too, I just consider it part of the whole package. And also, at least I can understand the motivation for it.

But I simply don't get people like the dominatrix marine biologist (sorry, but I had to say it What is going on in their heads? What is she (or very possibly, he) wanting from this forum? Is she finding it amusing to upload weird pics? Etc etc yada yada.

And "Kelsi." She wasted the time of people who took her seriously.

By the way, I want to alert you all to a very simple tool for locating images on the net. It very quickly helped me find an image of "Laura" that was really stolen from a fashion blog. (Also "Kelsi" seems to have taken a pic from a woman on Facebook--I sent that person a private message to let her know.)

https://images.google.com/

It's good for anytime you want to ID an image, obviously.

Lisap, I have thought about the people I work with finding my YLF posts. I have my response all ready: "Yeah, it's my hobby. Super fun!"

By "abuse of private messaging" I mean that some sort of spammer or troll who makes it to "Active Member" could start bugging you privately by sending you PM. That sort of spam or abuse is not visible to us, so we rely on you to report it.

If you delete your account your identity is removed from all posts (the author will become "anonymous"), but the posts themselves remain.

I think I agree with Ms. Mary about my posts -- I'm not overly happy with the idea of creepers poring over my comments, but I don't post anything that would embarrass me, either.

Greg, I am wondering what happens if we tell you that some of these questionable posters are fakers? Will you address it with them on a case by case basis? Or just kick them off the island?

UmmLila, we investigate each individual one and make a call. I'd prefer not to go into the details of how we handle specific situations, but if we decide that someone is violating the terms of service then they will effectively be banned from participation (and therefore denied all the access associated with being an active member).

I agree we get some oddball postings on here. Some of them I find rather amusing, others somewhat annoying. None of them have struck me as offensive or threatening. I look at it as the price we pay for having an open forum. There's no harm done if people post a polite or helpful reply. Maybe they're just lost souls looking for some kind of human connection. Now if they start emailing me privately, that's another story!

Ms.Mary, I would say exactly the same thing to my workmates or really anyone. I don't see anything to be ashamed about. Shame for participating in a lively, rich, engaging community and having a great hobby? How is it different from golf or gardening?

I share a lot here on the forum about myself -- just the photos alone tell a story. But I also maintain certain boundaries that make sense to me. I'm the same on all social media.

In PMs, and occasionally on a thread that another person starts, I might share more. I realize if someone is terribly determined they could find those posts but I honestly don't believe that anyone would want to and even if they did, there is nothing I've ever said that I wouldn't stand by. Before I post something I ask myself: Am i comfortable if this becomes public?

Xtabay's quote: "I look at it as the price we pay for having an open forum."

That sums it up for me. I'm probably more thick-skinned in that regard. The internet can be a very rough place. And if you think about how many people--women in particular--have been "doxxed" and threatened violently for speaking their minds, the possible consequences of being "seen" here in an outfit by someone I don't know...well, your mileage may vary, but I'm willing to allow the possibility of it because it's a risk/benefit thing.

Thanks for bringing this up. I noticed the strange threads and just ignored them, I agree that they didn't seem particularly threatening although some were a little creepy to me. I don't think they are too big a deal although the "favorite books" that are sometimes passwords did make me think. I didn't realize there was a Spam or Block option, I will check these out for sure.

Too bad people have to spoil what is really an enjoyable hobby for so many of us. This won't change how I connect here except to make me a bit more careful before posting private comments, but it's too bad because I feel like I have made friends here.

What Xtabay said.

Also, I find that there are very few trolls here compared to other Internet places. I think they don't get much traction so get bored and go away on their own. Anyway, I think most of the troll posts I've seen here are pretty harmless, just people trying to get attention or promote their own sites. I just ignore them for the most part. (Although I have to admit I found the Marine Biologist really hilarious and I appreciated the entertainment value.)

As far as I recall, I've only had one poster send me random PMs, not stalkerish or threatening at all, just a bit creepy (and I know some other members were getting them from that poster as well). I blocked said user and haven't thought about it for ages. (Do you all know about the "block user" option? You no longer see threads started by that person on the forum or receive PMs from them.)

Anyway, I don't really post very personal stuff here, so I'm not concerned.

I really like and appreciate the approach you've outlined, Greg. YLF has been to date an amazing, positive, flame-war free forum.

Had another thought: I have for various reasons a maxim, if you will. Reasons like working in regulated industry, having been on the net since before there was a web, etc.

The maxim is: it's not a secret even if you tell only one person. Even if that person is your mom. Because, honestly, you never know. Mom may get a knock on the head.

I just want to refer to something Lisa mentioned above and I'm not sure if others are already aware of it or not, but it's not possible to delete/change old posts or old PM's once they are a few days(maybe more, or less, I'm not sure, maybe Greg can confirm). I just went to my messages and looked at an old thread and there is no ability to delete. So any personal details like phone numbers, addresses, etc. are there to stay for anyone who has included them in PM's.

Diane, you can't delete the post itself, but you can always edit, meaning delete all the text out of a post. It will just be blank. ETA private messages, you're right. Once they're out there, they're out there.

I just tried changing the text in an old post of mine and was able to do that, but I do think like Diane says you can't change replies to a post after a day or two, correct? And PMs.

Peri, I was talking about google images, like Mochi pointed out.

I agree with what others have said about online privacy and finding a balance, and on many sites I've frequented there is a 10 to 1 or more ratio of lurkers to logged in users at any one time which is useful to keep in mind.

For myself spam and the one off odd post doesn't bother me, because it's transparent, and easy to avoid, or remove (if spam). Also I think it takes real courage when people post pictures of themselves publicly, and really appreciate that this community is friendly to people of all shapes and sizes. And that is why I think sockpuppets are more problematic, because they aren't obvious to everyone, and they interact so they draw in more commenters who spend time responding, but it's from a place of bad faith and using images that don't belong to them (Also because in other online communities they can lead to larger problems if they are around long enough). This site is all about real people and how we present ourselves visually to the world while exploring personal style, and that's what makes it special, that it's (comparatively) a safe and supportive space to do that. I've generally followed the 'verify that they aren't who they say they are, report it, don't mention it on the thread' policy, but then when they are still posting months later and other community members who are unaware are responding in good faith it's disconcerting. Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there.

I missed the marine biologist getting called out! Is that post gone? If you go back and review her posts, she played a long and somewhat subtle game, I would love to know the motivation. Performance art? I really enjoyed a link someone (Amy?) responded to her with re: cultural differences around dressing nicely and being taken seriously. Why do we all snicker a bit at a supposed scientist in somewhat sexy clothes? Or is it more that "I am a marine biologist" repeated so often sounds patently false no matter what?

In the end I don't mind a "troll" who is perfectly civil to other members and generates interesting discussion. The dumb pictures of man thong also seemed to entertain some - I am assuming we were in on the joke all along.

Yup, Mochi and Rabbit, I found that it is replies that cannot be changed both on forum and messages. If you start a post or message yourself, the initial post can be edited, but not replies, so details in replies are there for good.

Rabbit, you make some very good points about online forums and how great this one is. Your last few lines are my thinking too.

Jules, it wasn't the thought of a scientist in sexy clothes at all. Any woman in any profession can look dowdy or sexy, depending on the person and the event. It was this particular "scientist's" obsession with high heeled, over-the-knee boots, very short skirts, sky-high heels and body-con clothing. Add that to the fact that she was asking about wearing said clothing for professional meetings or presentations, and I call foul. Anyone can wear whatever they wish on their own time, but despite international norms varying slightly, most of us recognize professional attire when we see it.

Yeah, I understand the reaction, but I think it's good to question my reactions once in a while. And she made me do that because I found the gradations to be somewhat subtle in most of the outfits I saw. Where's the line and who decides what is "globally professional appropriate"? I think it's an interesting question to ponder. I'd hate to dismiss someone in real life just because I think they are a little to sexy. At the same time I've openly stared, jaw agape, at someone's retreating back recently at the office because I could see their thong under their sheer dress, so I do have standards

A lot of what she "wore" or was "planning to wear" was completely climate-inappropriate as well.

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