I'm having a mental block about dressing casual - YouLookFab Forum

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I'm having a mental block about dressing casual

Anonymous

And when I say casual..I mean CASUAL! I live in rainy suburbs of Seattle and everyone around here dresses mostly casual. And by casual I am referring to practical walking shoes and rain gear. Logically, it makes sense but in this clothing category, it can easily go awry. Most of the moms around the school look to be in various states of disarray! Since I moved here last year, I have also adopted this clothing "uniform". I look awful!

The times that I am around the school are my big social times...mingling with the other moms, chatting with the teachers, seeing the principal. I'm OK with the casualness of the dress in theory, but I still want to be pulled together.

There are a couple of the moms that seemed to have pulled off the uber-casual look with effortlessness and style. I'm pretty sure I know how they do it: they attend to all the usual elements of style with their casual clothes as they do with any other category of clothing! And here is where I have my mental block:

I have a huge issue with spending any money/time/effort on my casual clothes. I just cannot justify in my mind spending money on "gear". So I end up with cheap sweat pants that are baggy and too short. My tops are baggy and frumpy. Then I feel miserable and awkward when I am wearing them! And then when I make the commitment in my mind to recitfy the situation, when I am faced with a buying decision, I talk myself out of it! I just CANNOT let myself spend money on "just sweats".

Logically, I know this doesn't make sense since I spend MOST of my time in uber casual situations. But I'm tired of looking like a rumpled mess with what I currently have in my closet. How can I get over this seemingly impossible mental block???HELP!

Dressing

26 replies

Latest reply was from Queen Mum

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I think this is a rut that many mothers unfortunately fall into. I live in an uber casual environment as well, with climactic concerns (although ours is heat, not rain). I can completely empathise. If you don't already own a great lightweight trench- get one ASAP. Even if you aren't feeling stellar, when you throw a fitted trench on, you look really pulled together. Have a look at Angie's casual formulas for moms on the go:
fall list:
http://youlookfab.com/2009/10/.....on-the-go/
summer list:
http://youlookfab.com/2008/07/.....-outfit-1/
http://youlookfab.com/2008/07/.....-outfit-2/
http://youlookfab.com/2008/08/.....-outfit-3/
Angie will soon be doing a spring formula list, so watch for it.
You don't need to spend money on sweats- you need to be wearing real clothes every day. Invest in a decent pair of jeans, a pair of ballet, and a couple of flattering tops to get you started

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Marlene, you are clearly battling! Big hug.

Over the years you have expressed concerns about your style on several occasions. I desperately want to help you but there is something blocking your actions and I don’t know what it is. Perhaps you are unsure of what this is as well. We go into great detail on YLF on how to dress casually with style. There are plenty of very well put together casual SAHM’s whom can inspire you. In fact, casualwear was the focus for most of 2009 here on YLF. What are you not grasping? If you can pinpoint that, we can help you.

Also, sweats are for lounging, exercising, or to wear to and from your way to the gym. It’s not casual wear. Maybe you can clarify why sweats came into the discussion.

Queen Mum

Veteran

What about instead of "sweats" finding a nice fitting pair of jeans? They don't have to be premium... Levi's IMO do the trick and you have lots of cut options. Jeans are my go to "loungewear" and I feel perfectly comfy and presentable in Levi's, a layering T, zip up hoodie and a pair of athletic inspired shoes like skechers on those days that I really don't have anywhere to go other than the grocery store. Add a cute pair of earrings and you're good to go. If you are really set on sweats, how about a pair of Yoga-type pants instead. I only wear sweats when I have to run a kid to school in the morning before I've showered (and those are a hideous pair of my hubbys)
(Angie is probably having an apoplexy right now- sorry Angie)

I know the struggle- I go shopping and I'm so drawn to the "nice" stuff. I have to force myself to invest in "kick around" clothes, but am always happy when I do. I am actually much more productive when I feel good in my clothes and don't cringe everytime I pass a mirror.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

PLEASE. No yoga pants!

Queen Mum

Veteran

sorry- forget I said that ;-(
hanging my head in shame

AJ

Veteran

I definitely think you can look good WITHOUT spending a lot of money. Sweats look like sweats no matter how much money is spent on them. Look for inexpensive items that FIT you well. January is a good month to start looking through the end of winter sales everywhere. Old Navy and Target are two good places to find pulled together looks for little cash.

I looked at your jewelry website. You can get some inspiration from the stuff you offer in terms of color combos or a particular aesthetic feel.

Like chewyspaghetti said, look for jeans, pair of black flats, some tops in colors that look great with your skin tone. Definitely a trench coat! I got a black one for $20 at an end of season sale and I bought a red one last summer at Sam's Club of all places for $30:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/w.....243926810/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/w.....otostream/

Feel free to look through my photos. I make lots of use of inexpensive chain stores, outlets and thrift stores for most of my wardrobe. If the fit is good, then it will look more stylish and expensive. Plus good fit flatters the figure more and it is so exciting to realize that it doesn't take much at all to feel great about the way you look!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

All forgotten :0). Now hold that pretty head up high, Kim!

I have a feeling that Marlene is familiar with the advice that is being suggested. Thank you ladies! Marlene is a long time YLF reader - even before Seattle when she lived in San Diego. I'm going to be very bold and say that there is something else going on that is making the transition into easy, stylish everyday casual dress hard. Correct me if I am totally off base here, but at the end of the day all I want to do is help so that you're happy with your sense of style.

Louise

Veteran

I think you can do casual without sweats i only ever wear these in the house and i still feel sloppy! Mostly as casual i wear jeans in fact Angie's MOTG formulas. For mega casual i have something similar to these http://www.marksandspencer.com.....3A43097030
Which i wear with hoodies, polo neck jumper, strappy top and cardi etc and a pair of sketchers trainers which are more fashion than sports trainers i only have one pair of these trousers and i find them one step up from sweats i feel ok to go out of the house dresses like this but only on quick errands and Angie i can count on one hand the number of times i've worn this look in the last year

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I think it is so important to adjust the way you are thinking. Spend your money on the life you are living now. If that means casual clothes you deserve to have good fitting, quality casual clothes. You are able to fit in with the other mothers without adopting their dress code.

I have yet to do my wardrobe sweep, I have expensive evening wear from my life before children taking up valuable hanging space, whilst my day to day items are stuffed in a draw and barely visible. I need to change and so can you.

Louise

Veteran

I also think that just because everyone else dresses super casual doesn't mean you can't up the ante a bit and go for smart casual x

Anonymous

I think Angie is on the right track. As I was typing out my little story it started becoming a little more clearer. Its not that I don't know HOW to dress casual...its that I don't WANT to dress casual. Investing in that part of my life would be like admitting that I am a SAHM. I miss the days when I was working outside the home. When I was working in an office, I knew just what to wear. Now, even 12 years after I stopped working, I have been in a state of upheaval. My goals are gone, my ambition is gone. Could my issues with clothing be THAT CONNECTED with my own mental state of unrest?

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I think you answered your own question there, Marlene. Maybe it's time to accept the changes in your life and find a passion to pursue?

Anonymous

Marlene, to justify spending on your casual looks, start thinking of "cost per wear". You need to spend the most on what you wear the most. Also, how you dress on a daily basis is how your husband and children think of you. Jeans and especially leggings and a cute knit top/tunic with ruching or other detail can be just as comfortable and easy care as sweats.

Louise

Veteran

I think being a SAHM is an important job. As a child my mum was always at home with us in fact she didn't go back to work until we were in school and even then it was in a school so she was home during the hols. I look back and realise how lucky i was to have her at home my friend was home alone during the hols and frequently bored x

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Do you want to return to work?

Debbie

Veteran

If I'm being too bold ignore me. Years ago when I was stay at home Mom I was relutant to spend on myself because I felt like the money didn't belong to me. I wasn't bringing in a regular salary so therefore I shouldn't spend on myself. Just something to think about.

Like you during those years I made jewelry. I looked at your website today and you have some beautiful things.

garmenta

Marlene, whatever you're doing with your life, you deserve to look good and feel good. Being well-dressed isn't a reward you save for yourself when you're going into the office every day. It's a gift you can give yourself anytime.

As for "working," there are lots of ways to work--for a salary at the office, for yourself at home, as mother or as a volunteer--both of those are investments in the future! All are worthwhile, and all deserve attractive outfits that fit you and suit you.

When I went into the office every day, I wore a sober, super-conservative, boring wardrobe. Now that I'm self-employed, I have a lot more latitude and a lot more fun in what I wear. It can be a difficult transition to live a different life and figure out how to dress for it. But it can be an eye-opener, too, and fun along the way.

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

What everyone else said. I will add that I have stayed at home and been a housewife a couple of times in the last few years, and we don't even have any kids. I felt horribly guilty about it even though I really loved being at home and taking care of everything there, but I barely spent anything on myself during those times because I didn't feel like I was contributing.

When I went back to work, my (very modern and liberal) husband confessed that he was glad that I was doing what I wanted, and he was looking forward to having a double income again, but a part of him was really going to miss having me home. He said he felt like a caveman, but he liked having regular dinner and a clean house and a very content wife, that he didn't have to worry about all the daily grind of homelife because he knew I had the time and the energy to do it for both of us.

So he saw that I was contributing and working far more than I did! And he thought I should have spent more on myself then too. Dunno if that helps, but it gave me great clarity on myself and my own ambitions and hangups. Food for thought!

Or...maybe you do want to go back to work. Sometimes I wish I hadn't, but that's the way life is, full of choices!

Anonymous

I've been pondering this thread all day! I was very upset about it yesterday but feeling more focused on the issue today.

I agree that being a SAHM is an important job. My kids are great, smart and well-adjusted. I can't believe how wonderful they are. I think that one of the reasons they are so awesome is because of the stability provided by my being there for them. I am also supporting my husband in his dream of starting his own business. So until his business hits a certain point of development, I will need to put my own dreams on the back-burner. Its just the most logical thing to do. There will be a point when I can really focus on myself and make myself the priority.

So I think that my strategy for the moment is to accept the path I am on. And plan for the future. At a certain point, I will be able to spread my own wings. And I LOVE garmenta's atttitude about deserving to dress well regardless about what stage I am in life. I deserve that. I really do.

AJ

Veteran

Yes, I agree that putting effort in the way you dress should be done no matter what stage you are in your life. Plus when you feel good about the way you dress, you feel good about yourself in general.

I do believe that there is something to clutter on the outside (clothing, house, etc.) affecting the way we feel about on the inside. Just think about when you walk into a room that is a disaster. No matter how good you were feeling before you got home, you are instantly bummed out when you step into that room. Same with clothing. It's hard to feel good when you are in clothes that you don't feel good in.

I think this supporting time that you are in is a great opportunity for you to hone in on your style and have time to focus on setting goals and plans for your dreams to come true. Then there will be no stopping you when the time is right!!

Anonymous

I've decided that I am going to take some time and put together a few "drop the kids at school" outfits. These outfits will defintely require some "gear" pieces...although I won't succumb to yoga pants. My routine is to drop the kids at school then either head to the gym or out for a fitness walk on the local trails. After my work-out, I shower and put on one of my MOTG uniforms. I think I will head down to REI and pick out some nice investment level uber-casual clothes that are both practical AND properly fitted. If I take the time to think it all through, I can have a couple grab-and-go outfits so I don't have to think about it and know that I will look presentable for this part of my life. I mean, I've done this process for the other areas of my life so I should do this process for the part where I get most of my networking and connecting done!

I think for the first time, I have accepted that although I will not be a SAHM forever, I am one NOW. And I deserve to look good NOW and not wait for some elusive future moment.

Louise

Veteran

Yay go Marlene!!! x

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm glad you've come to peace with this, Marlene. Sounds like you're in a better head space.

But after all that we have talked about on YLF for years, why are you heading down to REI for casual clothes?

Anonymous

Tee hee! I knew that would get your attention, Angie! I am sure you are envisioning me coming out of REI all swaddled in fleece and zip-off hiking pants! I am learning... and that will NOT be happening.

The last time I was in REI (looking for a tent), I browsed through the clothing department and there are some nice CASUAL clothes that may fit the bill...graphic t's, denim skirts etc. Last summer I bought a cute knit dress that has held up really well. So I'm pleased with the quality and I can get some casual things that don't make me look like I am heading off to a yoga class.

Its just that up until yesterday, I couldn't justify spending REI prices for stuff that was "just casual". Up until yesterday, I bought all my casual stuff on clearance at target and I end up feeling frumpy because the clothes don't fit me properly and wear out fast.

I have a definite hole in my wardrobe...that space in between "gear" that I wear to the gym/hanging around the house and smart casual. Its this area that I have such a mental block about. And its this area that I spend quite a bit of time in!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Okay! I'm the first to say: don't leave a retail stone unturned. So I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and HOPING that you won't buy gear and wear it on a daily basis :0)

Queen Mum

Veteran

Marlene,
I'm going to stick up for you here-- I completely understand why you are headed to REI. If you're going to the gym right after dropping the kids off for school it makes complete sense to be dressed for the gym. I put my gym clothes on first thing in the morning too. Go find yourself some great fitting workout clothes and you will feel fab while working out!