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WIW: Consciously Psychologically Uncomfortable

SarahTheWhite

Veteran

I have been pondering Torontogirl's thread on the psychological discomfort of some clothes/outfits lately (http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....t-question) although I don't think I ever commented.

In December I found myself in need (more accurately "want") of a dress to wear to a wedding so I did some last minute shopping. Of course I knew about this months in advance but was sure that something in my closet would work. I could have come up with something, but frankly, I just wanted something new and fresh that I hadn't worn to work or church countless time before. At the eleventh hour, I found myself at a crossroads - buy the dress in the style and color that was closest to what I was looking for/comfortable with but was in a fabric that looked and felt cheap, go with the one that fit beautifully and looked more expensive but was outside of my psychological comfort zone, or go home empty handed and shop my closet. I went with option two, and have just worn it to a second wedding last weekend.

These photos are not good - it was at the end of the night with poor lighting - but they give an idea. I got more compliments on this crazy dress, and when I wore it I felt pretty and could tell that it worked on me. But the truth of the matter is that I don't love the color or shape and I don't feel like my best me in it. Still, I did feel good in it because it was pleasing to other people and was flattering, and I have no regrets. I was faced with three less than perfect scenarios and had to sacrifice something... Quality, Special-ness, or Psychological comfort. I would have preferred to check off all of the boxes, but in a less than perfect scenario, I ended up feeling quite good. I discovered that it is possible for something to be the psychologically comfortable equivalent to "just flattering enough".

PS: My favorite part of this dress is the Angie-nod to book-ending my hair. The imaginary Angie that now lives in my head was nodding a vigorous approval (and she was making very unhappy noises over the fabric on the other dress). I have discovered that Imaginary Angie is getting very good at cutting through the dressing room mayhem... And she tactfully reminded me that if I want to keep from having to make sacrifices, then perhaps next time I should not procrastinate.

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26 replies

Latest reply was from Angie

rabbit

Veteran

I'm going to be one of those other people who compliments you on that dress which is lovely on you from what I can see.

I can see though that it's different from the style I've seen you shine in, your personal comfort zone. Imaginary Angie is very wise.

Have you thought about wearing it as a skirt with a different top? Or is the material too formal?

SarahTheWhite

Veteran

Thank you, Rabbit! Good suggestion about wearing it as a skirt, but the fabric is kind of weird and warm - not great for Florida (other than winter). It reminds me of a wet suit. I guess it is polyester, but it is very thick and soft and sort of rubber-meets-rayon, for lack of a better description.

Deborah

Veteran

Sarah this is as very interesting conversation.

First up, I think you look lovely. The dress is very pretty. Love the colours and the shape. It is very flattering. I think you made the right choice, and the wisest sacrifice in this instance.

Second, I would not have chosen this for you because it doesn't really fit the aesthetic - which I think directly relates to the "psychological comfort" element - that I associate with you and your outfits.

Until now, reading your post, I wasn't able to articulate that feeling of wearing something that I feel 'isn't quite me'. It's a deeper feeling than just not liking something, it's more like it doesn't 'gel' with who I am as a person. I need to give this some more thought.:) Thanks for sharing.

Bijou

Veteran

You look fantastic in this dress and yet I can see how such a bold dress may not feel you. Whilst it felt "less than perfect" it looked perfect. I have a friend who pushes me to try new styles and is very quick to say whether it works (or not). Often these items end up being good wild cards, as they expand my style and what I am comfortable wearing so for me, pushing through psychological discomfort is less daunting than any physical discomfort issues. It is great to hear that you have worn your dress twice, as it sounds as though it is not going to be a wardrobe orphan. I love the sound of your internal Angie, I need to remember to take her along with me whilst out shopping!

Gigi

Veteran

All I can say is, WOW. You look stunning. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to wear it multiple times, because you look great in it!

When I first started paying attention to my wardrobe, it was difficult not to buy items simply because they looked good; they also had to feel like "me." So I know what you mean about feeling good because you look good, but not feeling psychologically comfortable. But when special events come up, we have to do what we have to do. And sometimes these kinds of off-beat purchases help us learn more about ourselves too.

SarahTheWhite

Veteran

It is really interesting, isn't it? I think you hit on what I was trying to say, Deborah, that makes it so complicated - I can see with my own eyes that the color and shape are pretty... so why doesn't it gel? It's that "me-factor".

I also can't tell you how relieved I feel, and how much it helps that both you and Rabbit did pick up on how different this choice was for me. That tells me that my normal choices do convey what I want them to and people are seeing ME. Thank you for that!

SarahTheWhite

Veteran

Bijou - thank you! And very good point about wild cards - I need to remember that. These types of items really do fill a specific place in the wardrobe and can be wonderful exercises. I was more comfortable in this dress the second time around...

Thank you so much, Gigi! And I appreciate the understanding - you know this feeling that I am describing,,,

lyn67

Veteran

Maybe if you have ticked out the 100% psychologically comfort box too, you wouldn't have felt this occasion to be so special! Think 100% psychological comfort is for weekdays only:-)). BTW, you look spectacular in this dress. For me, it feels FRESH to your all times style, exactly what you wanted!

jenanded

Veteran

So pretty! Love the idea of the Angie in your head... she was talking for those shoes and clutch I think...

Anonymous

Firstly, I think you look stunning, Sarah. The dress is gorgeous, but I do understand that it is a little different to your usual styles. It's great that you're getting to wear it a few times too. Love your bag and shoes!

olga

Oh, i totally understand. I have 2 dresses i wore only once for exactly the same reason. Also the assistants in stores are not helpful in this sense, they can push me to buy smth which surely looks good but no "me".
The dress is nice by itself, looks good.

SarahTheWhite

Veteran

Thanks so much guys! I so appreciate the thoughtful validation. Lyn67, I think you may be onto something! Perhaps it is more special and fresh because it is outside of my box. I like that!

Karie

(website)

Veteran

It is a different look for you, but it does look good! And hey, that same Angie lives in my head too!

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

You are a knockout in that dress!

This is probably Theatre Me talking, but do you ever consider dresses and outfits for these occasions in a costume-context? I find myself periodically performing flamenco, or to singing onstage, in colors or styles I would never wear anywhere else, because they look great in their contextual surroundings of event + environment. Not necessarily my aesthetic, but a perfect costume for the occasion.

I find for myself that sometimes it's good to be a little psychologically uncomfortable, because it means I'm not blending in with everyone,

Anonymous

I think this is beautiful on you and absolutely perfect for a wedding.
I think the geometric, kind of art deco pattern is really special.

I understand that this is not your typical look, but it is fantastic for the occasion it was meant for.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Smittie said it perfectly. You look Killer Stunning in the outfit. But I get that it doesn't feel like you too. The colours are brighter than what you generally wear and the style is Modern Retro. Your sartorial choices are usually more arty, soft and drapey.

HAH. That imaginary Angie can be quite annoying, but does LOVE your choice of footwear!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Yes, you really do look wonderful in that dress, but there are many dresses that would look wonderful on you and given infinite time and patience you might have found one that clicked with your sense of self better. But who says we always have to be consistent - sometimes it is good to test the limits!

catgirl

Veteran

First off, you look stunning! I totally get this feeling (psychological JFE). and ironically it's usually when I'm dressed in conventionally flattering ways... tight dress, heels, etc. I think of that as a shadow style that helps me overcome the natural unease with being too traditionally feminine or "pretty". I can manage that for weddings, or a special night out, or in my Indian outfits.

Perhaps our fashion personality is like a pie chart with a large percentage being our daily/psychologically comfortable style and the rest being smaller slices of styles we need to wear for certain occasions or enjoy wearing in lesser doses. There are very few of us who never change it up at all and remain true to a single aesthetic.

Anonymous

This entire outfit is lovely. Everything looks great on you! I love the vintage vibe I'm getting from it!

unfrumped

Veteran

Youl look fantastic! So great that you went with an "experiment".
Basically, I want that dress!
This is a great reminder to try some different things. They might fit different purposes in our lives. One might be to be true to a signature style, and one might be to have something at hand that really works well for certain occasions; sometimes these might be congruent, and other times, convenient, no-worry dressing trumps.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I agree with everyone -- it may not be the most typical of your daily style, but it's a beautiful departure, and I still see *you* in this outfit, IYKWIM.

Peri

Veteran

Agreeing with everyone...the dress is great on you! And yet, not what I'm used to seeing you in...which would not count at all because, what, have I seen you in everything?! It is only you saying it isn't quite you that clues me in. I imagine other people would have the same reaction...just that you are dressing for an occasion. I doubt anyone else would read anything into it at all.

I think dressing room Angie is quite hilarious!

SarahTheWhite

Veteran

Thanks so much guys! These comments are priceless to me. There is something really special about being understood. I feel like most everyone else in my life would have looked at me puzzled and said "but you looked great it in and that's all that matters". These are the same people who looked slightly surprised when I walked into the room but then raved about the dress. I also do appreciate the praise because I truly felt good about how I looked. I could see with my own eyes at it was flattering and that felt wonderful. I can identify with La Belle's remaks about it feeling in a sense like a costume, and that was quite freeing. I also love Una's pie chart example. I kind of enjoy that feeling of venturing out of the box sometimes. And for those of you who picked up on the retro and vintage aspects of the print - that was my favorite part! I don't think I could have purchased this dress without that special detail. To me, it made the dress infinitely more interesting and unexpected.

And special shout out to Angie - with all of the styles you track on this forum, it touched me that you are so familiar with mine and understand me so well. For the record - Imaginary Angie is never annoying... because she is patterned after the real one. And I love that others have an I.A, in their heads too!

Laurie

Veteran

This part stands out to me as the crux of your decision, as it is something that I've really learned in my years on the forum - fit and quality is so important:

buy the dress in the style and color that was closest to what I was looking for/comfortable with but was in a fabric that looked and felt cheap, VERSUS

go with the one that fit beautifully and looked more expensive

Fit, quality. Those are the constants, as we move in and out of our comfort zone.

I love your outfit and I love that you have worn it twice - that says quite a lot about how close it hovers to "the zone"! This is also the best example I've seen of bookending, and I'm a fan of those shoes!

Anonymous

The colors are perfect for December and you look beautiful. You look elegant, lovely, and yet like a real person. Somehow even so dressed up you look sweet and friendly. Maybe feeling slightly "not ourselves" can add an element of vulnerability that makes us accessible?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, Sarah. You are SUCH a honey-pie, and make me smile. Much love to you.