Today is my birthday, and also the one year anniversary of my joining YLF (give or take a week) . It’s kind of cool to be thinking of these events together. This birthday, although not a milestone, is prompting more soul searching and thinking
than usual. Lots of life changes I
suppose : my daughter getting older (almost 19), and more independent by the
minute, my business moving in all kinds of different directions and keeping me
on my toes, retirement becoming a topic of conversation among friends now ,
rather than seeming like some abstract
concept involving old people.

Speaking of old people (haha)….. thanks to YLF, I’ve changed my way of
thinking about myself and what I can wear in my professional and personal
life. When I joined a year ago, I had
just turned 53 , was stuck in some sort of fashion no-man’s land and had no idea what I wanted to look like and what I
wanted to wear anymore. For years it was never an issue. I was lucky enough to
be able to wear most things right off the rack without even trying them on, and
most things looked pretty good on me. I
had one of those absolutely average bodies with no real outstanding
characteristics, and that made it so easy to just buy stuff because I simply
liked the way it looked in a store. But I was spending a TON of money on
clothes, and it was no longer making me
happy. My body was also changing rather
dramatically – maybe hormonally related, maybe stress related, who knows. But
it meant that I no longer could wear what I used to ,and it meant that the
vast majority of my wardrobe no longer fit.
Maybe it never really did – figuratively , and literally . I longed for an organized, minimal closet, with pieces that I knew I could rely on to
make me look the way I wanted. I found
YLF quite by accident, when I saw a
picture of Angie one day and was
immediately attracted to this stylish blonde with a look I could relate
to. The
rest is history for me.

Of course I managed to get myself tangled
up in some posting controversy almost from the outset, and I was not sure that
this forum was the place for me. A few of the harsh comments and bickering shocked and upset me but….. I think it was a mixture of bad timing and my own tendency to say exactly what I
think when I feel my opinion has validity that got me caught up.

It’s happened a few times since then, and I
know full well that some of what I post and say is self-serving (but why
not? how else do you get confirmation
and validation for the track you are on?) . I also miss a lot of the meanings of the
in-depth analysis stuff as it goes right over my head., so my comments on those
posts are often right out of left field . (don’t worry, I can tell )

I do wear my heart on my sleeve, and am not
afraid to share personal information about myself and
about the emotional self-esteem roller-coaster I ride. It was recently pointed out to me here on
the forum that my self-esteem issues make me sound judgmental of others when I
write, and perhaps that is true. But
again, I’ve never hidden who I am and what garbage swirls around in my head
because I figure that that’s the stuff that makes us who we are and allows our
peers to better understand us. I’m not
ashamed of the self-esteem and rather bad body image issues I carry around – I
wish I didn’t have them, and wish they didn’t’ come out in conversation so
often, but they are not that easy to
hide when on a fashion –based forum. Anyways , enough of the philosophizing.

What I’ve been so lucky to receive here in
this first year is two-fold:

1.
the friendship of a group of
women with whom I would never have otherwise
connected. Some of you have
become friends with whom I communicate with a little more regularly and many
others are faces and words I look forward to seeing every single day. It ‘s been really invaluable to broaden my
scope of women friends from other countries and cities, and who have different
life-styles and are of different ages.
It’s been such a gift. Some of the pieces I’ve bought this past year
were completely forum-influenced. Worn by women who have a completely different
look than me, who like different things, and look different! And I love these pieces. Where else does one
experience this?

2.
the ability now to know what
works on me, what colours, and contrast
levels, and lengths, and fits and looks work,
and most of all, the depth of
knowledge available here that I can count on to provide inspiration and
knowledge. I have learned that the
way I like to dress is perfectly ok for a woman my age, and that I can still
rely on my eye to tell me what works
(for the most part ).

Yes , there are times when the forum is not
flowing with topics I can contribute meaningfully to, and yes, I have
threatened to “quit” more than once. But
I have remained as faithful as someone with my Gemini scattershot brain ever
will , and look forward to continuing to
learn, discern, make friends, and have a little fun along the way. Thanks for
indulging this essay . Here’s to another
year on YLF!