Ambivalence about Dresses - YouLookFab Forum

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Ambivalence about Dresses

Jonesy

Veteran

After reading Angie's blog post about saving vs. wearing (I'm more of a saver), I looked in my closet and noticed that dresses are definitely the category of clothes I'm most likely to save. I have maybe 5-6 dresses--day dresses, mind you!--hanging in my closet that I've never worn. I'm trying to figure this out!

Some possible culprits:

1. I somehow feel that dresses are too dressy, so I don't wear them. It doesn't help that whenever I put on a dress to go somewhere with my kids, they say "Why are you wearing that? Why are you so dressed up?"
2. I don't quite feel like myself in dresses. I feel too feminine or something.
3. Some of my dresses are more body conscious, which makes me feel, well, self-conscious during the daytime.
4. There might be slight fit issues with some of my dresses that cause me to resist wearing them.
5. I seem to have a much easier time wearing dresses in cooler weather, because I love to layer over them, wear them with boots, etc. Somehow that jacket layer makes everything alright, but of course in the summer it's too hot to layer a jacket typically, so my summer dresses go unworn.
5. All of the above!

So, do I stop buying dresses, especially summer dresses, or try to force myself to wear them more often? I remember Kellygirl challenging herself to wear a dress a week. That seems like a good idea....I think *in theory* I love the idea of a dress for the summer: easy, breezy, comfortable, pulled together. And yet, I don't really wear them!

Does anyone else have these sorts of dress dilemmas?

Dressing

27 replies

Latest reply was from Angie

MsMary

Veteran

If you like your dresses and want to wear them, then the dress-a-week challenge is a FAB idea! Like the opposite of Casual Friday!

On the other hand, you could just decide that summer dresses are not your thing, tha's perfectly okay, and stop buying them. You have a great style already and if you're happy without summer dresses, why push yourself, you know?

krishnidoux

Veteran

Jonesy, have you tried layering under the dress instead of over it?

A tee or a tank showing.

The secret: it has to be a high(er) quality: breathable, lightweight material. No spaghetti straps. White or dark neutral.

Also: yoga tanks! They're breathable and bring sweat away from your body. Yet they provide some kind of support, evening the line of your body underneath the dress and therefore stirring away from self conscious feelings.

Then wear the tank/tee layered dress with flats: ballet, cute sandals, skimmers, even a cute sneaker.

If the tank is white, try with a white watch.

Wear your hair up a little bit messy.

wear a fun funky fabric handbag.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

I love dresses and they love me back compared to pants and jeans which are a pain to fit for me. I can relate to the last point: easier to wear in winter - just because layering under or over gives me more options to wear the same dress without feeling bored opposed to summer.
You can try to think about dresses differently. For example you like wearing tunics with skinnies, right? Well, tunic is the same dress but shorter so you can try dresses in this shape. I find that my least favorite dress in summer is a sheath because it is more restricting in the heat. On the other hand I LOVE A-line and sack dresses which keep me cool and look modern and not "overly feminine". I find it more difficult to wear fit-and-flare dresses now: I need to work harder to style them in the way which suits my current style.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I find I don't wear my dresses as much also. I think I have the feeling of being too dressed (ha ha) up in them, too. My most casual dresses get the most wear. But I also have the concern of being limited in a dress. I hate to get caught bowling, or other such spontaneous outings (like climbing a 20 foot dinosaur on the side of the road last summer) that are more awkward in a dress. I, for now, am curtailing dress buying to specific, pre thought out, occasions or situations.

sarah

Veteran

Jonesy, that is so interesting. I'm just the opposite about summer vs. winter dresses. During the school year, I feel self-conscious wearing dresses, since I sometimes feel 'overdressed' for the academic environment. In the summer, on the other hand, I feel like a breezy summer dress that would reveal too much skin for teaching is just fine for being holed up in the office working on proposals and papers when noone is around. Summer dresses feel casual to me which is fine for summer, while winter dresses feel dressy to me, which is out of my comfort zone for teaching attire. Hmmm...I wonder why we've reached the opposite conclusion.

I am chuckling at 5-6 never-worn dresses in your closet. I have NO never-worn clothes anywhere in my whole house! I do wait to cut the tags, but once I do, it's because I'm sure I'll wear something. My husband, on the other hand, has a brand new leather wallet that I bought him three years ago, still sitting in a drawer, while he more thoroughly wears out his old one.

Sigh. I wish we were the same size, and I'd offer to take some of those never-worn clothes off of your hands. I'm sure they're great, given your taste!

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

I love wearing dresses because when I pop one on I feel polished head to toe. My favorites are the ones that require no accessories or layers. Breezy, sprightly summer dresses are my uniform in 100 degree weather. Less is more!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I feel the same as modgirl; I love the way I feel when I wear a dress!

Bonus: It's one piece of clothing. So it's like buying a top and pants, right? Double budget

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

doing a 'dress a week' challenge sounds like a great idea - the only way to find out for sure what's going on is to do the experiment, right?

you might try wearing a silk slip or cotton petticoat under your dresses (if it goes along withe the fit/style/etc.) i find a silk half slip makes me feel more 'covered' and 'dressed' even if it doesn't show.

& re: your kids' comments - i'm sure they are brilliant and creative, but they are just kids. what do they know about style, really? heehee! good luck with your dress dilemma! steph

Louise

Veteran

Dresses are my favouritest thing to wear. I find the opposite to you that they are much easier to wear when it's warm, just throw on a dress and sandals and I'm good to go. I have a 'wear what I want' attitude and I don't give a kippers if anyone thinks I'm overdressed x

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

OH yeah... I get the "why are you so dressed up" comment all the time from various people. I generally rotate the following replies:

1. Dresses make me happy.
2. It makes me feel happy!
3. My legs said they wanted to breathe.
4. I like these shoes!
5. Oh, it's fun!

Usually people who ask are jealous. Or weird. Or haven't discovered how wonderful dresses are.

*twirl*

rae

(website)

Veteran

I know how you feel! I can totally relate to feeling too feminine in a dress, and the bf *always* comments that I'm too dressed up if a dress comes out for a casual occasion. Although if I've chosen a casual dress in the first place, it's usually because it's too darn muggy out not to ventilate my ladyparts, and I tell him so. o_0 THAT derails further anti-dress conversation instantly!

Anyway, the point of my story is that you certainly don't have any obligation to wear a dress. You might as well force yourself to wear the ones you have, though, just in case you like 'em.

Louise

Veteran

lyn* I used to get those sort of comments for the first few months but everyone is used to me and my dresses now so hopefully people will get fed up of commenting soon? x

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Louise - people have learned that if I wear pants (not jeans); then I'm angry or depressed. So they avoid me. :p

"The house staff girl who smiles a lot and wears dresses." usually finds me. :p

catgirl

Veteran

Jonesy, I feel the same way. I want to love dresses, and they are very practical for workwear, but I always feel the need to make them more RATE somehow, which often ruins the point. Maybe it's because you and I both like the element of androgyny, and nothing is less androgynous than a dress.

The dress I wear most is my black JNY sheath, which is boring but perfect for court and works under all my jackets. Next is a black and blue Kenneth Cole sheath, for the same reasons. Then the Nine West "magic" dress that is standard YLF wear - I can toughen them up with my studded belt. Next is the Ted Baker dress, which I can wear to work with the right layer. The rest of my dresses are "occasion" dresses or casual like the Allsaints hitched dress.

What's in your closet? Can you post some photos? I feel like you've done that kind of problem solving for me - I owe you!

Desmo April

(website)

Veteran

If you don't like to wear dresses in the summer why force yourself? I know everybody else seems to love them but I don't really like wearing dresses--especially in the summer. I'm much more likely to wear one in the winter when I can layer and wear boots.

I just find dresses so limiting. There is so much you can't do wearing a dress. I don't ever want to have to sit on the sidelines because of what I'm wearing.

Jonesy

Veteran

So many thoughtful, wise replies! Thank you!

MaryK, yes, maybe I should acknowledge the reality and move on! I think I may need to be ruthless and cull some of the dresses that I know deep in my heart I won't wear. ETA: thanks April! You and MaryK are on the same wavelength--why bother with dresses if you're just not into them?

Krishnidoux, interesting ideas. Layering under might be too hot, but it's a fun idea to think about. My self-consciousness stems less from feeling lumpy and bumpy and more about feeling too girlie, I think. Like I'm Dolly Parton or something :).

Mo, Rae, and Una: sounds like you all share some of my dress issues! We are on the same page, I think. Una, I would love to post them and get feedback, but I'm short on time right now! You are sweet to make your offer :).

Sarah, I'm very intrigued by your reply. We have had similar thought processes, but come out on opposite sides of the fence! Funny! I'm anti-sleeveless, so that puts a damper on a lot of summer dresses, but when I can throw a jacket on, yahoo! Also, I work at home for most of the summer (and dress very casually) whereas during the academic year I'm on campus multiple times a week (and feel good dressing up a bit).

Sveta, maybe I've just been accumulating the wrong sorts of dresses. I like the idea of finding a few loose, flowing ones that are comfy and don't seem too ultra-feminine.

Rita, Lyn*, and Louise: you are my dress-wearing heroes! You all rock dresses! Thanks for your perspectives.

Steph, thanks for your ideas!

Basic conclusions I've come to: stop buying sleeveless dresses, since I don't do sleeveless. Perhaps stop buying summer dresses period, unless I can find one or two that are loose and modern, comfy and chic, that I can still feel like myself wearing.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Ah Jonesy, by your definition of androgynous style you need to add masculine elements to your dress to feel yourself so I can see how this would be more difficult to achieve over the summer. I wonder how you can achieve your look without the jacket?

tarzy

Veteran

With apologies to Dr. Seuss - my feelings about wearing a dress:

I fell I really must confess
I do not like to wear a dress.
I do not like it with sandals in the spring
I do not like it with anything.
I do not like it with boots in the fall
I do not like a dress at all!

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Tara- your Seuss-ism just made my day!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

too funny!!! Maybe you need to add to Mary K's fashion haiku thread!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Tara is brilliant - and don't you believe her when she tells you that she looks awful in a dress because she doesn't!

Jonesy, all your reasons make sense! You are on Team Skirt in the Summertime and on Team Dress in the Wintertime. Boots make you feel more grounded with dresses - that's fab! Wear them like that.

As for the Summer dresses that you have - pass them on. They are not part of this leg of your style journey unless you can toughen them up with boots.

Debbie

Veteran

Tara you made me laugh out loud when I was suppose to be working!
Jonesy-I feel the same way about Bermuda shorts as you do dresses. I'm just not comfortable in them.

bj1111

Veteran

jonesy, i think you're having a goldilocks moment --trying to find a dress that is "juuuust right" and i think that's fab that you're being particular.

tara--you should write for seussical the musical.

Jonesy

Veteran

Julie, you have hit the nail on the head, I think. I have tried a vest as a layer, but I just don't care for the look on me. Khris pulls it off fabulously, but I can't seem to make it work. Part of it is my resistance to sleeveless looks for me...

Tara, you are wonderful! But tell me, would you wear one on a train? In a boat? With a goat?

Thanks, Angie, for prompting this self-evaluation :). I realize that I used to wear quite feminine, vintage dresses a lot when I was younger, but I always paired them with biker boots, cowboy boots, or Converse high-tops! Now, I am no longer going to rock the sneakers and dress look, but I might investigate some summer booties, possibly...In the meantime, I am going to sort through my summer dresses and send some on their way.

Thanks, Debbie and BJ!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

LOL at Tara!

I have only recently embraced the dress as a significant player in my casual wardrobe. I'm especially getting into them for summer -- so easy. No tucking, layers, etc., to fiddle with -- just one garment that flows from my body in the sweltering heat!

On the other hand, I'm finding many of my skirts are going unworn because they seem too dressy. Ha!

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Interesting; I find that I wear dresses a lot more in the summer because I find them cool and easy since they're one layer. And the other seasons I prefer separates for the convenience and layering (and pockets). But since you're at home in the summer, Jonesy, and don't need to dress up, and you prefer less overtly feminine looks, which can be hard to do with a summer dress and no other layers, it totally makes sense.

Janet, I find that with some of my skirts too - I look better in a pencil skirt than a full skirt but then I feel out of place and too dressy when I wear them on a casual day.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Sounds like a great strategy, Jonesy