YouLookFab Forum » Topic: YLF cheerleading

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: YLF cheerleading https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 29 Apr 2026 02:32:47 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php texstyle on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-987551 Mon, 22 Jul 2013 15:07:52 +0000 texstyle 987551@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I haven't been posting much lately but had to chime in to say thanks IK for bringing this up as I sometimes do wonder about too much cheerleading and not enough constructive criticism. I'm trying to learn here so if I don't see outfits getting enough input it lessens the learning opportunity. I figure if you post a photo of yourself in an outfit on a fashion board that gives feedback -- you'd better anticipate getting feedback - good and bad.   I'd prefer to get more input so I can improve on the outfit. And if I see or post outfits with few comments, I figure (after hearing this from so many) it's because people "don't have anything good to say" so I typically concur it's probably not a great outfit.  So those who are afraid to hurt feelings may actually be doing it anyway by not commenting.   I don't think I've ever seen a comment that was truly ill natured or mean but I guess there may be one here and there. Adelfa on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-986603 Sun, 21 Jul 2013 04:26:40 +0000 Adelfa 986603@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Dana, yes, I've noticed. Thank you for bringing this up. I too wish I could get more feedback on my outfits. I always try to ask a question. But what if I ask a question that doesn't really cover the territory? I often won't comment if I don't like an outfit. I am very concerned that I'll come across badly. Once in a while I will.  I truly don't want to hurt anyone and when an item does not seem right to me sometimes if I think it will be appreciated I say so, and why.  This is what I would want. I feel I'm learning a lot about how to say things softly and not bluntly as Angie says. Working on it. Off topic a bit--I remember once I got extra great feedback on an outfit that I didn't feel like myself in, that I only put together for work purposes.  I still wonder about that outfit! Laura (rhubarbgirl) on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-986602 Sun, 21 Jul 2013 04:22:03 +0000 Laura (rhubarbgirl) 986602@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sometimes I remember to put "constructive criticism welcomed" on my WIWs but not always, especially if I post them from my phone. Unfortunately, there are so many of us now that I doubt most of us can remember all the members  and how they prefer to receive criticism, what their style is, what other budget/religious/body-health issues they may have that limits what they can or want to do with their clothes. That makes it hard to know how to respond. I've long thought that YLF does an admirable job keeping a balance between criticism and "too-nice" culture. It's so hard to do online, hard to do with a community of women, and hard to do about clothes and image. Honestly, I think we all do pretty well; I too remember the old days of alt.fashion among other places and it was a pretty crazy place to post and read. Most internet communities are dysfunctional in some way and I think YLF Is one of the saner and more genuinely caring ones. Idea: what if there was some sort of link we could have from our profile/posts that states what kind of criticism we find helpful if any, what our style goals are, etc.? If we had it in a one-click place accessible to newbies and oldsters alike, it might really help. Even figure types, height, and/or sizes for those who want to - I've often thought oh, I wonder if that item would work on me too and then have to ask someone about how tall they are (it's hard to tell in photos!) where I'm sure they've shared that before. Beth on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-986574 Sun, 21 Jul 2013 03:29:01 +0000 Beth 986574@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Ana has articulated my feelings very well. I'm not the most subtle person out there and so tend to restrain my comments for fear of them sounding unintentionally unkind. At the same time, I get frustrated receiving soft-pedaled critiques, particularly related to K/R posts. Subtlety is often lost on me and I'd rather hear, "girl, that is not the jacket for you" than try to dissect why my post has only gotten 6 replies (i.e. the coat is so bad that nobody wants to say anything). I *really* want to know what you all think, and if you don't say so clearly, it diminishes the value of the input. I truly believe there's a good balance to be had. It's one of the million reasons that Angie's input is so valuable. She's endlessly kind, but honest. marit on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-986565 Sun, 21 Jul 2013 03:21:09 +0000 marit 986565@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have a critical eye in some ways - I'm a Virgo after all if there is a typo on a page in a book I will spot it! But I am a very sensitive person so I do always try to be kind (as I would hope others would be to me) yet offer honest feedback when asked. If you don't know people well you don't know how they will take what you say... especially in text where you lose a lot of the nuance of expression (body language, looks, vibe). I do feel a little held back from participating here and I don't know if that's my own issues or what... I do enjoy reading/seeing what you all post, and I certainly don't want to offend anyone. Posting WIWs nags at my privacy concerns (putting photos of myself out there publicly online) but also I don't think my style really fits in and I'm not great at putting myself forward anyway... and that makes me feel a little unfair to make comments when I'm not offering my own material up for comment, tit for tat. Discussion threads are easier. I also have issues with how people, particularly women, are evaluated in this society visually (bodies & clothing) and while I appreciate how you can make fashion work for you in expressing yourself and controlling how others react to you (because I do it myself) I am uncomfortable possibly contributing to that judgment of women... if that makes sense. It's kind of like my love/hate for makeover shows - I enjoy the dramatic transformations and how the woman feels good about herself but I don't like how the woman is fitted into certain narrow ideas of what makes her attractive, or that her attractiveness is so important she should feel better about herself if she fits into those ideas and that other people's validation is something she should seek and value in feeling good about herself. This is not at ALL a black-and-white thing so while I can appreciate and pick apart the different nuances at length I don't know I can convey that so well simply through text, with people who don't know me. So it's easier to stick to "say something nice if you love it, pass it by if it's not your thing"; it's safer. Echo on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-985418 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 20:48:36 +0000 Echo 985418@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree with everything Irene said. Anonymous on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-985401 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 20:38:15 +0000 Anonymous 985401@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Total side note on the topic of shortcuts. My Job title is abbreviated as PS2. Haha! MsMary on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-985213 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 17:34:04 +0000 MsMary 985213@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Angie, I think you're so right, as usual! Why do I want to smack my mother?  Well, without getting into too many gory details, when I was growing up she was VERY critical of my appearance, my voice, my demeanor, pretty much everything about me.  Now that I'm all grown up and apparently meet with her approval, that little girl and teenager are still in there saying "Oh, yeah?  Well we're still hurt and your compliments are too little, too late!"  Fortunately I am able to smile and nod and say "thank you" and nobody is the wiser.  ;) /TMI Ana on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-985154 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 16:58:13 +0000 Ana 985154@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I've actually enjoyed reading and responding to this thread, and hearing everyone's feelings on the topic. I think it's been a really interesting conversation/debate. I appreciate Ironkurtin for posting this. Transcona Shannon on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-985131 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 16:37:12 +0000 Transcona Shannon 985131@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hear hear Jules! Irene on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-985093 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 16:04:15 +0000 Irene 985093@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm in the 'nothing nice to say, say nothing at all' group. To be bluntly honest, I've seen outfits here I wouldn't let my best friend go out on the street in. Not because I thought they were ugly but more because I thought they didn't look good on that person. But, I don't know, I felt like everyone else loved it. Sometimes I wonder whether I am too critical or not everyone is as honest as we would like ourselves to be. What can I say, it is a matter of opinion, in the end. And who am I to make others feel bad about themselves, after all. anne on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-985068 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 15:42:27 +0000 anne 985068@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Susie, I agree. Susie on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-985063 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 15:36:46 +0000 Susie 985063@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I do believe that we need to be respectful and kind in our delivery of constructive criticism. Certainly to avoid hurting someone's feelings, but also to truly be heard. If someone is too harsh, the reader may just dismiss it as snarkiness and think 'well she's just trying to be mean so I have to just ignore her opinion.' I think it is really helpful to get feedback from a wide variety of people. It would be great if Angie could comment on every single WIW but our lives are not made up of fashion professionals! Feedback from 'women on the street' is also very valuable because those are the people we encounter IRL. That said, I don't always feel capable of verbalizing how an outfit might be improved but I'm here to learn. It sounds like, in the past, critiques were given without having to specifically ask for it?  It's actually the lack of response that makes me more uneasy. When you look at the WIW's of a few of the regulars, there might be 2 pages or more of comments. When I post one, and get just a few responses (whether positive or negative), I tend to think "gosh I must look so awful that people don't even know what to say." I'd actually feel better about a page full of "that't not your best look" or "have you tried...?" responses than just left to wonder why there is no response. Anonymous on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-985043 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 15:17:32 +0000 Anonymous 985043@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am laughing at these course titles. We had a Computer Science-Math course that was called COMA 260 (it was just the course codes together but sheesh, how apt!) anne on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-985019 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 15:01:31 +0000 anne 985019@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ IK I am with you all the way. I can also empathize with all the reasons people have mentioned about why they may hesitate to give a  critical comment.  One more thing. I think that not enough critical comments devalues the positive. If you get a mixture of positive/negative most of the time and then one outfit suddenly pulls all positive comments, it feel special. But if you always get positives, you might start wondering if they really mean it. I am totally up for criticism myself, btw. And with the encouragement you have given  I may give a bit more! Also IK, just wanted to say thanks for starting some absolutely interesting threads of late. I have posted even less than usual, owing to mostly being on a phone which tires my fingers out, but I have LOVED reading them. ironkurtin on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/3#post-984995 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 14:43:25 +0000 ironkurtin 984995@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Angie - Wow, they called it Psycho 101?  That sounds WAY more fun.  Funny how the same courses get called different things.  When I went to college Organic Chemistry was called O-Chem, and then at my sister's college it was called Orgo.  One sounds like a rap star and the other a Japanese monster... And I agree with your point and I think we should ALWAYS be kind and respectful, even when we think improvements might be possible.  Shoot, kind and respectful is something everyone should strive to be, whenever! RoseandJoan on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984942 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 14:00:27 +0000 RoseandJoan 984942@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Whilst I love a bit of debate, can I now make a suggestion? Let's stop analysing ourselves into knots and just post as usual :-) Love from Team Blunt Cheerleader. crst on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984941 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 13:59:19 +0000 crst 984941@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I guess a lot of this comes down to personality. I am direct and writing is not my best talent so online communities have never been my strength. I'm going to have to look up the lateral personality definition, because I really tend to identify with and enjoy comments by those labeled so by Angie. Absolutely agree with Gaylene that the cheerleading has kept me from posting a picture. I like what I wear and I dress for me. So the cheerleading doesn't benefit me. I also find myself reading threads other than the WIWs more frequently. When the forum is low on those other posts, I tend to wander off for awhile. So many interesting things posted on this thread! I love the critical analysis. Angie on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984923 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 13:45:00 +0000 Angie 984923@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I actually didn't, Dana. I meant Psycho and not Psyche :). That's how we shortened the subject at my University. I hear things are different in the US! I've been thinking about this a little more, and am going to be very presumptuous. In my experience, there are very few people who can handle blunt feedback. They might think they can - and they even say they can. But when push comes to shove, it often hurts them on some level (perhaps not immediately but maybe later), and effects them negatively - instead of positively. We are discussing very personal matters here - our bodies, appearance and budgets. This is highly emotional terrain - and it's a highly subjective topic where there is no right and wrong. Opinions will run the gamut! I am all for the truth, and I do not want you to say that you like something when you don't. But we have to be nice and respectful about how we deliver information. I think it's always better to assume that people are sensitive, even when they don't appear to be. Mary, I'm trying to understand why you would want to smack your Mother when she says you look nice? Help me out! goldenpig on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984853 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 12:22:29 +0000 goldenpig 984853@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks Dana for starting such an interesting thread! LOL, maybe we should have a siggy at the bottom of our posts that states how much honest feedback vs. cheerleadering we want. We could change the scale from "Tell it to me straight, sister!" to "You go girl!" only, at certain times of the month when we're feeling sensitive. (Totally tongue in cheek!) But seriously, I do really appreciate feedback, especially when done in a positive manner. And I don't think Angie is the only one qualified to do analysis/feedback, even though she is the professional. I have learned so much from the comments/feedback from everyone, and don't think I could have grown and evolved so rapidly if I hadn't had the help from you all, especially when I was first starting out. We all have different styles and I love how everyone can critique and enjoy others' style even if it's vastly different from our own. Misia on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984697 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 05:06:33 +0000 Misia 984697@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I agree with you IK, and that's why I never comment anymore! I guess I'm too much of a straight shooter, lol Ana on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984670 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 04:05:29 +0000 Ana 984670@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wanted to add that now I know Gaylene and IK want critical feedback, it'll be wall-to-wall honesty. There'll be no escape! "Girl, burn those jeans immediately and bury the ashes in a lead coffin." ;) Ana on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984660 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 03:54:22 +0000 Ana 984660@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Kyle--yes! When you wrote,  But, is it more kind to be honest or not completely honest? Let's say I'm going to an important event and look like a hot mess. My friend tells me I look great because she wants to spare my feelings, but is she doing me a kindness? I can be a bit too direct sometimes, so I have to be careful because others may not share my desire for such straightforward feedback. It's tricky, because we are all different. I think you hit the nail on the head for me, and why I tread very carefully. I know there are days when I just want someone to tell me I look good, but for the most part, I feel the same as you do. I'd much rather people be very honest with me.  Along those same lines, I recently realized that I must have a high tolerance for criticism. Even very direct (although not vicious) criticism. I remember several conversations on the forum over the years of members dealing with negative comments from people in their lives when they started dressing more nicely, or taking fashion risks. And I thought, "Wow, that has never happened to me. Everyone around me must just be so nice." But now I think people probably did make critical comments that I just blew off and forgot about, or misinterpreted as a compliment, because I have a high tolerance for that sort of thing. Like, "Oh, you were trying to be critical? You need to be much more direct with me than that." Or maybe my willful ignorance is where my tolerance comes from. :D  I think maybe, if I'm asked for my opinion, I tend to be very direct because of that. I know not everyone appreciates that much honesty all the time (and that's fine). So it's always on my mind when I'm offering feedback. I don't want to be too direct, because I can't remember if this person prefers a lot of honesty or is having the kind of day where they just want to be told they look good, which are both valid. And for me, under those kinds of circumstances, it's often easier and less stressful to just say nothing, because then I know I didn't say something that inadvertently hurt feelings, especially when I can't talk to the person face to face. cciele on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984652 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 03:46:38 +0000 cciele 984652@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sorry, I just had to laugh to see mention of alt.fashion -- I was also on there, long long ago. Usenet is not for the faint of heart! Thanks for the blast from the past, Anna! Nicole D on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984613 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 03:04:52 +0000 Nicole D 984613@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ IK, I like your examples of feedback.  A little (more) off topic, in clinical medical teaching there is a feedback technique called: "S**T sandwich".  Basically, you sandwich the negative comment between two positives.  Such as: "Love those glasses.  Horrible choice of footwear.  And nice hairdo!"  Softens the blow... Kyle on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984605 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 02:52:02 +0000 Kyle 984605@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ When I post an outfit I want very honest feedback (good or bad) and have sometimes wondered if that was actually happening, so I totally hear what IK and Ana are saying. Mainly I want to better understand why something is or is not working, as I don't always have the ability to see those things for myself. When commenting, I try to be honest and helpful if I don't love something, but also kind. But, is it more kind to be honest or not completely honest? Let's say I'm going to an important event and look like a hot mess. My friend tells me I look great because she wants to spare my feelings, but is she doing me a kindness?  I can be a bit too direct sometimes, so I have to be careful because others may not share my desire for such straightforward feedback. It's tricky, because we are all different.  ManidipaM on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984513 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 01:22:16 +0000 ManidipaM 984513@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I want to cheerlead for this thread, Dana! Thank you :-D A lot of what Gaylene says resonated strongly for me. Yet, I hadn't actually noticed a shift, maybe because I've not been as active here as I would like in the last year. I will say that I used to wade in, fashion naive as I was and largely still am compared to many of you and certainly the likes of Angie or Anna or...heck, any number of you! But then I DID have a bit of 'ummm, I don't think I know what I am talking about' and reined it in a bit. So speaking of kindness, I appreciate the kindness and forbearance shown to me as a rookie 'critic' on many an occasion. But I agree that sometimes (often?) we need more (wo)man on the street perspectives and not just expert or fashion-forward opinion. So I will try to keep wading in, on balance. I will also say that I remember being somewhat frustrated and upset by early responses to my early WIW or K/R threads (I used to think R was reject...that early). Very rarely because a comment did not get my 'style' or culture. Much more often because I was in SYC and just did not have the resources to implement the suggestions or the interest in that style. ETA: But I wasn't complaining! That's were the lessons were! Just that momentary distress leads to growth and change. And, to the point many are raising about asking specific feedback, did not know how to articulate this. Sometimes, at all. Sometimes, not without writing a novel. I mean, I have to know enough about fashion and proportions to even ask 'is it the pants?'---and I didn't! And I'm ever so grateful to be accepted here despite a vastly different culture and geography, and I do understand it is difficult to address the alien place/party, but it is equally tedious to explain with each post the nuances of what a skirt or dress 'means' in your context. So I either ended up long-winded and apologetic. Or troubled that I had not explained myself well enough. But most frustrating was when I posted hoping for ideas on improving and got mostly 'how lovely'. So YES, IK! Don't get me wrong---I certainly needed and often still need a boost, handholding, virtual hug, 'you're okay' reassurance...and I am eternally grateful to this forum for that, especially when/if it is missing from real life. One of the myriad reasons some of us post. But still... I'm also here to get feedback and to learn, because truly 'the eye sees not itself' and I often feel I can usefully critique someone else's outfit better than my own because of distance. (Btw, when did feedback became an euphemism for constructive criticism, which when I was little was euphemism for, uh, criticism?) And finally, THANK YOU, Beth Ann! I now get why I get more encouraging comments and less suggestions to improve! I typically sound moaning and whiney or at least self-deprecating, don't I? No wonder most comments are directed at shoring me up! Suz on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984509 Fri, 19 Jul 2013 01:18:26 +0000 Suz 984509@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Great discussion here. Dana, you always start interesting threads.  Oops! Cheerleading again, I see. ;-) In all seriousness, I agree with Shannon that we give what we're able -- and sometimes a thoughtful critique takes more time or effort than we have. So if we generally like the outfit, we cheer it and move on. And if we don't like it, we stay quiet. Which doesn't mean we're not thinking about it. Some of my own best learning has probably come in those times when I've been unable to comment because I could not quite articulate what I was feeling.  I also agree with Beth Ann. If we want constructive feedback, it helps to ask directly -- to tell what worries us or even what we loved and ask others if they agree or not, and why.  ironkurtin on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984391 Thu, 18 Jul 2013 23:45:47 +0000 ironkurtin 984391@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ For sure we should keep it a positive place, I agree. And I always find you very responsive to feedback, AG. annagybe on "YLF cheerleading" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ylf-cheerleading/page/2#post-984315 Thu, 18 Jul 2013 22:20:07 +0000 annagybe 984315@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I don't mind feedback but I take it all with a grain of salt and always consider the source. I know some people don't or don't like my style. Yes the forum is different. I've used to be on the pre world wide web board on usenet alt.fashion. They would tear you to shreds. Flame wars, anyone? I'm perfectly fine with it being a positive place. I have to be hard at work, dating is hard, etc. It's nice to have a place where I can let my guard down.