https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Thu, 14 May 2026 04:53:52 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-864688 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 21:47:30 +0000 cciele 864688@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Given how casual today's US society is, no wonder people think it's OK to wear t-shirts and such to weddings, funerals, and operas. Where will young people learn dressing etiquette if their parents don't know and their peers are clueless? Or maybe it's just a gradual cultural shift. Maybe in the future we'll be wearing generic comfortable lounge clothes everywhere :b </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-864667 Fri, 01 Mar 2013 21:35:55 +0000 Anonymous 864667@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've pretty much come to the conclusion that those who don't care enough to dress appropriately need to be left to their own stupidity or ignorance, or whatever it is. It's not up to me to educate them. They probably think they look just fine. Those who care are usually the ones who end up with good-paying jobs, etc. because they look good. Not only do they look good, but they project self confidence because they know they look good. It all goes together. And yes, dressing appropriately for the office, for a wedding, etc. shows respect not only for self but for others. It's rude not to dress accordingly. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863641 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 21:49:32 +0000 DonnaF 863641@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Let us hope that those who were wearing Cons to the opera were doing so because they had SRO (Standing Room Only) tickets, and let's hope they put in some arch support. I, personally, prefer Dansko Vedas because they have arch support and give me a little height which helps if you have SRO.</p> <p>FWIW, I don't think appropriate garb necessarily comes naturally [says the mom who has made her daughter change out of hoochie garb and her husband change out of too dreadful for words garb against lowest common denominator arguments]. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863581 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 20:57:27 +0000 rachylou 863581@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>bj - haha! - cutoffs and Prada heels at night, *a business decision.* haha!</p> <p>***<br /> Chucks at the opera... we will have to talk about the movie <em>Diva</em>, what it means to love opera itself v. the opera, and opera's desperation to attract the youth of today. Hard to believe opera concerts were as rowdy as I hope music festivals are today. </p> <p>... I say I hope because I don't go to those things. Rock concerts for sure have gone the way of opera. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863561 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 20:43:25 +0000 Mo 863561@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As an aside, I wore open toed strappy sandals to my Gma's funeral in January in the rain in L.A. 10 years ago. I was flying from FL and just didn't have the right footwear. Barely had time to buy my cheap black dress at Ross. It is what it is sometimes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863549 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 20:35:57 +0000 transition 863549@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Molly, I'm going to guess that the guest who angered you thought she was doing OK and not trying to come off as a martyr. A skirt outfit with a flower print would be acceptable in my area for a wedding. Many women I know don't wear makeup ever and have been told that pulling their hair back is dressing up. And clunky shoes are in the eye of the beholder, I've found. Maybe she doesn't have enough money for a new frock and shoes. . . I've certainly been there. And I'd spend the money I did have on my gift for the bride and groom before buying something new for myself. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863540 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 20:29:48 +0000 Mo 863540@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I do think it can be a slippery slope ascribing purpose and intent behind other's choices, fashion or otherwise. I do agree it's sad to see very out of place underdressed people in these situations, but not sure I myself consider it purposefully rude. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863538 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 20:26:15 +0000 Diana 863538@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well, to me it shows a lack of respect for the people who organized the event (bride, groom, their families) because it says "I don't care enough to make an effort to look nice/put on pants/wash my hair for these people who care enough about me to invite me to their event." I mean, I have literally come straight from the airport to a wedding, and I changed and brushed my hair in the airport bathroom. </p> <p>And, this admittedly does not apply to all weddings, but I know for a fact that my future MIL, who is absolutely crazy about photos, would be seriously upset if someone ended up "ruining" all the nice wedding photos by dressing like an out-of-place slob. </p> <p>I agree though that the people who are dressed this way are by and large just clueless, but I also find it rather shocking that they were never taught by anyone that this is not a good way to behave. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863530 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 20:15:56 +0000 Aziraphale 863530@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Diana, you're not the only one to feel strongly about this. I confess I don't totally get it. <em>Why</em> is it so very rude? The two casually-dressed girls you described no doubt looked very silly and out-of-place, but to me it's more a statement of their lack of....I don't know, sophistication? Intelligence? I don't think that casually-dressed people are consciously intending disrespect. Not normally. They just think they look cool. (Although nobody else sees it that way). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863521 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 20:10:21 +0000 Diana 863521@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I actually *have* seen someone wear a t-shirt to a wedding. With a somewhat distressed denim skirt. She was not as bad as her sister, though, who showed up wearing leggings as pants. Next to those two, the girl wearing flip flops under her cocktail dress looked positively wonderful. </p> <p>To me, wearing something like that to a wedding (my personal feelings about leggings-as-pants aside) is incredibly rude and disrespectful not only to the bride and groom but to the other family and guests as well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863515 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 20:03:38 +0000 Aziraphale 863515@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Denise, no offense taken! Just wanted to emphasize my point. And I believe you about the people wearing Converse to the opera. I bet they are young people, though. </p> <p>Molly, I stand corrected. I have never <em>personally</em> seen a wedding guest in a t-shirt, but it sounds like such a thing does exist. </p> <p>I did, however, attend a funeral last year at which there were a number of guests -- including family members! -- who were, I felt, dressed far too informally. It was a great-auntie of mine, and her 60-something-year-old son was there in chinos and a polo shirt. I was astonished. Granted, he's a labourer, and normally he's in overalls, but still. A funeral is the one place where you <em>really</em> want to broadcast respect, and I couldn't figure out why on Earth he was so underdressed, because he actually had a very good relationship with his mother. I can only conclude that he was not intending any disrespect, but was simply a little clueless. And given the circumstances, probably not overly concerned with something that he probably saw as social silliness. He's not the type of man to care one bit about clothes, so why should he start now, when he's freshly bereaved? </p> <p>I guess what I'm saying is that we have to give people a break. Maybe the guest at that wedding was also clueless. Or, as you say, depressed.</p> <p>RNB, I couldn't agree with you more when you say that an outfit screams different things to different people. Also, it depends who's wearing it. A teenager wearing Converse to the opera looks different than a middle-aged woman doing the same thing. And a rock star can wear Converse wherever she likes. :-)</p> <p>I also agree about the outfit having to be in context. In the field of visual effects, you DO NOT wear a suit to an interview. You'd look hopelessly out of touch. My husband is often conducts interviews, and if a guy (it's usually a guy) shows up wearing a suit, he knows right away that the guy knows nothing about the industry. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863434 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 18:58:02 +0000 Mo 863434@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>RNB makes a very valid point. I would never wear a suit or even a skirt and blazer separates to interview for a food server or bartender position in my mountain town. Not unless it was at a five star place that does tableside and has a fine wine list on the top floor of one of the casinos. I would be glaringly overdressed. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863396 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 18:31:37 +0000 Greek Goddess 863396@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I go for overdressed every time! I would hate to be under dressed for a special event as I think it shows disrespect to the person its in honour of, or who organised the event.</p> <p>Many times I am the best dressed person in the gym but I hate looking scruffy anywhere I go. I have a very small budget to spend on clothes and outfits but I mix and match them so I have something suitable to wear for all events that might crop up. I buy clothes on offer and most of them are dressy. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863352 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:58:01 +0000 rnb 863352@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't think outfits can scream.</p> <p>Or if they do, they scream different things to different people.</p> <p>My ex-boyfriend always changed into ratty clothes before interviewing for chef jobs. He knew he wouldn't be taken seriously in a nice shirt.</p> <p>Shopping for something that someone else considers appropriate is more than just a matter of spending money. It's a matter of studying up on dressing norms in other social groups, which takes a lot longer than a simple shopping trip to Primark.</p> <p>I wouldn't have known how to dress to get a job in a kitchen, and a trip to Primark wouldn't have helped me.</p> <p>Even now that he's told me what I would need to wear, I'd probably still get it wrong, because I'm not a member of the group and I haven't assimilated its subtle norms. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/3#post-863267 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 16:55:16 +0000 Molly L-R 863267@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Prefer to be overdressed, because nothing sends me into a downward spiral quicker than feeling schlubby and too casual in the way that I look.</p> <p>Aziraphale, you say no one would wear a T-shirt to a wedding, but...</p> <p>My friend Hannah got married last August and two guests that I didn't know immediately caught my eye. One was a woman in her sixties who was wearing a pink t-shirt, long white boho style skirt and a pink flower in her hair. I found the outfit much too casual, but could appreciate the fact that she'd gone to some kind of effort with the flower and made a concession to the summery-ness of the day in her choice of colours (it was a very hot day. Actually, my profile pic was taken on that day. But I digress).</p> <p>The second guest's outfit actually angered me to some extent. It looked like something a faintly depressed secretary would wear. She was wearing a navy short sleeved shirt with a small white flower print and a knee-length navy skirt that looked kind of ratty. On her feet were clompy black shoes, on her face not a scrap of make up and her hair had been scraped back and held with a clip. Seriously, it looked as if she'd spend all of three seconds on her hair; there were bumps in it and her parting was all over the place. It looked as if she was dressing badly on purpose because she did not want to be there. The whole outfit screamed, "I'm a MARTYR!! Look, I don't have enough money to buy any summer clothes and I'm far too BUSY looking after OTHER PEOPLE to spend any time getting ready!!!"</p> <p>That was my take on it, anyway. I don't know her - maybe she was ill, maybe she was depressed, maybe she was terminally clueless about what's appropriate for a formal occasion. But if she truly couldn't afford £20 for a summer frock and pair of wedges from Primark, I'd be surprised and saddened. It just came across as really thoughtless. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-863004 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 06:32:21 +0000 CocoLion 863004@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>... But I was not exaggerating about the jeans and Cons at the Opera! I have seen attire like this at numerous performances. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-863003 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 06:31:37 +0000 CocoLion 863003@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>OK, thanks for the clarification. I think I was exaggerating to make a point, sorry if it sounded like I was judging yours / Ryce's and others' preference of being understated. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862997 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 06:13:57 +0000 Aziraphale 862997@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think a lot of people are confusing "a little underdressed" with "a lot underdressed". Of course you wouldn't wear a t-shirt to a wedding! No one would (I hope), unless it was one of those ultra-casual beach weddings where the bride is Pamela Anderson in a white bikini.</p> <p>Denise, to be fair, when you talk about the people at the opera wearing jeans and Converse, we're talking WAY underdressed. I agree that that's unacceptable because it broadcasts disrespect. But I was thinking, OK, I've never been to the opera, what would *I* wear? I'm not sure if it's a cocktail dress sort of thing or what, so let's err on the side of caution and wear something nice but not *too* nice -- say a pencil skirt, sheer hose and heels -- because I'd rather be a little underdressed than feel slightly awkward in a sparkly cocktail dress if that's not what everyone else is wearing. Ditto wedding. What if I upstage the bride? Ack!</p> <p>A funeral, however, is the one occasion where I want to look as sober and formal as possible, regardless of what everyone else chooses to wear. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862920 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 04:06:30 +0000 CocoLion 862920@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I prefer over-dressed. Being under-dressed says to me, I'm special, the rules don't apply to me, I don't need to make an effort. When I see people under-dressed at the SF Opera (the only dressy occasions in my lifestyle), it irritates me. The musicians are in tuxes, let's show some respect. Let's give the jeans and Cons a rest for tonight.</p> <p>But I could see how my opinion could be perceived as snobby. I don't think it's an economic issue. You can find decent affordable clothing and suitable dressy outfits at budget places like H&amp;M as well as thrift stores. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862919 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 04:06:09 +0000 bj1111 862919@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>it depends on which prada shoe. cut offs with the neon strappy sandals, very fun and presumably appropriate for shopping or what have you.</p> <p>cut offs with prada heels in broad daylight is tarty. at night, well, a business decision? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862898 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 03:46:23 +0000 MsMary 862898@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ugh. That's not what it says to me. It says "I don't know how to dress myself properly in public but I do spend a lot of money on expensive status items!" To me that's the opposite of cool. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862696 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 01:35:42 +0000 rnb 862696@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think when you wear cutoffs with Prada, you're saying that you're casual and down-to-earth (cutoffs), but also rich. By wearing Prada with the cutoffs you're demonstrating that the cutoffs are a choice, rather than a matter of necessity/poverty.</p> <p>Basically, it's not that you're poor, it's just that you're cool.</p> <p>But you have to be listening on the right frequency to hear the message. Otherwise it just sounds like noise. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862678 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 01:24:37 +0000 rachylou 862678@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ohmigosh, you are so right MaryK about cutoffs with Prada. It's quite the juxtaposition. My writer's soul desires a word for this dynamic... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862662 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 01:11:55 +0000 lyn* 862662@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Probably overdressed a little bit ... and I find I usually am :p </p> <p>But it'd be pretty embaressing to show up at a BBQ in a wedding gown. :p </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862616 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 00:37:26 +0000 Mary Beth (formerly LBD) 862616@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Put me on Team Polished! I find that if I am a little overdressed, I'm usually the first person to be seated, served, assisted, etc. And I don't usually pay for my own drinks </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862600 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 00:26:18 +0000 siniestra 862600@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>overdressed hahah who doesn't? of course there is a limit </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862591 Thu, 28 Feb 2013 00:20:18 +0000 moira 862591@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree with dressing for the occasion and if that means others are under dressed that simply is not my problem.<br /> P/A comments about being so dressed up will be met with a look of surprise and the response that "I like to honor the occasion". </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862424 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:45:32 +0000 Aziraphale 862424@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Holy moly! When I posted the question, I expected more "overdressed" responses than "underdressed". I did not expect such a landslide, however! Thank you for all your responses.</p> <p>MaryK and Ruth, OF COURSE you said overdressed. I would have been willing to bet quite a lot of money on that. ;-)</p> <p>Notice that I framed the question as "SLIGHTLY overdressed/underdressed". I'm not talking about showing up to a fancy cocktail party in ripped BF jeans and a tank top, nor a beach party in a tuxedo. </p> <p>So, looks like once again I am in the minority. I am definitely more comfortable being slightly less dressy than the rest when at a function (excpetion: funeral), although truthfully I'd rather be dressed perfectly appropriately -- and that's always what I attempt to do! Maybe it stems from the long-held desire -- which I just can't seem to shake -- of never wanting to look like I'm trying too hard. You can't look cool if you're obviously trying hard. I think I was traumatized by being insufficiently cool in the ninth grade, and even as a 40-year-old, I'm trying to compensate. Haha.</p> <p>The reality is, ironically, as it is for Mo and Una, that I am in fact often a little overdressed in my day-to-day life, because I live somewhere mighty casual.</p> <p>Ryce: "tastefully underdressed" -- that's exactly it! Can I borrow your words? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862421 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:43:50 +0000 Anonymous 862421@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Jules, I grew up in the South in the 60s -- there were rules for EVERYTHING in that time and place. I don't know why "it's better to be underdressed than overdressed" was one of the few that stuck with me - most likely because it reflects what I prefer anyway.</p> <p>At the time, I think there were a couple of reasons for the preference. One was that there was no cheap clothing in that era -- if you could afford to own fancier clothing at all, you were well off. So there was an element of "showing off" if you dressed in a way that others couldn't afford. </p> <p>Secondly, the world was changing pretty rapidly then and more formal attire was beginning to be associated with being old-fashioned. (Remember Jackie Kennedy causing a sensation by going to church in a cotton dress and sandals?) So, if a woman went to bridge club wearing a dress when everyone else was in capri pants, she risked looking like a fuddy-duddy. But if she was the only one in pants, she could more easily characterize the "mistake" as "being modern".</p> <p>Adorkable, I, too, am sorry you were made to feel awkward during a job interview -- a situation that is quite stressful enough!! That is absolutely a time when it is unquestionably better (in fact, I think expected) for one to be pretty formally dressed. </p> <p>Ingunn, I was really taken with your comment that you'd prefer to be "overdressed in an understated manner." Upon reading that my immediate thought was "And I'd rather be tastefully underdressed." Maybe they are two sides of the same coin - we take the silhouettes and styles that we prefer and find ways to make them appropriate for different situations? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-rather-be-over--or-underdressed/page/2#post-862402 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 21:21:31 +0000 MsMary 862402@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rachylou, I totally agree with you re: formality vs. flash. </p> <p>And it's funny, because out here I see people underdressed in the former sense at the very same time they are overdressed in the latter sense. I.e. cutoffs, tank top, and rubber flip-flops with an LV bag, Prada sunglasses, and an armful of expensive bracelets. </p>