https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 28 Apr 2026 16:01:33 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355914 Thu, 26 May 2011 01:17:27 +0000 Aida 355914@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmm this was a very interesting read! I'm with Jenava and Angie: I generally tailor my responses to what the poster is looking for, and do my best to try and keep in mind their style tastes as well as where they are in their style journey. If asked, I am always honest in my assessment both here and in Real Life, but of course try to do so with tact AND give specific advice as much as possible. If someone doesn't ask, but I see something I feel they should know (like Steph's muffin top example) or have some other suggestion for improvement/change, then I have to decide if this person will appreciate the unsolicited feedback and go from there.</p> <p>Isabel stated my feelings on this well: I assume that everyone on the website is here because they are ready for SOME level of honesty. I also fully agree with Lisa's point that to gain HIGH credit with someone in person or on the forum you have to give both good and bad critique, but I do understand that many people give only good critique because they don't feel qualified/comfortable giving the bad. Which is fine with me (I do it myself sometimes!), as long as it's all honest :)</p> <p>I genuinely appreciate honest feedback and suggestions (always open to suggestions!), this is exactly why I am here!! Over the years I've learned not to take this type of honest feedback as a personal attack; I simply treat everything as a learning experience. I've also avoided mentioning what I feel my trouble spots are because I'm more interested in what people see on their own; I'll only mention something if I'm having issues with a particular element of an outfit.</p> <p>/end ramble &gt;&lt; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355759 Wed, 25 May 2011 20:23:45 +0000 amyreh 355759@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>There is no way you are fat! I have one friend who I will tell her she should change sometimes because I swear her boobs will be hanging out or something inappropriate, but I do it in kind of a joking way, and she takes it well. I would love to make over that closet! </p> <p>On here, I generally will just try and say something nice but helpful unless the post specifically asks for feedback and/or critiques on making something better and then I try to offer it in the most constructive way possible, while still being honest. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355743 Wed, 25 May 2011 20:05:06 +0000 Polly (thunalata) 355743@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What an interesting discussion!</p> <p>My responses to WIWs are very dull! Like ?Anne I don't always trust my eye or my judgement so I often only leave feedback if it is positive. If people ask for more feedback, especially if it's about something specific I try to give it to the best of my ability. For myself I welcome all feedback, however 'to the point'. Even without specific feedback, though, I feel I learn 'by osmosis' - you pick up on successes and by implication spot your own outfits that are less successful and I find myself picking out more outfits of the type that have had approval, because they are often the ones I then realise I feel more fab in. Lacklustre response somehow makes me see the issues on my own (although it sometimes takes time!).</p> <p>Anyway, I try to be honest but polite and I limit criticism to the extent to which it is requested. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355738 Wed, 25 May 2011 19:58:14 +0000 Isabel 355738@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Louise, that really is a wonderful distinction. I wouldn't change my approach if asked. I would ask back what they were trying to accomplish and how to maybe make it look better . </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355734 Wed, 25 May 2011 19:48:37 +0000 catgirl 355734@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Louise, yes! I think if nothing else, I will be more specific about what I want to ask, although I'm pretty sure there are times when I don't even KNOW something is an issue. For example, I would never have known to ask about PPL before YLF, so I'm glad it was pointed out to me anyway. What I'm starting to say is "Feedback and critique welcomed." We need some abbreviations for all the options! Comments, feedback, criticism, suggestions....</p> <p>I am often silent when I feel I don't know enough to be helpful, which is often, or when I just don't have time. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355729 Wed, 25 May 2011 19:43:49 +0000 Scarlet 355729@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This thread has been really helpful in that I see I should ask very clearly for critical feedback--which is what I am always seeking in order to learn/improve. To answer your question, if I post a response it is honest, but sometimes I am not sure about the best way to deliver constructive criticism. If I am struggling, then I let it go. I find it most difficult when a style is very different from my taste. There are a million other reasons why I don't comment on every post, so no one should take my silence the wrong way!</p> <p>And finally, Una, fat? Now there's one that never would have occurred to me. And hey Jonesy, your shoulders NEVER look out of proportion to me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355696 Wed, 25 May 2011 18:48:49 +0000 MsMary 355696@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That's a good point, Louise. I do think if somebody asks, say, about muffin top then an appropriate response might be "Yes, there's a little roll showing but nothing that bothers me," or "Yes, it looks like you might want to try a less fitted top with those pants," rather than "Yep! Muffin Top City!" </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355691 Wed, 25 May 2011 18:44:31 +0000 Louise 355691@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I would be quite happy to comment on say pattern mixing that didn't work for me but I think body issues are a bit of a minefield x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355686 Wed, 25 May 2011 18:42:10 +0000 Louise 355686@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can't see what is to be gained by just agreeing with something if it's not good i.e. yes your bum does look big in those skinnies. I think it's more helpful to offer a solution like "how about you try a top with some volume" or "a tunic would look fantastic" If I haven't got anything nice to say or a solution to make it better then I keep my mouth shut x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355612 Wed, 25 May 2011 17:16:08 +0000 MsMary 355612@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Also, let's keep in mind that none of this is an exact science. Just because some or even most people don't happen to dig what you're wearing on a given day doesn't mean you shouldn't wear it. I've had significant negative feedback on some outfits that I totally dug and felt awesome about, both before and after the negative feedback came in. (See "navy-and-white striped top with BOTH red and brown leopard prints, red jeans, and brown-and-tan two-tone oxfords" for example.) I felt awesome about the look, and I also felt awesome that people felt free to express their reservations about it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355538 Wed, 25 May 2011 15:09:04 +0000 Patty 355538@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gosh Anne--I just delete my entire take on this coz your last paragraph works for me too so--yeah--what you said!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355534 Wed, 25 May 2011 15:04:53 +0000 anne 355534@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have been checking out this thread all day, meaning to contribute, and now finding others have pretty much said what I would have.</p> <p>I certainly expect constructive criticism, and usually ask for it. I don't ask many RL friends the sort of questions I ask here and I don't want "false fab". And people are, in general very tactful about how criticism is worded.</p> <p>I sometimes think we are too reluctant to post criticism - it can be hard, for instance to follow lots of positive comments with one that is negative.</p> <p>Personally, I don't criticise much, but that is because I don't trust my own eye that much, and also because I know that I am a slow adopter and that often my eye hasn't adjusted to new styles and silhouettes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355529 Wed, 25 May 2011 14:57:01 +0000 Aunty 355529@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>No, no You got it wrong!! I have been thinking about it. He did not say when did you get ... He said when did you get FAB!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355515 Wed, 25 May 2011 14:44:46 +0000 Lynne 355515@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Una, I am chuckling to myself at your DD. Mine would say the same sorts of things! In which universe do people 'decide to get fat' :D? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355514 Wed, 25 May 2011 14:44:15 +0000 Jonesy 355514@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a very interesting topic. Una, first off, I want to emphasize that your dad was a bozo in saying that! I am always struggling, when I look at your WIW pics, to see *any* of the negative features about your bod that you mention :). Seriously, you look so fit, long-limbed, and athletic to me--like what I imagine a rock climber would look like!--I truly don't see any unusually big shoulders, large bosom, lack of waist, etc. etc. It's actually hard for me to imagine you any smaller than you are. Okay, just had to say that...</p> <p>Re. your point about honest feedback. I think it's tricky. We all have different taste, which of course is completely subjective. And we all have different levels of comfort regarding just how much honesty we want to hear! I always seek absolute frankness whenever I post ("Frank feedback always welcome") and I expect to get some negative or at least lukewarm responses. But I sometimes I don't, which makes me think that people who feel less-than-positive just don't post a reply. </p> <p>I think sometimes people don't want absolutely frank feedback. It can feel too vulnerable to open yourself up to that, or too hurtful if someone says something harsh. When someone does want frank talk, and I'm not too enthusiastic about the outfit or whatever, then I will offer it in an honest but polite way. Otherwise I focus on aspects that I do like, or I just don't post a reply. It's tricky, because I realize what I like, purely based on my own ideas, may not be congruent with the person's style or taste, etc. Ditto the reverse...And I'm also a person who values trendy things that are bold and risky somewhat more than the whole "flattering" thing, which to me usually seems to mean "does it make you look smaller/thinner/show off your body?" if you get right down to it. I don't always want to necessarily "show off my figure" or whatever (I might value something different with that look, e.g., a trendy loose-fitting silhouette), so someone might think that my outfit is "unflattering." So there are different criteria, really, for every person, so sometimes we aren't even speaking the same language. </p> <p>Enough rambling :). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355510 Wed, 25 May 2011 14:43:08 +0000 Lynne 355510@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good point, Tessera, and I think that the answer is both: to share learnings and inspiration, and to get feedback and ideas. And for fun. This is a great community, and it gets better when you start sharing WIWs, from my experience. I enjoyed the forum immensely for several months before posting, and I'm so glad I made the not-so-scary-after-all step to begin sharing pics. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355506 Wed, 25 May 2011 14:41:32 +0000 Queen Mum 355506@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tessera-<br /> Yes, I do think many WIW's are posted just for sharing inspiration... and that is perfectly valid. You're right, that we don't always need every little flaw pointed out to us. I think most of us here are mindful of whether or not the poster is asking for critique or not, and try to only give it when asked for.<br /> But keep in mind, that many people are here to improve their style quotient, so the assumption is that others are as well. I guess we need to be careful to not always make that assumption. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355497 Wed, 25 May 2011 14:31:15 +0000 Tessera 355497@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm wondering, do people only post photos in order to be critiqued? I ask because I was thinking that WIW photos could also be just for fun sharing, to give and get ideas. Sometimes I make a trade-off when wearing an article of clothing - for example, the design and color and fabric may be fabulous, but it's a little too snug in the upper sleeves to be totally perfect, and tailoring is not an option. I already know that, and don't need to have it pointed out; I just thought the outfit was pretty nice anyway. So, do people ever post photos just to share, or only for constructive criticism? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355491 Wed, 25 May 2011 14:24:59 +0000 celia 355491@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good point Una.<br /> I try to be honest and answer to what people ask in the forum. Sometimes I wonder if I'm nice enough doing it because as english is not my native language I might use words in the wrong way.<br /> In the forum or in real life I don't go around saying that this or that makes people look fat or show muffin tops or the like but if asked I say what I like or not .</p> <p>As for me when I ask people to comment I expect that if they see something they don't like to tell because I trust your judgment and am old enough so that even when someone doesn't like something an I do I still wear it knowing that that is not to everyone's taste.</p> <p>As for you, I truly don't see where you have body fat. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355482 Wed, 25 May 2011 14:08:26 +0000 Isabel 355482@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If someone asked, I would comment...but always with a bent toward improving the concept. In the end, I usually ask if the person likes it or is happy with it.</p> <p>Recently, a friend showed up to go out with me in an awful two print ensemble. The prints were both large and of different color schemes. She asked what I thought. I told her how I loved the concept but I felt there were better ways to pull it together. She looked crestfallen. So I asked, " does this outfit make you happy ? " She said yes, very much so. So I replied, " Good for you, you look wonderful ! " Sometimes people are not emotionally ready to hear the truth. </p> <p>I assume that everyone on the website is here because they are ready. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if/page/2#post-355481 Wed, 25 May 2011 14:08:12 +0000 Lisa 355481@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I always try to give an honest opinion, and support a negative response with a suggestion to fix the issue or explaining why I think something is "off." Why ask if someone won't tell you the truth? But I think to gain credit with someone in person or on the forum you have to give good and bad critique. If all I did was tell someone something looked "bad" what use is that? Sometimes you need and deserve a little pick me up compliment too. The fastest way a SA turns me off, is if they say everything looks good on me. COME ON, no one has every item they try be killer on themselves. If you don't tell me the good and the bad, I tend not to trust the advice I get then. And I won't shop with that SA again. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if#post-355437 Wed, 25 May 2011 12:07:56 +0000 Queen Mum 355437@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If my opinion is asked for I give it.. here and IRL.<br /> I come here for feedback and for help in trying to look more fab... not to be part of a mutual admiration sorority. I assume the same about everyone else here. In fact, I usually don't comment on threads of people who consistently post without asking for feedback.<br /> Of course, there are tactful ways to say things. Nobody needs to hear "gosh, those jeans make your thighs look like sausages" a simple, "They look a bit snug" or "that isn't the most flattering" should suffice.<br /> I'll never forget one day I was returning something to Mervyn's. When the SA asked why I was returning I said "my friend told me this top did nothing for me" she laughed and said "that is a good friend!" She was so right </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if#post-355425 Wed, 25 May 2011 10:42:09 +0000 krishnidoux 355425@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As an instructor by trade, I think I have an easier time giving constructive criticism, in the way I hope to receive it myself when I submit an outfit. </p> <p>However, I am with Steph when outfits are posted, advice is not solicited. Do I volunteer my uninvited constructive criticism, or do I just click to another post? If I then write a comment, is it really uninvited? </p> <p>What is really hard for me is assessing if my "constructive criticism" is valid enough to risk it. It takes some confidence. Sometimes I don't know. The outfit is not necessarily flattering in _my_ eyes, but it's not completely bad and what if it makes the person happy to be wearing it?</p> <p>So I decide to stick to honesty. No need to be unpleasant, but I think that if someone posts a picture of what they wore, or intend to wear, then a civilized, honest feedback will be welcome. After all each comment is one personal view, and can be taken for its face value. </p> <p>I never had a sister who could give me her true opinion on what looks good or not, but I feel in this forum it's like having many many sisters! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if#post-355413 Wed, 25 May 2011 08:44:46 +0000 Aunty 355413@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh gorgeous Una!!<br /> I always try to be honest in my feed back, but if I thought that what I had said had hurt anyone I would be distraught!<br /> I was brought up to say nothing if it was not positive. That being so I have learnt to say that people should try something different if what they are wearing does not look good to me. But I would never ever say yes show your arms, legs or what ever if I did not mean it, that would be doing nobody any favours. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if#post-355409 Wed, 25 May 2011 08:26:35 +0000 Irene 355409@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I try to be honest if asked to -like in this forum- but unless they ask me for my honest opinion, I keep my mouth shut. I know myself how hard it is sometimes when people just go and tell you what they don't like about your body. My best friend, actually, is pretty bad at keeping her mouth shut, and I know she does it innocently -I'm SURE about that- but she still does it, and most of my small complexes I have are her fault. It's just her way of speaking though, like one day she'll come and tell you how beautiful and alluring you look, and then next day come and say 'remember how I told you you looked amazing on saturday? well, I don't like your outfit so much today. you should dress more like last saturday!' </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if#post-355379 Wed, 25 May 2011 05:34:48 +0000 suzanne 355379@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I simply struggle with "constructive criticism" even if my opinion is asked. I feel terrible afterwards, no matter how much I tried to soften the blow. My family is every bit as critical as your dad, Alaskagirl. And it seems that fathers are the worst culprits. In fact, I got told that, "Love, John will never want to marry you when you look like that - no one admires a fat bride". I was livid for weeks, especially since John really admired my figure (to be honest, I didn't though...) The world is harsh and cruel already without our comments making it tougher still! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if#post-355367 Wed, 25 May 2011 05:05:31 +0000 Steph 355367@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>These are very interesting questions. </p> <p>When I see something that is unflattering on a thread, and if the person asks whether it is flattering, I will speak up. I always try to be very specific, so I'll say something like "it looks like the pants are pulling across the front" or "I see gaping in the buttons on that top" or "the back of that skirt looks like it is cupping your butt." I figure that way the person can decide if those specific issues matter to them. This board has also shown me how subjective these issues are: there are many times when I think a skirt is too tight but dozens of others on the board say it is wonderful. Similarly, I have had women comment that items I own show too much cleavage or highlight my chest too much, but then it's up to me to decide if that's something that's important to me. </p> <p>The times I find most difficult to give feedback is when someone posts an outfit and I see something like muffin top, but the person didn't specifically ask if the outfit was flattering or if they have muffin top. What to do in that type of situation? I'm still not sure. If I feel that the person has solicited that type of information in the past, I will usually say something, but if they haven't, I tend to keep quiet. Sometimes I will say "it looks like there might be some lumps near the waistband of your outfit," but I'm never sure if I should or not. I know I would 100% want to know, but maybe others wouldn't. </p> <p>In real life, my boyfriend is *very* honest with me about whether my items fit well and flatter. It is nice to have that kind of honesty, but sometimes it is difficult to hear. He has told me my shoulders look really wide in a top (accompanied by a masculine grunting noise, as if I am a linebacker or weightlifter), he tells me if something is too tight on the backside (luckily, he never thinks my butt is too big, just that clothes are too tight--that helps the ego), and sometimes he is gentler in his critique than others. After ten years with me, however, he has come a long way in knowing the right words to use. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if#post-355365 Wed, 25 May 2011 05:00:57 +0000 Refugee 355365@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have several thoughts on this.<br /> If asked for an opinion, yes, I will always be honest if I post a comment here. I will always attempt to frame it as a constructive comment. For me that is what I love about YLF: constructive style help.<br /> If not asked, I would very seldom share a less than glowing opinion. Whether here or IRL, there are only a very few people I would do this with. And it would be in private.<br /> And just to throw something else into the mix, when offering opinions I have to be honest with myself as well. There are certain trends/styles/garments I just don't like. Because I feel I am not able to be objective about these things, I feel it is best for me to sit quietly, even if asked. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if#post-355350 Wed, 25 May 2011 04:27:47 +0000 catgirl 355350@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Angie, you set the standard and tone for the commenting here, which is why this forum has so many loyal members!</p> <p>That said, it is good to know no one is "just being nice", so to speak, when they say positive things. I hope we'll all remember that when we get a slew of good feedback on something that pushes our boundaries - I'm certainly going to try (like my belted outfit today - I disliked it, but you all saw otherwise)... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/would-you-be-honest-if#post-355347 Wed, 25 May 2011 04:19:17 +0000 Angie 355347@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ohhh, Una. Naughty Dad :(. Rest assured all families have members who offer somewhat direct and unsolicited feedback. Please know that you are not *at all* fat. Banish that from your brain this instant. </p> <p>As far as commenting goes, I am tactful and diplomatic. I would not be lady-like if I wasn't, and I do strive to be lady-like. I also have zero tolerance for rudeness on this forum. The aim is to always encourage and find solutions to style challenges. </p> <p>That being said, I always honest. I have been a spanner enough times for members to realize that. I am not scared to go against the grain, in hopefully the nicest possible way. I also am very consistent and do not blow hot and cold with my feedback. Like, Jenava, I tailor my responses to what the poster is looking for. When critical feedback is not requested, I do not offer it. </p>