https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 28 Apr 2026 22:59:10 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1304076 Tue, 15 Jul 2014 16:33:30 +0000 Anonymous 1304076@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm jumping &nbsp;in late here - but just read your post this morning. First of all, you are a uniquely pretty woman, and in the few pictures I have seen here, wear interesting clothing while looking authentic. &nbsp;I don't feel your initial post here was a vent of any sort - and in fact it really struck a nerve with me too. &nbsp;I get it, and I like how you verbalized some of those weird thoughts we have. &nbsp;And Gaylene, you hit the nail on the head with your last sentence about how change messes with your head. I am so thankful to be linked to such an interesting and open group of women who aren't afraid to be real, but are so positive at the same time. &nbsp;Suz - I went through a similar binge-visit to a tailor when I had lost a substantial amount of weight (he actually had the nerve to ask if I had cancer) and wanted to have my really good pieces be wearable again. &nbsp;I spent all of that money on getting them altered, then never wore them again. &nbsp;SarahTW - thank you again for these thoughts - I really think I have learned something today! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1273237 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 02:40:57 +0000 SarahTheWhite 1273237@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really appreciate your perspective on that Suz! What you, Gaylene and Shevia said about food really resonates with me. The biggest turnoff to me about dieting has always been that sense of deprivation and guilt. I have never been a big stress or comfort eater, but have always just really truly enjoyed eating. Even after losing weight, I refused to feel guilty about food. I just had to find ways to be able to still eat the things that I loved. Even so, after gaining the weight back, it was the most difficult obstacle to overcome in the desire to loose again (other than the clothes) because it does mean that I have to put more thought, effort, and planning into my eating. Ultimately, though, it ends up beneficial to my health to indulge strategically instead of habitually (particularly as I get older).</p> <p>I also appreciated what you said about moving more. That is really probably more the crux of it for me. I am a low energy, low activity person, and it has been REALLY hard for me to overcome the feeling that exercise is a terrible form of torture... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1273227 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 02:27:30 +0000 Suz 1273227@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gaylene, so right -- it is one of the things we try to address in our program (in the company I work for) -- but it is incredibly difficult. People have the mindset that they are being "naughty" if they eat something delicious, and "good" if they are in the gym. It contributes to extremist, all or nothing thinking.&nbsp;When really, deep health is about a balance of movement, nutritious foods, and relaxation (among other factors) and can certainly include some indulgences. Probably <b>should</b> include them. And also, more than one size of body can be healthy. It depends so much on individual factors.&nbsp;</p> <p>Sarah, you are so fortunate to have always had a positive sense of yourself. Not many women are so blessed.&nbsp;</p> <p>For me -- the goal in losing weight was not to "shrink" myself. That was sort of the by product. My goal was actually to move my body, which was sluggish because I had been so sedentary, and to gain strength, because I felt tired a lot of the time. And that was the biggest benefit of the changes I made. I didn't actually change my diet all that much in the end.&nbsp;</p> <p>For those who want something similar, a thought: it is possible to alter some clothes if they no longer fit. I did that shortly after weight loss. Not everything could be altered, but some things could be, and doing that felt great.&nbsp;</p> <p>It is interesting, though -- it turned out that I never actually wore the altered items very often (apart from a few select ones). And the reason is that I had changed internally and those clothes no longer reflected me. But it took some time for me to see that. And altering them gave me a "fall back" if I needed it.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1273220 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 02:18:20 +0000 Jaime 1273220@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you for this thread. You are beautiful Sarah - at any weight. I echo Suz's admiration for your parents and upbringing. It is very hard for girls to grow up with this wonderful attitude and you shouldn't be hard on yourself when you have mixed emotions about your weight loss. As Gaylene points out, of course finding yourself thinner is going to tap into some of the overpowering social pressure to be thin/ner. It doesn't mean that your previous self-appreciation was not sincere. The goal of&nbsp;being comfortable with a weight that also allows you to enjoy eating and relax vigilance resonates.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1273211 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 02:04:21 +0000 SarahTheWhite 1273211@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That is so true Gaylene... It becomes really difficult to choose between a sense of freedom and an enticing look/weight... Especially after one crosses over to the dark side! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1273184 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 01:42:40 +0000 Gaylene 1273184@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I wonder why we, as women, react so positively to shrinking our bodies--especially if health concerns don't figure into the equation. Do we feel more empowered as our physical being shrinks into a smaller size, even if that weight loss plays havoc with our wardrobes or makes our faces look gaunt? Or, conversely, why do we resist buying anything fun or pretty until we "lose that ten pounds"? Why do the majority of women I know only eat salads for lunch and comment on being "bad" when they eat cake? Why does a "healthier lifestyle" mean spending more hours in the gym with a trainer and sticking to a limited diet instead of going for a walk with my husband and becoming more adventurous in my food choices?</p> <p>I'm beginning to realize that growing up in an environment much like Sarah's doesn't afford life-long protection from the insidious thought that thinner is always better. Once you succumb to the idea of a number on a scale, it's hard to shake free from its influence. As I said earlier, I never owned a scale until I was in my sixties and, like Sarah, always thought I looked pretty good--not perfect, but not bad, either. Now, at a lighter weight than I have been for years, I wonder about 10 pounds. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1273132 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 00:48:00 +0000 Elizabeth P 1273132@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't have time to read and comment on this properly at the moment, but just wanted to start following&nbsp; - its worth reading!&nbsp; I'm impressed and wow'd by your great attitude towards your own body!&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1273125 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 00:31:36 +0000 Jules 1273125@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can relate! A doctor's weigh in, getting out my summer clothes and seeing some unflattering photos made me realize my 'relaxed' attitude had gone a bit too far. I think I'm finally ready to get serious about a healthier lifestyle. But looking at all my beautiful, well-enjoyed clothes purchased in the last year makes me question whether I want to shrink out of them! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1273063 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 23:08:30 +0000 Caro in Oz 1273063@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for sharing this Sarah,&nbsp;&nbsp;it really resonated with me. &nbsp;My body has changed so much over the years &amp; I couldn't agree more about the power of well-fitting clothes.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1273036 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 22:49:09 +0000 Gigi 1273036@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Very thought-provoking post! I'm glad Ornella asked the question about where you get your wonderful acceptance of body, because I was wondering it myself. Thanks for sharing that with us, even though it is so very personal.</p> <p>I hadn't ever thought about the grief involved with losing your wardrobe when your weight changes, even if you are pleased to be losing the weight. But so many of our clothing choices echo who we are inside, so it is probably a little like losing yourself when you can't wear the clothes you used to wear. Our society moves at such a fast pace that I think most people never stop and really think about how they're feeling about certain changes—they just steam on ahead. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1273007 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 22:25:53 +0000 Sharon 1273007@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I feel like this too. Clothes and fashion and dressing have been such an important&nbsp;part of making me feel good about how I look and loving the body I have. My size and shape has varied dramatically over the past years but I usually feel (undeservedly by objective standards) pretty good about myself and I think, like you, I can attribute that to the power of my wardrobe and the joy of playing dress-ups! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272994 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 22:09:39 +0000 Angie 1272994@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks, Sarah. This was an interesting read.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm happy you're happy, and long may it last.&nbsp;</p> <p>What I got from your thoughts was how powerful a flattering wardrobe that fits&nbsp;is - and when we loose it with weight loss or gain&nbsp;- it's awfully frustrating. Change - whether it's good or bad -&nbsp;bites you in the bottom on some level. That's why you astutely&nbsp;admitted that being happy with your clothing is more important to you than being happy with your body. Rock on.&nbsp;xo</p> <p>I also echo every word that wise and wonderful Suz said.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272978 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 21:34:52 +0000 SarahTheWhite 1272978@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gaylene: It is wonderful to hear your story - and it is nice that you identify with what I was talking about. That is it exactly. It's like you don't know what you were missing until you have had it... I'm sorry for all of the changes. Change is so hard sometimes. But to me, you sound fabulous!! :-)</p> <p>Beth Ann: "my body is my soul's RV." I love that!!!</p> <p>Ornella: Thank you for the thought provoking question. I have wondered about this myself sometimes because I know my mindset is not what I hear often from other women. I think that I have my parents, particularly my mom to thank for this. From the time that I can remember, my mom told me that I was beautiful. I don't remember her making that conditional on any specific physical attribute... Just that I personally was beautiful. (I'm sure there were times where she complimented specific things, but my take away was not that I was beautiful because of my size, shape, hair or coloring.) My dad was complimentary as well, but he was more reserved and it came out mostly in writing, not face to face. </p> <p>Don't get me wrong, my parents also praised me for accomplishments and other attributes, such as intellect or creativity. I did go through an intolerably self-centered phase when I was very young (it was not safe to leave me in rooms with mirrors if you wanted me to focus on anything but myself) but I did mellow out very quickly, and simply believed what I was told - that I was beautiful. I also believed that everyone around me was beautiful too, so I never felt competitive about it. With that issue settled, I happily pursued all of the fun and challenging things that I wanted to do. </p> <p>Once I grew up, I did learn to take a good hard look at myself in the mirror and see things as they realistically were, but the voice in my head that said I was beautiful was louder then the negative voice, and I learned that I could be both beautiful and imperfect all at the same time. This led me to identifying the negative and learning to downplay or camouflage them, while accentuating the positive. I also made a conscious choice to be thankful for the things that weren't perfect, because they kept me from being proud and vain. This thankfulness, in turn, made it easier to be happy for my full busted, slim legged friends. Celebrating my own imperfect beauty allowed me to see and celebrate beauty in all of the women around me.</p> <p>So that's the long answer. The short answer is that my parents are to thank for all of it. My mom's praise, mixed with my dad's genetic gift of reflection have given me this outlook on life. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272971 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 21:28:03 +0000 ironkurtin 1272971@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Such a wise post, and responses. Thank you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272970 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 21:27:54 +0000 Beth Ann 1272970@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The dress is very flattering, Sara!&nbsp; </p> <p>Sounds like you found a way to reconcile wardrobe and weight -- at least for today!&nbsp; It always helps me to remember that food is fuel, not love, even though I "love" food.&nbsp; I also try to view my body as my soul's RV -- it's how I travel through the world. &nbsp; I live here in this body until God decides to give me a perfect&nbsp; one --- might as well make an effort to take care of it and spruce it up a bit!</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272945 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 20:30:19 +0000 Gaylene 1272945@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><i>I feel like I have been lying to myself - particularly when that<br /> traitorous self secretly loves the feeling of shedding those pounds that<br /> she adamantly embraced not that long ago.</i></p> <p>That struck a nerve! I've always been fairly athletic and never worried about weight up until I turned sixty and my doctor suggested I ought to drop ten pounds or so for health reasons. I bought myself a scale, figured out a new eating plan, started going to the gym three or four times a week, and ended up dropping over 35 pounds in less than six months, much to my doctor's surprise. I'm nothing if not determined if I set myself a goal, ;)</p> <p>Fast forward a couple of years and a flare-up in my arthritic knees and hips meant that I had to cut back on that punishing gym schedule--coupled with a few trips to Paris and London where I didn't weight and count everything that I ate--and I'm now 10-12 pounds heavier, which makes me feel less than pleased with myself. In other words, I've become what I always resisted--someone who is tying her sense of self to a number on a scale. Seeing the number get smaller was such fun; seeing it increase not so much.</p> <p>My doc says my numbers are <i><b>f</b></i><i><b>ine for a woman my age</b></i>--ouch! And, once you reach your mid-sixties, you begin to realize that no amount of diet or exercise will give you back the body you had a decade ago, but it's hard to let go of all the good vibes you get when you shrink yourself. My dilemma now is how much time, effort, and attention do I want to give towards keeping myself at the smallest number on the scale. And I'm beginning to think--not that much.&nbsp; But it's harder to be happy now at my current weight than it used to be before I jumped on the diet and exercise bandwagon. As Carla says, change messes with your head.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272943 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 20:27:21 +0000 Carla 1272943@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>LOL, Sarah! I haven't reached a point of exhaustion with fashion yet, but sometimes I get that way with cooking. Interest wanes and inspiration flags, and I order out for pizza! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272942 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 20:26:01 +0000 Ornella 1272942@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a gift to us all this thread is. Thank you!&nbsp;</p> <p>There are so many points I'd like to touch on, but one thing stands out:<br />"<i>I have always had a very easy time being happy with my body</i>." How many people (women in particular) can say this? I certainly can't.</p> <p>Why do you thin&nbsp;this is the case&nbsp;Sarah? You obviously either grew up in a healthy surrounding or were very aware that you were so much more than your appearance (or any other aspect considered important/valuable by the outside world), or both, or something else? I would be happy to hear more about where this life-long healthy body image comes from.</p> <p>p.s.<br />You do look great, but I had to really focus to notice&nbsp;the clothes over you. And what a fantastic piece of jewellery once again you're wearing.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272917 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 19:53:44 +0000 SarahTheWhite 1272917@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you ladies for such sweet comments! :-)</p> <p>Runcarla: that is an excellent point! I do actually think that some of my frustration was due to this whole change sapping the energy and brain power than I would much rather out into creative outfit combinations. There is only so much time and energy in a day, and something has to give when one takes on a new project of any kind. I do love the challenge of dressing, and if it were easy, it wouldn't be so fun. You are very wise. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272915 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 19:45:27 +0000 Carla 1272915@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Dealing with an unexpected change as well, and posted about it in the weekly fitness thread in Off Topic. Having garnered my sense of 'body self' from what I can do rather than how I look, I am conflicted over a change with my body composition and fitness level. Change messes with your head, even if it is a good change!</p> <p>It is a gift to be able to dress the body you have, well (as you do!). And like others have posted before and will surely post again, it is easier to shop for clothing if you are in a conventional range for height and weight and measurement. There is even a range for 'average' and average folks have trouble...that makes dressing well, let alone stylishly, a challenge.</p> <p>But isn't that part of the fun and why we participate in the whole 'thing' that is getting dressed for the day?</p> <p>If it was easy, I bet you wouldn't do it. I've seen you in enough beautiful and stylishly expressive outfits to know that you could keep repeating a formula, or recycling outfit combinations. There are some folks ( like my DH ;-). ) for whom that is easy and comforting in a life where self expression and interests take him down a different road. Personally, I like the challenge and and the 'work' involved in curating the wardrobe collection and mixing up outfits everyday. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272897 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 18:59:35 +0000 Quietgirl 1272897@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It sounds like you have been going deep, thinking about things and trying to sort them out. That is always challenging and usually very good when we come out on the other side. Moment by moment, however, while we are in the middle of this process, it is HARD, very hard.</p> <p>If you are like me, I don't want to stay the same....I want to learn and grow and discover what makes me happy. I also want to learn what triggers me and upsets me. I can't grow in the former (joy) without learning how to jettison the misery.</p> <p>May you prosper during this time of change and by the way ...<br /> You are beautiful! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272894 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 18:52:26 +0000 Suz 1272894@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sarah, you know yourself so well! This is a gift, and a blessing. I think it makes perfect sense that you would mourn the loss of your fab wardrobe and also the ease of not having to watch your weight. Any change, even positive change, can make us grieve a little.&nbsp;</p> <p>You look stunning in this pretty dress, though, and look how you have made it completely modern with the footwear! Fab outfit on you.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272893 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 18:49:21 +0000 LACeleste 1272893@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You are the most lovely and lovable person! &nbsp;I relate to so much of your post. &nbsp;Thanks for sharing your beautiful self Sarah. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-and-ponderings-re-body-image#post-1272890 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 18:43:14 +0000 SarahTheWhite 1272890@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you all for the encouragement yesterday with my floundering post: <a href="http://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/flopping-around-like-a-beached-guppy" rel="nofollow">http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....ched-guppy</a><br /> It amazes me that all it took to get me out of the funk was simply posting about it and reading all of the kind encouraging words! Truly, I think that I was exhausted and overwhelmed. After that post, I hauled out all of the old clothes I had put away and was able to reincorporate quite a few things back into my closet. The dress I wore to church today finally fits me again, so it felt wonderful to wear it. I also styled my hair differently than what I showed you last night: <a href="http://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-to-a-childrens-ballet" rel="nofollow">http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....ens-ballet</a><br /> The only jewelry I wore was another necklace that my Mother-in-law gave me - a spectacular and very old piece of camphor glass that was her grandmother's.</p> <p>I have been reflecting a little on why something as positive in my life, such as this current weight loss, would throw me into a bit of a tailspin. I came to the rather surprising conclusion that being happy with my clothing is more important to me than being happy with my body.</p> <p>I have always had a very easy time being happy with my body... which is definitely not because I had/have a great body. When I was at my tiniest (20 years ago) I had very small breasts, but when I started gaining weight it went straight to my thighs. I ended up with thick legs and a small chest. Then there was pregnancy weight (but thankfully bigger chest!). Over the course of the past 20 years, my weight has not fluctuated greatly - small and steady increases and a few small decreases. I have always loved to eat, and somewhere along the line, I just decided that I could camouflage a lot of body issues I felt were negative, and still enjoy my life - but not sacrifice feeling pretty. Then 3 years ago my boss wanted to go on a special diet and generously offered to pay my way so that I could join her and we would be each other's moral support (I am her personal assistant, so this is much less weird than it sounds). The strangest feeling came over me... I actually didn't want to lose the weight. Before this ever came up, I looked in the mirror and felt beautiful. Yes, I saw all of the flaws, but through the magic of clothing, I loved the way that I looked every day. I also loved the way that I could indulge in sugar, carbs and fat when the urge came without feeling even a little guilt. But when I got really honest with myself, I did want to be smaller, and I had to admit that some of my reluctance was laziness. I didn't want the pain of telling myself "no". So we embarked on the diet, and I lost 20 pounds, much of which was from my worst problem areas. I couldn't remember the last time my body felt so good - definitely well before kids. I could miraculously find clothes that fit without trying 100 things on to find 2!</p> <p>I kept those 20 pounds off for 2 years, but then I stopped paying such close attention to what I ate and what I weighed. Over the course of a year, I gained back 15 pounds, made even easier by the fact that I was now over 40. I made some changes to stem the tide and stop the weight increase, and set to work doing what I always did best - buy clothing for the body I had, and get happy where I was at. I have always felt the most beautiful when I have a had a wardrobe to support the body I have - and this time I had all of you to help sort me out! THIS is why my sudden jump into weight loss (again) rocked my world! It just didn't go along with my internal world view of being happy and feeling beautiful no matter what - and relying on clothing to help me feel that way! In some sort of twisted way, I feel like I have been lying to myself - particularly when that traitorous self secretly loves the feeling of shedding those pounds that she adamantly embraced not that long ago. As you can see, it is all very complicated for me. </p> <p>So that is the long version of why all of the angst surrounding such a positive thing in my life. Thank you for listening. I love how everyone on this forum shares the ups and downs of this style journey, and I hope that I am not just venting, but that someone will identify with these things as well...</p> <p>Thanks again for the wonderful encouragement. This truly is a special place! </p>