YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise? https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 24 Apr 2026 03:37:10 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Anonymous on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/3#post-1080759 Sun, 10 Nov 2013 23:14:43 +0000 Anonymous 1080759@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ For me, there are few different issues too, which are kind of interrelated: <ol> <li>It's just hard to find a huge variety of clothes that work for my very short, very curvy body. Which means I tend to end up going for the same brands and styles over and over again because they're easier and I know they'll probably work.</li> <li>Which brings me to: I'm really lazy and comfort-driven. So going around to try on a whole bunch of things on the off-chance that one of them might work doesn't sound appealing. Neither does getting everything hard-core tailored to fit me. And I don't like constricting materials/outfit combinations, which limits me even more. I seriously even find wearing jeans annoying because they always feel stiff.</li> <li>I'm also very indecisive. So a lot of stuff looks sort of cute to me, but very little really calls out as something I love.</li> <li>My aesthetic sense isn't particularly sophisticated and tends mostly to respond to very obvious cues, like pretty colors or prints, as opposed to subtle details of cut or texture or whatever. So a lot of what I buy tends to be repetitions of the same few basic items, with the color/print being the only real interesting part.</li> </ol> I also face a lot of the same budget and fantasy vs. real-life concerns other people have mentioned. krishnidoux on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/3#post-1080754 Sun, 10 Nov 2013 23:13:10 +0000 krishnidoux 1080754@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Because of what's left in the stores in my size when I do dispose of the magic combo of time and extra $ to shop.  I am a petite size 0 or 2. Extra small in some brands, small generally. And here in Canada these sizes are always missing first! It gets frustrating. I was told it is because they order very few of them. I am then left with choosing among lesser options. Add to this that I don't have conventional body proportions (smaller, chubbier legs, long torso), and it reduces my choices even more. Sometimes I get discouraged and I buy something I like, even if it wasn't what I was originally looking for, just not to come home empty handed (because occasions to shop are far and between). But then it sets me back in my efforts towards a personal, coherent style. Because I blew my allowance on this particular piece, I must wait a few months before the opportunity comes up again. Not to mention that whatever I bought is often something on sale, which is more likely to end up as an orphan.  Oh, and I hate shopping online. It reminds me of how wooly-itchy stiff clothes were ordered and shipped to us from France when I was young (and I hated it! I wanted to dress North-American). It's not convenient here, not being able to return items easily and all. Finally, I need to see the item on me: I have such a strangely built body, no online model looks like me, so there is no way to tell how the item would drape and appear.  Deborah on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1080730 Sun, 10 Nov 2013 22:44:54 +0000 Deborah 1080730@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I would say I am pretty much where I want to be stylewise, however the challenge is budget and availability of what I like.  If I could afford a wardrobe of Rick Owens and Complex Geometries I would be a happy woman :)  Finding the items that I love at my price point is challenging. Helena on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1080723 Sun, 10 Nov 2013 22:32:36 +0000 Helena 1080723@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I missed this thread too, but it's such a good question, thought I'd chime in. For me, it's overcomplicating the issue. My style is simple, casual, classic, but I keep thinking I "should" be more fashion-forward, dressy, etc. So I go off-track and then end up having to purge some great items that just aren't me. Getting better though at just being me - approaching 40, so about time methinks!!! catgirl on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1080611 Sun, 10 Nov 2013 19:40:08 +0000 catgirl 1080611@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wow, I missed this thread! For me it's a job change. I WAS there, feeling consistent, confident and happy with a more honed UWP style with some androgynous looks thrown in there, even as a working MOTG. Having to dress more conservatively most of the time is really putting me off. Mander on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1080608 Sun, 10 Nov 2013 19:31:50 +0000 Mander 1080608@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ There are a few reasons for me: --  I don't really know what it is that I want yet, --  my aspirational tastes don't match my actual lifestyle, --  I'm still hunting for a job and have a very tiny budget, --  I'm too fat for most "regular" clothing and so it is difficult to find things that fit, let alone things that are flattering, in nice fabrics, and in my budget. My size is the biggest problem.  For whatever reason the clothing choices for the relatively tall plus size woman are pretty dire and overpriced around where I live, so even if I have an idea in mind of what I want it can be impossible to find.  unfrumped on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1073728 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 03:10:57 +0000 unfrumped 1073728@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think I tend to play it too safe, combined with not having access to as many B&M stores to try things on now that I have some idea of how i need to juxtapose classic or safe with something more interesting. Plus so many things that look fun don't seem to fit me or look right when I try them on. So I buy more of what's available that seems to fitand don't break free of the stratosphere. I've had what I thought were some good " visions" of items, shoes, outfits of what i thought would be a good move for me, and then have not been able to find them, unless its that I still don't recognize it when I see it. Sveta on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1073667 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 02:02:42 +0000 Sveta 1073667@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think I am there now but it does not mean I want to stay there forever because the best thing about style is its evolution: the journey is more important than the destination minimalist on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1073531 Sun, 03 Nov 2013 23:49:28 +0000 minimalist 1073531@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Many of the above-stated reasons, except that instead of having a fantasy life, I'm perhaps too pragmatic about my present lifestyle not matching my former clothing style, and not knowing how to find middle ground. There's a lot of material there. Money isn't unlimited, but since I want only *one* coat, *one* bag, and so on, these items have to be perfect and can cost a pretty chunk of change. Perhaps perfect minimalism *is* my fantasy. Jewell on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1073432 Sun, 03 Nov 2013 22:08:28 +0000 Jewell 1073432@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hmmm interesting question! Three things standing between where I am and where I want to be... 1. I've got a lot more to learn. 2. I've got a limited budget for clothes, shoes, and accessories. 3. I've got to gain about twelve pounds to reach what I consider an ideal weight for my body type. rae on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1072706 Sun, 03 Nov 2013 02:44:40 +0000 rae 1072706@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ LMAO. I am with MaryK all the way!  Anonymous on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1072678 Sun, 03 Nov 2013 02:27:14 +0000 Anonymous 1072678@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I just thought of my REAL reason. I don't have the money to fly to Seattle and hire Angie and to buy all her choices for me. That would be the quickest and best way to get to where I want to be style wise. rachylou on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1072660 Sun, 03 Nov 2013 02:09:50 +0000 rachylou 1072660@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Competing goals, desires, and requirements. Also, a big move in from the suburbs to the gritty city. I'm a business writer by day, a bread baker by night, a preppy by blood tribe, and punk-ish by personality tribe. And finally, I must always be prepared to walk the dog Isabel on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1072266 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 18:03:35 +0000 Isabel 1072266@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This may be one of my favorite all time threads.  Thank you ! There is so much to this question ( for me any way ) and so many great answers already. I completely lost any sense of style twice as an adult.  When I became a stay at home mom and stopped working and traveling and moved to the country from a city and when I gained 30 something pounds as a result of meds.  Joy's statement of discipline really hit home.  Discipline is tough for me because my aspirations don't fit my real life. And I am not good at translating "inspiration" into a real outfit.  I am getting better at that. The exercise last year where Bella put up paintings and women interpreted them in their outfits ( and explained their thinking process ) was a real eye opener for me.  I also was very confused by magazines. I am almost embarrassed to admit it.  I would see all these women in Vogue in gowns with wellies and pulling carrots out of the ground.  I LOVE it !!!   But it took me a while to realize it didn't work in real life.  And that the magazines are about fantasy.  Though that has changed over the years.  Money of course is always an issue but even if it weren't ,  it wouldn't make sense to dress in DVF silk dresses and jewels from H.Stern.  Sometimes that makes me sad...the clothes...not the life.  Because I wouldn't want to be DVF.  I don't have the energy.  :  )  Anonymous on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1072255 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 17:48:28 +0000 Anonymous 1072255@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm getting there, but I'm having trouble finding what I need in my price range. I have become increasingly picky about quality and refinement, and I won't settle for non-breathable/synthetics anymore. Also, I've seen what really good fit looks like, and I'm unwilling to compromise on that either. As a result, I have a very small wardrobe, but that works for my lifestyle.  I like the fact that this is all a journey, and even if I ever arrive at what I think I'm aiming for, I'm sure my style will evolve a little more, and I'll have something new to reach for. That's part of the fun! MsLuna on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1072252 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 17:42:13 +0000 MsLuna 1072252@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I've been reading some of these responses and it's interesting to see some YLFers who came onboard to learn how to dress (when I feel they're some of the most stylish women here in YLF). It's amazing how inspiring this community can be! To answer your question, this us why I'm "not quite there yet" 1) Fit issues I have a super short torso, undefined waist, busty, has a booty, with long limbs. If you combine all these factors together, you'll get all sorts of fit issues. Petite section jackets are fine on my torso but too short on the arms. Sheaths may fit well on the bust but are too loose on the hips.... You get the idea. Thus us why I have a trusted tailor. 2) My designer training I'm visually sensitive. That means, I'm irritated when proportions are off on my outfits and when there's no harmonious visual balance. And with a non-modelesque body type like mine, I encounter this on a regular basis. 3) Comfort VS Aesthetics My blog is named "Pretty Comfy" because I always find ways to make anything comfortable quite stylish. I don't like compromising either one because I just won't feel good about myself. That said, I'm limited to certain brands of footwear (NAOTs fit my comfort requirements and style quite well), prefer natural fibres and do not tend to wear anything that restricts my torso area (such as belts, though I wear long-line hosiery when wearing dresses because I don't like them digging into my torso). 4) Money I find natural fibres to be pricey (but worth it) and NAOT shoes are quite expensive ($200+ a pair). So usually, I have to hold out until I can afford them. 5) My super slow career transition I currently work in marketing where we are allowed a casual work environment. The career I'm transitioning to (counselling/facilitation/training) has a business casual work environment. For now, I'm not developing any new wardrobe sets, but when there time comes that I need to start volunteering and doing internships (next year), I'll need to have a solid business casual capsule. I haven't quite established my personal style in business casual mode. Tanya on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1072242 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 17:20:41 +0000 Tanya 1072242@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Money again, by far.  I am fairly confident in my style, both in what I like and what  I need.  It is just that the older I become, the more I crave quality, which comes with a pretty hefty price tag.  Champagne taste, beer budget. Elly on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1072225 Sat, 02 Nov 2013 16:37:30 +0000 Elly 1072225@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ For me, I think it has to do with stability. For the past 5 years I've never had a clear idea of where I will be or what I will be doing for more than a season or two, and haven't had a steady paycheck. It has made me reluctant to spend money on developing a wardrobe. Plus, I've been very busy in my personal life dealing with health, work, and death of family and friends. In the past 5 years, I've been diagnosed with a chronic illness, split with a fiance, dealt with spousal abuse, moved 9 times, went into heart failure (at age 21), graduated from college twice, became a grad student, worked many contract jobs, was a caretaker to a cancer patient, had 7 family members and 3 close friends die, found my SO and fell in love, etc. December 11th will signal the start of me working full time for the same company. I hope to have money to spend on my wardrobe, as well as the time and stability to be able to make decisions about moving in with my SO, improving my health, painting and photographing for pleasure again, creating a happy wardrobe, and where I want to be working or going to school in the future. froggiebecky on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1070307 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 22:05:09 +0000 froggiebecky 1070307@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So many reasons I'm not "there":  1. The way I looked in my head did not match what I saw in the mirror. I want the two images to match, and I had to learn how to do the work to do that.  2. Weight fluctuations. I've lost 2 sizes over the past year. At that point, nothing fits well. When/if I gain, the same will be true.  3. Practical limitations. I've waxed on endlessly about my moves, and I'm up against another one. Everything I need in the world must be less than 60 lbs. Clothes, shoes, toiletries, small sentimental things. When you only have room for 2 sweaters,  you'd better love them.  4. Money--everyone's mentioned this one.  5. Perhaps the most important, and tying back into #1, is that I found that others didn't perceive me as I wished to be perceived. I need to "up my game" a little bit. More bluntly, I'm single (and have been for a while). The kinds of men I'd like to date and possibly get into a relationship with care about themselves and have at least a minimum amount of sense insofar as clothing fitting and being appropriate to the occasion in question. That person didn't pay attention to me when I looked like an overgrown college student (you can't wear jeans to everything).  Anonymous on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1070276 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 21:44:37 +0000 Anonymous 1070276@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Interesting! I appreciate what you just added about being pleased with the rest stop. Because really life is as they say a journey and not a destination. What I realize is that when I just bought whatever appealed to me while I was out shopping, I never had any true outfits or capsules that played well together. More an assortment of individual items with no cohesive look or feeling of "me". I also thought that style was just innate for some and I was baffled/daunted by how to get beyond jeans/tees/yoga pants! RoseandJoan on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1070260 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 21:35:29 +0000 RoseandJoan 1070260@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Because there are so many beautiful attractions to stop at along the way, because fashions ebbs and flows, because I can be a difficult to please moody bissum and because I fear i may find closet nirvana a little bit dull ;-) Anonymous on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1070222 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 21:11:04 +0000 Anonymous 1070222@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ money RBH12 on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1070220 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 21:10:09 +0000 RBH12 1070220@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ For me its been a journey in trying to find the "right" fit to flatter my body.  I'm so unsure on what works and what doesn't.  Also money has played a part but is not an issue now.  I just need to learn more. KeepTheKey on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1070214 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 21:03:29 +0000 KeepTheKey 1070214@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ It's great to hear everyone's input on the subject! I love the variety of answers, but also how many are so similar :-) It seems that evolution of style is why so many aren't "there yet". I have to wonder, though: If we aren't there yet because our style is always evolving, will we ever "be there"? While I certainly don't feel as though I've reached the end of my fashion journey, I'm very pleased with my current rest stop Perhaps I go for a high happiness factor right now, as opposed to looking toward what my wardrobe could possibly evolve into. I don't know! I'm just rambling now :-) It's also fascinating to hear that some opted out of fashion, or didn't feel that it was an innate skill for them. I love hearing details of people's stories, and learning from them. Or maybe I'm just nosy ;-)  Thanks to all who've participated so far :-) I can't wait to read more! shedev on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1070208 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 20:59:44 +0000 shedev 1070208@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Finding pieces in my style size fit and colors. Nicole H on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1070124 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 19:48:55 +0000 Nicole H 1070124@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm with Joni! I resisted fashion for a long time, as something superficial and kind of dumb. I've come to care about what I wear (in terms of how it looks, I've always been picky about fit and comfort) at a later age than some. Some other things that are keeping me from my fashion aspirations: 1) Money, of course. I just bought a house with my fiancé. It's lovely but needs work. There goes a good chunk of disposable income. Also, as much as I've come to respect fashion, I have many other things I value more. So my finds need to be second-hand, thrift or consignment or otherwise mightily discounted. 2) Lack of focus. I have a lot of competing visions of what I want to look like, and what I like vs. what I like ON ME. They are slowly, slowly coming together. Gaylene on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1070039 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 18:38:57 +0000 Gaylene 1070039@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I just buy what fits, that I love. Maybe it doesn't fit everyone else's idea of Bohemian Rockstar Lumberjack, but I see it, and that's what matters to me. Ah, I remember those days. But, as others have pointed out, so many other factors--aging, health, budgets, shifting roles, job demands, fantasizing about a different life, uncertainty about dressing a different body shape, limited shopping opportunities, lack of time--all conspire to muddy the waters. Expressing ourselves through our clothes is obviously important to most of us, or we wouldn't be on this forum, but the process is not the same for everyone, nor does it stay static. Bohemian Rockstar Lumberjack could have described me in my 20s, but would feel, and look, quite odd on me in my 60s. And I won't bore you with all the transformations that have gone on during my evolution to my current Elegant Urban Sophisticate. Just say that it has been mostly interesting, sometimes alarming, and not always painless. Phatgranny on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1070020 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 18:29:14 +0000 Phatgranny 1070020@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ For years I didn't realize that fashion and style are intellectual exercises, that there is indeed a thought-provoking comittment to fashion and it isn't just randomly pulling items from the closet and hoping for the best!  I think I thought fashion was a frivolous endeavor and I was above all that.  And then I discovered YLF and my thinking changed dramatically.  I was in awe of the beautiful ensembles Angie (and the lovely ladies of the forum) put together  and the components that made up those lovely ensembles.  I have learned so much in the years I have been consulting YLF.  I am much more discriminating in the assembling of my outfits and I think (hope . . .) that my style demonstrates this.  And it's been so much fun! Astrid on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1070009 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 18:24:10 +0000 Astrid 1070009@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Mostly the money. Wich isn't always bad because I'm not making costly mistakes as quickly, but my style is definitely not as defined as it could already be because of the budget. JulieJohn on "Why aren't you where you want to be, style-wise?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/why-arent-you-where-you-want-to-be-style-wise/page/2#post-1070003 Thu, 31 Oct 2013 18:20:38 +0000 JulieJohn 1070003@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So many great answers here. More disposable income would certainly help, and I'm still learning who I am style-wise. This is a great question, thanks!