https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 26 Apr 2026 09:45:44 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/3#post-1313623 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 19:29:08 +0000 Mo 1313623@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>:( for sure Suz.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/3#post-1313555 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 17:47:40 +0000 Suz 1313555@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mo, that was my <b>manager</b>&nbsp;comparing tushes&nbsp;at one place I worked!!! And I was not coming off well in comparison to my friend. &nbsp;:(&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/3#post-1312982 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 03:43:29 +0000 Gaylene 1312982@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>*laughing*<br />Well, from 65, not only is a 40-year-old a youngster who ought to live in her bikini, but 55 seems pretty prime territory as well, MsMary! And I think I hear someone in her eighties scolding all of us for thinking we are old!</p> <p>But I have to say, Mo, that I totally admire your restraint when dealing with that intoxicated creep. We were much less tactful when a male colleague made inappropriate remarks to a female staff member; our observations about his tush left him red-faced and profusely apologetic. I think he realized, in the future, to keep his "compliments" to himself. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/3#post-1312968 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 03:29:14 +0000 JAileen 1312968@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mo, I do know what it's like. When I was in my mid 20s, I worked with two former beauty pageant winners, at the same time. They were the same age as me. One of them came to work everyday with Texas "big hair" and pageant makeup. (I only realized this one day at a meeting when across the conference table I noticed she had weird shadowing on her face which changed the appearance of her nose.). Anyway it was an interesting experience. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/3#post-1312860 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 02:25:30 +0000 Mo 1312860@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, and Gaylene, don't even get me started on external comparisons . . . I had a customer one night verbally comparing my backside to my coworker's. &nbsp;In front of both of us. &nbsp;Favorably, but still. &nbsp;Tacky, awkward, but unfortunately&nbsp;part of the job when you deal with intoxicated tourists. He was ducking out quickly&nbsp;before a wedding reception going on across the street. &nbsp;Sigh. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/3#post-1312837 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 02:10:12 +0000 abc 1312837@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>IK is killing me on this thread. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/3#post-1312834 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 02:06:39 +0000 Mo 1312834@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>:D</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/3#post-1312832 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 02:03:07 +0000 MsMary 1312832@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>LOL, and I'm just coming back to say that from where I sit at 55, 40 sounds impossibly young!&nbsp;&nbsp; I'm always so surprised by all the fuss about "looking good in your 40s."&nbsp; OF COURSE you look good in&nbsp; your 40s - you're in your prime!</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/3#post-1312784 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 01:26:14 +0000 Mo 1312784@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I was going to just quietly leave this alone &nbsp;But I have a few things to say. &nbsp;Genetics are for sure part of the lottery. &nbsp;My friend Alice in the first pic is not a health nut. &nbsp;She did roller derby for a year but is not one to run or hit a gym or the like. &nbsp;She has been in on your feet jobs since 16, so never lived a sedentary life either. &nbsp;She's 40. &nbsp;<br />My other peer from high school (44 like me)&nbsp;does work out hard and it's literally her job. &nbsp;She has had 2 kids and still is ripped. &nbsp;Good for her.<br />As for more serious things in life . . . I don't want to start anything, but looking a certain way does not mean that other things don't affect you or that you are also not dealing. &nbsp;When I went home to Tahoe in March, Alice called to say she couldn't do my hair because her stepmom had been diagnosed with&nbsp;late stage cancer and the man child her father is would now be the one looking after her down syndrome younger brother. &nbsp;<br />Anyway, as I said, it just kind of occurred to me that 40 looks different than I thought it would. &nbsp;And this isn't even beginning to address the 20 year olds. &nbsp;There was a gal who I kid you not was a model before hostessing for us. &nbsp;But all in all, it's just an observation, not an obsession, that was brought on by the very similar wording from a post here and a post on Facebook. </p> <p>Some everyday pics of the ladies: &nbsp;Alice and I on a gal's night having WAY too much fun, and Michelle today training at her gym&nbsp;(in the crazy pants) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/3#post-1312719 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 00:38:25 +0000 Gaylene 1312719@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That's why I never bothered with class reunions. ;)</p> <p>As for the phrase "this is what 40 looks like", it's true that given a combination of luck, genetics, and serious dedication to fitness and diet, it's possible to look like those images of your 40-year-old friends. But I get seriously irritated by having "hot" 40-year-olds and "super seniors" trotted out by friends, spouses and the media as "inspirational" examples of how woman can look as we grow older. Most of us would recoil at the thought of holding up a picture of a supermodel as an "inspirational' image for a teenage girl, so why isn't there the same sense of outrage when these images are directed toward older women?</p> <p>As you said, Mo, you have a pretty healthy sense of yourself and don't need others to reinforce that you can hold your own with your friends. The more interesting point is your observation that external comparisons can still exert a powerful hold on our sense of self, even though we've long left high school behind. Those feelings of not measuring up, and wanting to emulate others, obviously don't go away very easily.</p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1312640 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 22:43:50 +0000 karymk 1312640@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Janet I love what you said! Brilliant! The last sentence is my mantra. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1312636 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 22:41:08 +0000 karymk 1312636@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mo, you are amazingly gorgeous. &nbsp;I don't like the way your friend looks at 40! She looks desperate to me, which is aging. (Sorry) You can be moderately fit, not have washboard abs (NOT feminine!) and STILL be a beauty at 40 believe me. &nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1312307 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 17:16:37 +0000 gradfashionista 1312307@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Echoing Angie's sentiment with firm conviction!</p> <p>I saw an article in the Telegraph (maybe?) that showed "hot" women in their 50s--they all looked alarmingly, alarmingly&nbsp;young. To look that way would require a full staff of nutritionists, cooks/chefs, trainers, facialists, beauticians and plastic surgeons.&nbsp;While there&nbsp;is a genetic component to looking "young" and fit, there's also the cost/benefit analysis. Bracketing genes,&nbsp;&nbsp;one&nbsp;could choose to spend X hours and X money disciplining one's body and recruiting others to help oneself, religiously following prescribed workouts and keeping food diaries, etc.,&nbsp;in order to look a certain way;&nbsp;but we choose not to because of other priorities that bring us more meaning/fulfillment. &nbsp;The body you have is, to some&nbsp;extent,&nbsp;ultimately one you choose, and you should feel empowered by that choice. Hopefully you do! <br />NB: I started lifting weights less than a year ago.&nbsp;While my&nbsp;body hasn't changed much, being able to lift 1.7x my bodyweight&nbsp;has certainly altered perceptions of what I consider attractive.</p> <p>&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310366 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 23:43:05 +0000 rae 1310366@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So... then there of those of us who look at YOU and and feel the same way as when you look at them. And I'm younger - by LA societal standards, I should be obligated to be at least as fit, if not heroin skinny. :T </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310274 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 21:55:19 +0000 lyn* 1310274@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mo, your friends aren't alone:&nbsp;<a rel="nofollow" href="http://globalnews.ca/news/1455703/40-year-old-mother-of-2-makes-nfl-cheerleading-squad/">http://globalnews.ca/news/1455.....ing-squad/</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310264 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 21:44:32 +0000 E 1310264@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh good to know Lyn! I have only the haziest memories of it, as I took the class when I was a freshman 10 years ago (!). I have no clue if it's generally accepted amongst psych people&nbsp;or a fringe thing or what I'd think of the research bolstering it&nbsp;now though. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310246 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 21:16:22 +0000 Janet 1310246@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ditto to every single thing AngelaK said in her second paragraph (including the threat of violence to my husband if he ever posted such a photo of me :-).&nbsp;</p> <p>I'm getting a big dose of perspective right now. We have two friends dying of cancer. One has six months, one has six weeks. I look at my life and the choices of how I fill my days, and I don't regret not making the gym my full-time job. Not one little bit. I'm as "hot" as my active and healthy lifestyle and my love of good food and drink will allow me to be. So be it. :-)&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310232 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 20:56:22 +0000 Angela K 1310232@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Timely post Mo.&nbsp; I don't think anything that you have said is offensive or even off base.&nbsp; I think that in the world we live in looks are a very important issues.&nbsp; Especially the shape of our bodies.&nbsp; I was just reading lyn*s post and she addresses a lot of what I'm talking about.&nbsp; I personally have been thinking a lot lately about body image, age, size, exercise, health, and nutrition--pretty much the whole ball of wax.&nbsp; Health&nbsp;is my biggest concern but I admit I am overly concerned with appearance, especially with certain figure flaws. &nbsp;I even play this ridiculous game with myself--what would I swap my perceived flaws for--and surprisingly (!) I haven't found anything I would trade.&nbsp; :P</p> <p>It would be awesome to look like these ladies do! and I would be lying if I said otherwise but that's me.&nbsp; And I'm also not prepared to spend every minute of every day working toward looking like that.&nbsp; So...I made the choice that I am happy with.&nbsp; But I take nothing away from them--they do look awesome but (pun intended!) if my husband posted my Butt on the internet no matter how great--there would definitely be trouble! :)</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310220 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 20:44:51 +0000 ironkurtin 1310220@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mo, if I stood next to that every day, I would definitely start comparing.&nbsp; We can't help it.&nbsp; It may be the thief of joy, but it's also normal. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310200 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 20:22:27 +0000 Mo 1310200@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Okay, I feel the need to clarify for everyone - I'm not feeling angst or 'less than' these ladies. &nbsp;I think many of us find at times we do compare ourselves with that which we are surrounded, even casually or subconsciously. &nbsp;Maybe working in a bar in a tourist town lends me to a different baseline. &nbsp;But it's MY reality and day to day that I'm standing next to. &nbsp;It was more an observation of mine, but I feel it's touching on some nerves, as it was not intended to. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310156 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 19:34:38 +0000 Vicki 1310156@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love what Janet and Crutcher said. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310135 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 19:04:47 +0000 Marley 1310135@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'd kill my husband if he posted a picture of my butt on Facebook - regardless of how "hot" it looked.<br />That being said - Mo, who really cares about how these other women look????? &nbsp;There are so many other things that are&nbsp;<i>much</i> more important than hotness, aren't there? &nbsp;Right now, one of my dearest and oldest girlfriends is going through her 3rd round of chemo treatment - now&nbsp;<i>that</i> makes any obsessions or angst I might have about my appearance seem so silly and insignificant and shallow. &nbsp;So - just stop it, OK? &nbsp;(Don't mean to shame or scold you - sorry if I come across that way!)</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310119 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 18:32:13 +0000 lyn* 1310119@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@&nbsp;<b>E</b> - I think that's the Social Matching Theory? It also applies for your partners and it doesn't really jive if you kind of have a mate who is better/worse looking than you, unless there is something else to compensate for it (usually money). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310068 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 17:38:00 +0000 MsMary 1310068@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>&nbsp;I second everything Angie says about comparison being the thief of joy.</p> <p>And Jean Harlow was 26 when she died. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310053 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 17:21:34 +0000 rachylou 1310053@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, well, I have to say 40 definitely does NOT look like what you'd expect it to, looking at 40 year olds 40 years ago. If y'all can parse that. I mean, as that one comedian says, used to be you dropped dead at 45 from a heart attack and were *grateful for it.* My uncle is a retired cardiologist. 40 years ago cardiologists didn't have much they could do for you - prescribing rest was pretty much it. I am always struck looking at pictures of Jean Harlow - she was what, 22?, when she died. She looked like 40 looks now. The lotions, potions, HVAC, and labour saving devices work... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310037 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 17:06:58 +0000 ironkurtin 1310037@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You know, though, just because when we work out and diet we DON'T look like this is no reason not to TRY to look like this. I know people who are like, well, I'll never look like that, think I'll eat a bag of Oreos. &nbsp;It IS possible to come closer to a fit, healthy average, even if we never inspire our husbands or anyone else&nbsp;to post our butts online. (Not that this is my goal. &nbsp;The moment my unairbrushed ass is on social, someone is dying painful.) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310015 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 16:44:07 +0000 Mo 1310015@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I posted this mostly because the phrase "this is what 40 looks like" was the caption for my hair stylist friend's DH's post&nbsp;and within the same 24 hours it was the title&nbsp;of Toronto Girls thread. &nbsp;One reminded me of the other. &nbsp;And I got to thinking on it. &nbsp;For the record, I don't stay up nights wishing I looked more like ____. &nbsp; I have a pretty healthy sense of self and am content (for the most part - we all have little things we'd change if we could). &nbsp;But I was more struck that many of the 40ish gals I know are quite fit and or look younger than what I used to think 40 would be when I was a little kid. &nbsp;<br />The first pic is a good friend of mine, and a wonderful gal. &nbsp;She's the one who drove me to the airport to move here&nbsp;last fall, actually. &nbsp;<br />The second gal was a high school friend I'd lost contact with and re-found online many years later. &nbsp;We are not close. &nbsp;But that's what I'd get if I went to a high school reunion LOL! &nbsp;:D&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310010 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 16:39:50 +0000 rachylou 1310010@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Soo... you know what's interesting, my peeps don't comment on looks. They have a thing about keeping your head from getting swelled and pounding down the peg that sticks up. My neighbor's peeps, on the maternal side at least, are all about looks. They wouldn't let her have dinner when she was little if she was *looking heavy.* The mother and grandmother are the sort of people who say *don't call me mother* in public. </p> <p>Of course everybody is affected by looks, but I think it interesting the difference in what people <i>consciously </i>emphasise. The value they <i>consciously</i> place on looks. What exactly do the looks do? I've not gone out with a *hot* guy whose looks got me treated the way I wanted to be treated. I have vague recollections of tacky clubs, lots of men in v-neck sweaters and no shirt underneath, speedboats, and fake boobs. Like a movie setting where Tom Cruise is gonna come online as the bartender. Also, that worst date ever of mine was with a *hot* guy. That was the one where I fell asleep from boredom while he was talking about his *5-year plan* and being an *international marketing manager* or whatever. Fell sideways, almost out of my chair.</p> <p>Although, of course, I trust your friends and peers are not that boring, Mo. Haha. But I'm just saying... I don't understand what the looks are supposed to do for me? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1310008 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 16:39:13 +0000 annagybe 1310008@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><a rel="nofollow" href="http://lifehacker.com/comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy-499152017">http://lifehacker.com/comparis.....-499152017</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-your-peers-are-hot/page/2#post-1309986 Mon, 21 Jul 2014 16:18:23 +0000 elpgal 1309986@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mo, I find that when I am resorting to comparisons it is either because a) something is amiss in my life and I don't have the agency to change it or b) random funky moods attributable either to low sleep, hormones or just malaise.</p> <p>Echo everything others said about your enviable physique and level of fitness. Good luck with your race! </p>