https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Thu, 07 May 2026 01:39:00 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-151745 Tue, 04 May 2010 11:28:20 +0000 shiny 151745@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This post brought tears to my eyes. It's too early to write anything quite so eloquent, just wanted to say that. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-151731 Tue, 04 May 2010 10:33:29 +0000 stringy 151731@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a great post, Mac. I was really touched by your food-bank experience and then the quote you followed up with - it really ties together some loose ideas that have been drifting around in my head.</p> <p>I always enjoy my style most when I feel like I'm dressed *appropriately* for the place/occasion/people I'm with. To me, getting my beach wear right is as important as getting my formal wear right, because I want the people I'm with to know that I was looking forward to being with them, doing whatever activity is on for the day. Like in the quote, "that life is worth making an effort for". </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-151729 Tue, 04 May 2010 10:06:31 +0000 Fiona Leinster-Evans 151729@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is a great post. I love your idea of dressing to show appreciation for others.<br /> What a shame your Mother-in-Law has such low self-esteem she criticises you - don't let it get to you. You are a star. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-151721 Tue, 04 May 2010 07:41:41 +0000 Mac 151721@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Re-reading a our posts here, I see that it's seemed that many of us can feel defeated when our desire to express our style is thwarted: when we can't afford the items that we'd like, or when the size of our body makes many items out of reach, or when we're younger and others tell us what we can and cannot wear. It's not that we don't want to try but rather feel that something is getting in our way.</p> <p>And I see that for me, I most enjoy my style when I sense that ANY effort I make is appreciated, rather than judged. IT seems that the clients at the foodbank don't care if I'm wearing skinnines or bell-bottoms, Loeffler Randall or Payless... just that I make an effort to look neat and pretty for them. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-151454 Mon, 03 May 2010 18:26:23 +0000 Anonymous 151454@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mac, i like that quote. I like making an effort when i know it will be noticed. hildren always notice even the little details so I enjoy dressing when I'm going to be working with them and am especially careful with accessories.<br /> I was most defeated by fashion as a poor student given hand-me-downs from older relatives. I'd always been told what to wear, even for prom when an aunt made a dress for me (I wasn't given any input on this) and even shoes were given me to wear. With my first job and paychecks i went a bit crazy actually picking out clothing for myself for the first time with no clue how to do it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-151305 Mon, 03 May 2010 12:50:18 +0000 Mac 151305@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I was struck by this, which I read recently in another blog:</p> <p>&lt;&lt;Style is essentially optimistic. As (a recent article in) Psychology Today observed, it "presumes you are a person of interest, and that the world is a place of interest, that life is worth making an effort for."&gt;&gt; </p> <p>I think this ties in with the point that many of us have made above; style shows that Life is worth making an effort for and... in my mind, at least... by extension, that OTHERS are worth making an effort for. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-151140 Mon, 03 May 2010 02:04:01 +0000 April 151140@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mac, I enjoyed all of your post, but will comment on just one part: the part about how your clients at the food bank appreciate your making an effort to look nice for them. I work in a low-income school district (as a school psychologist -- hello, Becky!) and I always feel the same. When I'm meeting with a family to give them difficult news -- their child has a learning disability, or autism, or mental retardation -- I think they deserve the respect of my dressing as well as I would if I were meeting with the superintendent of schools. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-150904 Sun, 02 May 2010 17:25:31 +0000 Mac 150904@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kristine: I love the way you compare fashion to art or gardening; something that can be a joy but not something we should take too, too seriously. And I think you hit the nail on the head when you pointed out that it doesn't change our fundamental personalities, even if we can sometimes feel more, say, confident or flirty if we're dressed in a certain way.</p> <p>RoseandJoan: How sweet that you enjoy fashion most when dressing for your Ben! He must let you know he appreciates it, for you to have such a positive experience.</p> <p>Taylor: I agree! Head to toe labels don't make a person bad or unlikeable and they don't make a nasty person good, either; I think Kristine said it best: "It's just fashion!" How wonderful that you love fashion and take joy from those who are the Great Masters. </p> <p>Cciele: I think you struck on a point that I am sensing from a lot of the other responders here: having FUN with fashion. It's easier to feel defeated, perhaps, when we treat this like it's dead serious, but when we let ourselves relax and play with our style, perhaps that's when finding joy in fashion becomes more possible.</p> <p>Kari: Yes, I tend to swing between concerns about what my clothes say about me to just making absolutely no effort because I feel as though it's pointless. Neither of these are especially joyful or even helpful! Maybe I just need to remind myself that everyone I see in any given day - including myself, in the mirror - has sad times and needs respect and cheering up just like the Foodbank clients. </p> <p>Rute: Oh, I know just what you mean. As I try to re-establish my own style, it's too hard to shop with others who are more swayed by brand names and status than issues I'm trying to focus on, like fit and quality. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-150775 Sun, 02 May 2010 10:03:11 +0000 rute 150775@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mac,</p> <p>Couldn't agree more! Sometimes I dont even like to go shopping with my friends because they pass by some lovely pieces and then buy pieces just because of the label (the fit is not the best one, nor the syle, nor the fabric). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-150740 Sun, 02 May 2010 06:51:47 +0000 Mac 150740@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ladies, thanks to all your responses to my post. Each of you has given me food for thought!</p> <p>Dashrashi: I never even considered laughing but it's a great suggestion. Usually, when she says things like this, I'm so taken aback - not so much hurt as shocked that someone could be so rude! - that I fall mute. </p> <p>Rute: I didn't realise that increased snobbery was a Europe-wide phenomenon; it's a shame since I consider snobbishness to be the antithesis of true stylishness and grace.</p> <p>Marianna: Thanks; what a nice comment!</p> <p>Angie: It doesn't surprise me that you never feel defeated by style. You not only look lovely yourself, but you also help others in such a positive and kind way that you turn fashion endeavours into pleasant learning experiences.</p> <p>Maya: Wow - what a rich response! I agree that class/money is too often linked with style and I admire your total rejection of that. I think your internalization of fashion is a glorious and enviable thing and I'd like to work towards more of this myself. I became more external in this way when I put on weight and had to look around me to try to find understanding of how to dress this new body... and, sadly, didn't find much to inspire or encourage me. You've reminded me of how much I USED to enjoy clothes and how much I'd like to, again.</p> <p>Anne: I appreciate your comment.</p> <p>Isabel: I think appropriate is one of the most crucial points in style. A man can look marvelous in a tux, but if he wears it to a BBQ he'll make others uncomfortable and look a fool. Overall style can be hard to achieve but I think looking appropriate is within almost anyone's reach. Do you agree?</p> <p>Becky: Sometimes I think that No Comments = Huge Success. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148972 Wed, 28 Apr 2010 03:21:21 +0000 Kari 148972@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mac, that is such a lovely post to read about. How neat that you get turned on by your style when you are dressing up to show respect to those who most lack it. You're making me think again about how what we wear can influence other people - beyond perceptions of wealth, cleanliness, or organization. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148866 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 22:45:19 +0000 cciele 148866@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you for your thoughtful, articulate post, Mac. A lot of food for thought today. I loved hearing how you brighten the days of your clients through the way you dress. Wonderful!</p> <p>A lot of style etiquette has to do with dressing for the occasion. And that's dressing to show respect for other people or for the occasion. So this is where I make the most effort in dressing, to make sure I'm respectful.</p> <p>Fashion, on the other hand, I see as an expression of one's personality. This is what I have fun with. When it doesn't really matter what I'm wearing (e.g., picking kids up from school), I have more leeway to play around.</p> <p>As far as feeling defeated -- yes, I do. I care more than I want about what people think, and sometimes that's annoying. So I consciously decide to expose less cleavage or less leg or to moderate my desire for drama in clothing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148802 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 19:18:46 +0000 taylor 148802@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lovely post Mac. I am sorry your boyfriends mother is so unkind.... Sounds like The type of woman I avoid at all costs. </p> <p>For me fashion is a personal thing...really...I LOVE clothes and fashion and I don't think I have ever alienated others , but I am most assuredly the dressiest person at a BBQ...you will never catch me in a t- shirt, shorts and tennis, when a sun dress and cute sandals will work :)</p> <p>I really don't dress for anyone but myself, and my husband, and I will mix the elite with the ordinary if it works. Women who dress in labels head to toe don't put me off unless they are rude unkind, and selfish....qualities I don't care for in anyone labeled or not:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148789 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 18:55:42 +0000 RoseandJoan 148789@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Such a beautiful post Mac, thank you for sharing. </p> <p>I'm most happy when I'm dressed for a date with just my Ben, it is quite a rare occurrence and I love knowing that it is just for him.</p> <p>With regards to fashion snobs, I get a great thrill trying to dress expensively on a small budget but still get inspiration from the top designers. I love that with the great artists you can pay an admittance fee and wander around a top museum gaining inspiration, I view fashion in the same way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148785 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 18:50:15 +0000 Kristine 148785@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a beautiful post Mac! I often feel defeated by fashion. I grew up fairly poor and never had the brands my friends had. I remember frantically ironing a shirt for school photos, thinking even if it was outdated I would try to take pride in it. That's probably the root of my insecurity over how I dress. As I've gotten older I've realized we all have valid opinions on style and taste, and I've come to trust myself more.</p> <p>I enjoy fashion the most when it's FUN and creative. Not when I'm spending money or feeling I have to be perfect, but when I relax and realize it is just fashion. You can take it off or put it on and it really doesn't change the fundamental person you are underneath. It's in the category of art or gardening, not strictly necessary but one of those things like that makes life more enjoyable.</p> <p>It took me most of my life to realize fashion can be fun and for a while I was fairly serious about the idea of a uniform, buying multiples of everything so I didn't have to think about fashion. I'm so glad I didn't! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148756 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 17:20:02 +0000 Becky 148756@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Very inspirational, Mac! When I worked as a school psychologist prior to becoming a SAHM, I tried to dress professionally without overdoing it, because I didn't want to be intimidating or off-putting to the parents with whom I worked, many of whom were living just above the poverty level. I never heard any comments from them one way or the other about it, but I was satisfied with the balance I had struck. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148750 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 16:58:41 +0000 Isabel 148750@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am totally with you on this one. My parents were very poor growing up. Particularly my dad. He didn't have a pair of shoes until he was issued a pair by the army when he was 19. So I was raised that you always show respect and show how special someone is by dressing appropriately. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148713 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 15:48:30 +0000 anne 148713@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mac. thankyou - that was a lovely post! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148695 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 14:46:34 +0000 Maya 148695@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a lovely story to read this morning Mac! Thank you for sharing.</p> <p>I don't let other people's classist bull and need to flaunt their money faze me one bit. Those people have no real interest in fashion or personal style. They only care about how much disposable income they have and how to best display it. Half the time they don't even look good and are utterly clueless about quality, thinking that anything expensive automatically implies quality. </p> <p>Like you, I went to a very rich school (I think it was ranked one of the top 10 richest public high schools at some point), but it never influenced how I dressed. I dressed like a normal teenager should, sometimes pushing boundaries, and mostly getting my clothes from places like Delias, Alloy, Joyce Leslie, and other juniors stores. I have zero regrets about this. OTOH, i knew a girl who used to come to school in high heel pointy toe stilettos, a suit, and expensive gold watch. I thought she looked like a doofus, quite frankly. She was 16 and looked like she had just emerged from playing dressup in her lawyer mother's closet. Seeing her actually made me more interested in fashion because I knew I NEVER wanted to look like her, no matter what age. BTW, her and her best friend referred to themselves as "Gucci hoochies." Not exactly how I'd like to see myself, personally...</p> <p>Anyway, I honestly don't feel alienated by fashion for any reason. "Size 0" (well, actually size 4 or 6) models and the notion that fashion is made for thin people doesn't bother me. Money and status don't bother me. Fashion is just very internalized for me. I do dress mostly for myself, but I also understand that how I dress really does influence others. I always try to dress respectfully and appropriately, and make the people I know feel like they are worth the effort. I know I personally feel sort of insulted when I used to invite friends to my home or apartment and they would turn up in sweats, yoga pants, or PJ's. "Who cares?" they'd say. "It's only your house. We're not going anywhere or seeing anyone." Uh, so myself and my house are no one and nothing? I'm your friend, your host, and I am inviting you into my personal space. It's just rude and disrespectful to me and I don't appreciate it. Thinking of hanging a "jacket and tie required" sign on my door when I move out! </p> <p>Anyway, I am very shy and while a lot of shy people have quieter, more subdued styles, I take fashion as an opportunity to express myself. It is my voice and how I show people who I am. I'm not just a quiet, dull person and clothes are the only way in which I can express that. I enjoy the challenge of communicating visually. I have based my entire career on that mission. That is what graphic designers do. I feel best when I feel like I have accomplished that goal. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148692 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 14:40:40 +0000 Angie 148692@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mac, I appreciate the time you took to write this post. It's astute, well thought-out, heart-felt and easy to read. I'm humbled that you put some of my suggestions into action and even more humbled that it was appreciated by others. </p> <p>I don't know if I can be objective about this one, but I'll try. Fashion and style has been my bread &amp; butter, AND passion for almost 20 years. It's part of what makes me tick - so much so that I'm paid to help others make it tick for them too. I help those that feel defeated! Sometimes I feel defeated by fashion when I can't find something for a client or for myself, but we always seem to end up making things work. Shoes are my personal nemeses, but in the end with perseverance and acceptance, I can make those work too. </p> <p>I have run out of time and will chime in again later, but this post sums up part of my feelings: </p> <p><a href="http://youlookfab.com/2009/12/14/why-do-you-want-to-look-fab/" rel="nofollow">http://youlookfab.com/2009/12/.....-look-fab/</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148689 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 14:22:52 +0000 marianna 148689@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I just wanted to pop in and say this was a very well written post and a pleasure to read. I need to think about your interesting question a bit and then I'll comment more later. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148659 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 13:27:59 +0000 rute 148659@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh.. Mac what a lovely post! Thanks for sharing, here in Europe people are very snob, I know and I noticed that it's getting worse, when reading fashion blogs, its all about the brand, the label, designer bags, designer dresses..</p> <p>but there is a mid term, I agree with you, we put an effort in what we dress to our kids (and believe me.. they notice!), to our hubby and to the ones around us, its a sign of respect! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148658 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 13:21:07 +0000 Dashrashi 148658@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't know if you can pull this off, but I would seriously recommend smiling and laughing in your boyfriend's mom's face the next time she pulls you aside to express concern about how you dress. Plenty of good cheer, but seriously, she's got to be kidding, right? (Even if you know she's not, play it off like no reasonable person could think this was appropriate, because hey, guess what, it's not, so you'll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she's being funny.) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/when-do-you-most-enjoy-your-style#post-148653 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 12:43:17 +0000 Mac 148653@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Okay, so this is going to be part rant, part question. : )</p> <p>I have very mixed feelings about fashion. I grew up attending a school where there were many wealthy students, where it was common to get diamond earrings for 16th birthdays and Rolexes for graduations. There was always talk of shopping, jewellery, clothes and fashion. My parents scoffed at this and told me to focus on my studies and extracurricular activities, while looking neat and appropriate.</p> <p>As an adult, I've worked in quite fashion-conscious industries and in some fashion conscious cities. In Paris, people could be so snobby about fashion that it really put me off. Certain brand names are VERY important there and people can be positively rude about others' style ("Did you see Claire? Ugh, she dresses in such a bourgeois way it nauseates me!") and I have to admit it just made me feel like not making an effort at all. </p> <p>My boyfriend's mom has been quite insulting about the way I dress, too. On numerous occasions, she's pulled me aside to tell me that I should make more of an effort because her son only likes fashionable women or asking me how I could have such great style when it comes to decorating or even just wrapping gifts but dress so terribly. (All this from a woman who wears heavily-labelled knock offs).</p> <p>And, don't even get me started about the quest to find attractive, high quality items in Size 16 and how the dearth of these clothes has made me feel!</p> <p>Anyway, in short, I've often felt diminished, alienated and down-right insulted style/ fashion. </p> <p>But I have to tell you this. I volunteer at a local foodbank. It's a mix of clients: from mentally ill to highly-functioning people who've just lost their jobs to women who've recently divorced and haven't yet started to receive any alimony to drug addicts to new immigrants. The first time I worked there, thinking i might be unpacking boxes in the dusty storage room, I turned up in neat jeans and t-shirt. As it turns out, my position is interviewing clients to ensure they get the items they need. Everyone there was polite and respectful with me but I couldn't help but notice that the morale was (understandably) low. So next time I came, and every time since then, i made an effort to dress up a bit. Sometimes I wear jeans and a neat blazer with a pretty scarf. Sometimes I wear a feminine (but very modest! No sexy looks here, of course) dress with high heels. Last night I wore new white jeans (bought after Angie's last post on "white bottoms"), a hot pink top with a white cami below (bought after reading Angie's post mentioning white camis), and the my Tazer sandals (recommended by BOTH Angie and Kendall Farr... how could I lose?!). I always sport pretty pink lipstick and a big smile. </p> <p>And, can I tell you how happy it makes the clients that I make an effort to look nice for them? Some of them comment, many of them don't, but I can absolutely see that it gives THEM a morale boost when they see that I think they're worth dressing up for. Their obvious appreciation touches and humbles me. </p> <p>Too often, fashion can be about about impressing others, flaunting what we have, creating distance from others. I think the super-chic Simon Doonan expressed it best when he said, "There is a snooty elitism that tries to separate people into “the groovy” and “the non-groovy”. I hate this. It's very school playground." </p> <p>But I am reminded that the way we dress can also be a joy; a show of respect for others; a way of bringing a spot of cheer to ourselves and those around us; a method of bringing us together. And that's when I truly enjoy getting dressed. </p> <p>How about you?!? Are there times when you enjoy making a style effort more than others? And are there ever situations in which you simply feel defeated by fashion? </p>