https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Thu, 09 Apr 2026 21:05:57 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405533 Wed, 04 Feb 2026 05:16:09 +0000 Bijou 2405533@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can see why you thought these boots would become workhorses - because they would have been workhorses for you a few years ago... This can be an issue for me as well, having changed jobs, it has taken a while to reinterpret for myself what is my core style and my current wardrobe essentials. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405503 Wed, 04 Feb 2026 00:25:14 +0000 avicennia 2405503@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What an interesting thread. When, I first joined YLF 10+ years ago I became obsessed with a few items/purchases that never really panned out — a LePliage bag like Carla and a pair of red Cole Haan loafers spring to mind. I don’t get obsessed with particular items any more, but I am obsessed with the details. Right now I’m changing out cheap fake horn and metal buttons on expensive items (looking at you SeaSalt). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405496 Tue, 03 Feb 2026 23:11:36 +0000 LJP 2405496@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Suz - your thoughts are interesting and thank you for taking the time to share them. &nbsp;Obsessions should be saved for wardrobe essentials and guaranteed-wear items. &nbsp;It's funny, because as recently as about 2 years ago, boots were a guaranteed wear for me. I easily rotated through 5-6 (indoor use, not outdoor boots) pair a winter and loved to update/upgrade every season. For some reason, that's not the case now, and I wear shoes and sneakers far more often than boots as part of an outfit. Part of it has been the increased cost of good boots in the last few years, and the lack of interesting new styles. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405495 Tue, 03 Feb 2026 23:08:31 +0000 LJP 2405495@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Jonesy - you're right. The boots are black and brown, which I don't mind together, but somehow these boots never get pulled out to wear. &nbsp;I think I might have been considering buying a brown puffer at the time, but that didn't happen. This was the most ill-conceived purchase ever! &nbsp;I also rarely wear a black coat/jacket in winter. Hangs head . &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405482 Tue, 03 Feb 2026 22:29:18 +0000 Jonesy 2405482@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, I go on hunts too! Like Jaime and others, for me the hunt is definitely a big part of the enjoyment--it's like a puzzle I enjoy solving, if that makes sense.</p> <p>I agree with Angie about the challenges involved in the shift from black to dark brown footwear, but I am wondering about the outerwear dilemma. To me, your brown boots are black and brown (at least on my monitor, it looks like the elastic insets and soles are black?), but even if they were solid dark brown, a black coat would work well, IMHO. But maybe you have a poison eye for brown and black together? In that case, yes, lesson learned! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405471 Tue, 03 Feb 2026 17:51:18 +0000 Peri 2405471@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I like Angie's advice...where does the need come from and why do I have it?&nbsp;</p> <p>I can't say this hits me very much because I don't really try to keep up with fashion and even if I want something I'm so overwhelmed by the idea of the hunt that I usually give up before I start. The opposite of you really...I could stand to do more thinking and caring. Between us is the happy medium.&nbsp;</p> <p>I will add as food for thought as to where the need comes from, sometimes it will come from unrelated life things that we can't control at all, so the obsession to find the perfect fill in the blank that will fix my life and make it all better is easier to deal with than the uncontrollable life thing. In this way, my version would be <i>really really</i> wanting some new lipstick color I've seen that just must be <i>the one</i> that will make me feel as beautiful as I used to feel. News flash, I'm 66 and no lipstick can make me look like I did 30 years ago. Lipstick can't fix the loss that comes with aging. Doesn't stop me from wanting them!</p> <p>So...old? I hope not cause I'm older than you. Crazy? No, human. Obsessive? Experiencing some, but also human. Repeat Angie's sentence above.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405464 Tue, 03 Feb 2026 16:22:49 +0000 Carla 2405464@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>On a positive note, I&nbsp;<i>did&nbsp;</i>become obsessed with the idea of owning a LePliage bag in my early YLF days. &nbsp;I did lots of research, including posting about it online. &nbsp;I eventually followed a fabber’s suggestion and visited a shop in Toronto that carried them. &nbsp;I had a&nbsp;<b>wonderful&nbsp;</b>retail experience that became a part of the bag’s story. &nbsp;Then, the bag became my preferred travel tote - more good associations. &nbsp;<div><br /></div><div>The bag did not change my life, however my life changed how I viewed the bag. ,</div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405455 Tue, 03 Feb 2026 14:01:22 +0000 RobinF 2405455@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great subject! I do this a little bit too, the obsessive looking for just the right item. I often don't find it and then just get over it, but sometimes I do and it is iffy if it actually ends up being as necessary as I thought it was. I'm not really sure how to control it except I try to keep the cost down so I don't feel too guilty if it ends up a mistake. I love Helena's comments - great reminder for me.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405451 Tue, 03 Feb 2026 13:20:02 +0000 unfrumped 2405451@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Very helpful discussion. Gonna put some of it to good use hopefully. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405445 Tue, 03 Feb 2026 06:55:27 +0000 goldenpig 2405445@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well I can't give you advice because I suffer from the same obsessive love of the hunt so maybe just commiseration? I get fixated on something Angie or someone posts--like argyle--and then I have to try 10 different items on to find the right one (the problem is I usually want to keep more than one in different color variations when I like something, like 4 pairs of stripe track pants, hello, it's me, I'm the problem it's me, haha). Or something new like barrel jeans, I end up trying 20 pairs (like 10 pairs in 2 different sizes) to find the best one. DH rolls his eyes when I get a new package everyday. I'm returning most of it, I swear! Anyways, I realized that my brain tends to hyperfocus on something, and then it's on to the next thing. It's good when it's productive hyperfocus, but maybe not so much when I'm a magpie chasing every shiny new thing!<br />Anyways, I think I tend to stick to Nordstrom mostly because they have a more generous return policy. So if I buy something and am not wearing it, I can just return it. Or if it doesn't fit.&nbsp;<br />Angie had a lot of great advice. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all do this, it's part of growth and evolving our style. You can always donate or sell the items you don't need anymore! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405422 Tue, 03 Feb 2026 00:58:10 +0000 Lisa 2405422@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You do a superb job working with a strict work uniform. It's inspiring! As for obsessive hunting, sometimes I have found the challenge of the hunt, was the attraction. Once I have the item, the hunt is over. You are not alone in doing this!</p> <p>I have accepted that sometimes I will purchase something I think will be a home run and for some reason it's just...not. I accept that the time and the price spent are part of the experience and that it's okay if that's all I get from it. It's extremely difficult to have every purchase be perfect, mistakes happen, it's part of learning and being a human. :)&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405421 Tue, 03 Feb 2026 00:55:08 +0000 Jaime 2405421@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This thread is full of wisdom. I understand the feeling well - but for me the hunt is definitely part of the fun. Regardless, I have often been disappointed with the actual wearability of things I finally find and obtain. Other things have to age in my closet until they suddenly become favorites, but I do understand why you don't have tolerance for that sort of thing. Nonetheless, I would definitely hang on to the mary janes until summer. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405415 Tue, 03 Feb 2026 00:45:02 +0000 Carla 2405415@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I read a really cool article about how dreaming and hunting for the thing can sometimes be more pleasurable than actually owning the thing. &nbsp;I wish I could find the article…</p> <p>My obsessions are finding the perfect suitcase, and the perfect vacation bikini! &nbsp;I’ve bought, and then discarded quite a few bikini’s after wearing them on only one vacation. &nbsp;:-( </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405396 Mon, 02 Feb 2026 23:47:48 +0000 Suz 2405396@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yeah, well, I agree with what <b>Angie </b>and <b>Helena</b> have said: unless you've already been reaching for the thing and you don't have it (i.e. it is a HEWI) any new obsession is less likely to work out. (Although sometimes we are lucky).&nbsp;</p> <p>You know your style so well (as your fab work outfits demonstrate). But it might be hard to figure out how to evolve it with the extreme restrictions you face. (Honestly, I think you've done a <b>brilliant</b> job of that, on the evidence of your recent photos.) I can understand how you might fixate on this or that item as being just enough different to make things feel fresh...and then when it turns out not to work, how disappointing that would be. </p> <p>But honestly -- you have to try to know!&nbsp;</p> <p>Take those Mary Janes. I have the same problem. I've had mine for 2 years now. They are strictly spring/summer shoes for me, but even then, I don't get many opportunities to wear them. They are too flat for my feet so they're not walking shoes. They're basically in and out of the car and sitting shoes. I don't do that very often. So...they're semi-wasted. Still, I am super happy to have them because once in a while, they are just the thing.&nbsp;</p> <p>I tend to confine my rabid sleuthing to items I know are <b>signature</b> to my style. For example, for a while I was on a hunt for silver boots. So everywhere last year (when I couldn't afford them/ wasn't quite ready for them) and virtually nowhere this year, when they became a near need. I love the ones I finally got. But silver boots are a no-brainer for me. They bookend my hair. I paid more than I'd hoped, but I'm happy with the purchase and don't regret it. I tend to regret these obsessive hunts much more often if the article is not truly signature.&nbsp;</p> <p>My signatures: my hair, obviously. So - silver footwear and accessories.&nbsp;<br />Trendy bottoms. Scarves in winter. Stripes and tartans. Blue and white. Shorter jackets.&nbsp;</p> <p>Yours will be different of course!&nbsp;</p> <p>That doesn't mean I don't get yens for things that aren't signature items. But I try to not chase after them unless I have the feeling they could be <b>wildcard workhorses.</b> In that case,&nbsp; I will chase. Unfortunately, predicting the wildcard workhorse is really hard. But, well, there it is. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405388 Mon, 02 Feb 2026 21:38:14 +0000 Roxanna 2405388@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so glad you shared this Lisa - because I too experience it and I feel like I should know better by now!</p> <p>For me, I have a lot of dressy occasions. I have a lot of skirts (both pencil and midi pleated) but always have a hard time with tops. I thought it was just me - and then i realized - I have a TON of relatively thick or boxy sweaters but not many thinner ones (bc I run cold.) But I never wear thick, boxy sweaters with these skirts. A fried had a wrap sweater on with a skirt and I was like - bingo! that's what I need. Warm enough, but shows some skin on top and gives me some shape.</p> <p>I think I just have way too many clothes and so I can't isolate the problem - I get distracted by all I have. I need an Angie on my shoulder </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405383 Mon, 02 Feb 2026 19:16:14 +0000 LJP 2405383@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Angie - you’re also right about the Mary Jane’s feeling flat . Hope they get more wear this spring and summer . </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405382 Mon, 02 Feb 2026 19:12:16 +0000 LJP 2405382@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well I'm really glad to know I'm  not alone .  </p> <p><b>Helena </b>- you are absolutely right in that unless you are already /reaching looking for this piece that isn't in your closet, adding it isn't going to do anything .  <b>Bingo.</b>  Why don't I know this already??  </p> <p><b>Angie</b> - your thoughts on <b>brown vs black </b>left me dumbstruck.  I would never have realized how big a jump to brown in winter it was until now.  Brown boots need brown (or plaid or other non-black neutral) outerwear , which I actually don't have . And these are winter boots which makes it even worse.  I do have brown/plaid/cream etc outerwear for fall, but that's a really short season not worth investing a lot of $$ on.  And a lighter shade, like a cognac or taupe, would have made more sense - but I've already gone down that path and found I don't need nor wear a shoe in those colours often.  I<b> </b><b>got caught up in the brown trend and didn't even realize it.  Ack</b>.  I wear brown sweaters and sweatshirts, even pants in the summer, but who needs brown boots??? This is so interesting.  I wonder if I should try selling them.  Same with the Miz Mooz. I don't want things in my closet that annoy me .   </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405375 Mon, 02 Feb 2026 18:50:04 +0000 Helena 2405375@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lisa you've got great advice and the only other thing I can think to add is from my own experience, when certain items become pervasive, like "must have" brown boots were this fall, I can get sucked into the hype. But if I wasn't reaching into my closet looking for brown boots that weren't there, that purchase is likely to be a fail for me, no matter how good the boots. On the other hand, if I was *already* looking for that item (or even was looking for a trendy boot or a dark neutrals boot, while trying to put an outfit together), and then I see items online that make me obsessed, there's a better chance it will be a good purchase. This is especially true for me in the fall when the looks are just so good and there's lots of new pieces being featured. Not sure if that makes any sense! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405373 Mon, 02 Feb 2026 18:38:07 +0000 Angie 2405373@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><u><b></b></u><b></b>These are not failures, <b>LJP</b>! Your wardrobe and style are giving you feedback and it's good info to ponder. <b></b></p> <p><u>My two cents:</u> </p> <ul> <li>Your arctic weather and daily all-black sporty&nbsp;work&nbsp;uniform takes considerable time away from wearing non-gym clothing and sneakers/snow boots. In Winter especially. When you're not at the gym working, you're at home in house shoes, right?&nbsp;</li> </ul> <ul> <li>The Mary Janes are warm&nbsp;weather&nbsp;shoes, IMO. Also, after athletic sneakers most of the week, they might feel overly flat on your feet.&nbsp;</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Drawing from my client's experiences: Dark brown boots are a big shift from black. They might not seem like it, but they are. You're generally going to choose black over dark brown shoes unless you really commit with the rest of your wardrobe.&nbsp;Lighter brown shoes, OTOH - that create a higher contrast with black - have been much easier to transition into a wardrobe and remix into outfits. It's a bit counter intuitive.&nbsp;</li> </ul> <ul> <li>The fact that you don't wear boots as much on this leg of your style journey, puts adding two new pairs under a bit of pressure!&nbsp;</li> </ul> <p> <div>As for the fixations - what <b>Roberta </b>said. <i>We all have them!!! All been there!!!<br /></i><br />There is drive to satisfy a need, and a great sense of accomplishment when we've reached that goal. This is an incredible feeling! We are human after all. The tricky part is identifying the<i> right </i>needs. That is where understanding the WHYs become extremely important:&nbsp;</p> <p><i>Where does the need come from? Why do I have this need?</i></p> <p><i> </p> <p>Is it sensible and does it serve me to follow through on that need?&nbsp;</p> <p></i> <p><i></i> </p> <p><i></i> </p> <p><i></i> </p> <p><i></i> </p> <p><i></i> </p> <p><i></i>Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. We can only do our best, and you are doing GREAT. Look as how amazingly and stylishly you've pulled together a work uniform despite the many constraints!! Impressive :)<i></i></p> <p><i><br /> </i></p> <p><i></i><i></i></p> <p> </div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405359 Mon, 02 Feb 2026 16:55:18 +0000 cat2 2405359@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I divert a lot of that hunting and gathering energy into other things. Planning a week of meals at a time and putting the grocer order in. Sourcing what we need for the house. E.g. we need a new towel rack and I just found a great deal on eBay. Planning our next vacation. For me the dopamine reward is finding a way to get what we need without spending too much. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405357 Mon, 02 Feb 2026 16:47:40 +0000 slim cat 2405357@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sometimes I go through the same road of fixations - lol. I was trying to add solid colors tops/basics to balance my patterned ones - got couple solid tank tops ( one donated and one worn couple of times ) , solid almost plain tee in nice green color ( worn twice ), and so on. It just not really my style - I'm happier in printed/fun pieces even if they not always go together in a best way . </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405351 Mon, 02 Feb 2026 16:18:40 +0000 Roberta 2405351@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I get the same fixations. Last year it was also a pair of Miz Mooz boots, of all things! I bought them on eBay, but never wore them, and they are in the Goodwill bag as we speak. Right now it is a pale pink sweater. I saw one on Pinterest with olive green pants and I feel like I have to have it. I can resist these itches, but it is hard. I think our brain likes a pattern and a goal, no matter how small or ridiculous. It is satisfying on some level to feel you are going to find the thing you want, especially when it takes some time and effort to do so. My fifty cents. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-is-going-on-here-obsessions-and-fails#post-2405344 Mon, 02 Feb 2026 15:51:17 +0000 LJP 2405344@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've noticed an alarming repeat purchasing behaviour over the past year or so, and I can't figure out what is going on. &nbsp;Particularly with footwear! &nbsp;</p> <p>I become obsessed with finding a certain item (this past fall - 2 pair of boots and I pair of shoes) and search and search for days/weeks until I find whatever it is. Order it, keep it, and then never/rarely wear it. &nbsp;My internet searches are ridiculous and with one pair boots I ended up at a small boutique in Montreal who still had stock of this certain pair of boots from last season that I HAD to have. &nbsp;</p> <p>I find that every time I launch into one of my "must have" campaigns, I end up with something that is perfectly fine, but not the unicorn I thought I was buying.</p> <p>Case in point: &nbsp;1. <b>brown Ecco boots below</b>. In September I <b>had</b> to have a pair of brown boots. Could not find anything that I liked. &nbsp;Couldn't be suede because the season is too short for that here. &nbsp;Ended up with these Eccos that fit like a dream but that I have worn exactly ONCE. They were $$ and sit there starting at me. &nbsp;</p> <p>2. <b>Black Naturalizer Mary Janes</b>. Same scenario : I had to have a pair . Thought they would update my work wardrobe nicely. &nbsp;Searched and searched. These fit beautifully, quality is great, but I honestly could care less that I have them. &nbsp;UGH. &nbsp;These admittedly may be better in spring/summer but who would have thought that of black leather shoes? &nbsp;Not me.</p> <p>3.<b> Black leather Miz Mooz boots</b>. I saw them on a woman whose style I admire but is also about as far from mine as can be. I like to update boots every year and decided these would be great. &nbsp;Here's where I end up ordering from a Montreal boutique after a protracted online search . &nbsp;I have worn them twice since. They have not moved the needle in my closet, not taken the place of anything, and don't call to me when I'm getting dressed. &nbsp;I also find I'm not wearing boots as much anymore in the winter (inside as part of an outfit I mean) which is interesting to me.</p> <p>So am I getting old and crazy and obsessive now ? &nbsp;I don't know what to make of this . &nbsp;If it was simply a matter of the search being more fun than the end result, I could see it, but that's not the case. The search is annoying !</p> <p> </p>