https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-do-you-say Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 19 Apr 2026 10:52:23 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-do-you-say#post-2167416 Sun, 24 Jan 2021 15:10:27 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2167416@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If he was around here, I’d certainly find an excuse to get together, so he could talk and cry. But he is in London &amp; we know each other only online. Ae have chatted about some pretty deep stuff about emotions (and also about shoes!) but makes me feel awful that he’d have to reach out to someone he knows so little to ask for comfort! But he leads men’s groups, trying to get them in touch with their feelings, so I suggested he share with them. He has, and he says they’re being great about it. That has to be much better than asking some person you know online for emotional support. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-do-you-say#post-2167405 Sun, 24 Jan 2021 14:41:44 +0000 Helena 2167405@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just chiming in to say, Rachy, your story is a perfect example of why you are adored. Xx FI, I'm glad your friend has support to help him through this horrible time. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-do-you-say#post-2167332 Sun, 24 Jan 2021 00:12:08 +0000 rachylou 2167332@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Deaths can be hard on people, esp I feel if they have no framework for responding to it. TBH my BFF has been doing therapy for 15 years because, I think, he can’t find a narrative about the death of his parents. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-do-you-say#post-2167331 Sun, 24 Jan 2021 00:09:22 +0000 rachylou 2167331@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh how funny! Only ghetto folk say it out here in my experiences... on the other hand, there’s some southern custom preservation going on there in the ghetto. Shrimp boils and stuff. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-do-you-say#post-2167316 Sat, 23 Jan 2021 22:02:38 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2167316@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you both for your suggestions, Rachylou and Phoebe. &lt;3</p> <p>I figured it out! I told him I hoped he had someone there who could console him, and suggested a group he’s mentioned before. He says yes, he’s been leaning on them so I (very gently!) pushed him their way with a “that’s great!” </p> <p>I’m usually a pretty compassionate person. It is just awkward feeling him want help and not being able to do a single thing. I think his mother died within the last year, but I’m not even sure about that. I know that he really hurts and feels empty, and there is probably not anything anyone can do about it. I feel awful for him, truly, but that can’t help him.</p> <p>Btw, Rachylou, I have to laugh at “I heard that” as a ghetto expression. I first heard that expression from my HS boyfriend, who was from near Charlestown, West Virginia, not ghetto at all. I still hear (and say) it in an Appalachian accent </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-do-you-say#post-2167309 Sat, 23 Jan 2021 21:14:40 +0000 Anonymous 2167309@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Of course you could just not respond but I suppose if it's at all possible, expanding the border of "nothing more" a little might not be too terrible. After all, you cared enough to engage, which was very kind.&nbsp;</p> <p>Rachylou, that is so true and expressed with such compassion. It was difficult before but now with even greater distance between us it has to be worse. </p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-do-you-say#post-2167267 Sat, 23 Jan 2021 17:09:18 +0000 rachylou 2167267@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I’m reminded of a thing from John Steinbeck, about ‘repeating the last bit’ of whatever someone said to show you’ve heard. Or the ghetto, ‘I hear that.’ And variations. Because one can’t nod in text... In Apple text, at least, you can quick heart or thumbs up a text... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-do-you-say#post-2167257 Sat, 23 Jan 2021 16:31:34 +0000 rachylou 2167257@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This person is grieving the loss of their father? It’s ok. No need to say more. They just have a lot of words to get out. A lot of people don’t have anyone who will listen when someone dies, no platform at all. I’m reminded of a woman, who my whole town hates. A Holocaust survivor! She’s anxious and no one can stand that. But of course she is! Anyways, she’s not that way with me, because I took the time just once to hear her all the way out. A very kind lady. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/what-do-you-say#post-2167255 Sat, 23 Jan 2021 16:03:07 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2167255@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When someone you scarcely know tries to turn your condolences into a conversation? I have nothing more to say to him about this. </p>