https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 04 Apr 2026 22:26:47 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes/page/2#post-852438 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 16:43:38 +0000 siniestra 852438@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rae u r not the only one i have a bit bitter funny story... My dad i am his favorite ...while mom favorite is my 2 year yonger bro !! I have (because i still i do!!) this sibiling rivaly with my bro because Dad have been away since 1995 working in Los Angeles ...while I was in Guate till i was 15! (2003) so for 7 years i have to suffer the favoritism of my mother with my bro ...i was very innocent but with a potty mouth hahaha. Mom would ground me for everything i did or even if i didn't while my bro ...he was more disrespecful ...go out with permission (just because he was a boy) </p> <p>That was very hurful for me ...becuase i grew up recenting her and not telling her anything about my life . One time went and hit me out of no where and saying that somebody told her is was in a moto with a dude riding in the city!!! which wasn't true... </p> <p>The fights between my bro were very umm violet from hitting with sticks, brooms, rocks ( one throw a rock in his head), fist, etc. Sometimes we scared the c.. out of her &gt;_&lt; and after the fight we would be hugging each other and be inseparables again. I love my bro and always will but i think all this violence was because we were jelous of how parents treat us ...like my father was pretty unfair with my bro when he went to vacations to Guatemala.</p> <p>At the end i grew tired and left the country and came back to my home town (Los Angeles) ...at the age 15... to live with my dad ...Mom after that started to change(for good)...she said it was a hard lesson she learned...(Because i didn't speak with her on the phone at all till i was 20) and that was because i DH (boyfriend back then) convince me to give her a second chance. and I am glad that my two lil sis live a better life than me !! and try to trust them..</p> <p>As far as i know ..i am was the only one of the daughters/son that barely got into trouble, was sincere, not have a bf till the age of 20 , hardly go out, help her as much as i can and the one that suffered the most of her irrational untrusting issues...but i still love her ...She is my mom u know...</p> <p>So my advice in that matter with ur family i can say this ..tell them how u feel and tell them you have enough of their favoritism and if they can at least ban the topic ...when u talk with them of helping more ur sis than u because u feel a bit jelaous and it hurts. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes/page/2#post-851998 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 23:58:12 +0000 tarzy 851998@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Much wisdom here. Are you still seeing Dr. Shrink? Can you talk about this there? Might be a good place to delve into this and perhaps get some ideas for dealing with it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes/page/2#post-851785 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 17:49:25 +0000 Janet 851785@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, so much in this thread! Rae, I am sorry you're going through this, and on the heels of a traumatic time already. It's natural for emotions to be high. </p> <p>Gaylene and IK made some points that really resonated with me. I come at this from a very different perspective, as the baby of the family, and yes, apparently the favored child. My parents never "gave" me anything (I paid for my own college education, my first car, etc.) but my sister has always felt I was the favorite. This was mainly because I lived under the shadow of all the friction in the home between my sister and our parents as she went through her very rebellious teen years, and I learned to keep my head down and never make waves. I was the "easy" child who never caused trouble. This led to a whole other set of issues that I had to learn to confront in therapy, but that's another story. </p> <p>But I really have to echo IK's words. We cannot change our parents (or anyone else). I had an amazing shift for the better in my relationship with my mother after I truly embraced this idea and decided to love and accept my mother the way she was, which meant listening to her with compassion and not trying to change her. I certainly wasn't perfect in this regard -- I was impatient and short with her just a mere day before she went into the hospital before she passed away -- but the effort was so rewarding, I can't even begin to explain it. </p> <p>As soon as I dropped my expectations of her, it seemed that her expectations of me eased up as well. It had been as though she was trying to pull me closer as I was trying to push her away, and all of a sudden when I stopped pushing, she stopped pulling. </p> <p>Ah, I'm rambling. I have no idea if any of this is helpful to you, but I wish you the best! There is a lot going on for you right now, and you don't need more drama. Big hugs! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes/page/2#post-851506 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 07:46:07 +0000 rae 851506@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Dana, thank you for sharing that therapy wisdom - I do have to take responsibility, either for keeping the wound open or closing it. I sometimes think it is like being in an abusive relationship, where people seek out confirmation of their feelings of low self worth. Going back over and over, reconfirming my fears... that doesn't sound very healthy. </p> <p>Julie, your comment was a great followup to Dana's. To be "in the family but not of it" sounds like it would indeed bring a great deal of zen to the situation! </p> <p>Texstyle, I'm sorry to hear that you have parental struggles as well. It can indeed make life events super awkward. IKWYM about forgetting someone is your parent - a bizarre sensation, isn't it? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes/page/2#post-850050 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 17:56:26 +0000 texstyle 850050@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just chiming in to say I understand first hand how hard it is to deal with problematic parents. You may in fact be a much BETTER person than they are - Suz's example was right on the mark! </p> <p>I won't go into too many details but I will say that I chose to live far away from my own parent for good reason! My dad is gone - and I didn't really know him all that well as he and mom divorced when I was very young. My mom is in a world unto her own and always was. I can't really say we've ever had an adult conversation. It's weird - sometimes I honestly forget she IS my mom. I try to "do the right thing" and stay in touch but it's very hard sometimes.</p> <p>So, I know, it's a different situation than yours, but still a dysfunctional family thing and that definitely can make certain life events extra challenging (holidays, weddings, birthdays, etc.).</p> <p>It's nice to vent sometimes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes/page/2#post-849947 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 16:56:43 +0000 JulieJohn 849947@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Geez, this so resonates with me and my hubs, why is it always this way? Parents just seem to favor the flakes, why, why, oh why?</p> <p>You know how you hear about certain ascended masters who are "in the world, but not of it" ? That's how you can position yourself. In the family, but not of it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-849918 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 16:23:53 +0000 ironkurtin 849918@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rae, I was in therapy because of my relationship to my parents. My situation was very different from yours, but the emotional pain was of course just the same. Why were they like that? Couldn't they see how it hurt me? The moment I let go and stopped expecting validation or understanding was so empowering. </p> <p>You cannot change your parents. All you can do is change your reaction to them.</p> <p>Stop expecting them to be fair. Stop expecting them to understand what you went through. Telling them your feelings and expecting them to change will just keep the wounds open - they will not change and it will be doubly hurtful that you tried to talk to them and they still don't get it. Acknowledge that they are flawed and move on.</p> <p>You are strong without them. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-849673 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 09:32:43 +0000 Anonymous 849673@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rae, I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. I haven't experienced this with my family so I won't try to fully understand what you are going through, It wouldnt be fair on your intelligence. It's obvious that there is a lot of love for you here on YLF xx </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-849598 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 04:32:15 +0000 rae 849598@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gaylene, wise words. And to be honest, I KNOW I cannot expect certain behaviors from them. I do, however, expect certain treatment for myself... I suppose this falls into the "enforcing boundaries" category. </p> <p>And SUZ! "Who do you think you ARE?" My gosh, does that ever bring back memories... very common in my house as well, and everything you said rings true for me. Will have to meditate on the "better than them" idea for sure. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-849584 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 04:05:39 +0000 Suz 849584@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Rae - (and Raisin, too) -</p> <p>Big hugs. This is a hard situation. </p> <p>And Rae -- emotions must be especially high now, with a family wedding, and all you have just recently been through. YAY for the Fairy Fabmothers, indeed....MaryK - you are the best!!! </p> <p>My therapist once asked me a question that stunned me at the time. She said, "Have you ever thought that maybe you are better than your parents?" </p> <p>WHAT???? </p> <p>You must understand, I grew up in a household where the phrase, "Who do you think you ARE?" was more common than "Good morning." </p> <p>Me, better than them? I wasn't ALLOWED to think that. </p> <p>I thought it was such a strange thing for her to say. How could it help me to think I was "better." Whatever "better" meant. </p> <p>And yet. And yet. With this bizarre question, she woke me up to something important. </p> <p>My parents, whatever their virtues, never grew up emotionally. </p> <p>And I did. </p> <p>So I was the adult in the relationship. </p> <p>I wanted to be the child for a long time. I felt that it wasn't fair that I couldn't be the child. I didn't get my chance to be the child. And that's sad. </p> <p>I think maybe that is what is happening to you. </p> <p>It hurts, and it's not fair. But you are strong and you will find a path through it and to a different kind of relationship with them and your sister. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-849452 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 01:06:53 +0000 Gaylene 849452@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I sometimes think that parent-child relationships are a landmine of unfilled expectations and disappointments on both sides. It wasn't until I understood that my expectations for my sons were just that--my expectations, not theirs--and that they had their own ideas about how they were going to live their lives, that we were able to develop a satisfying relationship. And, I suppose, when my sons realized that their parents were just people with strengths and weaknesses, they were able to come to terms with the fact that we didn't, or couldn't, always live up to their expectations. Becoming parents also made a difference--although I smile when I hear their expectations and dreams for their own children--obviously, the cycle continues.</p> <p>Rae (and Raisin and, it sounds like a host of others), your parents are adults who will make their own decisions, regardless of your feelings about the situation. You can't change that. It's not easy for the child to be the adult in this situation, but it might be the only way to continue with the relationship without feeling hurt all the time. It was hard to let go of my expectations for my sons, but my reward was a better relationship; it seems like a pretty good trade-off to me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-849417 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 00:18:56 +0000 Anonymous 849417@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ah Rae, I am another unfavored child. Trust me, I know what you are going thru. I'm sending you a big ole hug. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-849363 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 22:52:47 +0000 Isabel 849363@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Elisabeth, LOL ! I should have read the other posts first. I completely agree with you, of course. : )</p> <p>Raisin, I am very sorry to "hear" all that. And you are right in that there is no use in trying to argue or discuss it. They have lost all perspective on it. Regarding your children, you can always say that grandma and grandpa feel that they "need" it more. But feeling will be hurt. It is a terrible situation all around. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-849361 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 22:49:14 +0000 Mo 849361@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yay for leftovers from the fairy Fabmothers!<br /> I also have some siblings who need more help and get it, from my mother. It doesn't make me mad, so much, as bewildered. My BF and I offered our house to my mom for free (just bills) twice on our moves to FL. The last time around all we heard was what was wrong with this or that . . . . anyway, it was like our gift was a curse we put on her. She moved out in a huff after not answering the phone for a week or two!<br /> Meanwhile, a year or two prior, she had spent well over $10,000 trying to save one of my brothers from himself and his addictions. Came out of her inheritance, and she couldn't afford it. Even just this Xmas, spent another $300 on that brother's twin (who is hooked on his own stuff - sigh) knowing it wouldn't do anyone any good. She's on social security and unemployed. Living in a room literally with no windows.<br /> So, yeah, I get the feelings of WTF?? But I also know there isn't much to be done about it really. For me, taking a step back was the best thing. No more 'here, come stay in our condo while we're gone' or offers to help. I wish her well, but can't, and won't try to, change her behavior. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-849353 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 22:28:25 +0000 MsMary 849353@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>No worries, rae. There were a few coins left in the bottom of the box after the booties were bought, and I was waiting for just the right time and occasion to send them your way! And, well, this seemed to be it! You have a lot of Godmothers who love you!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-849341 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 22:11:46 +0000 rae 849341@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Raisin, OMG, thank you times 1,000,000 for taking the time to share all that. Do not apologize, seriously, it really made me feel better - not because I want you to be hurt (actually, especially since I know what it is like, I am so sorry that you go through this), but because it kind of de-personalizes it, you know? And because now I don't feel so much like I am just a sour, petulant score-keeper. It IS impossible not to notice! Ugh, now I dread the day my sister gets married... we chose to marry for free, in a public park with 10 people, but if she chooses a large ceremony, I know my mom will get swept up in it. </p> <p>Aziraphale, I have been down this road with them before... they just sort of live in fantasy land and always have. I will give them that a lot of times since they are now divorced they don't know exactly how much help she is getting from the other parent... For example, my dad will sometimes say that he and mom paid a lot for me to do cheerleading in high school, so now it's her turn. Except that my mom paid for HER to do soccer and vollyball at a *much* more expensive high school than I went to, and also paid for her to go on international trips. They know that she is working 2 jobs, but they don't know how much she gets paid or how much she spends on social activities. It's like I can't explain the situation to either of them without airing ev.er.y.one's dirty laundry, including my sister's. I did not speak to my mother for over a year for this very reason... she kept making loans to my sister and expecting me to shaker her down for repayment... what??</p> <p>Gaylene, everything you say is true. They aren't perfect, and they have some forces working against them. When you ask what kind of relationship I want... I guess I don't want to swallow hurt every time I talk to them! It's useless to reason with them, so I just don't want it rubbed in my face - I would love for my dad not to say to me, "Hey, I was going to do something nice for you, but I'm going to choose your sister instead." Whether that means that their actions change or their access to ME has to change... well, we will see. :T</p> <p>And finally, Mary and any Godmothers out there... speechless. I really do hope it was leftover from before, because I so did not post this to ask for anything. Someone on another thread mentioned the benefits of "other mothers," and that really resonates today. You guys feel like an extended family - just being able to talk about my fears here means so much. If anyone is familiar with Dr. Phil and his notion of a "soft place to fall," this is it for me. *hugs* </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-849185 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 19:23:59 +0000 Gaylene 849185@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As a parent of two adult children, I can only say that it's not easy to always treat each child exactly the same, no matter how hard you try to keep things equal. So I'd second the comments from both Elisabeth and Isabel. It's perfectly possible that your parents see you as being self-sufficient and in control of your life now that you are working and happily married, even though the past few weeks have been difficult ones. Their current perception of your sister's situation might quite be different.</p> <p>And Manidipa's comment about recognizing that your parents are fallible and might not always do the right thing is also quite true. Parents can love their children equally, but the way each child is treated can vary quite dramatically, especially if one child's personality traits consistently conflict with the parents' expectations and preferences.</p> <p>One of the challenges of growing up is realizing that the relationship that you have as an adult child with your parents is quite different than the relationship that existed when you were dependent on them to fulfill your needs and likely sought their approval for the choices you made. From your comments, it seems that your sister's relationship is still in this dependent phase, but you have moved on to a more adult relationship with your parents. As an adult child, though, parental funding becomes a gift, not an expectation or a right. That's why I can't see much benefit to confronting your parents with your disappointment at their behavior; the risk of misinterpreting your questions is very high if either of you becomes defensive or emotional. A more productive action might be to figure out what kind of relationship you want with your parents (and your sister) as an adult--what expectations are realistic and what kinds of commitments do you want to make towards each other? Part of adulthood means you have the ability--and the right--to conduct your relationships in a way that satisfies you.</p> <p>And, by the way, autonomy, self-sufficiency and compassion for the frailties of others are NOT deficiencies--they are characteristics of adulthood, and, in the long run, will serve you much better than a prolonged childhood. If your parents treat you differently because they see these qualities in you, I'd consider it a compliment. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-849087 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 17:40:01 +0000 MsMary 849087@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hugs, Rae!!</p> <p>And BTW, your YLF Fairy Godmother can't post in this forum, but she wants you to check your email. There was a little money left in the "we love Rae" pot after buying the galaxy booties, and it's on its way to you to help with that plane ticket!!! Big hugs and remember you are OUR favorite!!! XXX OOO </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-848978 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 15:44:27 +0000 Aziraphale 848978@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Isabel, thanks for the validation. I saw the same solution. We even used the same word: parents favour one child because they see that child as more fragile. :-)</p> <p>I think this is exactly what happens. I don't think most parents INTEND to favour one child over another.</p> <p>Rae, you say you never asked because you know the answer...but it's possible that what you think you know is not in fact the whole story. Also, your parents appear to have no idea about how hard you've worked and the sacrifices you've made. Why don't you tell them? At least it would get it out there, so the feelings of frustration don't fester. It's no good telling you "not to let it bother you", because what you feel is what you feel. You feel shafted, taken for granted. You feel like "second best". It's totally understandable why. But I think, based on what you've said, that your parents are not aware of how you feel. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-848959 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 15:17:07 +0000 Raisin 848959@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sorry, I just read back though my posts and realized all I did was rant myself rather than offer you any advice. I guess it just hit a sore spot for me too.</p> <p>My advice is let them know it hurts your feelings, and you are aware of the favoritism. It's better to have it out there. If they continue to do it and hide it like my mom does, well at least they will know why you're mad. Also, you can't change other people, and I've just learned to let it go. I try not to spend all my time with them so I don't get so resentful, and when I do visit, I take it for what it is, try to enjoy my time, and not let the rest bother me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-848954 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 15:11:53 +0000 Glory 848954@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>No real advice but feeling peeved on your behalf. I am not really sure you can change any of the actions from the family - the only part you get to control is you and how you decide to manage it. I would be upset and angry also and I totally think that is normal. xo </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-848928 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 14:51:17 +0000 Isabel 848928@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rae, I am so sorry to hear that. This type of situation is sooo common. But let me throw out to you the fact that they probably don't "favor" her over you...they think that she is weaker and can't take care of herself. They feel that you will be fine and manage, but that for whatever reason, she cannot. And she then feeds into it. They see her as "too delicate " fragile to handle anything. It is NOT a reflection on you , at all, it is a statement about her. ANd it is not as positive as you think. </p> <p>There is a great book, The Millionaire Next Door , that does an entire chapter on this. They call it "outpatient care". Parents who continue to take care of adult children because they see them as too weak to handle their own business. Once you feel better, talk to your parents. Ask your dad if he feels that she cannot take care of herself. What you need to be careful for is that they and she don't start to expect YOU to take care of her. </p> <p>hang in there sweetie. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-848856 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 13:44:17 +0000 Kristin L 848856@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry Rae, Deborah and Raisin. I'm sending bug hugs your way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-848822 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 12:32:52 +0000 Raisin 848822@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sorry, I know my post was already long, I could say a lot more on this.</p> <p>I forgot to say, it's hard to argue with them about it because when I bring up the wedding thing for example, it just seems like on the outside that I am jealous or want a ton of money from them. What they don't get is I wouldn't take a dime from them now even if they offered, and their huge gifts of money to my sister all the time are just blatant, in my face acts of favoritism. My mom does not get how that looks (well I think she does, cause she lies to me about it). And yes, she covers it by acting like my sister is so poor. She's a teacher and he's a cop, and until now no kids. I guarantee they have tons more disposable money then us. We choose to be very diligent with ours, right now about 50% of our income actually goes to our mortgage because we want in gone in 48 months. But does that mean she deserves so much from them? Ack! They make me so mad! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-848820 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 12:28:15 +0000 Raisin 848820@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh.My.God. Reading your post is like reading thoughts right out of my own brain. I know EXACTLY how you feel.</p> <p>I also have a younger sister and my mom favors her ridiculously. They treat her as the baby of the family, and pay for and coddle her much the same. It's like they think she's struggling and I'm doing so well and she needs their help.....or at least that's what they lead me to believe, but it's so not the case.</p> <p>My sister is 2 years younger, 26. I got married at 20 and had not a dime to my name. They gave me a wedding at the house, it was a $2000 ordeal for everything, tux's, dresses, etc. I felt so friggen bad that as soon as I got to my post I sent them back $1000 right away, and they took it. From the day I got married my mom always said she would give my sister $3000 for her wedding to account for "inflation"...ok I call bull, to account for "favoritism"....anyway, my sister got married about 2 years ago now and my mom will still not tell me the amount, but I know it's at the very least $10,000. </p> <p>When we were in high school I walked everyday. It's literally around the corner, 5-10min walk. Well as soon as I got out and my sister was still there, she was allowed to take my mom's car and my mom bused to work.....WTF?</p> <p>I worked at at grocery store about 10-15 min walk from my house as a teen. Later on my sister started to work at the movie theatre directly beside it. While I was working, I walked to and from work, even late at night. Once I went off the college and training for work my mom drove and picked up my sister every time because, it was dark, or she might get hurt.....ok, I guess they're weren't worried about me!</p> <p>While my sister was in school living with my parents they bought her laptops, cars, etc. I moved out at 20 and she mooched until 24 and is still getting handouts.</p> <p>Gosh there are so many examples! I'm getting mad just thinking about them again, lol. </p> <p>Now my sister is pregnant and I am seriously worried that she will blatantly favor her kids over mine, and I will not have them get their feelings hurt like I do.</p> <p>I have grown to ignore it. That's about the best I can do. But it does strain our relationship because it's obvious I resent her, and she thinks I just ignore them. It actually hurts DH's feelings a lot more than mine. I think he gets hurt for me, and he can't understand it, or let go of it, whereas I just don't care anymore.</p> <p>In my case I actually wish my mom would own up to her behavior. She hides it from me or lies to me because she's knows I'm mad about it, and that just makes me more mad. Because then I KNOW she knows it's favoritism. If it was just innocent, she wouldn't try to hide it.</p> <p>Like you it strains my relationship with my sister because even though it's not her fault, it makes it hard. My sister is also very immature and she acts like a baby and I'm not into that. My mom loves it though, she loves being her "best friend" and acts like a kid almost as much. Drives me nuts!</p> <p>Anyway, I don't have much advice on how to deal with it, except ignore it. Which sounds bad, but basically I've decided that I won't let it affect my life. They can be best friends, and I can see them once in a while, and I will not let my mom guilt me into thinking I'm the bad one. On a positive note, it has taught me exactly what I will NOT do with my 2 boys. I would never want one to feel like that. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-848747 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 07:04:28 +0000 ramya 848747@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>hugs and kisses sweety!!!!</p> <p>This is not your fault...never think of it that way </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-848732 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 05:52:53 +0000 rae 848732@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Deborah, I appreciate you sharing that! It is helpful to look at it as a behaviour common to some parents, rather than them reacting to some deficiency in me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-848731 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 05:50:55 +0000 rae 848731@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you, ladies. A little sympathy goes a long way, and I feel a little more sane now. </p> <p>Manidipa, yeah, I agree. I unfortunately learned I could not depend on them at a really young age... I guess that means I should not be able to be disappointed, but here I am. :T</p> <p>Anna, you are very right. That is part of it for my dad, and he has said so, though I did not ask. He often tries to get me to "help her out" because he views her as unsettled. I think he also views me as my husband's responsibility now.</p> <p>Elizabeth, I have never asked, because I know the answer, and I am afraid that if I bring it up I will just explode. They view her as leading this really tough, struggling, hand-to-mouth existence and think that I never had to go through that. My dad once told me that I never had to worry about rent - I really had to bite my tongue then! They are completely clueless about how I scraped and saved... really boggles my mind. I guess you are right that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I never allowed myself to ask for money, so to them I suppose I had some kind of cushy lifestyle.</p> <p>Caro, I did send my dad a quick message that I don't need to know it when he is helping my sister. Besides hurting me, it is not fair to her - unless she wants to tell me, I don't think her financial situation should be any of my business. I didn't tell him why, but maybe one of these days it will sink in that I don't want to know these things. :T </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-848729 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 05:39:21 +0000 Deborah 848729@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rae no advice but just some understanding. My sister has always been favoured by mum, and my DH's younger sister is favoured by his parents. In both cases, I believe they perceive that sibling is more in need of there 'support'. I don't know why. I guess on the surface, DH and I are confident, successful and viewed as able to manage and look after our selves, and our siblings are not. We have moments where we feel a little like you do right now, so I do understand. I am most certain that your parents love you so it's not about that. Sending you a virtual hug xxx </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/venting-i-love-my-sister-but-my-parents-make-it-so-hard-sometimes#post-848723 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 05:25:21 +0000 Caro in Oz 848723@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It is tough to cope with this stuff at any time but even worse when you are feeling fragile.</p> <p>I agree with Elizabeth that it may help to ask them directly why they do these things - I asked my parents &amp; their answer was well we knew you could look after yourself:) It didn't help much at the time but it made more sense of the situation.</p> <p>I think there is something else happening too - I think your father needs to realise it isn't acceptable to offer to pay half your fare &amp; then renege, nothing to do with being a parent just about being a trustworthy adult imo. </p> <p>Take care of yourself - you are dealing with it way better than I would have. </p>