https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 20 Apr 2026 08:50:49 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2071379 Wed, 23 Oct 2019 23:46:40 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2071379@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>DonnaF, I just hope she doesn’t get in trouble! I have half a mind to bake her some cookies. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2071351 Wed, 23 Oct 2019 20:56:52 +0000 DonnaF 2071351@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Your story re SA brought tears to my eyes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2071298 Wed, 23 Oct 2019 15:25:54 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2071298@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you Angie! To be honest, I have sometimes wondered if this was happening with your dad, but of course I wouldn’t ask because part of the difficulty is the loss of dignity when one is so dependent. </p> <p>I have to balance my son’s needs, of course—part of why we moved here (there were many reasons!) was the regular 2-week breaks from school. I think he needs these, and he is beginning to thrive. I wouldn’t want to mess up his school performance with too much stress traveling. OTOH, he loves his grandpa too. Maybe we can start taking one week of each break for a visit. </p> <p>I’m feeling a little upbeat now, because of a conversation I just had. Last year I sent my dad an advent calendar with chocolate in it. That was apparently a success—they say tastes and scents are what remain longest. So I wanted to get him one this year, but can only find them made by traditional chocolate manufacturers, and the child labor isn’t something I can abide by. So I’ve been trying to weigh the welfare of West African kids against my dad getting a daily reminder that we love him. Arg. </p> <p>I was just in Galleria, and noticed the empty advent calendars. I used to do one for my nephews every year, but hadn’t thought of that for my dad. I could fill it with (fair trade) bonbons and various scents, perhaps some things with nice silky texture. I went straight to the men’s perfume downstairs and asked for advice. The SA immediately showed me a 4-pack of small containers of scent for €30. 24 days at that rate would come to a total of €180. I want to stay around €2 per day/€50 for the whole thing. When she heard that, she took me a couple aisles away to show me cheaper scents, but they were in bigger bottles. Once we were over there, away from her colleagues, she asked me to come back on another day when her boss isn’t there, and she’ll help me put together samples and things to stay on budget and come up with something for him. Happy dance—for being able to put something together for my dad, and also for meeting such kindness in the world! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2071289 Wed, 23 Oct 2019 14:55:13 +0000 Angie 2071289@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is very close to home for me. It's sad, but you get used to it and learn a lot from the situation. At least - I have. It makes life and time with my own Dad even more precious.&nbsp;</p> <p>I highly recommend getting care in place. My Dad would not cope living alone without it.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2071170 Wed, 23 Oct 2019 09:55:30 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2071170@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>BD, I’m sure they aren’t telling me everything. Even when I only lived a couple hours away from their primary address, Mom told my sisters much more than me. Part of moving away was admitting and accepting that I am not important to her like that, and am giving up trying to force her. I still slip, email her stories about our life here, or photos, or articles I think will interest her. She might make a comment, or maybe none at all. But even if she does, there is no conversation. Your idea about having caregivers lined up before an emergency is a very good one. I will pass it on to her, and also to my sisters, who are more likely to be able to convince her. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2071160 Wed, 23 Oct 2019 06:42:38 +0000 Barbara Diane 2071160@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Also, if they don’t have any outside caregivers, it would help to have at least a recommendation or two, rather than starting completely from scratch in an emergency. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2071159 Wed, 23 Oct 2019 06:39:45 +0000 Barbara Diane 2071159@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It’s a really hard path. You might find a support group helpful. And maybe you can find one for your mom.<br /> Even though it sounds like your dad has been on this path for a while, the rate of change can change dramatically. Or not. And you may or may not be told fully what is going on there. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2071056 Tue, 22 Oct 2019 18:37:35 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2071056@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Bridgie, Suz, Kkards, Glory, Ophelia, Rachylou, Toronto, Cindy Smith, Style fan, Nemosmom, JAileen, donnaF, Suntiger, and Janet, thank you each and everyone for the kind thoughts, prayers, good vibes, hugs and general love. It is indeed hard, and we are so far away. I want to spend 3 days with them in each of their homes at the end of the year. </p> <p>JAileen, my son occasionally speaks of his grandpa in past tense, which may be a blessing in disguise. </p> <p>Ophelia, thank you for the link. Towards the beginning of his decline, there was considerable discussion of whether or not it was Alzheimers. The decision was that it isn’t, but in pragmatic terms of daily life, I can’t see as it matters, so o bet the group will be helpful. </p> <p>ST, I’ve been thinking of making him a video. There’s a song he used to tuck us in with that he said he didn’t know how to find the commercial recording of. I’ve found it, and want to add pix of his kids &amp; grandkids growing up. As for personality change—he started having angry moments a few years back. I don’t know if those continue. I do know our mom can be mean to him when he’s forgetful, and I worry that will affect the quality of his life. He is very dependent on her. </p> <p>DonnaF, to get there and not have him remember us would be devastating. Oddly, as difficult as the distance is, it might also spare us that. He seems to be quite on and off—no telling which you’ll get at any given moment. An early chill came a few years ago when I wanted him to help me attach a mirror to a dresser. It was a second hand set, and I didn’t have the screws. He could help me select those, but when it was time to screw them in, he refused. Said he couldn’t do it. He worked as a carpenter between high school and college, so we had thought this was embedded deep in his brain. Apparently not. I hope we are. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070937 Tue, 22 Oct 2019 13:10:12 +0000 Janet 2070937@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That does sound so worrisome, and it must be especially challenging from afar. Sending you and your family virtual hugs. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070840 Tue, 22 Oct 2019 00:14:42 +0000 Anonymous 2070840@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hugs! It's so hard watching parents decline :(<br /> It's not just memory loss, but change of personality can happen too, and hallucinations. I used to work with Alzheimers patients when I did therapeutic music. Music does help a lot-at least to keep people in the present moment. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070839 Tue, 22 Oct 2019 00:11:17 +0000 DonnaF 2070839@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am so sorry; this must be so hard. He is, yet he isn’t. It sounds as though he still remembers and recognizes loved ones though. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070794 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 21:45:56 +0000 JAileen 2070794@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I’m so sorry about your dad. &nbsp;My MIL developed dementia. &nbsp;When she died it was a blessing. &nbsp;It felt like she was already gone.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070779 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 20:04:57 +0000 nemosmom 2070779@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>:( Hugs to you and your family. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070772 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 19:47:28 +0000 Style Fan 2070772@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>FT, I am so sorry.&nbsp; It must be difficult to be so far away from your dad at this time. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070742 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 18:41:58 +0000 Helena 2070742@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Fashintern, that's heartbreaking. Lots of love to you all. Xx </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070737 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 18:35:47 +0000 cindysmith 2070737@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, sweetie, I'm sending you lots of love and (((hugs))) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070714 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 18:00:54 +0000 rachylou 2070714@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh dear. Lots to think about now. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070685 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 17:26:12 +0000 ophelia 2070685@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>FashIntern, this is a discussion forum that I found invaluable. It does require email/password sign up. Although it's hosted by Alz.org, all types of dementia are discussed. You can ask absolutely anything and people will jump in to help.<br /> The forum is a bit hard to navigate in that it has boards for caregivers, spouses, people with dementia, early onset dementia, a Spanish board, and a bereavement board.<br /> I learned more from the posters here than ANY doctor and any website.<br /> Best wishes and good luck. </p> <p><a href="https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=topics&#038;f=151" rel="nofollow">https://www.alzconnected.org/d.....#038;f=151</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070682 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 17:12:29 +0000 ophelia 2070682@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, that's chilling. I am so sorry. Are you planning a visit? He may have trouble traveling. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070674 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 16:54:38 +0000 Glory 2070674@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Big hugs! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070661 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 16:37:44 +0000 kkards 2070661@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>so sorry...sending positive vibes and calming waves to you, your son and the rest of your family... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070634 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 15:32:55 +0000 Suz 2070634@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is very sad news. It is so hard to be far from family when parents begin to decline. Wishing you strength and peace for this journey ahead.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070615 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 15:09:18 +0000 bridgie 2070615@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Fashiontern, I am so sorry to hear this.&nbsp; Very sad.&nbsp; You and your family are in my prayers. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/update-re-my-dad#post-2070564 Mon, 21 Oct 2019 13:33:59 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2070564@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We called last night to wish him happy birthday. He was happy to hear from us, but said they were about to get the dinner they’d ordered at “The Club”. I knew they were planning to travel to Florida soon—Mom said to send his present to arrive there on or after Oct 21. So I figured they had just traveled that morning, and had decided to eat out instead of shopping and cooking. He didn’t disagree, said yes, it’s nice in Florida. Then Mom corrected him. They hadn’t left yet. My sister &amp; her family who had come to celebrate with him on Sat were still there, and they were all having dinner at my parents' country club 1800 or so miles from their Florida club. My other sister made a photo album for him. As he paged through it, I’m told he asked where the pool pictures were taken—in their pool at their home, right outside the window he could see from where they were sitting. </p> <p>My son is now thinking about his own final days, wondering what the best way to go is. </p> <p>Needless to say, we are in a somber mood today. </p>