YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Ugliness

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Ugliness https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 22 Apr 2026 02:47:16 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Eirlys on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2035438 Fri, 14 Jun 2019 13:08:28 +0000 Eirlys 2035438@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Lar101: Agree re the kind comments.  I had the book "Advanced Style" and passed it on to some friends. The women photographed wore amazing clothes in amazing colours. They were like birds of paradise photographed amongst dowdy sparrows! I do deplore the modern tendency for the Young to wear grunge clothing. They will never be that beautiful again!  Some days I never see a woman wearing a skirt or dress. Result? I find myself living in trousers though I do try to buy well-fitting, tailored trousers.  LAR101 on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2033656 Sat, 08 Jun 2019 21:24:14 +0000 LAR101 2033656@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Such lovely kind comments for Eirlys. Thank you all. For a cheerful pick me up you might enjoy the works of Ari Seth Cohen. These ladies are hip, timeless, classy, fun. There is a book(s), blog film. At least one is called Advanced Style. I find the book fun and cheerful if creative. <a href="https://m.barnesandnoble.com/p/advanced-style-ari-seth-cohen/1123654887/2660156888587?st=PLA&sid=BNB_ADL+Marketplace+Good+New+Books+-+Mobile+Low&sourceId=PLAGoNA&dpid=tdtve346c&2sid=Google_m&gclid=CLi1mt_n2uICFQG4wAodaJAASA" rel="nofollow">https://m.barnesandnoble.com/p.....wAodaJAASA</a> <a href="https://m.barnesandnoble.com/p/advanced-style-ari-seth-cohen/1104511237/2661540685959?st=PLA&sid=BNB_ADL+Marketplace+Good+Used+Books+-+Mobile+Low&sourceId=PLAGoNA&dpid=tdtve346c&2sid=Google_m&gclid=CPfyh_Pn2uICFRHwwAodR58G5w" rel="nofollow">https://m.barnesandnoble.com/p.....wAodR58G5w</a> <a href="https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/292182391/advanced-style-film" rel="nofollow">https://www.kickstarter.com/pr.....style-film</a> <a href="https://www.advanced.style" rel="nofollow">https://www.advanced.style</a> <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2014/may/03/advanced-style-fashion-blog-for-older-women" rel="nofollow">https://www.theguardian.com/fa.....lder-women</a> <a href="https://m.huffpost.com/us/topic/advanced-style-blog" rel="nofollow">https://m.huffpost.com/us/topi.....style-blog</a> Eirlys on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2033644 Sat, 08 Jun 2019 19:41:08 +0000 Eirlys 2033644@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Karen13 ; You are correct. The support I have received here has been so heart-warming. I have learnt a lot .  Again THANK YOU, ALL. karen13 on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2032289 Mon, 03 Jun 2019 20:56:30 +0000 karen13 2032289@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hugs to you and everyone else who has responded. So much wisdom here. At 55, I sometimes miss my smoother-skinned, less achey, etc. former self. But I wouldn't trade the life experience and self knowledge and joy that have come with those wrinkles and pains. The YLF community has helped so much with giving me more confidence about style choices for all occasion of my life, and why some clothing makes me feel right and some doesn't. It is sometimes hard to post photos here, but I hope this thread helps you feel the support you have here, and understand how lovely you are right now! Anonymous on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2032239 Mon, 03 Jun 2019 19:27:35 +0000 Anonymous 2032239@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Haha! Eirlys on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2032238 Mon, 03 Jun 2019 19:25:53 +0000 Eirlys 2032238@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Toronto Girl: Your comment made me laugh also.  I recall a TV sketch where a complaints girl had to deal with a telephone caller who went on and on complaining about a programme's contents. The poor girl kept apologising to 'madam',  but could hardly get a word in edgewise. In the end she said, "Oh, piss off!" It was so unexpected that we had a good laugh.  What lovely people you all are. :O) Cee on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2031414 Fri, 31 May 2019 04:31:51 +0000 Cee 2031414@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Damn right, Toronto Girl ! Anonymous on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2031360 Thu, 30 May 2019 23:27:13 +0000 Anonymous 2031360@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Haha Torontogirl and ditto Cee Helena on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2031324 Thu, 30 May 2019 21:32:41 +0000 Helena 2031324@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Eirlys, my gosh, you are absolutely not ugly! Your eyes sparkle, you have beautiful cheeks and a lovely smile. If anything, you are one of those people who retains the brightness of youth even though you are no longer young! I think I understand what you are saying though. For me, I notice all the things I'm NOT anymore - I'm not naturally brunette anymore, I'm not free of wrinkles, I'm not able to go without makeup (and feel pretty), I'm not going to turn a head in a bar anymore.  My neighbour told me on her 40th birthday that she was lamenting to her husband that she didn't look like she did when she was 35. To which he said, yeah, but you were unhappy when you were 35 because you didn't look like you did when you were 30! His point was that this is always the day we'll look back on with wistful remembrance tomorrow. I try to remember that. PS - at 88, you are also fully within your right to tell someone who looks at you rudely to piss off I'm pretty sure that's the rule!! judy on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2031286 Thu, 30 May 2019 18:41:57 +0000 judy 2031286@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I really appreciate your honesty expressed in this thread, Eirlys.  We all have those doubts at times, or feel ugly, don't we? Well, I do.  I've been reading this thread for a few days now and had to go look up your photo.  As many have said here on this supportive forum, I see beauty and vitality where you are.  It makes you radiant.  No ugliness! When you mentioned being invisible, or wanting to, that old blog called Advanced Style came to mind. I looked it up, it's still going.  Inspiration can help so much when it comes to giving permission to be ourselves. Here is the link:  <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.advanced.style">https://www.advanced.style</a>  For me, role models or style icons have helped so much.  Mine is Margaret Howell...also grey hair, always in pants and flat shoes, and just my age.  <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mrporter.com/en-ch/journal/the-woman-behind-the-brand/ms-margaret-howell/242">https://www.mrporter.com/en-ch.....howell/242</a> Sometimes we just need a bit of validation and I hope all these responses have given you some. Brooklyn on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2031176 Thu, 30 May 2019 10:08:56 +0000 Brooklyn 2031176@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ What Cee said. I don’t think anyone is ugly on the outside. Ugliness comes from the inside. My mum is in her 80s. She loves fashion and dresses to be seen. She is gorgeous and super stylish and you are too. Mainelady on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2031169 Thu, 30 May 2019 09:41:55 +0000 Mainelady 2031169@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Beautiful lady, I would never associate the word ugliness with you! You truly are beautiful, graceful and inspiring. I would be happy to look as lovely as you when I am 88. You have been given excellent insight and support from all the Fabbers. I won’t repeat what they said, but I echo their compliments. We are human and therefore subject to our good and our not so good days. I often think we judge ourselves harshly and think others may, too, but in reality, they are not judging us at all. Carry on, beautiful one! Cee on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2031156 Thu, 30 May 2019 06:29:19 +0000 Cee 2031156@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ People are only truly ugly on the inside. Jaime on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2031111 Thu, 30 May 2019 01:27:09 +0000 Jaime 2031111@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have hesitated to respond only because I am torn between reassuring you that you are lovely (I looked at the pictures you posted and you truly are, and I am certain no one is looking at you because you are ugly but rather with admiration), and feeling conflicted thinking about people who might be outside of society's norms for attractiveness.  Anyway, all my life I have assumed people are looking at me because something is wrong with me, so I do relate to your feelings Eirlys. The best lesson I have learned is that people are thinking about themselves much more than about anyone else. I remind myself of that frequently. Eirlys on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2031015 Wed, 29 May 2019 18:15:18 +0000 Eirlys 2031015@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have read and re-read all the above posts and your comments have nearly made me cry! How kind of you all to take the time to re-assure someone you will never meet. The Web does have a good side and Angie's website is one I love even if I don't always post. I have learnt such a lot from her and from your good selves. THANK YOU. sylvie55 on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2030998 Wed, 29 May 2019 17:11:19 +0000 sylvie55 2030998@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ The very fact that you are still interested in fashion puts you way ahead of many others in the 60-plus age group (at 59 and 10 months, I count myself in that category). Our society is so judgmental of and unrealistic about women’s appearance that it’s impossible not to get sucked in. I try to stay positive but i have to admit that I no longer post WIWs even in this super-supportive forum because I am loath to display my disappearing waist and softening jawline (and a little intimidated by those who are far more fashion-forward than me). When I see a post like this from someone as lovely as you, it makes me vow to do better. Suz on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2030992 Wed, 29 May 2019 16:50:22 +0000 Suz 2030992@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Erlys, I'm late to post here so I can only echo what Angie and Taylor and others have said. You are a beauty, inside and out, and we are all SO GLAD to have you here, reading, posting, enjoying fashion. We all have days where we feel "low" and wish we could just fade into the background, and that's okay. But I like Rachy's suggestion to ask yourself why you want to be invisible, or if that is really what you want in the first place. I suspect the looks you are getting are admiring looks far more than anything else. We *all* want to age with style and you are doing it! People are always looking for others they might pattern themselves on. The eight year olds pattern themselves on the twelve year olds, the twelve year olds on the eighteen year olds, and on and on.  My late mother always got glances when we went out together. Her snow white hair, beautifully chosen colours, and fiery temperament meant she could never be ignored. Even in a room of fashion models she would probably have stood out. For years, she didn't bother much with style because she was raising us kids and didn't have a lot of money or energy for it. but when her love of style returned it returned with a vengeance and I was so happy to see it. As Joy suggested, we older women (I'm now in the 60+ group) can influence the younger ones for the better.  ChristelJ on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2030985 Wed, 29 May 2019 16:31:19 +0000 ChristelJ 2030985@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Eirlys, when I saw your photos I thought "what a lovely and stylish person". However, I understand the feelings you express, because no matter what age, we all have anxieties, even if we don't post about them. I rarely post photos because it is so seldom I have one I feel half-way good about!  Wear what makes you feel best that day, and be kind to yourself. If you are in the mood to be visible that day, you can certainly show'em how it's done with your colors, smart details and your radiance! Becky on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2030951 Wed, 29 May 2019 14:30:07 +0000 Becky 2030951@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Eirlys, I would tend to agree with those who previously suggested that "looks" you receive from others may, in fact, be glances of admiration. I know I always notice those who have a presence that shows through in their appearance. Perhaps at times I appear to be looking a little too long (I hope it doesn't come across as rude), just because I am noticing and admiring. I've always heard that confidence is the best accessory, and I believe it makes a world of difference. Hold your head up high! Anonymous on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2030946 Wed, 29 May 2019 14:10:15 +0000 Anonymous 2030946@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I admit to cringing a bit each time I open the forum page and see this title at the top of the list.  It's so aggressive and harsh.  And sad.  I don't know you at all, and don't have anything to add that hasn't been said already. What this post did do for me was to remind me not to get caught in those feelings if I can help it - and to find ways to honour those feelings and understand where they come from.  I think my mother suffered greatly from these feelings in her later years and it frustrated me . I admit to trying to ignore her when she started talking like that - because I felt at age 80- what difference did it make?  But it did, clearly, and I didn't (and maybe still don't ) have the tools to help someone deal with that.   April on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness/page/2#post-2030945 Wed, 29 May 2019 13:58:41 +0000 April 2030945@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Eirlys, I loved your post.  At 55, I am feeling humbled by signs of age that, when I was younger, I thought would not be an issue.   I also have a neurological illness that has lately begun to affect my mobility and balance, such that I now move like a much older person (slowly, carefully) and will probably soon benefit from using a cane.   I am not facing these things with admirable equanimity, but rather with disbelief. Here's what I have come to realize.  Many women have bought into an idea that we're not supposed to be seen unless we're young and quite slim and stunning.  I have a friend in her 60s who underwent abdominal surgery and then removed her bandages before it was time because she had a wedding to attend and wouldn't go without putting on industrial-strength Spanx.  I didn't realize that I too had internalized some of this attitude until I saw it in others. At 88, you've seen ideas of feminine beauty shift over time.  I feel we're now in a moment when there is more room than ever for all types of looks, and when women are pushing back on the idea that being conventionally "pretty" is the only thing about us that matters.  Also, when I feel insecure about my looks in any way, I always find this song comforting  <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BWQ3KHk_QE">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BWQ3KHk_QE</a>    Gigi on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness#post-2030872 Wed, 29 May 2019 04:52:26 +0000 Gigi 2030872@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have seen your pics, and you most certainly are NOT ugly! Quite the opposite. I suspect that the sideways glances you are getting are more from admiration or jealousy than anything else. I know the conundrum between wanting to be invisible and wanting to wear something more exciting. When I started visiting the forum here, I had been a very frumpy dresser, wearing clothes that hid my body shape, and wearing only the most boring neutrals possible (beige, white, cream, gray). I dipped my toe into the more exciting stuff gradually. I found I was very attracted to leopard print, so I bought myself some leopard-print booties. They made me so happy! One day I took courage and decided to wear them out. I wore them to an appointment with someone I trusted a lot. To my surprise, she looked horrified when she saw the booties. My heart sank. I felt so self-conscious. Even though I felt awful after that experience, I kept wearing the booties, and I started getting compliments on them. That helped me wear them more and more. And then I started adding other interesting items to my wardrobe. So, bit by bit, I became more comfortable with being noticed for my outfits, and now I don't mind at all. In fact, people tell me that they look forward to seeing my outfts. I will say that in general I run with a crowd that places quite a bit of importance on personal appearance and style. I think some circles of people can be very negative about anything fun or interesting or unusual with regard to clothing. It can sometimes be very emotionally difficult to wear what you like when everyone else is negative about it. My advice is to buy yourself a few items that are exactly what you want, and choose some safe places to wear them. Gradually, you will get used to the extra exposure, and you won't feel so uncomfortable. FWIW, I'm 46. Jane on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness#post-2030870 Wed, 29 May 2019 04:49:38 +0000 Jane 2030870@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am nodding with the wise words above and hope that you feel easier. You do indeed look fab. You have a super shape and great smile and skin. And stylish! Alicewonderland on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness#post-2030867 Wed, 29 May 2019 03:55:03 +0000 Alicewonderland 2030867@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Eirlys, Based on your pictures, I guarantee people are not taking second glances because you are ugly. You are not! You skin is smooth and you have a lovely smile. You figure is gorgeous (and look at your boobs, wow!) I think the colorful clothes look really nice on you and suit you well. I would be looking in admiration if I looked at you in the street. If you wore a red dress and got all dressed up in think you be a real bombshell. A woman can be stunningly beautiful at any age, it just depends on taking care of herself, and also how she dresses helps. I think it might be that people EXPECT older women to be invisible or no try to look nice, so people notice when you stray from that. Wear what you love and stand tall with confidence that you are beautiful. Anonymous on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness#post-2030825 Tue, 28 May 2019 23:14:46 +0000 Anonymous 2030825@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Eirlys.  You are certainly not self-centered.  I'm very glad you posted because sometimes we all need an emotional boost.  You came to the right place because this Forum is full of wise, compassionate, and strong women voices.  I sincerely hope you got the boost you needed and are feeling like you are in a better place right now.  If not, please continue to post as you see fit.  Best wishes.   Barbara Diane on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness#post-2030824 Tue, 28 May 2019 23:07:35 +0000 Barbara Diane 2030824@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I often don’t post photos because my hair is a mess and I don’t have makeup on. A while ago on another thread someone wrote about not wanting to wear color because they would stand out. And I remember thinking that they stand out because of the unusual cuts of their clothing. And I never thought I stood out and I wear a lot of color and prints. The visible/invisible thing is an interesting push/pull as I want people to think I look nice/notice but not necessarily stand out. I have a pair of long navy tassel earrings I love but feel like everyone would notice. One time I wore a bold embroidered pair of shoes somewhere. My husband was a bit horrified and thought everyone would notice and comment but no one did. I was actually a bit disappointed. I’m actually working on figuring out why I think what I think, whether I want to change my thinking and/or my clothing. Today I am wearing a top that makes me happy but would not be considered fashionable at all. MsMaven on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness#post-2030806 Tue, 28 May 2019 21:24:45 +0000 MsMaven 2030806@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I love Joy's last sentence: "You will give the younger people hope that being old is not so bad." Jenni NZ on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness#post-2030791 Tue, 28 May 2019 20:02:32 +0000 Jenni NZ 2030791@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This is an awesome post Eirlys, thank you! As a woman of 58 who is a family doctor of many older people ( the oldest woman I ever had lived to 107!) I am so thrilled at the zest for life many show, and I still admire clothing on many into their 90s, just yesterday the beautiful shell earrings on a very active 93 year old woman. My role model for how I would like to be at 88 is a woman from maybe 10 years or so ago who wore the most beautiful jewel colours. I would certainly have looked twice at her if I saw her anywhere, in admiration. Sending you love! Cardiff girl on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness#post-2030769 Tue, 28 May 2019 18:55:47 +0000 Cardiff girl 2030769@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ If you only saw the number if photos that I reject before being brave enough to out one online Eirlys and I’m sure I’m not the only one.Even professional models have loads taken and usually photoshopped plus professional hair and makeup to boot.We live in a very visual age and unfortunately that can make even the most secure of us feel wanting in the looks department from time to time.lts tough being a girl as well isn’t it because we always tend to compare ourselves unfavourably with others.l found your thoughts on invisibility versus visibility really resonated with me.l too have a deep interest in fashion but hate to think that somehow I would attract approbation through what I m wearing.lts somehow ok for the young to experiment with looks but the feeling is you really shouldn’t as you get older and that somehow it’s vanity to show that you are interested in fashion but you must still be modern and presentable in your attire.l try very hard to resist this way of thinking and think that age-ism in what ever form-it comes it just as much a discrimination as any other -ism.l am heartily cheered by people such as yourself,Joy,Mirjana who continue to be themselves and present themselves to the world in the way they see fit un-abashed by any one elses prejudices and you know what?Because of this their age is never a consideration to me.People are people ,some of us have just been here longer than others that’s all.So take heart dear Eirlys and continue to dress and be the way that makes you feel good and you will be an example to those of us coming along behind you. Mirjana on "Ugliness" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/ugliness#post-2030748 Tue, 28 May 2019 17:10:25 +0000 Mirjana 2030748@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am 75 Eirlys, and I am completely with JOY.