https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 03 May 2026 01:59:18 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-286520 Wed, 26 Jan 2011 18:20:24 +0000 Lynne 286520@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>sending hugs....all good advice above, and the only suggestion I can add is that we'd love to see a 'hair' post, or an 'accessories' post, (or even your furbaby:)) if that's all you feel up to posting to start with. And do think about the effect of the season - it's one of those things that you can't really appreciate how much it's affecting you until you're out the other side and you look back. Re your closet - be careful re losing everything! It might be that if you felt better, those clothes might seem better than they do now :). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-286470 Wed, 26 Jan 2011 17:03:01 +0000 biscuitsmom 286470@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ive been wracking my brain, trying to come up with the right words to express my deep appreciation for all the incredibly kind words and warmth I received on this thread, but words fail me. I was brought to tears by the outpouring of support from all of you wonderful members and cant thank you all enough. I printed out the thread, so I can keep your words nearby....I will see if I can get DH to help my post a few pics this weekend </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285984 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 21:48:03 +0000 Michelle 285984@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Biscuitsmom, I too wanted to offer up hugs and support. I 100 per cent empathize with how you're feeling. I am facing the need for a tripple digit weight loss, which often leaves me feeling dreadful about my body and my overall appearance, not to mention angry with myself for failing to maintain my optimal health...But this forum has proven to me that it *is* possible to feel good about your looks, regardless of size. It may not last all week or even all day, but it can happen, and it is truly empowering. Overhauling a wardrobe involves a great deal of courage, since it necessitates opening yourself up to input from others (be they your husband, online acquaintances like us, or even salespeople at a store). I have had to rely on others all the way through life when it comes to aesthetic matters, and while it can be difficult, I can honestly say it's well worth it. I also know you dont' lack for courage -- the way you handled Biscuit's illness speaks volumes there. You have the inner resources to make life better.</p> <p>Kristen is absolutely right -- don't fret about size, simply buy what fits. I had to do size up recently, and while I felt a pang every time I tried on a larger garment, it was more than balanced by the confidence I experienced once I put the items on and got out into the world again.</p> <p>Melissa is also spot on.strive to put forward whatever constitutes your personal best effort, and don't dwell on how others may evaluate that effort. Noone understands your medical issues and physical limitations better than you, and so noone can dictate what may or may not work. Work within your parameters and take pride in a unique and very personal accomplishment.</p> <p>*hugs* Please let me know if I can help at all.</p> <p>P.S. If it turns out you're into a massive wardrobe overhaul that has to be accomplished on a tight budget, focus on a few basics that fit perfectly, then introduce inexpensive accessories like scarves, bags and jewelry to make a look your own. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285925 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 20:26:10 +0000 Anonymous 285925@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>BM - I'm sad that you are feeling low. I think you've already taken the first step in getting back on track. Posting here and recieving all the postive support will really help boost your feelings. I posted some glum feelings a while back and the postive feedback was the BEST thing to get me sorted. Reading what has already posted actually made ME feel better so I am hopeful that it will be as soothing for you as well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285924 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 20:12:16 +0000 Debora 285924@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Biscuitsmom, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time right now. You are such a valued member on the forum. I always appreciate your compassionate answers, and you are always so nice to give us a heads up on great deals and sales. It's obvious that you are tenderhearted - your love of animals shines through. We are so fortunate to have you here! </p> <p>I can imagine that dressing becomes more difficult when you add physical problems into the mix. Please know that the forum is here to help and advise. If you don't feel ready to post pictures, search out a forum member with a similar body type and style for inspiration, and begin by studying her outfits. Try and see if you can come up with a sure-fire "feel good" outfit to fall back on when you have one of those tough days.</p> <p>Sending tons of hugs and support! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285912 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 19:46:47 +0000 Scarlet 285912@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Biscuitsmom, I am really sorry that you are having a hard time. I think Kristen is spot on in her advice, but I also think it is great that you keep the energy to maintain your "polish". Of course if you are ready to post photos you would also find a supportive and helpful audience here. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285898 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 19:00:43 +0000 judy 285898@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>OH, I feel for you, biscuitsmom. The physical things can really get us down! Good for you for reaching out and receiving all the love. I hope you can take the next step and post pictures and let in all the practical help with your wardrobe. There is a lot of support here for you to dress the body you have and let your mind be changed...just like on WNTW. Did you see last weeks? She was so convinced she wasn't attractive, wasn't worth it. Speaking of which, it's Tuesday and it's on tonight. I still think of Friday as WNTW night. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285874 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 18:17:07 +0000 MsMary 285874@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Team Kristen! Get yourself some clothes that fit, don't hurt (you know what I'm talking about, right? Those waistbands that leave red marks and so on?), and look good! Like Stacy and Clinton always say, dress the body you have now!! And if the number on the tag makes you feel bad, then get your scissors and cut it out! Really! Your clothes are not supposed to make you feel bad!!</p> <p>I think your impulse to dump everything in your closet is a great one -- if it makes you feel bad, then get rid of it!! (If you think it might fit again in the future, then move it to another room or bag it or box it, but get it out of your current main closet!) FAR better to have a few items that make you feel good, than a whole closet full of things that make you feel bad!</p> <p>I have been there and done that, and when I went out and bought a week's worth of outfits in my current, larger size, I felt SO MUCH BETTER! And eventually I was able to start losing... but I have never once been able to hate myself into getting in shape or losing weight. I've ONLY been able to do it when I loved myself already. Go figure, huh?</p> <p>Big hugs to you. XXX OOO </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285781 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 15:31:50 +0000 Lisa 285781@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sorry you are unhappy with your body at the moment. We all get frustrated from time to time. Chin up, it’s easier to love the body you have than hate it and fight against it all the time. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285677 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 05:50:30 +0000 Katiepea 285677@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Awwww Biscuitsmom,</p> <p>I feel so sad reading your post. I'm so sorry you feel this way. </p> <p>I find the following poem (stuck on a magnet on my fridge) a little corny in some ways. That said, I love the sentiment and I read it whenever I'm feeling down and like I want to give up. Taking a moment to read it makes me feel (just) a little better. Here 'tis, just from me to you:</p> <p>*Don't Quit*<br /> When things go wrong as they sometimes will<br /> When the road you're trudging seems all uphill.<br /> When the funds are low; and the debts are high.<br /> And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.<br /> When care is pressing you down a bit.<br /> Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.<br /> Life is queer with its twists and turns,<br /> as everyone of us sometimes learns,<br /> and many a failure turns about,<br /> when he might have won had he stuck it out.<br /> Don't give up though the pace seems slow -<br /> You may succeed with another blow.<br /> Success is failure turned inside out -<br /> The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.<br /> And you never can tell how close you are.<br /> It may be near when it seems to far.<br /> So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -<br /> It's when things seem worst that you<br /> must not quit.</p> <p>(I'm afraid I'm not sure of the author. I hope that maybe it provides you with just a little comfort, the way that it does me at times. I know it's hard at times. But Don't YOU Quit. Please. xxxx) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285623 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 03:47:24 +0000 Sveta 285623@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hugs from me too! I feel that I have nothing to add to all the wonderful advice you received here so I just send positive energy and good wishes!<br /> It is really weird how our eye goes right to the flaws we have (or think we have) and we cannot see the whole picture like others do. I also remember an article I read about an experiment: they took pictures of different women and also constructed the pictures based on how these women thought they look. And guess what: in all of the constructed pictures were much they looked bigger than IRL! So maybe you look much better than you think you do! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285607 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 03:17:12 +0000 catgirl 285607@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kristin, that is brilliant. I finally did the same, realizing that my post-child body was just different and one size up was not the end of the world. Now I not only look better, I am way more comfortable. And for the smaller items I can't bear to part with in case I ever shrink, I've stored them out of sight so they don'r irritate me. </p> <p>Biscuitsmom, please accept all the love and support here. We are not all perfect, and no one will be anything but kind and gentle to you. Hang in there... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285606 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 03:17:10 +0000 Melissa 285606@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I had to log in to respond to this. I am sending big hugs and warm thoughts your way. Know that the times when you feel horrible will pass.</p> <p>I have really been there, feeling like everything in my closet looks awful, and I can say from experience that it truly does help to photograph something and get feedback. It seems to force me to really look at what I'm wearing. I don't always (or even usually) like the photo, but it is invaluable for helping me to make adjustments so that I feel good in my clothes. </p> <p>I second the suggestion to start a thread asking for help in figuring out the photo posting thing. I for one would be happy to help.</p> <p>As far as the exercise goes, please be kind to yourself. Your wonderful body may not always feel so wonderful, but it is what gets you through every day. I know how frustrating it can be to be limited, or prevented from doing what you want to do, by your body. It helps me to remember that sometimes just taking care of myself and acknowledging that I have done a good job in not making myself ill by pushing too hard helps me to realize that even though I didn't run five miles, or whatever, I did something just as hard and powerful, which was to live in the body I have without trying to live in someone else's body. My best effort might just be to take care of myself on a given day, where someone else's best effort might be doing a triathalon, and that disparity is ok with me.</p> <p> I don't know if that makes sense. What I'm trying to say is that, when your body isn't 100%, just acknowledging that and working with what you have means that you are 100% for that day. You should be proud of every day that you get through. </p> <p>We're here for you. What would help right now? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285592 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 03:02:28 +0000 Aida 285592@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kristin, that is spot on. I did this as well, and it helps dramatically! Trying to convince my sis to do the same, but I know it's hard :\ </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285571 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 02:46:05 +0000 Jonesy 285571@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Everyone has offered such great comments! I absolutely agree about trying to be kind and forgiving with yourself. Also agree about the weather: don't discount the wicked things dark gloomy weather can do to one's psyche! Is there any sort of gentle exercise you could take up, like yoga? Doing something like that always helps me to feel better. Or getting a massage...Ways of being kind to your body. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285564 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 02:41:40 +0000 Angie 285564@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>More reassuring and positive thoughts from me. </p> <p>Taylor really expressed my feelings. Let us help you! Post a picture or two. Feel the extra love that we will give you. You don't need to go through this alone. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285558 Tue, 25 Jan 2011 02:37:07 +0000 Kristen 285558@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have been up and down the scale over the years, and I guarantee you this: if you are really, really not able to find anything in your closet that you like, if everything you put on makes you think terrible thoughts about yourself and disparage yourself in awful ways, then you probably need to look at your clothing size honestly and go up one. </p> <p>Last summer was probably the worst I have ever felt about myself and my weight, and it started to permeate all the parts of my life. My unhappiness was poisoning me. Finally I went up a size, looked at myself again in clothes that fit my body, and suddenly I didn't look as awful as I thought I looked. I'm not the weight I want to be, but I like how I look again -- I like ME again -- and that makes all the difference in the world. </p> <p>Just my experience! Good luck, and be kind to yourself. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285454 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 23:33:31 +0000 Aida 285454@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sorry you're feeling down, I'll second the thoughts to be kind to yourself; as Kelly said, we're certainly our own harshest critics and kind words, especially from ourselves, go a long way. Keeping up on your hair and make up is excellent, and it's quite an accomplishment on its own (I'm always impressed with gals who can do this!).</p> <p>Each time you put something together that you like, jot it down and write why you like it. That way if the next time you don't feel as good, you'll have an instant reminder of why it looks good! I hope you'll be able to post photos soon, I know you can get some wonderful feedback here! In the meantime, when you feel down but have to go out, pop on a bright scarf to cheer yourself up in the middle of winter </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285428 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 22:42:04 +0000 Heather 285428@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Awww....Biscuitsmom! Hug, hug, hug, hug! If I lived near you, I would definitely go shopping with you.</p> <p>It is good for you to reach out to a wonderful forum like YLF. There are so many people here who inspire imitation not only by appearance but also by genuine kindness and sincerity.</p> <p>Do figure out how to post some photographs. Help and advice are always a click away. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285404 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 22:24:52 +0000 Mamapicklejuice 285404@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, goodness - don't give up! We're here for you! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285400 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 22:20:43 +0000 taylor 285400@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Dress the body you have!!!</p> <p>..in fact I don't think we have ever seen you and you already have an adoring fan club!:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285395 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 22:17:15 +0000 JaneF 285395@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I completely agree with Janet. One of the best things you can do is stop the negative self criticism (easier said than done I know). Be kind to yourself! You would never in a million years be as harsh toward anyone else in the way you are to yourself. And going back to WNTW, one of the things I'm always amazed by is how much happier the participants feel about themselves after a week of positive talk. It's not just the clothes—it's that they see themselves in a new, more appreciative way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285390 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 22:14:17 +0000 Debbie 285390@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Biscuitmom-having health issues and not being able to exercise as you would wish has to be extermely frustrating. Please do not give up. I admire you for applying make up everyday and keeping up with your hair. That can be a daunting task at times.<br /> I agree with the statement we are our worst critics. I encourage you to take pictures and post them here. It helps more than I could have imagined. Also pick out an accessory that you love and can be easily incorporated with your outfits. It will boost your confidence.<br /> Take care and remember this community is always here for you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285377 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 22:04:48 +0000 MNsara 285377@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>More {{hugs}} from here. You're here in MN, right? Please don't overlook that this has been SUCH a gloomy, nasty winter that part of your down feelings may WELL be seasonal. That feeling of wanting to dump everything in your closet -- did that show up in the last two months or so? </p> <p>That taken into consideration, keep up the good work of staying polished with hair and makeup. Consider other things you can do that are good for you - manicure (home or salon), facial (home or salon), massage, even coffee out - can help lift your spirits. </p> <p>Do try to get some outfits posted any which way you can (husband, kids, understanding coworker), so you can start to get some feedback and begin making small, but helpful, changes. I have to hope that just getting going on positive changes will fuel the energy to make more positive changes, etc.</p> <p>P.S. Are you taking Vitamin D this winter? If not, may want to look into it. . . </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285376 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 22:03:54 +0000 Inge 285376@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so down, Biscuitsmom. I completely understand what you are saying and I know it can be extremely hard to have to cope with both physical/health related problems and body/style issues.</p> <p>I do agree with Kellygirl too, though, we truly are our own worst critics, and the YLF lasses will absolutely help give you a boost any time you need it. (if you need help with posting pics, you could always start a separate thread about this, and we'll have you sorted in no time).</p> <p>I bet your hair looks fantastic, and I admire anyone who takes the time to apply make-up every day (I'm getting there;-)</p> <p>Not sure if this helps: but even in my most blah outfit and on days that I don't like what I'm wearing at all, I always feel better when I add a colourful scarf (perhaps it's silly, but I'm a scarf girl at heart). Maybe you have a favourite (type of) accessory too, something that makes you smile?</p> <p>Also: when going outside. I've found it helps tremendously if I'm wearing a fab coat I feel absolutely amazing in (and it can cover up any outfit you're not entirely happy about;-)<br /> Perhaps that's a good starting point (that is if you don't already have a coat you love already, of course).</p> <p>Just a few ideas. I'm sure the other ladies will have helpful suggestions too.</p> <p>Hang in there BM!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285373 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 22:00:10 +0000 Janet 285373@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I understand how it feels to be unhappy with how your body looks. As kellygirl said, we tend to be our own harshest critics and beat ourselves up in ways we would never inflict on anyone else! Be kind to yourself. When you find yourself saying anything mean about your body, stop. Just stop, and replace those words with something kind and positive. Changing a habit of thought is one of the hardest things to do, but it happens one small step at a time.</p> <p>Keep moving, even if it's only a couple of blocks of walking, and if your clothes are a source of frustration, maybe treat yourself to a new piece of jewelry, scarf, or shoes that you love and that make you happy when you wear them. </p> <p>This is a wonderful community here. Even though I'm very new, I can tell there's a lot of support and affection amongst the members. Kudos to you for reaching out. We're here. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285367 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 21:55:37 +0000 biscuitsmom 285367@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks, Ladies... I actually do watch WNTW and just find myself thinking 'well, they havent seen ME!' aagghh. I honestly dont have anyone I can shop with and dont know how to upload pics...may try to ask DH when he has time....dont worry, I *will* warn people in advance! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285355 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 21:49:10 +0000 kellygirl 285355@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>&lt;&lt;Hugs&gt;&gt; Biscuitmom. I'm sorry that you are feeling so down. I think it's a good thing that you are keeping up the hair and make up even if you feel less than fab in terms of dressing. Exercise wise, I would try to do what you are physically able to do and be gentle on yourself. Set small goals and work up to them gradually. </p> <p>I think we tend to be our own worst critics. You could post some outfits and get some feedback--perhaps that would help boost your confidence : ) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285345 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 21:39:20 +0000 JaneF 285345@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, you need to watch a few episodes of "What Not to Wear" because one of the points they drive home over and over again is you can look fabulous no matter what size you are! I truly believe it, too! Don't get down. I suggest always taking an honest friend with you when you shop who can help you get items that really play up your best features. Another thing the hosts emphasize on that show is dressing for the body you have NOW not the one you wish you did. Don't give up! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/trying-really-hard#post-285340 Mon, 24 Jan 2011 21:32:40 +0000 biscuitsmom 285340@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>to not just 'give up' because I am WAY over what I want to weigh... sometimes I put on a item and think it looks ok, then the next time I wear it Im just overwhelmed with how bad I look. I try to keep my hair freshly cut and wear makeup (mostly not to scare anyone) but my physical problems prevent me from doing most exersizes and walking more than a block or two. I feel like dumping almost everything in my closet because I dont feel good in anything more than once and that doesnt happen very often if I do. </p>