YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Toxic Family Relationships

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Toxic Family Relationships https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 26 Apr 2026 22:34:24 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php rae on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships/page/2#post-1252191 Thu, 15 May 2014 04:55:55 +0000 rae 1252191@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ LAR, wow! What a great list - I have read some of the borderline titles, but it's great to have so many that deal with parents as well. I will definitely order some in once the living situation is in order. Fantastic.  Joy and MKK, thank you also for sharing your experiences. It looks like toxic influences can be anywhere in your life. I admire those who have successfully cut ties, since I was drawn back into the storm once already. It seems like it takes a lot of awareness and confidence to be able to say, "It really isn't me this time. I'm not just being judgmental or emotional. This person is a problem in my life."  :T MsLuna on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships/page/2#post-1251206 Wed, 14 May 2014 04:43:23 +0000 MsLuna 1251206@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae, I relate to this. My dad and I have not been in speaking terms since 2009. Without getting into too much detail, let's just say he never learns his lesson and keeps leaving a trail of emotional casualties as he goes. I'm tired of getting the life sucked out of me and dealing with the same issue over and over again. It's hard to cut off family, especially if you're culture places family first. But sometimes, it needs to be done. You can only give so much of yourself to your family and the toxic relative just can't suck the energy out of you. Anonymous on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships/page/2#post-1249125 Mon, 12 May 2014 03:10:37 +0000 Anonymous 1249125@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae, I have not read the other responses, but to answer your question, I have cut a younger brother out of my life, not for anything he did to me, but for what he did to his little daughter and ex wife. He would bad mouth his then wife and still doesn't see that he did anything wrong. It makes me sick how he has ruined his life, but he is the only one responsibility. The only "help" he wants from me is money. There are some people that can't or don't want to be rescued from themselves. Do what is best for you and your husband. LAR101 on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships/page/2#post-1249083 Mon, 12 May 2014 02:32:11 +0000 LAR101 1249083@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae, Interestingly enough,  I found out that my friend Joy (who is one of the most grounded people I know)  cut off relations with her mother years ago.  When her sister found out she thought that was a terrific idea.  I've kept a reading list on the topic.  My own family has its problems and some cousins and I share books and articles.  Joy was interested, so I cleaned up the booklist some and can share it with you...  So... here is my reading list on dealing with toxic parents and healing from childhood abuse.  My list does include a few off-topic books that intrigued me.  I put a check mark before those I have read and recommend.  I think it does help have some idea of what diagnosis the parent might have (Narcissistic Personality Disorder Or Borderline Personality Disorder), so you know what you are dealing with.  I do think the world is changing. In “Mean Mothers”   the author discusses how little support adult children of abusive parents get if they decide to ‘divorce’ their parent but in the newpaper articles, the authors discuss how that can be a healthy path.  I hope this provides some support, solidarity and insight into your experience.   Good Luck. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  √ NYTimes: MIND  :  When Parents Are Too Toxic to Tolerate By RICHARD A. FRIEDMAN, M.D.  Published: October 19, 2009 <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/20/health/20mind.html">http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10.....0mind.html</a>   √<a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2014/04/abusive_parents_emily_yoffe_slate_s_dear_prudence_columnist_talks_about.html?wpsrc=sp_all_native_index">http://www.slate.com/articles/....._s_dear_pr</a>   √<a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html">http://www.slate.com/articles/.....we_the_mot</a>   √ “Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt” by Peg Streep   -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- √ "Will I Ever be Good Enough?  Healing the Daughers of Narcissitic Mothers" by  Karyl McBride, Ph. D.   √ "The People of the Lie"  by Scott Peck   The Drama of the Gifted Child  by Alice Miller   Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life  by Susan Forward   "Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives" by Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells Miller  , J. Keith Miller     “All That Is Bitter & Sweet: A Memoir by Ashley Judd”   short section on her personal transformation   “Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder “ by Paul Mason MS and Randi Kreger and “Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth, Freda B. Friedman, Randi Kreger   The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing [Paperback] Beverly Engel  (advice on how to change for both parties)   “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead"" by Brene Brown    “The SocioPath Among Us” “Emotional Freedom” by Judith Orloff. M.D. “Willful Blindness” by Margaret Heffernan  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- lyn* on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships/page/2#post-1240882 Sat, 03 May 2014 16:36:53 +0000 lyn* 1240882@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sent in PM. Eliza on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships/page/2#post-1240787 Sat, 03 May 2014 12:57:28 +0000 Eliza 1240787@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae- I feel for you and wish you the best with this.  Your approach is measured and seems to reflect the fact that this doesn't have to be sorted out for all time quickly.  Just getting to that point is a lot.   There is a mother/daughter with a similar difficult situation in our extended family.  Daughter had a lot of therapy, children of her own and a history of neglect/emotional abuse with her likely BPD mother.  She is now out of touch with her mother and feels a peace not possible earlier.  There is pain on the part of her mother.  Lots of it.  This pain is not accompanied by any visible sense of responsibility for how her own issues may have been devastating to her kid.  She wishes that more were possible, that her children had an actual grandparent on her side of the family, etc.  and has had to acknowledge that her mother isn't able to be that.  She has focused on other relationships that fill those roles.  Alone, one cannot create a functional, mutually respectful relationship.  Toxicity undermines health, peace mind and often, finding one's own way forward.  Every situation is different and people must do what works best for them.  Finding your way to stand by decent behavioral expectations is probably a gift to all. Hang in there. Isabel on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships/page/2#post-1240248 Fri, 02 May 2014 21:30:01 +0000 Isabel 1240248@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae, I am so sorry about all this.  It is especially complicated when it is a mother because society has taught us that simply the act of giving birth awards one certain privileges no matter what.  I don't believe in that because people use it as an excuse to do terrible things and be abusive. And your mom IS being abusive.  So to answer your question : "Is it unfair to cut her out for what she does to someone else, when she does not treat me the same way? " Absolutely not !  You have every right to take a stand on her abusive behavior on  principle.  Even if it is not directed at you.  If she were physically harming your sister you probably wouldn't think twice, like most of us.  It is like a social injustice.  For example, just because I am white and have never been on the end of racial inequality doesn't mean that I shouldn't take a stand on it.  To me it is the same thing.  The strong must take a stand on the character of someone is who abusive to the vulnerable - even if it is not affecting them directly.   Don't think of it as doing something TO her but rather something FOR yourself.  That is,  to protect yourself from the toxicity that she brings.  XXXXXXXXXXXXX Jeanie on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships/page/2#post-1239622 Fri, 02 May 2014 07:29:04 +0000 Jeanie 1239622@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sorry to hear your are going through this situation with your mom.  My sister-in-law has a personality disorder and has been creating chaos in the family for some time.  I've read the book that Lyn mentions and it was helpful.    It sounds like having her go live with another family member could be a good idea but that is up to you to decide.  Does she have a job?  I know my sister-in-law got really bad when she stopped working and refuses to go to counseling.  I wish I could get all these folks with issues into counseling just for the sanity of the families! Hugs to you. rae on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships/page/2#post-1237376 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 04:39:14 +0000 rae 1237376@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you very much to all who posted insights here. It means a lot to me that you have weighed in on a sticky subject with such honesty, sensitivity, and lack of judgement.  As always, the advice that keeps resonating with me - which many of you have pointed out! -  is that I can only control myself. I can't change my mom - even though she chooses not to say certain things now, I have to accept her negative feelings about my dad and her desire for us to take sides... those things have been there since I can remember, and there is nothing I can do about it. So... failing her magically turning into a different person, what options do I have and, as a few of you have put it, what will bring me peace? The time I spent away from her was actually great on my end. I can't think of a negative to it aside from being a tiny bit sorry for her. It felt the same as the friend I lost at about the same time... just a nice even keel without having to pick anyone's emotions up off the floor or give out all my support without receiving the same in return. I realize a mother is different from a friend, but somehow that makes it worse.  Anyway, I haven't made any decisions yet. I do know that another family member has offered to help her out financially, but she doesn't want to accept because she'd have to move away from my sister and me. Starting to think it may be better for all parties if we were not "keeping" her here. I don't know if I would write to her or make any kind of announcement about it, either... that would just open the matter up for discussion that I don't have the energy for.  It is interesting to me how the divorce has been so healthy for my dad - he is a whole new person, and our new step-mom is completely loving, supportive, and warm. Totally different life for him. Meanwhile, Mom is just as unhappy as ever, if not more so. I will have to read some of the suggested books - maybe on an upcoming plane ride. I actually thought I had BPD myself for a while. Never discussed it with my therapist; it was enough for me to know that sometimes my initial emotional reactions are blown out of proportion. I definitely think Narcissism is something mom could have... Echo on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships/page/2#post-1237296 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 02:57:35 +0000 Echo 1237296@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae, I am so sorry. Anything regarding a relationship with a parent is easier said than done. There are SO many things that affect our feelings and our decisions about parents, and it is never simple. So my advice would be not to make any final or permanent decisions. First ask yourself whether you were more at peace during the time you had no contact with her. If you eliminated contact again, would it bring that peace back or would you still experience the anger and anxiety if you heard about her treatment toward your sister? Is your sister willing or able to at least temporarily cut contact with your mum?  If I were you, I'd write your mum a note letting her know that you won't be in contact with her for a while (an indefinite period) because of the way she treats your sister. Tell her that it isn't the way she treats YOU that is or was the issue as much as the way she treats people in general. Tell her that you aren't able to have a healthy relationship with her right now and that you may be able to in the future, but that you can't guarantee that. Don't burn bridges or make any permanent decisions, but think about whether being in contact with her adds anything positive to your life. If the answer right now is no, then I think you need space and no contact to really decide what's right for you going forward.  April on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships/page/2#post-1236890 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 19:41:33 +0000 April 1236890@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have had this conversation a thousand times with my husband, Rae: "How much does it matter that someone is 'family' if my relationship with that person is destructive to my peace of mind?  Do we owe family members anything special just by virtue of being related to them?" I still don't know the answer.   Take a look at the Wikipedia description of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/N.....y_disorder</a>  and see if the description fits your mom. If it sounds familiar, then anything you can read about dealing with a narcissistic parent may be helpful to you.  (There is a book, for example, called Children of the Self-Involved.) Sounds like you're on the right track with setting boundaries.   Anonymous on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships/page/2#post-1236880 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 19:27:29 +0000 Anonymous 1236880@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Under no circumstances let any toxic person, whether it be a relative, friend, boss, etc. be a part of your life or your health (physical and/or mental) will suffer. There are people who know how to handle the toxic person, however, I am not one if them and my heart became severely impacted due to the stress imposed on me by this toxic person. This person passed away 2 years ago and it is amazing how de-stressed I am today. I will never let another person like that into my life ever again. TraceyLiz65 on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236879 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 19:26:28 +0000 TraceyLiz65 1236879@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ If she can respect your boundaries, then perhaps it's time to address that she is not doing the same for sister.  Pehaps you two could do this together if your sister isn't as asserive at setting  the boundaries... I think you have to give it a shot before deciding whether to cut her out aloghether... I had to cut my sister out of my life and have no regrets as she was just too toxic and lacks any insight or compassion.  I allow her to come for Christmas and text her a few times a year.  I tried everything to ask her if she could see her behavior as change-worthy ,but she refused to answer and just wanted to attack me. She would suck me dry and give nothing back if I allowed her to.  rabbit on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236841 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 18:50:44 +0000 rabbit 1236841@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wishing you strength and centeredness as you deal with this.   I relate to what RL says about being unable to help someone by going through the suffering with them (different from empathy).   At a certain point I once had an insight and instead of going on with a cycle of drama realized that by continually experiencing someone else's feelings in an attempt to empathize, offer solutions, and help them, we both felt shitty, and they never learned the skills to get out of their dark mood and despair themselves (plus it didn't work). When I stepped back and walked away and said, I love you, but those are your feelings and conclusions, not mine, best of luck, they were able to remember and use some of their own coping skills.  I think the idea of a 'mother' can be so fraught with implications.  Sometimes I am only able to make peace when I consciously let go of these expectations, and look at the actual person while forgetting about the genealogy.  The switch from thinking of someone as a 'mother' and instead of as an 'aunt' or even a 'niece/child', or whatever role feels right, can let go of a lot of this weight and it gives me both more distance and more compassion. Also, I think 'found family' is crucial.  It can be by far the most important thing in life and I think that's great, and it should be celebrated and acknowledged more, not just through weddings and adoptions.  I remind myself of that sometimes to keep things in perspective. Irene on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236812 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 18:15:33 +0000 Irene 1236812@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ If I were to look at it coldly, I would say you shouldn't have a relationship with someone that treats someone you love (which I assume is the case with your sister) badly, not matter how nice they are to you. That said, this is your mom.  Whoa, I don't know. I'm not mature enough to answer to such a question, but I feel your pain. This has to be really hard.  carter on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236674 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 15:24:53 +0000 carter 1236674@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ At 50, I'm so done with toxic relationships. They are so draining. I don't have any brilliant advice except to do what feels right for you. My mother has certainly taught me that blood relationships are irrelevant. Long, long toxic relationship with my mother, starting when I was 15, and she told me she had no use for me anymore and that I needed to find another place to live. Fortunately, she had told my dad that five years before, so I did have another place to live! 10 years later, she started inching back into my life because I got married (giving her a new "son"), and I let her. Then, when I got divorced at 40, she told me that she would be keeping my ex-husband, since he was her "son" and I was just a daughter. Okie dokie. I gladly gave my ex custody of her. Good riddance! I will add that I am extremely close to my stepmom, so there's no void in the mother-daughter part of my life. Aziraphale on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236673 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 15:24:34 +0000 Aziraphale 1236673@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm so sorry to hear this, Rae. I have no advice that will solve the problem...just a suggestion. I think you're already doing the right thing. Keeping up the limited interaction with your mom is the decent thing to do (even though she sounds like a messed-up person), but I would keep the boundaries you already have in place. You could look at the odd conversation you have with her as a chore that you must do. We all have to carry on polite conversations with people we don't like -- bosses, teachers, co-workers. Diplomacy is almost always the best option. The sad thing is, it's your mom. I totally get that. My own relationship with my mom, while not as toxic as yours, was nevertheless fraught with difficulty. Mine was a martyr too, and had a filthy temper. She also had good qualities. I eventually learned to hear without listening. I'd repeat the phrase, "Like water off a duck's back" in my my head sometimes. But it didn't stop me being sad that I couldn't have a better, more honest relationship with her. Still, life hands you what it hands you, right? And it's all a wash anyway now that her mind has turned to swiss cheese.  More importantly, does your sister need some help asserting herself?  ETA I definitely did get counselling. It helped. Have you considered that? ironkurtin on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236666 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 15:19:24 +0000 ironkurtin 1236666@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm sorry you and your sister are going through this, Rae.  It's difficult because this is your mother, with all the emotional and logistical weight that carries.  You want to love her and be loved in return, and you want her to love your sister and be loved in return.  But something in the equation is broken here. I agree you should go with your heart and with what feels right.  Unfortunately you cannot change your mother or your sister.  You can only change your reactions to them. rachylou on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236643 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 15:01:30 +0000 rachylou 1236643@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Well, dd comes with a lot of family with a lot of problems. I have cut many of her family members (who were originally my neighbors and whom I saw a lot of). There are times when you have to make choices and just stop interacting with people and cut your losses. I do rather think, though, since you bring it up, that it would be good to separate yourself from your sister in your perceptions. Reacting on her behalf is, in all cruel honesty, a step removed from reality. My friend has a good line - "I can't take a pill to cure your problem." You both confront a problem when it comes to your mother, but the confrontations are separate. You aren't going to be doing anything to fix her problems with your mom by not talking to your mom. Maybe you should spend some time supporting your sister and her dealings with mom before you take the decision to cut your mom out of your own life. Just so you can be clear. I could see things not changing because it's your mom bothering your sister. Unless, of course, your sister is underage and you have responsibility for her - and cutting your mom out of your life, cuts your mom out of hers too. Just my two cents. Angie on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236637 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 14:55:34 +0000 Angie 1236637@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ NOT easy.  I have no words of wisdom, Rae. In time, your heart and head will guide you to the option that feels best. Best of luck. xo texstyle on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236608 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 14:36:11 +0000 texstyle 1236608@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I think many people with toxic family relationships harbor a lot of guilt and societal pressure. It's easy for someone with a good family relationship to say "family is the most important thing" but it's not so easy to be on the other side. I think it's not only okay to distance yourself from certain family members, sometimes it's necessary for your own health and well being. I read that in a self help book many many years ago. Trying to learn how to converse with a toxic family member (if you choose to do it) is an ongoing challenge I think. Even if it's only the occasional phone call, it can be very stressful. Should we feel obligated to hold our tongue when the toxic member does not?  You'd think after 50+ years it would get easy. There is no right answer for everyone I guess. shedev on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236575 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 13:59:40 +0000 shedev 1236575@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sorry you are going through this. I think your sister may have to pull back some too. Janet on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236474 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 12:27:54 +0000 Janet 1236474@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, Rae. It's extremely difficult. My family has someone like this too, but a big part of her issue is substance abuse. When she is in treatment, staying clean, and going to therapy regularly, the behavior issues virtually disappear, but sadly, a lapse has caused the issues to come roaring back. As a result, some of the people closest to her have had to withdraw in order to keep their own existence healthy and peaceful. You can't fix or save your mom. I subscribe to LACeleste's motto, and limit my exposure to individuals like this. It's painful and difficult because there is a tendency to feel like we're abandoning them and not being supportive. But there's support, and then there's enabling. My heart goes out to you. I appreciate the book suggestions. Lyn, I'll be checking out that one you mentioned in particular. Anonymous on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236460 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 12:15:56 +0000 Anonymous 1236460@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae -- for my own mental health, my doctor advised me to cut off all relations/interactions with immediate family members.  I was aghast at the suggestion, but implemented it anyway.  Everything in my personal life improved.  The only bad thing that happened was the interference of well meaning friends that waned to "fix the rift" because they came from different family backgrounds and had no framework of understanding. I found that limiting discussions with them about family issues aided my recovery. Warmest wishes to you and your sister going forward.   crutcher on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236459 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 12:15:47 +0000 crutcher 1236459@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I know this must be hard and something that takes up alot of your thoughts...Don't let it take your joy away...Somehow cutting out the situation from your thinking, allows happiness to get in...I am a believer in finding a way to get happiness into your life...As simplistic as that sounds, enjoying the NOW is where its at... If your mom can't contribute to your happiness, then you need to move on...as hard as that is... viva on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236432 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 12:01:56 +0000 viva 1236432@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae, I am so sorry for this. The fact it is your mother must make it especially difficult and painful for you. I agree that having a therapist to talk through your feelings with might be beneficial. I have a sister I have had to stop interactions with periodically. I won't hijack and get into all the details here; suffice it to say that she can be extremely manipulative and cruel, all psychological, and I am hyper-sensitive to her stuff which doesn't help. I starting seeing a therapist when things got very bad, and she helped me accept and feel okay about suspending the relationship which I now do whenever I need to. And when I don't suspend it completely, I have real limits to how close I will get. I have to endure a certain amount of interaction because my parents (with whom I am very close) now live with her, but I have to watch myself and my interactions with sister really carefully. It's hard and causes me a lot of stress and anger. It doesn't really get better, but I find that I am a lot more comfortable pulling the plug now when I need to. Again, I'm so sorry you are going through this with your mother and if you are not talking with someone about it, think about doing so. It really has helped me a lot. xxxxx Deborah on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236360 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 07:53:43 +0000 Deborah 1236360@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae, I am sorry. Situations like this are awful. I have been watching a friend experience something similar and the decision making process has been challenging. I have not had this with family but with friendships and I decided that I needed to be in relationships that were healthy, uplifting and positive for me. Really only you can work out what is best for you. Adelfa on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236333 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 06:02:50 +0000 Adelfa 1236333@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This sounds so incredibly painful. Gigi on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236323 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 05:29:57 +0000 Gigi 1236323@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rae, I am so sorry. I don't have much advice to give other than that, yes, sometimes it is necessary to cut someone out. If I were in your shoes, I would probably make an appointment with a therapist to see how to go about dealing with this situation appropriately. Caro in Oz on "Toxic Family Relationships" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/toxic-family-relationships#post-1236302 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 04:46:02 +0000 Caro in Oz 1236302@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Terrible situation rae & I have been there with my mother's brothers who felt they were entitled to treat my mother like a slave, borrow money & never repay it, & talk to her however they wanted. I just don't see them but my sister does. My sister & I just don't talk about them when we are together (that did take a while to work out). Are you able to talk to your sister about her situation & why she allows your mother to treat her that way? I agree with Una & think we all need to protect ourselves first.  "The Drama of the Gifted Child" is well worth a read imo too.