https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 28 Apr 2026 05:31:39 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate/page/2#post-1104825 Thu, 05 Dec 2013 01:17:41 +0000 Anonymous 1104825@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great! She found your Achiles tendon...Umm, It is time to find hers. Sadly, the best thing to do with these type of people is not to get mad, but to get even. I know, not exactly the nicest thing to say or the best advice to give,but sometimes being the bigger person just.does.not.work.</p> <p> I am sorry you are being hurt by this behavior. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate/page/2#post-1104768 Wed, 04 Dec 2013 23:55:20 +0000 Lucy 1104768@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh this is horrible! You would think people would have learned.</p> <p>I had this a lot. We had four years of trying before I had my DS, and we had been married for ten years before we started trying, and then together seven before that. So you can imagine the expectations! </p> <p>I tried lots of things, mainly ignoring, counting under my breath, deflecting. Jokes tended to work best, I often deflected to my dog as our baby. But for some people nothing worked until I plucked up the courage to say, I've had a series of miscarriages and I'd rather not discuss it. That did work, though obviously in the case of your SIL you don't trust her enough to say it.<br /> I think Adelfas idea is a good one, getting my husband to have a quiet word with one or two relatives did work.</p> <p>And I agree that it never ends. Despite the many problems I had, frequent surgeries etc people kept asking me about a sibling for DS!!!! As if we weren't trying.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate/page/2#post-1103816 Tue, 03 Dec 2013 21:37:18 +0000 Anonymous 1103816@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Actually, there's a 10-year difference between my DD #1 and DD #2, and not because we weren't trying. I laughingly tell people that whatever was broken somehow got fixed, because there's only a 20-month gap between DD #2 and DD #3. DD #4 was totally unplanned and came 5 years after DD #3. Go figure! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate/page/2#post-1103811 Tue, 03 Dec 2013 21:25:08 +0000 AviaMariah 1103811@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm not sure I can add to the great advice you've already been given but I can commiserate with you. &nbsp;We did not have DD until we'd been married for almost 15 years. &nbsp;Most people knew that we were battling infertility but that still didn't stop the commenting - it just changed to advice. &nbsp;I'm not sure there's any way to make it better except just prepare yourself and have someone to vent to afterwards, &nbsp;Hugs to you on this really hard journey. &nbsp;Don't forget to be kind to yourself and give yourself many breaks. &nbsp;xoxo </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate/page/2#post-1103744 Tue, 03 Dec 2013 19:46:15 +0000 Anonymous 1103744@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>QUOTE FROM IRONKURTIN: My father used to say that nothing was as sweet or as tender as children, especially when fed beer, massaged daily, and roasted slowly.</b></p> <p>Ironkurtin: This&nbsp;makes me think&nbsp;about my 11-year-old nephew, whose helicopter parents have managed to turn him into an A class, #1 brat. My DH and I "grin and bear it" whenever they visit, while our DDs hide out in their bedrooms with the legitimate excuse that they have homework and/or need to study. He was so naughty this past week that I was nearly ready to cook him and serve him for Thanksgiving, along with the turkey. We're all resting &amp; relaxing now that they've gone back home.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1103508 Tue, 03 Dec 2013 14:38:29 +0000 ramya 1103508@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have started using "With your blessings we may reach there sooner than later :D". Results in them starting on the track of how they would pray for us and would happen sooner. gosh heard the versions a lot this time when I visited India!!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1103392 Tue, 03 Dec 2013 10:03:22 +0000 Esther 1103392@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I would second Adelfa's solution. My inlaws are all extremely close, and for years after I got married, my bossy SIL ruled EVERYTHING!&nbsp; Every time we were together, her opinion ruled.&nbsp; She would pout if she didn't get her way, and everyone was expected to kowtow to what she wanted.&nbsp; Then one time at a Christmas party&nbsp; with some friends, she really made me mad and I finally said something, and because, I think, I was an inlaw, she had a complete tantrum and it turned into an ugly scene.&nbsp; I walked out and my husband ran interference when she tried to follow me to continue her ranting.&nbsp; And he talked to her extensively after she calmed down, a few days later.&nbsp; She loves her brother, and realized that both he and I were hurt by her behavior, and thereafter made a real effort to be less over-bearing.&nbsp; I had put up with stuff for too long, wanting to not make waves, and to just get along.&nbsp; But until her behavior was challenged, nothing changed.&nbsp; Once it was pointed out to her, she made an effort.&nbsp; But I truly dont think she could have heard it from me, it needed to come from him.&nbsp; And I think, it needed to come at a calm moment, when her emotions were not engaged, in order for her to be able to be less defensive and truly hear what he was saying.&nbsp; <br />I hope that you can find an effective way to deal with this repeated invasion of your privacy. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1103352 Tue, 03 Dec 2013 05:59:32 +0000 Adelfa 1103352@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is not a very feminist sounding option, and I haven't tried it myself, but have you considered having your husband tell his sister to lay off? I have read in more than one place that&nbsp;in-law&nbsp;problems need to be addressed by the blood relative. This makes sense to me, although, again, it's not a strategy that I've used.</p> <p>So sorry. Sounds awful. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1103134 Tue, 03 Dec 2013 01:47:54 +0000 ironkurtin 1103134@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My father used to say that nothing was as sweet or as tender as children, especially when fed beer, massaged daily, and roasted slowly.</p> <p>Feel free to reuse if you like. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1103131 Tue, 03 Dec 2013 01:40:42 +0000 ClaraT 1103131@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You do not need to make up an answer to "when are you having kids". The real answer is "It is none of your business." The more polite thing to say is, "Why are you so interested in my sex life? That is really a personal thing." </p> <p>Say it with a smile and keep on saying it, sister. It is nobody's business but yours, and she should feel rude, not you. Seriously, this works: you need to make the point, gently if you are a gentle person, that this is not to be discussed and by doing so she is being hurtful. Say it that way if you must, in public if you must, and she will not bring it up again. Call me cynical, but you have tried gentle deflection and it hasn't worked.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1103069 Tue, 03 Dec 2013 00:02:38 +0000 MsMaven 1103069@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sorry to find out this kind of commenting still happens. &nbsp;Decades ago after having two kids in less than two years I was frequently asked when I was going to have another baby. &nbsp;I sympathize with you, Emily, because this bothered me and I never had a good answer. &nbsp;I memorized several, including "why do you want to know?" &nbsp;In the moment I couldn't get them out. &nbsp;</p> <p>I've been catching up on forums and blogs after being away for several days, and after reading your post I found this on Psychology Today.<a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201311/what-makes-people-ask-rude-or-inappropriate-questions">http://www.psychologytoday.com.....priate-que</a></p> <p>Much of the advice is the same as others have posted here, but the post also goes into possible reasons people may do this.</p> <p>My husband has been part of a stress therapy study group for several years, and one item he learned there has been helpful to both of us: &nbsp;First look for the kindly intention behind the intrusive act.</p> <p>I still wish I could deliver a quick comeback when people say rude things. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1103068 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 23:59:59 +0000 Echo 1103068@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I wish I had a good suggestion for something to say to these wildly inappropriate comments. What I can tell you is that it, unfortunately, never gets better. Somehow, everyone from complete strangers to close family members feel that any random woman's reproductive choices are up for public discussion, whether the woman already has children or not.&nbsp;</p> <p>A complete stranger once frowned at me and started on a speech about how I was too young to be a parent and I had my whole life ahead of me, and did I have any idea of how a baby would change my life. And this was in the OB's waiting room! I kindly informed her that I was 33 and it wasn't my first, so I wouldn't be surprised.</p> <p>My point is that any woman with or without children has to field completely inappropriate comments and questions about things that are none of anyone else's business. It is all the more painful when it is something you would rather not discuss.</p> <p>I would probably go with the, "Wow, that's a REALLY personal question..." and just leave that hang in the air for a while. Until they are made aware that their questions are NOT welcomed and are NOT just good-natured fun, they will keep at it, so you really ought to say something.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1103062 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 23:45:43 +0000 claire 1103062@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I totally sympathize. I used to get the same questioning after DS was born, and it seems the harder we were working at making #2, the more sensitive I was to these types of questions. And it's no one else's business. I finally just came up with the answer "wow, that's really personal" (in a loud voice) and left them to squirm. But I do think gaylene is right, it's less about you and more about her own insecurities. And for me now the stinging comment is always "so you ONLY have one?" Grrrr. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1103048 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 23:19:23 +0000 Kristin L 1103048@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't have any advice what to say, but I really like what Suz and a few others have said. Why is it that "the most wonderful time of the year" can also the most stressful or annoying? I love Christmas, but some relatives... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102999 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 22:07:00 +0000 Eliza 1102999@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Emily- So sorry that people are behaving that way. &nbsp;Lots of great advice here. I think it helps to know who you are most likely to be encountering this from, so that you can have a few pat replies at the ready, including pretending you didn't hear the question. Alicat's remark is great. &nbsp;Cuts right to heart of the matter, with a bit of shaming and a hint of&nbsp;humor. &nbsp;&nbsp;Never underestimate the power of changing the conversation direction or just walking away,&nbsp;&nbsp;as well as being excruciatingly vague. &nbsp;In response to "when" questions, I think a simple "ah, sweet mysteries of life" with eyes looking skyward followed by&nbsp;an exit or subject change could work&nbsp;with some people. &nbsp;If I were close to someone and it kept coming up, I might pull them aside to say that DH and I have decided not discuss this topic and you hope they can respect that. &nbsp;</p> <p>Hang in there. &nbsp;All of us have sensitive areas and it seems increasingly common for people to nose into personal business without regard for how their interrogating might impact someone else. It may&nbsp;be the flip side of our over-sharing society; &nbsp;people over-ask and lack boundaries about who is an intimate vs. who is an acquaintance, as well as what topics are simply off-limits. &nbsp;Following other people's lead about what they want to talk about seems pretty basic, but many lack the skill set.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102976 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 21:25:32 +0000 Lyn D. 1102976@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This must be really tough for you, especially during the festive season.<br />I agree with Suz that not getting into this discussion is a good option, and de-briefing with your partner/ understanding friend or relative and YLF is important too.<br />Good Luck! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102966 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 20:57:14 +0000 texstyle 1102966@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I hear you too. I guess that's part of the whole family dynamic that can make the holidays challenging for some of us. &nbsp;I&nbsp;had to deal with the "When are you going to have kids?" or similar line of questioning for years before finally I reached a certain age (at least I guess that's what happened) when it was so obviously inappropriate to ask that I never had to come up with an answer again. Whew! Back in the day, I'd typically say something vague like "it just may not be in the cards for us" just to avoid the whole issue of discussing the personal side.&nbsp; I learned that after choosing to go ahead and discuss the personal side of it a few times - which never really worked out to be a great conversation in my experience. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102963 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 20:54:16 +0000 Gaylene 1102963@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Seems like your SIL wants everyone else in the family to get on-board so she can continue with her mothering role. I've always suspected the more a woman insists on the delights of motherhood <b><i>for</i></b><i> </i><b> <i>another woman</i></b>, especially a younger one, the more likely it is that she is experiencing some uncertainty with her own role. Having children is great--don't get me wrong-- but it isn't something that you do to make a family member happy.</p> <p>It might be worthwhile to consider if your SIL's not so subtle comments on the delights of family and children might really be more about her trying to find a role for herself now that she is growing older and sees her kids becoming adults in their own right. In her eyes, if others in her family start having children, it could be the ideal solution because it would let her continue in a role that she finds familiar and worthwhile. </p> <p>I've always found it easier to tolerate another person's intrusive remarks once I realize that it's quite possible that what's underlying the "advice" might not really be about me at all. The next time your SIL starts on her soliloquies about motherhood, tell her she is a great mom and you admire the wonderful job she has done with her kids, then change the topic to something that interests you--like what she is planning to do with the rest of her life now that her kids are adults?</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102929 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 19:22:27 +0000 Anonymous 1102929@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What Suz says. And I LOVE Alicat's response! :)&nbsp;</p> <p>I'm very sorry you're going through this. It's not an easy road. We are now on year 3 of trying to get (and stay) pregnant with kiddo #2. Comments about when/if we'll have&nbsp;more children sting mightily. Trust me, I'd love that, but I have some problems&nbsp;that didn't exist when I got pregnant with DS almost five years ago.&nbsp;<b>I've learned to accept that most people, unless they've been there too, </b><i><b>just don't get it</b></i><b>.</b> Honestly, acceptance has&nbsp;made those encounters feel less personal/emotional&nbsp;than trying to come up with a snappy comeback on the spot. Over time, I've become more comfortable about being upfront about our challenges without offering any real information. The last time a nosy cousin said something (in front of the entire family, no less), I just shrugged and said, "I wish it were that easy." I kept a neutral tone of voice so as not to appear defensive. It&nbsp;got the point across.</p> <p>You have to handle this in a way that feels comfortable for you and your DH. It is not your responsibility to come up with a response that&nbsp;keeps others happy, especially when it's about something so personal. Good luck -- and know we're rooting for you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102912 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 18:56:45 +0000 Anonymous 1102912@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This was not particularly gracious, but I remember being asked that question at a Christmas party years ago. &nbsp;I blurted out the first thing that came into my mind: &nbsp;"Oh my goodness, not even my mother asks me that!" &nbsp;The questioner flushed and changed the subject. &nbsp;Later a few other women came up to me and told me they loved my response. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102897 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 18:26:38 +0000 Emily 1102897@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Haha, Gaylene, I like your strategy. &nbsp;She's a little less benign than that - she goes on about how fantastic it would be if I was a mother vs how fantastic motherhood is. &nbsp;Or how her daughter has a bit of time if she wants to have kids first because "Emily isn't 30 <i>yet</i>". &nbsp;Eyeroll. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102877 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 18:02:04 +0000 Janet 1102877@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You've already gotten some wonderful advice here (I love IK's responses and LBD's, and Suz has some great words of wisdom), but I just wanted to sympathize. I DO NOT understand how people think it's a good idea to interrogate others about their procreation plans! Good lord. </p> <p>I'm kinda glad I'm getting too old to be asked about it anymore. I never had kids of my own, and I have no regrets. I'm not shy about letting people know that when they get too nosy. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102863 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 17:48:14 +0000 Gaylene 1102863@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, I get it. Your SIL doesn't ask direct questions, she just rhapsodizes about the blessings of children in your presence until you want to run screaming from the room. To ask her to stop would result in a wounded expression; you would be the bad guy in this scene because of your crass and willful denial of the joys of motherhood. In other words she is being a bore and you are stuck with the role of being her unwilling audience. </p> <p>I'd handle her the way I'd handle a bore at any social event. Some people spill a drink on themselves to have an excuse to get away, but that sounds a bit extreme and, besides, might ruin a perfectly good outfit. My preferred tactic when my eyes stare to glaze over, and I'm thinking that stuffing something in his/her mouth might be a good option, is to follow my Debrett's etiquette book and "try to out-bore the bore, while indulging in an enjoyable venting of spleen. With not a thought for politeness, wrench the conversational initiative away from him/her and start ranting about a subject close to your own heart. It's cathartic to get stuff off your chest and with any luck you'll scare off the bore who's unused to having the conversational baton stolen."</p> <p>So you just need to think about a couple of rants you want to get off your chest. Maybe the deplorable way yoga pants and PJs are the chosen dress for young mothers these days? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102828 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 16:59:37 +0000 LACeleste 1102828@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi Emily,</p> <p>It is never easy.</p> <p>I am truly sorry people say idiotic insensitive things---especially about extremely personal topics.</p> <p>I am more likely to quietly fume rather than confront but that is not healthy.</p> <p>I am partial to the eyebrow raise and old school "I beg your pardon?!?" when asked something wildly&nbsp;inappropriate.</p> <p>Some people have low EQ--sad but true.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102823 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 16:55:58 +0000 Emily 1102823@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you all for your very thoughtful responses. </p> <p>AlaskaGirl: I have been tempted to say "Every time you ask I buy more birth control!"&nbsp;</p> <p>Suz, Thank you. &nbsp;&nbsp;I will be keeping your steps in my back pocket for Christmas (or maybe on my phone). &nbsp;It reminds me of a negotiation course I took - one of the tools that was discussed was&nbsp;"best alternative to a negotiated agreement" or BATNA. &nbsp;In a nutshell, before you enter into negotations you decide on your&nbsp;best case scenario if negotiations fail. &nbsp;That way you aren't powerless going in to the situation.&nbsp;&nbsp;You're right that I'd rather not have a "talk", I don't trust my SIL to keep anything to herself. &nbsp;I think having a plan in place before I see her next will be very helpful.&nbsp;</p> <p>Lyn, lol, permission from a doctor to blame doctors... I'll take it.</p> <p>Ruth, thank you for the hugs!</p> <p>IK, Solid suggestions, for sure; though I think "we can't afford it" would get us some side eye re:our pinball machines and travel plans... I may have to work on my stage tears. &nbsp;</p> <p>In general I am prepared to answer questions, and I've gotten pretty good at disengaging from direct questioning pretty quickly. &nbsp;The thing about SIL that really throws me is that she doesn't ask a question. &nbsp;Instead, she makes a comment; sometimes directly to me, and sometimes&nbsp;loudly and in my earshot. &nbsp;It doesn't leave much room for snappy comebacks aside from ignoring her, which I guess is the best possible answer. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102820 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 16:53:28 +0000 Nebraskim 1102820@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I chose to not have children. My response to busy-bodies who asked MYOB questions about this was "well, we'll let you know if anything changes. Until then, we shan't discuss this again, OK?" If they persisted, depending on my relationship, I might have accidentally dropped an f-bomb their way as in "STFU please." Sorry for the kinda crudity, but sometimes, you need to pull out the big guns for the really stupid people. If they are offended, well, they kind of asked for it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102807 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 16:36:30 +0000 Gaylene 1102807@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Like Suz, I think being gracious and noncommittal , as you've done, is the best way to handle intrusive remarks from family and friends, despite the inclinations we all have to shut up the offender with a witty, cutting remark. Deflecting the subject to doctors, money, or some other topic is also an option, but, unfortunately, I've usually found that anyone who persists in pushing the issue once you've been given your noncommittal responses rarely gives up that readily.</p> <p>My response in these situations is to just flat out say "I'd prefer not discuss this any more." If the person looks like she/he won't respect your request, get up and move away from them. To my way of thinking, offering excuses or making noncommittal responses keeps the topic going in the mind of the offender; the old Internet adage "Don't feed the trolls" seems applicable here. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102803 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 16:32:58 +0000 Mary Beth (formerly LBD) 1102803@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>In the early years of my marriage, I used to get this question <i>all the freakin' time,&nbsp;</i>from supposedly 'polite' company that we had just met, and pushy in-laws alike. &nbsp; While I am generally noted for my good manners, there are just some things I'm not going to listen to. &nbsp; So when it came to the interrogation about children, the question-and-answer session generally followed this format:</p> <p><u>Inquisitor:</u> &nbsp; So... do you have any children<br /><u>Me:</u> &nbsp; Not yet.<br /><u>Inquisitor:</u> &nbsp; Are you trying? &nbsp; <i>(YES. &nbsp;Seriously. &nbsp;I cannot count how many people feel this is an appropriate question to ask someone they just met half an hour earlier)<br /></i><u>Me:</u> &nbsp; If, by 'trying', you mean 'having sex', why yes. &nbsp; We 'try' every chance we get.<br /><i><br /></i>I found that if you smile wickedly and look them in the eye, it shuts down the conversation completely, and you never have it with that person again. &nbsp; And they are reeeeeal careful about the gossipy comments they make about the other officers' wives, in your presence.</p> <p>I had the above conversation with at least five different people during the 13 years of my marriage.</p> <p>****************************************<br /><i><br /></i><u>Pushy In-Law Trying To Compare Us Unfavorably With Her Own Blessedly-Reproducing and Therefore, Superior Offspring:</u> &nbsp; Don't you want children someday?<br /><i><br /></i><u>Me:</u> &nbsp; We're considering it. &nbsp; We haven't ruled it out as a possibility.<br /><i><br /></i>PIL: &nbsp; Well, you don't want to wait too long, or you'll be too old. &nbsp; (YES. &nbsp; Country-clubbing b*tch thought this was a courteous and well-mannered&nbsp;thing to say).</p> <p>Me: &nbsp;I am aware of that.</p> <p>PIL: &nbsp; Well, I'm just worried that you'll miss out.</p> <p><u>Me:</u> &nbsp;Well, if we ever feel we missed out, we'll adopt a coupla good used ones. &nbsp;Look at our dogs, we got them used at the pound, and they've been great dogs. &nbsp; Already broken-in, and trained. &nbsp; Can't beat that.</p> <p>I smiled the sweetest, most angelic smile when I said that, and the topic NEVER came up for discussion again. &nbsp; &nbsp;I only had to have this conversation once, because the word was out. &nbsp; Nice girl has sharp claws and will stick up for herself.</p> <p>I just think it is beyond inappropriate. &nbsp; I have never felt like I missed out by not having children... but&nbsp; I had a co-worker go through the heartbreak of three failed in vitro attempts, and it wiped out her savings. &nbsp; I never even knew, until one day she just broke down in tears. &nbsp; I have never seen anyone cry so hard, and I felt gutted for her.</p> <p>Just because somebody doesn't bare their heart and soul to you, doesn't mean that the topic isn't a hurtful one.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102800 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 16:28:31 +0000 MsMary 1102800@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so sorry she is being such an&nbsp;inconsiderate goofball!&nbsp; Hugs to you!</p> <p>I was going to suggest what IK suggested:&nbsp; "I really don't want to discuss it," accompanied by misty eyes and a crack in your voice. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/tips-for-being-gracious-to-the-inconsiderate#post-1102793 Mon, 02 Dec 2013 16:10:28 +0000 ironkurtin 1102793@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I didn't get this much for my first, but I got a lot of questions about when I was having a second. I don't know if this helps, but I had two standard responses:<br />- "I can't afford it." (There is not much people can do to counter this argument.)<br />- I would fake misty eyes, then say, softly, looking away, "I really don't want to talk about that."&nbsp; This always made people feel like crap and then they never brought it up again.</p> <p>Or default to Miss Manners and smile and say, "Oh, I don't discuss that." Repeat as necessary.</p> <p> </p>