https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 20 Apr 2026 12:19:24 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/4#post-2327278 Wed, 21 Jun 2023 01:40:43 +0000 Staysfit 2327278@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Jenni, &nbsp;I am happy to see the support and wisdom provided by members of this forum in response to your original post. &nbsp;I stopped coloring my hair 7 years ago. &nbsp;For me, embracing my natural grey/silver hair remains one of the best style choices I have made.&nbsp; I look very similar to my paternal grandmother who was also prematurely grey and never colored her hair. &nbsp;I never heard anyone say she looked old, only that she was beautiful. &nbsp;Perhaps her pride and confidence in sporting silver locks has allowed me to feel confident with grey hair rather than self conscious or old. More important than her hair, my grandmother was a gifted creator of short stories. &nbsp;Her skill was more often complemented than her looks and I am very lucky to have had such a role model. &nbsp;Clearly we need to do better….<div><div><br /></div><div><div><br /></div></div></div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/4#post-2327276 Wed, 21 Jun 2023 00:58:49 +0000 judy 2327276@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lots of very wise replies here!&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>Thank you for the mention of the Jessica DeFino substack, <b>Quietloud</b>.&nbsp; Just read her article on the Martha Stewart SI swimsuit cover and also the one about Kim Kardashian's new skin care line.&nbsp; Rabbit hole indeed, <b>Jenni</b>!&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/4#post-2327262 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 22:57:59 +0000 Jenni NZ 2327262@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Janet, and Suz, thank you for replying again. I suggest the Jessica DeFino blog that quietloud put me onto a few replies ago! That was amazing, what a rabbit hole! Blog is The Unpublishable.<br /> Jenava, thank you, it’s good you understand some of the roots (no pun intended!) of your feelings.<br /> Gaylene, I feel much better after all this. I guess it was a surprise how upset I felt when I have been doing “inner work” about this since I was 30 and read The Beauty Myth. Just shows how affected we are by the prevailing views in society even if we think we resist them.<br /> I will not buy hair dye or $$$ cream, don’t worry!<br /> And I asked for women who didn’t dye their hair to reply on purpose. Those who do are not helping me. They may feel it’s right for them, but I certainly didn’t want to be told to dye. It is to YLF’s credit that no-one has told me to, even if they thought it! Yes, I’m sorry that it is often women who make other women feel bad. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/4#post-2327258 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 22:14:37 +0000 Gaylene 2327258@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><i>There are no right or wrong answers, we each need to be true to ourselves, and own the confidence to go with it.</i><br /><div><br /></div><div><b>Janet</b> nailed it in that statement—at least for me. And so did <b>Suz</b> in the following statement:<br /><i>It's the ageism combined with the beauty myth that does us in -- not either one in isolation.</i></p> <p>As someone who is approaching her middle 70s, I’m determined to try to avoid seeing (and judging) myself through a grossly distorted societal lens, but it’s a constant battle. Even worse is that too many of the perpetrators of that toxic mix of ageism and the beauty myth are women themselves—the jibes, the not-hidden snarky comments, and the thoughtless remarks—they all take a toll on our lives and send even the most confident among us reeling with self doubt.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>I debated replying to this thread, Jenni, because it drives me crazy to see an attractive, vibrant, intelligent woman like yourself brought to her knees by a careless assumption. It’s that sucker punch of self doubt which sends all of us careening into the hyped up world of “how do we fix an aging female” even though, rationally, we know that a bottle of hair dye and a $$$ cream isn’t going to change the way society views us.&nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>I know I won’t live long enough to see society change its attitude towards an aging female, but I am striving mightily to support other woman in the choices they feel are right for them—and want to surround myself with women who will do the same for me. Offering up “role models” and advice about gratitude are fine, but maybe what we really need is to support each other so we can punch a big hole in that web of self-doubt which keeps us from enjoying our lives as senior women.<br /></div><div>&nbsp;</div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/4#post-2327255 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 21:45:31 +0000 Jenava 2327255@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ugh, I'm sorry these comments were made, Jenni. They sound triggering, especially with your experiences of your mother's constant criticisms. I do think, like others, that this is mainly related to your grey hair and based very much on what the individuals have been exposed to regularly in their own life.&nbsp;</p> <p>I also appreciated skimming the other stories. My experience: I made a dramatic decision to go very short in 2017 and kept it that way until 2020. When I decided to grow it out I took the opportunity to stop coloring it. I had also just started in a male-dominated and very technical job (I've always been amongst mostly men at work but this was the most extreme), and most women I was around at work were years younger and very simple, casual dressers. So I suppose my decision to grow out the color was an attempt to fit in by being more low maintenance but also to assert my experience. It was fine during lockdown, but as soon as I started interacting with the world again I HATED the way it made me feel, and I felt like I couldn't really look in a way that expressed who I felt like I was. I certainly wish for feminism's sake I could get over feeling this way about aging, but I've greyed a lot at a young age and perhaps going from brown to salt and pepper with white streaks was too much at once.</p> <p>Anyway, now I've got a lot more comfort and confidence at work and have started settling in to my style after a pretty big upheaval (2014 with my first child, 2017 with a major job change). So I'm CONSIDERING growing out my natural color again. Unfortunately I have a non-pixie cut I quite like so it won't be quite as convenient this time around. </p> <p>ETA, I also acknowledge that a large part of my dissatisfaction with seeing myself in grey hair was that the church I grew up in did not allow women to color or cut their hair, and most women pulled it back, either in elaborate updo's or scraped back into a bun. I associated that "look" with that kind of repression of personal style/frumpiness and I think it's taking me time to heal from those experiences and see my natural locks as something that CAN be beautiful and represent how I am as a person.&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327252 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 20:29:26 +0000 Jenni NZ 2327252@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lyn67, thank you for the kind thoughts. I am sorry that your hair is thinning etc- keep babying it and hopefully it will improve! Also I hope your thyroid function has been checked? (Medical persona stepping in there for a moment )<br /> Star, yes there is a brainwash all right, I try to resist it most of the time but it can get to me as this thread demonstrates!<br /> Angie, yes, I was already thinking about posting but your post gave a good starting point and I am totally aware that it is a privilege to still be alive when others like your darling mother don’t have the option I don’t forget. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327244 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 18:41:50 +0000 Janet 2327244@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Continuing the tangent, perhaps, but still relevant… I love Justine Bateman. I listened to the audiobook version of Face while I was driving out in the desert last spring, and I would listen to it again. </p> <p>I miss my dark hair. I mentally have not adjusted to the idea of being grey-haired, and I’m even going to talk with my stylist about how we can keep me feeling like myself, in terms of my hair. I know I don’t want to go dyeing my hair all blue or purple o anything like that — it’s just not my style. But I loved my little blue streaks in my dark hair, and I also liked the asymmetric cut. </p> <p>I think sometimes as we get older we need to be mindful about considering whether our comfort zones are holding us back or are dead right for us. I’m not trying to recapture my youth through my style, but I do want to keep it in tune with how I *feel* when I feel my best! </p> <p>I have friends who couldn’t care less about looking older, and others who are fighting it at every turn. There are no right or wrong answers, we each need to be true to ourselves, and own the confidence to go with it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327240 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 17:37:18 +0000 Suz 2327240@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This has been such a fascinating and rich discussion. Thanks for raising it, <b>Jenni,</b> and trusting us with your feelings.&nbsp;</p> <p><b>Judy,</b> I just watched the Justine Bateman video. That was so interesting. I would say I feel the same about my hair as she does about her face -- I see it as a kind of badge of honour and identity and a short-cut to show people who I really am. I'm not the "cute blonde" that I was in my youth -- I never was that person, the one that others saw on the surface. And the grey hair just flat out <b>stops</b> the kind of person who would always be inclined to see me that way. They can't make that assumption. </p> <p>Having said that, I think that as a person who holds a bit of power in a creative industry, Bateman perhaps overlooks another possibility -- that if our faces are wrinkled and/ or our hair grey, people may make an equally false assumption, i.e. that we are "little old ladies." Not people in authority, but the reverse. Not wise, but forgettable and irrelevant.&nbsp;</p> <p>I think <b>this</b> is what we fear -- not looking <b>different </b>than we did in our youth, but being written off by society as washed up, useless. It's the ageism combined with the beauty myth that does us in -- not either one in isolation.&nbsp;</p> <p>She's entirely right that when people make these judgements it's about them, not about us -- but the effects can be insidious.&nbsp;</p> <p>Because I'm also in a creative field, I feel I can take the risk of the latter and be who I am. (It helps that my mother never dyed her own hair and never made negative comments about women who do not dye.) But I can easily understand why for some women, dyeing hair or getting work done on their faces may feel like a truer expression of who they are.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327235 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 16:12:12 +0000 rachylou 2327235@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don’t have a single grey hair and I’ve had a 30 year old guess I’m 60, which is like ten years away. I have two thoughts: 1) I wish and 2) when I was 25, I placed my 33 year old boss at 55. Ahahaha! People be random out here.</p> <p>Also, has anyone noticed 40 today looks nothing like 40 in 1970 and even more different than 1930? In 1930s movies everyone looks 40 when they’re like 19!</p> <p>I feel it has a lot to do with how commanding your stance is and how authoritatively you dress. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327230 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 14:31:30 +0000 Angie 2327230@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This thread has evolved into a very interesting read! Thanks to all who shared their personal stories - and humour - from across the globe. Fascinating, touching, and thought provoking. </p> <p><div><br /> <b>Jenni</b>, it is my hope that your fab self feels supported, and that the hurt that those comments caused has been softened a little. It's not easy to shake, and I sympathize.</p> <p>I am about to make a dramatic comparison that is in keeping with the original message on my post, which is where your thoughts about sharing started. Despite the ridiculous world we live in - where apparently looking younger is a bench mark of beauty and aging is the enemy (especially as a woman) -  you are three years older than my late Mum was who died of cancer at 59. Aging is a privilege, and I wish you many more years of good health and happiness with your loved ones rocking your gorgeous grey hair with your fashionable verve !!! :)</p> <p></div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327228 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 13:46:32 +0000 Star (Lise) 2327228@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Aaah Jenni, the advertising slogans like 'age-defying' and 'anti-aging' within the cosmetic industry are another can of worms all on their own!&nbsp; When put together with a 20 year old model it really is toxic to minds.&nbsp; When I was growing out my silver hair a woman in the community who is in her 30s and usually comes across as an intelligent, sensible and thoughtful person informed my husband that she is TERRIFIED of getting grey hairs.&nbsp; Kind of re-enforces what I am saying about the brain-wash, yes?&nbsp; If I had understood the conversation I would have told her there are far more terrifying things ahead than your own hair colour.&nbsp; Probably better I was not fluent in the local language while going through the process! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327225 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 12:49:04 +0000 lyn67 2327225@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I loved you have had the guts to start this thread, you are a brave and fab lady, Jenni!&nbsp; I loved the exceptonally reinforcing comments, too- I cannot add antyhing wiser or more soothing- just&nbsp; love that YLF Forum&nbsp; is such&nbsp; a great community- I tell myself all the time! It somehow cured some of my old beliefs and fears, too!&nbsp;<br />I just wanted to add that I think it isn't all about the white color but of volume and healthiness of it, too... <br />I for myself&nbsp; am blonde but very fine, straight and thinning like mad ...so me at 55 am&nbsp; not really concerned about my hair color that much than for my hair quantity and quality-the 2 together won't do me any favor. Starting with my 40's&nbsp; I just feel like my hair lacks volume for&nbsp; any decent cut or styling....and struggle with it a lot.</p> <p>I am loving grey/white haired ladies and find them beautiful- including You and fellow ones here- and I confess seeing all the fabness here I was toying with the idea of going platinum&nbsp; which I did it 1,5 years ago.<br />(I thought&nbsp; the lighter color I would dye my hair it wouldn't be so obvious showing my scalp through, but I was sooo wrong....it showed anyway-and was making me look&nbsp; really old and....frail).<br />In the meantime my hair wasn't pleased with all the experiments with those extra blonde dyes and 40 volume of peroxide....</p> <p>I learned it the wrong way but I went back to only dyeing my hair to my natural color (dark blonde and lower vol peroxide) so now I baby my hair as much as I can taking suplements, massageing and air drying with no tools- and it didn't solve&nbsp; all my problems, but somehow feel better now.<br />&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327220 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 10:06:01 +0000 Jenni NZ 2327220@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh and by the way- I went to the mall this morning to grocery shop. I walked past a cosmetic clinic offering very expensive “age-defying” (their advertising) injections.<br /> Why do we need to defy our age? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327219 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 09:56:47 +0000 Jenni NZ 2327219@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The thread has a life of its own! At least I am more caught up on it now.<br /> Echo, I am sorry about your mother’s criticism. You are doing well to know that you probably can’t change her views now. My mother criticised my appearance countless times, even although she had chosen not to do much “beauty work” of her own there was always something with my hair, my clothes etc that I could have done better.<br /> Lana, thanks again for the nice comments. Sadly the Steve Madden boots that had the studs and straps did get edited out a few years ago but I still have zips on the patch leather pants!<br /> Thank you Kinnick, and Indigoprint again.<br /> Quietloud, interesting that both The Cat and yourself, who both mentioned women having babies around age 20, are from Scandinavia. Perhaps it is your tax system and socialist states (sorry huge assumptions there, but quite admired systems in this country anyway) that allow women to have children that early! Most in this country can’t afford to or don’t want to lose their “freedom” that early.<br /> I do not know why the goal is always to be younger or thinner! Can we blame Coco Chanel?! I still own a copy of “The Beauty Myth”. But things have got worse not better since she wrote that in 1990 :(<br /> I will look up your link, and thank you for the lovely compliment too </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327217 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 08:53:48 +0000 quietloud 2327217@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Dear Jenni! I am very sorry to hear about your experience, and can only imagine how hurtful that must have felt. This has become such a valuable thread, and it had me lying awake thinking about it last night, so I hope you won’t mind me sharing my opinion even though I am younger.</p> <p>The first thing I thought about is something that a few others touched upon, and perhaps it’s unnecessary to mention again, but in my culture (Scandinavian) it is also very normal to have children around age 20 or even younger (many wait until later in life, but both is common). I was just thinking that my mother in law, who sadly passed away too early, would have been in her 60’s now, with her oldest grandson 27. I do think that commenting on or assuming someone’s age is rude in any situation and should have been avoided, and I in no way mean to minimize your feelings (I would have probably reacted in exactly the same way), but as others have said it doesn’t mean that she necessarily thought you were in your 80’s!</p> <p>It also made me think about my own mother. She is 64, and she does bleach her long hair, wears contacts, and dresses <i>very</i> trendy and colorful. In some ways she does look youthful for her age, at first glance anyway. Growing up she would criticize me and my sisters for dressing boring (still does), constantly tell us to wear our skirts shorter, and I have no doubt when the time comes that I go grey she will tell me I need to dye my hair. By contrast she has a friend around the same age, who has stopped dying her hair and is completely white. She wears glasses, and dresses more conservatively, and my mother can’t stop gossiping about how old she looks. I will admit she does look somewhat older, but I find her much more interesting and authentic looking than my mother, who seems more desperate to hide her aging. I do understand that need, it’s what our culture teaches us, but I feel like <i>that</i> is the thing that needs to change. Why does the goal <i>always</i> have to be to look younger (or thinner, or whatever)? I feel like there is a hint of a shift happening in that regard, with more public figures (the lovely Justine Bateman being one of them) speaking out about it and daring to be healthy and authentic role models, and that is why I think discussions like this are so important.</p> <p>For myself I am curious to see where time will take me. I have never dyed my hair and have worn it the same for most of my adult life (straight, collar bone length in a blunt cut). I try to take care of my skin and my body with simple routines and common sense, and try not to buy into any hyped up miracle products. I wear minimal makeup. I don’t go to salons because I find it utterly boring and too expensive. I saw you mention on another thread that you had read The Beauty Myth as a young woman, as did I and it definitely shaped me. I also keep up with <a rel="nofollow" href="https://jessicadefino.substack.com">The Unpublishable</a> by Jessica DeFino, and try to constantly question myself and my motivations regarding beauty. I have some forehead wrinkles and crows feet (smiling wrinkles we call them in my language) that stresses me out occasionally. I have white strands of hair popping up here and there, but for the time being they blend in well. I don’t know how I will feel when there is more, if I will want to dye or not. For a split second I entertained the idea of botox, but as much as it might make me feel better on a superficial level, I don’t want to be a part of all that. There is also nothing wrong with those who <i>do</i>, but the culture around it makes me sad. I am also fortunate to have a husband who has very strong feelings against our anti-aging culture, and who values expression and authenticity above all else (my mother was shocked recently when he met my father’s cousin who is in her 70’s and all natural, and commented to us afterwards, ‘wow, what a beautiful woman!’ Imagine!). That support naturally helps.</p> <p>Anyway, I am sorry for the long rant. I don’t know if I added anything of value, but I think this is such an important discussion to have, so thank you for starting it.</p> <p>And for what it’s worth <b>Jenni</b>, I also think you are absolutely beautiful.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327198 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 02:09:23 +0000 Indigoprint 2327198@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Been following this as I consider my grey hair in my wardrobe planning.<br /> What a great resource this forum is .<br /> Thank you Jenni for starting the convo<br /> I have appreciated and learned from all the comments! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327196 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 01:34:37 +0000 kinnick 2327196@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>No one would look closely at you and think you were an “older” grandmother. &nbsp;Your face, neck, and skin look young and you are very pretty. &nbsp;Like you, I have a practical haircut, don’t wear make-up, and am in my sixties. &nbsp;I admire women who take time with their appearance because it is a lot of work but I am too lazy. &nbsp;So I try to do the easy parts for me. In my case that means coloring my hair, contact lenses (or cute glasses), and clothes that are reasonably stylish but still comfortable. &nbsp;I have certainly had grandmother type comments as well but I have reframed them to mean that I am projecting wiseness and grandmother kindness and caring. &nbsp;Looking at your photos I think that is certainly true of you. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327194 Tue, 20 Jun 2023 01:00:34 +0000 Lana 2327194@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Jenni, I’m glad to hear you wear the zips straps and studs! I haven’t seen many of your outfits so I didn’t know. &nbsp; The whole experience was unnerving I’m sure but I’m hoping it was just dumb comments trying to place you in the family or possibly their attitudes about hair color. &nbsp;<div><br /></div><div>I remember when I wanted to transition to grey and my hair stylist told me I was going to look old which was very discouraging. &nbsp;I still went through it and she later apologized to me. &nbsp;Sometimes people voice their own fears about themselves. &nbsp;Personally I am afraid of being invisible or the opposite — the crazy old lady wearing multiple bright colors and huge jewelry. &nbsp;I wish society would normalize aging and see it as the beauty it is. &nbsp;I’m so glad you posted this; it’s been such an excellent discussion. &nbsp;</div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327193 Mon, 19 Jun 2023 23:56:59 +0000 Echo 2327193@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>kkards, that's a really beautiful thought and a great way to honor one's ancestors.</p> <p>Carla, my mum is still with us, thankfully, but she has been far more attached to youth and external appearances than I am. For example, I had gained quite a bit of weight and recently (it has been several years now) lost it. Now that I am trimmer, it is like is has given her permission to say anything about what she thought about me before, and it's really hurtful. I am well aware that society is very fat-phobic, but to get the feeling from one's own MOTHER that your value is in your appearance and what size you wear is disheartening. My own daughter is a larger person in general than I ever was, and I have tried so hard not to judge and to tell her she is beautiful. Period. Not that she's beautiful despite her size, not that she's beautiful because she lost a few pounds, not that she's beautiful because that dress fit; just that she's beautiful - end of sentence.</p> <p>Oh, and back to topic, my mum has brought me countless boxes of hair color. Presumably she thinks I cannot see my own grey or go to the store to buy hair coloring if I wanted to? She even once suggested I use Just for Men color because it is quicker and easier. Her sister went to a wedding and sent a picture of herself, and my mum showed me the photo. I said she looked beautiful. My mum's reaction? "But doesn't she look OLD??" Well, the two aren't mutually exclusive in my mind, and I didn't comment about how old she looked, just that she looked really nice.&nbsp;</p> <p>Anyway, I know she isn't going to change at this point, so I just smile and let it go. No sense in arguing when it won't change her mind.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327186 Mon, 19 Jun 2023 22:33:10 +0000 Sal 2327186@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>kkards - what an insightful comment.&nbsp; I agree wholeheartedly. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327183 Mon, 19 Jun 2023 21:30:55 +0000 Jenni NZ 2327183@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>kkards, what a lovely thought about her. Lots of us are partly where we are because of sacrifice in the generations above </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327182 Mon, 19 Jun 2023 21:27:42 +0000 Jenni NZ 2327182@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Runcarla, I thought you might understand. My own mother was critical like yours and was responsible for a lot of hurt. One of the worst times was when I was pregnant and she didn’t think my maternity clothes “did anything for me”. Since she died in 1999 that’s 24 years now without her criticisms. I do try hard not to criticise my daughters’ appearances for that very reason. No doubt I will make a mistake with them occasionally!<br /> doggeh lover and Synne, thank you for chiming in and sorry for those experiences of being thought to be much older than you were at the time!<br /> Judy, yes doing the “inner work” is what I’m doing now. It is definitely helping. I’m sure that these comments are likely to keep happening so I had best be emotionally prepared to deflect the comments with grace. And perhaps make people think in my responses. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327181 Mon, 19 Jun 2023 21:22:13 +0000 kkards 2327181@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Reading all of these has reminded me of my reaction as a young child to seeing a picture of my fathers mother. &nbsp;The picture would been taken sometime before 1935, as she died that year. She was round, with &nbsp;a busom that looked as big as she did. She was on her 3rd husband, had 6 &nbsp;kids and was caring for 2 stepchildren. She spoke little English, and worked as a cook….and my thoughts when I saw the picture, jeez, I hope I don’t look like that when I’m old….and I don’t, because she did. She made the sacrifice to come to this country to build a better life for her family, and died before her time because medicine was not advanced and because she wouldn’t have been able to afford it even if it was….but she did give her children and her children’s children the opportunity to live a life she could not even imagine. &nbsp; &nbsp; I &nbsp;wish that I had children so that &nbsp;someone might look at a picture of me and think the same. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327180 Mon, 19 Jun 2023 21:15:18 +0000 Jenni NZ 2327180@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Elle, thank you. I think what you’ve said is what I felt. “It does hurt, despite my telling myself not to be bothered”. All the lovely responses have helped me to process it in a way that just telling my darling family, who seemed rather bemused by it, did not.<br /> Jules yes I suppose sadly everyone does function using some stereotypes. It can make for a lot of misunderstanding. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327179 Mon, 19 Jun 2023 21:01:13 +0000 Jenni NZ 2327179@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>KimM, thanks for thoughts. I’m generally happy with how I dress, I do watch the forum for ideas but reject many trends that I don’t like.<br /> And Echo, I agree about pregnancy- the same mistake was made about me when I had already had the baby. I once made it about another woman though a couple of decades ago and have never made such a mistake again! I go by never assuming another woman is pregnant. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327178 Mon, 19 Jun 2023 20:47:22 +0000 Jenni NZ 2327178@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lana, Column, RobinF and Joy, thank you. Lana I am happy with how I dress and I do wear the “studs, straps and zips” at times! I get a lot of compliments at work on my shoes. Not so much on my hair, sometimes when the pixie has just been sharply cut. I go for a cut every 6-7 weeks and maybe it should be more often to keep it sharper but time gets away on me!<br /> Joy I agree with you about how dyed hair can look. You look great with your natural hair! A beautiful white.<br /> RobinF I am working on accepting ageing, I know it’s a privilege some do not get. But it’s not an easy acceptance, that’s what this episode has shown. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327176 Mon, 19 Jun 2023 20:28:34 +0000 Jenni NZ 2327176@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Suntiger, The Cat, and Irina in response, you know I didn’t actually think the bride’s mother was deliberately being rude, and I do know women can become mothers under age 20. But that is less common in my country and culture. Admittedly amongst the bride’s Indian culture younger motherhood may be more common. But the bride was born in Canada and is also 28. I had my own 3 children when I was 29, 32, and 35. So I knew myself that I was a mother of a 26 year old not a grandmother of a 28 year old, which is why I think it immediately hurt my feelings. And as Suz pointed out in one of the first responses, my family and I had gone to huge effort to not only travel halfway across the world but to really try to fit in and wear what was appropriate. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327175 Mon, 19 Jun 2023 20:12:20 +0000 judy 2327175@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Jenni</b>, you took your bad experience and in asking for support this has turned into such an interesting thread about not only aging and peoples reactions to it, but etiquette, differing cultures and generational diversity.&nbsp;</p> <p>It's universal at least that sometimes a social remark can hit us the wrong way.&nbsp; It gets to us!&nbsp; That is what I so appreciated about the Justine Bateman video I shared in my earlier post.&nbsp; Imagine discovering via google that the "whole internet" is saying your face looks old.&nbsp; And she was only 42 at the time. I loved her honesty in saying she let it get in her head longer than she'd have liked and she had to do her inner work about it.&nbsp; As she said, her face isn't the problem, it's a beautiful face rich with experience and needed authority in her work now behind the camera...and she isn't out to change the world, but rather her own thinking.&nbsp; In another video of hers she said: "I think I look rad!"&nbsp; </p> <p>And yes, I like the comment someone made above about how a response in your pocket could be "no, I'm a physician who could save your life".&nbsp; Reminds me of the old Star Trek, going way back now, wasn't it Dr McCoy who would say, "Dammit, Jim...I'm a doctor!"&nbsp; I'm at an age now where most doctors I see are young enough to be my children.&nbsp; I love love love it when a doctor is as old as or older than I.&nbsp; I value all the experience that they have had!&nbsp;&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327174 Mon, 19 Jun 2023 20:04:39 +0000 Jenni NZ 2327174@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Peri, and Star, thank you. Star, the asking for those at least as old as me who don’t dye was because I thought they may relate better, but I certainly think you can relate as can Anchie who kindly chimed in with her own experiences. And Peri perhaps they were surprised how far I had travelled. New Zealanders are great travellers because we are so isolated from most of the world. And the groom’s father is my husband’s favourite brother who he has missed horribly for the 34 years he has lived in Canada- they are just so alike and get on so well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thoughts-from-women-62-and-older-who-don%e2%80%99t-dye-their-hair/page/3#post-2327172 Mon, 19 Jun 2023 19:49:45 +0000 Jenni NZ 2327172@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Goodness I woke up again and the thread has blown up! It will be difficult to respond to all the thoughts.<br /> Elke,Indigoprint and Cardiff girl, thank you for the support. Vildy, I’m not quite sure what you’re saying but it made me laugh about your mother! I know of a minor celebrity in NZ who is a cook and writes books who dyed her hair red decades ago and is now in her 70s and still does- she claims a redhead is what she is on the inside so she will show it.<br /> Rejoiceandbe, and Gryffin, thank you. Rejoiceandbe you have a good point that it has been my choice not to colour so maybe that can help me cope with the comments. I will try that perhaps in future. And Gryffin you go, warrior!<br /> Bijou and Brooklyn thanks for your kindness, you two are so supportive. I’m feeling better, less hurt now, and hopefully more able to face these situations which are bound to happen again. </p>