https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 24 Apr 2026 17:25:27 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-511063 Sun, 15 Jan 2012 01:25:50 +0000 Lantana 511063@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for bringing up this topic Mochi. I have girl friends and a lovely husband who are unfailingly sweet about anything I wear. That's loving but not forensic enough for me.I want help on my style journey. I could go elsewhere on the web for my answers but I'm here because, thanks to Angie's leadership, courtesy prevails on YLF. I appreciate the time forum members take to comment, however briefly, However, if people are able to pinpoint elements,(and that doesn't necessitate a lengthy response), that really helps me learn. Even though I am predominantly a visual person it is amazing how much I don't see about my own, exterior, self. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-511022 Sun, 15 Jan 2012 00:18:20 +0000 Mochi 511022@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ah, okay, I have a better handle on it. I also figure I've been more of an intuitive person, and since coming on YLF have gotten actual rules and breakdowns that have been helpful (shorter boots when worn with skirts than with tucked pants, etc). I will probably always be more of a visceral "liker" or "disliker", but it helps and is especially critical when trying to come up with one's own outfits from scratch, rather than simply comment on someone else's. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-510942 Sat, 14 Jan 2012 23:08:33 +0000 HelenInCanada 510942@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@Inge, I wouldn't worry at all - your comments always sound insightful and helpful! And as a native speaker, I like smileys too! :)</p> <p>Mochi, thanks! It *is* very fascinating stuff! All of this doesn't mean I don't have a well-developed aesthetic, though - not at all! I do! I *know* what I like when I see it, and I love getting fired up by the 'image' a certain outfit projects, imagining about a person's lifestyle, 'secret life', their history, etc when I see a certain 'look'. While visual people may have a very strong grasp of things like colour theory, silhouettes and proportions, and subtle nuances of colour (ecru? eggshell? I thought it was cream!, etc.), I *intuit* if something works to me. Exposing myself to the thought process of visuals REALLY helps to educate me on WHY something works, based on the principals listed above. It helps the creation of outfits be more conscious, rather than hit-or-miss. Fit and feel are utmost for me, but I want to make sure I am expressing what is "inside" well also. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-510924 Sat, 14 Jan 2012 22:49:04 +0000 Inge 510924@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I enormously appreciate every comment on my threads, and definitely don't mind when people give their frank opinion. I am always honest when people post outfits and/or ask for feedback. I do try to not just say "I don't really like this", but try to be more specific and pinpoint what exactly it is that's not working for me. Or I try to come up with extra suggestions or a little tweak.</p> <p>Amy's first comment here resonates with me a lot. I could actually have written this myself (thank you Amy:-) :<br /> "I think about this a lot too, especially when I am in the middle of a streak of telling many women that they look great. Sometimes, I wonder if saying it so often dilutes the strength of my compliment, but when I do say something, I'm sincere. 100%.</p> <p>Sometimes, I'm really tired or tongue tied and can't come up with anything unique to write in my comment, so I say, "you look great," or "I love your outfit," etc. Nevertheless, I feel that even those short and unoriginal comments have value. They mean, "hi there...I couldn't help but notice you and you know what? You look mahvelous!"</p> <p>I couldn't agree more with the not being a native speaker aspect krishnidoux brought up too. I struggle with this as well. Sometimes I fear my comments come across as a little too "generic", as if I'm always saying the same thing. It's frustrating when I want to express in more nuance exactly how "amazing" someone looks and I can't manage it.</p> <p>Come to think of it, this is also why I use so many smileys and exclamation marks. It almost happens unconsciously, some kind of overcompensation for what is missing language-wise. I don't do this when I write in Dutch. I want to take this opportunity to apologize to anyone who finds this annoying or obnoxious! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-510876 Sat, 14 Jan 2012 21:56:03 +0000 Mochi 510876@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks, Helen, and no worries. The pace is very fast here!</p> <p>It's interesting that this topic of learning styles, and kinesthetic learning, came up last summer with my sailing instructor, who suggested that this may be my ideal learning style (I tend to agree, though I think it's a bit hybrid, backed up by discussion, reading, etc). </p> <p>Anyway, I'm still not sure how kinesthetic learning would apply in an approach to fashion. Especially since fashion seems to be nothing but visual style. Not disagreeing, just needing more explanation (well, I'm wanting more...because it's intriguing!) Thanks for your own fascinating contributions to the discussion. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-510868 Sat, 14 Jan 2012 21:40:12 +0000 Mamapicklejuice 510868@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Krishnidoux - funny story. It's odd what sticks in your mind, but I still remember one forum member asking if a tunic was long enough, and our Angie replying, "it should cover your delicious bottom." Hee. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-510864 Sat, 14 Jan 2012 21:33:31 +0000 HelenInCanada 510864@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi Mochi! Sorry - I didn't see your comment until now! </p> <p>I'm a kinesthetic person myself (predominantly a "feelings", experience-oriented person), which is why I love to get advice and inspiration about fashion from predominantly visually-oriented people on YLF and other style blogs and magazines. I might have let my psychology-obsessed self run loose there! If you're not familiar with the research done on learning styles, and how people process new information (which then led to the idea of how individuals actually perceive their world, predominantly), this is a pretty good summary:<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learning_styles" rel="nofollow">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learning_styles</a> Scroll down to Fleming's VAK/VARK section. It outlines (what I was referring to) the 3 main ways of perception: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic (Tactile). Some people disagree with this approach, but as a former teacher who worked with a lot of diverse kids, I've found it the best way to reach them. Some learned best through diagrams/maps/photos, others through discussion and debate and lectures, and others through hands-on activities. It's not always an exclusive learning style, but I found people generally lean toward one or the other! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-510112 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 23:37:14 +0000 Mochi 510112@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"It sounds to me like you aren't ultra highly visually inclined, Mochi, so you - and everyone who leans more to the kinesthetic or auditory preference"</p> <p>Could you please explain that more clearly, Helen? I'm not understanding what you mean. Thanks. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-510100 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 23:27:29 +0000 HelenInCanada 510100@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It sounds to me like you aren't ultra highly visually inclined, Mochi, so you - and everyone who leans more to the kinesthetic or auditory preference - base your style decisions on instinct/intuition. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-510093 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 23:22:36 +0000 Mochi 510093@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can't remember who said it, way upthread, but it's also true that we (I) may know that something is okay, but not quite perfect or could be improved, but yet not KNOW how to go about it. That happens with me all the time and I'm probably more likely to not comment in those cases than when I dislike something and have a concrete reason (that I think will make sense to the other person). This happened to me all the time with other people's writing, by the way. It's amazing how much universality there is in the art of critiquing all different types of things. </p> <p>I'm now trying to study what makes a great outfit, as a formula rather than a gut response, and it's difficult! As well, besides the obvious factors like bad fit, jarring color, obviously poor quality, there are often very hard to pin down things that leave an outfit looking "okay" but not stellar or standout in any way...or maybe it's not even hard, but IS hard to come up with the solution. (For me...that's why we have professionals </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-510092 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 23:22:35 +0000 cciele 510092@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great thread Mochi! As far as I've seen, I think your critiquing style is diplomatic while being honest. And we can all use constructive criticism, for how else would we be able to improve? </p> <p>And good for you to take into account a person's lifestyle, tastes, etc. As others have mentioned, everyone has different tastes, so I am not bothered at all if I post an outfit/clothes I really like but might be a bit out there, and thus get few responses or "I don't get it"-type comments. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-510074 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 23:16:05 +0000 biscuitsmom 510074@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I havent posted any WIW (yet) but am so impressed by the integrity and honesty here...I *definitely* want real opinions, but truly appreciate the tact and courtesy that run so deep here... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-509937 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 21:20:13 +0000 catgirl 509937@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Once my cousin (visiting from India) and I were at the grocery store. I asked him if he wanted anything, and he said "No thanks, I'm just window-eating." I LOVED that! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-509922 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 21:02:40 +0000 krishnidoux 509922@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Suz, thank you for your (too) kind words! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-509860 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 20:15:48 +0000 HelenInCanada 509860@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Agreed, Tarzy! And it's a terrible mind trick that we cling to that one nasty/bitter comment before we bask in all the wonderful compliments. As they say, "Try not to discount the positive"! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-509851 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 20:10:38 +0000 tarzy 509851@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a great thread! </p> <p>One interesting thing I have learned from this forum is that not everyone dresses to look pretty, or good, or in proportion. Some people dress to push the boundaries. Some people WANT to look different. It helps if I know that about that person's style so I can critique in a way that will benefit them (but we don't always know that.) </p> <p>In all my years posting here, I have only received one comment that bothered me. It seemed a little bit cutting and sarcastic, and did not come from a regular. (And of course, that's the one I remember!) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-509749 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 18:53:53 +0000 Mochi 509749@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't think it has to be a non-native English situation either; the problem comes up all the time online, which is why we have emoticons </p> <p>They can be overused, but there have been times where their lack has given an unintended spin on something communicated to me. It's hard to get across that you're joking online! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-509717 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 18:14:47 +0000 HelenInCanada 509717@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"Forii" - plural of Forums. LOL! MrsEccentric, I love your way with words! I agree 100% that "brutal" honesty and flame wars are such an unproductive or unpleasant experience. I usually abandon forums that descend into that. I don't find them fun or interesting - just ugly. Life is too short! Very glad YLF maintains civility and respect.</p> <p>Krishindoux brought up some very valid points about posters for whom English isn't a first language. It's true - both my parents are English as a second language speakers, and in writing they don't always come across as warm as they really are. It's more direct and perfunctory communication - though I smile when they adopt idioms unique to English (ie "Bite the bullet"). I do take that into consideration when I read people's comments here too. I just think of my own attempts to write in French or Greek - the flow just isn't the same...lol. Hopefully the reader on the other end understands the gist of what I'm trying to express. Emoticons can help. :)</p> <p>Great discussion! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-509667 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 17:21:30 +0000 mrseccentric 509667@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Brilliant thread, kudos to you Mochi for starting it! Really, all of these comments are so thoughtful and well-written and i agree with all of what's been said.</p> <p>I'll only add (or re-iterate) that the combination of real caring for others and frank honesty make this the most valuable single place to learn about style i've ever found. On so many blogs, etc. everything is 'Great great great!'. Which is fine and ego-boosting and fun if it's about you. </p> <p>But it only goes so far. Really, what good would it do Michelle if she only ever heard 'You look fantastic!' Enough said. The information alone is very valuable, but the caring and tactful way people here put it is just beyond. Interestingly, i've been involved in many forii where the stated philosophy is 'the more brutal, the more honesty and thus more chance of getting to the truth!" YLF proves the opposite seems more to be the case. Flame wars just distract from discussion of the issues at hand.</p> <p>&amp; definitely less fighting and f-bombs here !!!! steph </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-509592 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:26:38 +0000 Amy 509592@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Krishnidoux, thanks for sharing your perspective. I have a lot of German and Austrian friends and am very familiar with how certain idioms, jokes, subtleties just don't translate quite right. Luckily, my friends and I have learned to be more tolerant of one another when our vocabularies and syntax fall short.</p> <p>It's harder to keep in mind that someone may have a different linguistic and cultural background when participating in forums where everything is written down and facial expressions, tone of voice and accents are all missing...especially when someone is particularly skilled at their adopted language.</p> <p>YLF is a much nicer forum than many others, but when participating on forums like this, I think people are generally happiest when they keep in mind these huge challenges in communication. "Don't sweat the small stuff" as we Americans like to say </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-509571 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:13:01 +0000 Suz 509571@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So, so interesting, Krishnidoux, and thank you for adding your perspective! I am sure there must be others who share this experience, especially some of our European posters. I think we all should make allowances for that as we read. And I am in awe of all of you for plunging in where it is not your first language. It takes courage. And trust. I, for one, am honoured to be the recipient of that trust and your insightful comments! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-509527 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 15:25:59 +0000 krishnidoux 509527@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ah, great topic Mochi! And you courageously pinpoint the question I had been asking to myself. </p> <p>On this issue I feel like Sylvie, Helen, Suz (I immediately wondered what Suz 's thoughts would be on this, and was not disappointed!), Shanon, Velvety, Zapotee, Amy, QM... pretty much everyone actually. </p> <p>But I would like to add my perspective, maybe others like me will chime in. For me this has also been so far a learning experience in English. I am not a native speaker, and although in my resume I can confidently put that I am "fully bilingual", and I have been living in English speaking regions for most of my adult life, I am still a student in English-speaking culture. </p> <p>Sometimes in YLF I have confidence and I go ahead and write a comment only to wonder later if it wasn't perceived as too brusque, too harsh. In my mother-tongue culture, it wouldn't, but then again we have other cues, other ways to know this (choice of vocabulary, punctuation, subtle syntax forms etc.). Same in English but these written cues are not always the same. It is fooling because sometimes they seem the same! But aren't..</p> <p>Gross example: </p> <p>A guy (Steve) meets an older lady (Mrs. X) and her daughter (Solange) on the street:</p> <p>(Steve) : Oh, Hi Mrs X! How are doing you today?<br /> (Mrs. X, with a strong foreign accent): I do very fine! And you?<br /> (Steve): I' m very good, thank you.<br /> (Mrs. X, gesticulating): Stephen, let me present you my daughter, Solange.<br /> (Solange): Enchanted.<br /> (Mrs. X, emphatically): Solange, this is Stephen, he is very delicious young man.</p> <p>In the above interaction, Steve is not really offended because although he doesn't know exactly what Mrs. X meant, he has tons of other ways to know that Mrs. X didn't mean anything sexual: her tone of voice, her gestures, her strong accent, her over all incorrect syntax, her old age... If anything it is just a funny story to laugh about with his girlfriend over dinner. </p> <p>(It turns out what Mrs. X meant was trying to introduce Steve and make a compliment at the same time, as in French, her mother tongue, "délicieux" when used by old ladies can mean nothing more than "very charming").</p> <p>My point is that in face-to-face or phone communication, these discrepancies are usually compensated by other non verbal cues that let the interlocutor know that this comment or critique is not meant as rude or non-constructive. But in a forum such as YLF, all we have is the text. So every sign counts, and when your first language is not English, even a wrong word order, a choice of words, a wrong preposition, is charged with so much meaning. </p> <p>Most of the time in a WIW I plunge head first... although afterwords I hope I haven't rubbed sensibilities the wrong way. I often consider editing my posts for this, or sometimes leave it on the burner for a while before cliquing "submit post". Which may not be the best strategy because unfortunately I often respond too late or miss out on the bubbling conversation.</p> <p>For me YLF forum is a bit of an acrobatic exercise. I enjoy it for this very aspect as I learn so much from all of you on Etiquette, civility, communication as well as on fashion. </p> <p>So Mochi, I am glad you brought it up, I am glad to read I am not alone in my questioning. And am curious to know if others share the same experience. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-509524 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 15:24:30 +0000 Patty 509524@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>People reply in detail to your posts so things must be cool with everyone Moshi. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style/page/2#post-509425 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 14:02:11 +0000 Queen Mum 509425@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Add me to team "please be honest with me" And no need to put alot of effort into sugar-coating it. If I'm already suspecting "frump", then it really helps if I hear it straight out from you. Even if I'm not suspecting that my choice is off, I want your honest opinion. And FWIW, I put more weight in the opinions of those here who I see being honest with me and with others. </p> <p>A comment to those who often say "I'm not very good at this, so take my comment with a grain of salt...." I'm not dressing for a bunch of experts here. My days take me to the grocery store, mall, lunch with friends, church, dinner with my hubby... where I am seen by people just like you. Not fashion experts but just the common folk of life who make judgments about me based on the way I dress. (not in a negative way, but I can't think of a better word) I want to know how those whom I come in contact with day in and day out might be perceiving my wardrobe and outfit choices. So, you may not feel like you are qualified to offer advice, but I imagine you know if you like or dislike something, right? That's what I want to hear! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style#post-509327 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 06:00:26 +0000 Jyoti 509327@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can sort of relate to your critiquing background-- I used to be really involved with the visual arts and there was a huge range of critiquing styles.</p> <p>My absolute golden rule to providing critique in the visual arts and beyond:</p> <p>Say something positive, the criticism (the 'negative') and then something positive again.</p> <p>My philosophy is to be honest. Even when I worked on commission at a clothing store, I was not going to tell people they looked awesome in something when they didn't just to sell things. But of course, as everyone has mentioned, there is a tactful and appropriate way to give people your opinion on things like their work or their clothes. The other thing I try to do is read the person and see what they are looking for when they ask for my opinion or advice; some people want you to be very honest, and some people want you to be more complementary. Sometimes its hard to tell. xD </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style#post-509301 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 05:17:01 +0000 Amy 509301@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think about this a lot too, especially when I am in the middle of a streak of telling many women that they look great. Sometimes, I wonder if saying it so often dilutes the strength of my compliment, but when I do say something, I'm sincere. 100%. </p> <p>Sometimes, I'm really tired or tongue tied and can't come up with anything unique to write in my comment, so I say, "you look great," or "I love your outfit," etc. Nevertheless, I feel that even those short and unoriginal comments have value. They mean, "hi there...I couldn't help but notice you and you know what? You look mahvelous!"</p> <p> It makes me feel good when people do that for me, because sometimes, I'm feeling insecure and something as small as a smile can help me feel better. I want to reciprocate that feeling! Anyone who is working on polishing their image must feel a little nervous about some of their experiments and a thumbs up can help them get on with being fabulous. </p> <p>I try to only make suggestions when it seems like someone wants that kind of feedback. They may ask for it explicitly or it's implicit with the type of post (keep or returns, for instance). I also keep in mind who it is I'm corresponding with. Shannon, for instance, seems really receptive to suggestions, so I might suggest something to her if something comes to mind. Other ladies are far more sensitive about things like that and I refrain from offering suggestions or critiques until I know more about them.</p> <p>I *want* to offer suggestions more often when warranted, but I'm still a baby fashionista and don't always have the smarts to be able to help.</p> <p>P.S. I can't remember a time when I felt as confident about myself, about the image I'm projecting to the world as I have in the past few months. I credit the very supportive community here at YLF. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style#post-509267 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 04:47:36 +0000 Anonymous 509267@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>No worries, I know there is no way you could have known any of this. No bad memories were dislodged. Thanks for your good wishes. As I said, it was rather hilarious.<br /> Back on topic: I wish we had some sort of explicit rules for providing feedback, when it comes to WIWs. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style#post-509262 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 04:35:44 +0000 HelenInCanada 509262@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh no, Zapotee - I'm so sorry to hear about your real anxiety! I honestly had no inkling of that at all. I hope my comment didn't trigger any negative memories. It's great you are posting here once again! I'm glad you are feeling better now.</p> <p>I agree with you about people feeling more comfortable posting comments when they have something positive to say...but then would those threads where they COULD lend a critique be empty...? Not useful! Anyway, I think good judgement comes into play - if you think a contrary opinion will be helpful, then I say go for it! I assume people post to get honest feedback, just nicely put. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style#post-509260 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 04:32:51 +0000 celia 509260@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Isabel I am with you.Whenever I post I expect some kind of feedback even if I don't expressly say it.<br /> From my perspective even if I already bought the item I don't mind if people don't like it, it simply tells me that it is not the most flattering thing for me and still wear it.But I understand this is just me.<br /> When I comment most of the time I don't have much time so I give my general opinioon unless there is a specific question. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/thinking-about-my-critiquing-style#post-509251 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 04:15:21 +0000 Anonymous 509251@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Everyone was so kind to me when I first started posting WIW's. I need to make a point of asking for brutal honesty, even if I felt great in my outfit and the tags are ripped off. There's an expression, "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." I really feel the love here so it makes the critique so much more palatable--and valuable, too! Plus if every response was just, "You look great", how would I learn and grow? Great thread, Mochi! </p>