https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 22 Apr 2026 12:09:22 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1737371 Fri, 07 Oct 2016 23:28:31 +0000 Marilyn 1737371@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow.&nbsp; Lots of interesting stories here.&nbsp; I've discovered a couple huge secrets on my husband's side.&nbsp; Even he kept these things secret from me for over 30 years....until I put things together on my own.&nbsp; I find this kind of behavior puzzling.</p> <p><b>Staysfit</b>.........I completely understand your feelings of loss for someone you never knew but share DNA with.&nbsp; I'm an adoptee and many of us feel like that all the time.&nbsp; There's a pull that you have to experience to understand. &nbsp; I'm the product of one of those young, small town girls mentioned above who had to go off to a home for unwed mothers.&nbsp; There is a family out there who has ME as their secret.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1736973 Fri, 07 Oct 2016 10:07:38 +0000 Staysfit 1736973@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Laurinda, What you say is too true. I am trying to think of some happy secrets. I have come up with a few:<br /> 1. Anonymous good deeds. It doesn't happen often enough, but these types of secrets are truly wonderful. Right?<br /> 2. A successful gift that you manage to keep hidden right to the second before the receiver opens it and is truly delighted. (Of course then the secret is revealed)<br /> 3. Childbirth, children and Infants- this isn't really a secret, but maybe it is? I will tell you that when I was a student doing my Ob. Gyn. Rotation in the busiest Ob. Hospital in the city with a baby born every 10 minutes, and I could run from one room to the next and see a new life start literally 3 -6 times an hour if I wanted to, all day long, it was truly amazing. There was so much happiness. Each new life was a secret unfolding. Do we know what personality, what fate any new life will have? However, childbirth is still mostly happy, a time of new possibility. I am going to set aside the cases of unwanted children, drug addicted babies, etc. for my Pollyanna version. I'm a kid shrink, I know the truth. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1736579 Thu, 06 Oct 2016 12:56:19 +0000 Laurinda 1736579@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>These are such sad stories. I know people have their reasons for keeping secrets, but there is so much heartbreak involved.&nbsp;</p> <p></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1736522 Thu, 06 Oct 2016 08:59:52 +0000 Staysfit 1736522@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Cjh, I would love to be Karie's sister! In fact, Karie, if you read this, will you be my internet sister? We are almost the same height. We both love J Crew, we both wear glasses, we both work in schools, and we live maybe two + hours from each other in the same state. We need to meet up! Before there's a blizzard! Oh, and I also like SJP's style even if she isn't my number one style icon. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1736375 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 21:20:42 +0000 carter 1736375@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So many secrets. My family has plenty of its own. Somewhere out there I have a cousin and an older half-brother (same situation as with your dad). Both were put up for adoption. All birth parents (except perhaps for the mother of my half-brother) are gone, but the secret continues. My cousin would be mid-forties. My half-brother mid to late 50s. I have no other clues about what happened to them. I keep waiting to get a strange email from ancestry.com;-) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1736244 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 14:54:53 +0000 cjh 1736244@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Very touching story and I'm sure will be on your heart forever.</p> <p>I don't mean to be flippant, but I think you should adopt Karie as your sister. You look alike and live in the same state. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1736223 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 13:38:35 +0000 Beth Ann 1736223@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It seems that we never know anyone's full story, and life is more wonderful, difficult, and complicated than we readily acknowledge. &nbsp;I'm glad you have a sibling to share this experience with. &nbsp;I don't think there are any perfectly right or completely wrong ways to handle secrets, and sometimes it is all we can do to just feel our way through a step at a time.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1736172 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 10:24:11 +0000 Staysfit 1736172@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've always been fascinated by secrets and it's kissing cousin, gossip. I'm sure that's one of the reasons I chose my profession. I have obviously heard many "family secrets". It's comforting for people to know they are not alone. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1736109 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 04:37:20 +0000 DonnaF 1736109@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm wondering if the Big Secret of our time will be straight couples who have used donated sperm to conceive?&nbsp; I know a couple who did this but I don't know if they told their kids.&nbsp; </p> <p>I know several lesbian couples who arranged meetings of their kids with their half siblings.&nbsp; One bank used a single (very effective) donor way more than probably would be permitted today, so part of the motivation was to prevent their kids from accidentally getting in a relationship with a half-sibling. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1736075 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 02:21:01 +0000 columbine(erin) 1736075@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry for the loss, Staysfit. It is amazing that so many people kept that secret. </p> <p>My mom had reason to do genetic testing last year and was shocked to find that the man listed on her birth certificate isn't her father. She doesn't know for certain who her father is; the genetic info narrowed it down to two possibilities. She has a host of cousins she's connecting with she never knew she had. This completely changes our idea of where our ancestors came from, as well. It's been quite strange to find out and obviously a lot of people were keeping secrets. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1736049 Wed, 05 Oct 2016 01:10:18 +0000 Gaylene 1736049@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think it's hard for current generations to understand the shame and guilt felt by unwed mothers and their families. Male, of course, were exempted because it was the girl's responsibility to maintain a virginal state prior to marriage. If "something happened", the best recourse for the girl and her family was a quick marriage, or, if marriage wasn't an option, to handle the pregnancy silently and unobtrusively. Girls would go away to "visit an aunt" when they started to look obviously pregnant. Adoption agencies weren't always available, so many families found a place for the infant themselves with relatives or other members of the community. If that wasn't possible, a family could turn the infant into a sibling, or, as a last ditch alternative, hand the child over to an institution for "unwanted children". </p> <p>If a family handled everything discretely, the community would allow the girl and her family keep their position in the community as long as the girl remained "good". Turning a blind eye and never mentioning the "secret" meant everyone in a small, inter-connected community could move on and draw a curtain over the "unfortunate happening". So, strange as it might seem, Staysfit, I can totally see why your family did what they did and how it was possible for an entire community to keep the secret. Crazy as it might seem today, at that time it would have been deemed the best solution for everyone involved.</p> <p>Two of my close friends from high school went through exactly what I've described above, with one living just a block from her unacknowledged child for decades without her daughter ever knowing about the connection. No one ever mentions the connection, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if anyone will ever reveal her mother's identity to my friend's daughte. Appalling, but true. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735986 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 23:15:46 +0000 Windchime 1735986@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That is an amazing family story, although probably not as uncommon as we might think. It IS amazing that all those people knew, and the secret was kept. I'm sorry you never got to spend time with your half sibling.</p> <p>There are many family secrets around children born out of wedlock, aren't there? It used to be considered so shameful. Thank goodness society has become much more accepting of this situation! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735981 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 22:51:54 +0000 Laura (rhubarbgirl) 1735981@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>How interesting, and yes poignant. My family has two stories in that same vein. My grandmother's cousin got pregnant as a teenager out of wedlock and went away to have the baby and gave it up for adoption, so most people in the community didn't even know about it. Apparently she and her son reconnected once he was an adult and got to know each other fairly well, but it still wasn't talked about much while she was still alive.</p> <p>I'm not that ancient and I remember that when I was a kid, in the small town that I grew up in, girls getting pregnant before they were married was still pretty shocking, and they didn't have the easiest time of it, particularly if they didn't/couldn't/chose not to marry the baby-daddy. (Of course, the guys never got much of that flack; it was always the woman who suffered.)</p> <p>My great-grandfather had two wives (serially, not in parallel!) and something like 12 or 13 kids. My great-grandmother, his second wife, died soon after giving birth to my youngest great-aunt, and there was no one to take proper care of the baby, so she was 'farmed out' and essentially adopted by the neighbors down the way, even using their last name, even though I don't think any official paperwork was ever done. 'Everyone knew' that she wasn't biologically their daughter, but you can imagine that after a generation or two, that fact could get lost, and DNA tests would hold quite the surprise! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735888 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 19:31:49 +0000 Sally 1735888@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow such amazing and sad stories.<br /> Staysfit I can't imagine living opposite my sister and noone telling me. How awful for you.<br /> L'Abeille's story was also so sad.<br /> I remember when I went to Dunedin a few years ago doing some research on my great grandparents...on my father's side they were all Scottish immigrants. There were some sad stories. I remember feeling so sad about all the loss. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735869 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 18:59:13 +0000 Anonymous 1735869@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>These stories are very poignant and pull on the heart.&nbsp; It's amazing how powerful these "phantom" relationships can be.&nbsp; My SO was born with a twin sister, but she didn't live beyond the age of 2.&nbsp; Although he has only the faintest memories of her, he's always felt like part of him was missing.&nbsp; I find myself feeling the loss of her, too, and wishing I could have met the female version of him.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735865 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 18:53:11 +0000 Style Fan 1735865@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I would also feel a sense of loss like you Staysfit.&nbsp; There would be so many questions for me.&nbsp; I have a friend who "found" a half sister when she visited Ireland (where her parents were from) in her twenties.&nbsp; Both of her parents had died at this time.&nbsp; It meant a lot to her to have a sister.&nbsp; But she also had a lot of questions that could not be answered. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735860 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 18:27:37 +0000 Barbara Diane 1735860@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Staysfit</b>, I'm sorry that you didn't get a chance to meet her.</p> <p>The shame, the consequences, of being pregnant before marriage, out of marriage, etc. were very, very, strong when I was growing up.&nbsp;</p> <p>Between my DH's side of the family and mine we have rumored about relatives -half not full sisters?, adopted, not birth daughter (though I wonder if perhaps really a half sister?, someone else who married her daughter off to her lover, a cousin that was really her sister's child (I think that may have been open knowledge, but I don't think I knew it for a long time, etc.</p> <p>Someone I knew went home to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. &nbsp;And saw someone who "looked so much like family he had to be related". He brought him home and yes, he was his uncle's son. A first cousin he didn't know about.&nbsp;</p> <p>Today a secret seems to be using IVF to get pregnant. I wish this wasn't such a secret, so the younger generation wouldn't think it is no problem for anyone to conceive, especially when older. I have told my sons, but held firm on not saying who, as the person who told me wasn't supposed to. But I don't want them to think that age doesn't matter.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735851 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 18:01:30 +0000 Staysfit 1735851@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for sharing your stories too Mary, Liz, Diana, Jules, L'Abeille! I suspected there would be others with similar stories/secrets! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735843 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 17:04:19 +0000 Elizabeth P 1735843@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Gosh, such interesting stories, thank you all for sharing them.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735840 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 16:45:23 +0000 Suz 1735840@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>These are all amazing stories. I feel sort of humbled to hear them.&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;<b>Staysfit</b>, like you, I'd be feeling a sense of loss and also wonder. How families and entire communities can keep these things hushed up is difficult to fathom. Of course, it is easier to keep information from children, who without the background and context may miss innuendo; if they knew even some of the facts they would probably put it all together in a flash!&nbsp;</p> <p><b>Mary, Liz</b> -- your stories are mind-boggling, too! Wow!!&nbsp;</p> <p><b>Diana, </b>so interesting that your cousin chose to take on the family name. Hmmm....</p> <p>And <b>L'Abeille,</b> that is so sad about your half sister.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735829 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 16:04:51 +0000 L'Abeille 1735829@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Staysfit, what a sad story. I hope you learn enough at some point to give you some peace.</p> <p>It seems secret sisters are not so rare! I have a story too.</p> <p>When I was in my mid teens, my dad sat us down to tell us something... Turns out, before he married our mom, he had a "fling" with a woman during the boat trip over from the old country. When she conceived, he stuck to their original promise of what happens on board stays on board; but he regularly sent money and kept an eye out for his daughter (they settled on the West coast). Now she was 17, and I think becoming a handful for her mom, and so we gained an insta-sister who came to live with us for about a year. (My mom was amazing through it all.)</p> <p>She had her troubles--she was epileptic, and sometimes had seizures including one at work when she found a job!--and not surprisingly had some issues I didn't growing up secure and loved by both parents. She was a sweet girl and we loved her as hard as we could. Eventually she went back to her mom. A&nbsp;few years later we learned she had died, possibly from an overdose. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735828 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 16:03:46 +0000 Diana 1735828@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, this is an amazing story.&nbsp; I would want to know what happened to her as well.&nbsp; </p> <p>Family secrets are fascinating.&nbsp; My paternal grandfather had an illegitimate child (and possibly entire family) in another country that was kind of an open secret but it was never talked about.&nbsp; According to my mom (who was the only one who was willing to talk about it, only being related to them by marriage, but had no first-person knowledge of it), after my grandfather's death a lot of people in the community (including some members of the family, supposedly) were pressuring my grandmother to adopt him, so that the family would have a legitimate male heir to continue the family name (my dad is the only legitimate son and he has only daughters).&nbsp; My grandmother very adamantly refused and supposedly got the ancestral village to officially list my sisters and I as legitimate heirs.&nbsp; And then in a very weird final twist, much later my cousin decided to change his last name to our family name.&nbsp; (I'm not sure if it was because he wanted to "continue the family name" or because he wanted to demonstrate his chinese heritage (his father is caucasian)).&nbsp; Funnily enough, he ALSO only has daughters.... I would love to get to the bottom of this story one day, but family reticence + language barrier probably mean it will never happen. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735819 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 15:44:27 +0000 Jules 1735819@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>These are amazing stories. In my family, my grandmother grew up quite convinced that two of the kids next door were her father's. She had only one sibling and next door was a large family. All of their kids looked quite alike and like other people in their community, except two who resembled herself and her brother, who took after her dad's different ethnic heritage. <br />Who knows if this was a fantasy she made up out of loneliness or wanting to belong? All my mother knows is that her mother was completely convinced and relayed the information to her children as fact. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735794 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 14:47:51 +0000 Liz A. 1735794@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We have a similar story in my family. My mother's older half sister gave birth to a son when she was 16. &nbsp;The son was adopted out, but many years later he made contact with my aunt and established a relationship with her. &nbsp;My aunt had raised one daughter who died in a car accident at 20 years old so she had no living children that we knew of.</p> <p>When I found out about this story, I couldn't believe that my family had been hiding this secret for 46 years. &nbsp;And even when contact was made, they still didn't bother to tell the rest of us. &nbsp;My feelings about the whole situation are complicated. &nbsp;The times are so different now that I guess it's hard for someone of my generation to understand what kind of decision-making process goes into keeping such a thing from family members.</p> <p>We thought that was the whole story until this year when it came to light that my aunt had given birth to 2 other daughters who were also adopted! &nbsp;I just couldn't believe that my grandparents and whoever else knew had still decided to leave out those details even after we all knew about the son! &nbsp;I'll never understand it. &nbsp;But regardless, now that all the siblings have found each other, I am so happy for my aunt that she has a chance to develop a relationship with them.</p> <p>I am sorry for the loss of your sister, Staysfit. &nbsp;It must be very hard to give up the possibility of meeting her some day. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735779 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 14:28:53 +0000 MaryA 1735779@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Your story resonated with me because genealogy is my hobby and, in my research, I discovered a family secret that went all the way back to the late 1800's. <br />My great-grandfather, Gustav, was a cad (an old-fashioned word that describes him perfectly). He had four wives. The first killed herself because of his infidelities (I have the newspaper clipping). The next two divorced him (at least we think my great-grandmother divorced him, we have no record of an actual marriage or divorce). The fourth one was still married to him when he died. <br />Wife #3 was my great-grandmother. He had one child with each of his first three wives: a daughter and then two sons. Both of the sons were named Arthur. Arthur #2 was my grandfather. None of the families knew that the other families existed until I began my research. I have gotten to know some of the descendants of the other Arthur and the descendants of Gustav's brother. We correspond through emails and Facebook and have enjoyed discovering a common ground.<br />There are ways to research your half-sister and she may have had children. However, it may still be to early in your family's story and I can understand that you wouldn't want to upset your father or members of her family. If you want to go ahead, I'd be happy to share what I have learned about researching family histories.</p> <p>Mary</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735778 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 14:27:24 +0000 texstyle 1735778@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sounds like the old world type of thing and it doesn't surprise me. Unwanted pregnancies were often kept secret. </p> <p>I wonder if you could check into the death records - or news of her death perhaps in the newspaper archives? I would feel a *need* to know how she died for some reason. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735764 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 13:59:12 +0000 Staysfit 1735764@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes Sisi, my great aunt told me they were high school sweethearts. My dad once told me that they were married for a short time and it didn't work because they wanted to finish school. They may have been married for an entire year before they gave the baby to her parents. i am not sure who told me that, probably my great aunt. In any case, my dad was 17 when my half sister was born. He was a HS Junior. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735744 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 13:31:36 +0000 Sisi 1735744@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>A very touching story indeed. Incredible how everybody was able to keep such a secret. I understand she was the daughter that your father had from another woman, right?&nbsp;I do not think it is strange that you feel the loss. I would feel the same way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-sister-story---because-of-labeilles-post-warning-its-sad#post-1735730 Tue, 04 Oct 2016 13:08:45 +0000 Staysfit 1735730@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My brother and I were raised as the only two siblings in our family. We knew of no others. However, when I was almost 16 my grandmother became ill a week after her 50th wedding anniversary and quickly died from lung cancer. My grandfather was grief stricken -and he cried and mumbled and said all kinds of things. This mourning went on for a full year. One of the things he repeatedly during this time in my presence was how upset my grandmother was to have never been able to spend time with the other girl. What other girl? A mystery that needed solving? It turns out my 8 paternal great aunts and uncles, my parents and my grandparents were keeping a secret from my brother and I. They had managed it for over 15 years. How they did this, I will never know? We had an older half sister. She was being raised by her maternal grandparents and she thought they were her parents. Her mother was being raised as her much older sister. She lived with them directly across the street from my grandparents! My grandparents had apparently been forced to agreed to have absolutely no contact with her at all. It was a very painful situation for my grandparents who very much wanted contact with their grand-daughter. They moved away 2 years before my grandmothers death. So up until I was 14, there was a very good chance we would run into her when we were visiting! It never happened. Ever! I never met her. (Did they call ahead? Did they see us in the park or yard? My brother and I are pretty social so this surprises me). I have to add that they lived in a small community. Everyone must have known the situation but kept quiet. My dear friend, the one who died from the brain tumor several years ago. Her parents were from that same community and they knew about this secret and they never said anything about it either! Seriously! They knew and kept it secret too! Wow! A big family and community secret successfully kept! Who knew that could happen?! It's true. I couldn't make this up if I tried. One of my great aunts took on a grandmotherly role towards me after mine died. She helped fill in some details about our half sister. My dad wasn't overly upset that we knew, but he asked us to refrain from all contact with her and we did. Neither my brother nor I contacted her or any of her family. Was that the correct thing to do? What do you think? </p> <p>Last year I was perusing some names in a cemetery looking for my great grandparents graves, and I discovered some terrible information. I found her name! She had died when I was 24. She was only 30. I was able to find a picture of her tombstone. (She had a very unusual name so there is no mistaken identity here.) I also found a picture of her in a college yearbook. We looked eerily alike except for our noses. We know she was married, but not if she had any children. We do not know how she died.</p> <p>I have to admit that I felt a strong loss for a person who died long ago, and who I never met. It was strange right? I had lived with this fantasy sister floating around in the world. I could imagine meeting her, bumping into her at random moments and what she was like, etc. If someone looked a bit like me I could wonder if she was related. All that was lost with one click of the mouse. It's funny how powerful a fantasy can be right? </p> <p>The psychology of secrets intrigues and interests me, and I am always alert for the emotional web created by secrets. Secrets can involve humiliation and shame, danger, intrigue, guilt, power, control, inclusion, exclusion, trust, and paranoia, even more. There usually is a fascinating story when a secret is present. It's definite grist for the mill in my line of work. </p>