YouLookFab Forum » Topic: The Compromised Look ?

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: The Compromised Look ? https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 10 Apr 2026 02:40:02 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Anonymous on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2301371 Wed, 11 Jan 2023 18:21:01 +0000 Anonymous 2301371@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My attitude is to dress for the dressiest thing I have to do that day judy on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2301368 Wed, 11 Jan 2023 18:11:16 +0000 judy 2301368@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jenni NZ...I have no idea what made the change!  But it seemed to happen what felt like overnight, to a much freer society.  And so good to my teenage self!   Dee on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2301154 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 23:09:48 +0000 Dee 2301154@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sally, LaPed  you both make really good points that I hadn’t really considered much. Judy, I think it is better that strict dress codes aren’t such an issue these days. A lot more freedom now for better or worse. Sally on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2301149 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 22:49:30 +0000 Sally 2301149@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ LaPed yes I agree. In our busy lives it’s hard to dress up if we are moving from occasions that require very little time to change clothes. I have met people for coffee or lunch and I had just come from yoga so do get your point. Also some people are not that focused on clothes and I guess we need to understand that. That doesn’t mean others can’t enjoy the whole dressing up process even if they are more dressed up than others. LaPed on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2301141 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 22:33:22 +0000 LaPed 2301141@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Dee -- I totally get that you're coming at the question from a social perspective. My sense is that, when people dress down, there's often a pragmatic or environmental reason. I dress up when I can (usually this means an all-day event, something happening on a day off, or something I was able to plan for in advance). But most of the time, if I go out, it's after a day of work and I'm going to be wearing my "outdoor educator" clothes. There's no way around it; my house is in the opposite direction from most of my area's social/cultural activities, so it's impractical to go home to dress up, do hair/makeup, etc. I'm sure many folks are in a similar position. For special occasions like weddings or holiday parties, I'll absolutely meet the dress code and then some, but for a Friday night dinner/concert/whatever, I figure it's implicitly "come as you are". I'm rarely the most casual person in the room, and rarely the most dressed up. I also don't have any strong urge to compare myself to others or judge people by what they wear. It doesn't bother me one bit if my friends are in their yoga clothes and I'm wearing a cute dress (or vice versa). Their day was different from mine, no big deal.  morethanbeige on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2301103 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 20:53:01 +0000 morethanbeige 2301103@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ In my younger years, I used to really want to fit in. Lately, I’m focused on being authentic to me and what I want to wear. DH likes casual and won’t dress up if it is in any way uncomfortable (and I think any dress up is uncomfortable to him ). So, recently we were out with friends—he had on jeans and a tee shirt and I wore a fancy dress. I was joking with our friends, asking them if DH and I were on a first date if they thought we would make it as a couple. They laughed and said “no way.” Jenni NZ on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2301089 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 19:55:22 +0000 Jenni NZ 2301089@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ What happened in 1968 judy? Was that Swinging London, Mary Quant, David Bailey photographing Jean Shrimpton in New York sort of time? ( I was only 7 years old down here at the bottom of the world and so don’t remember?!) judy on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2301043 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 17:36:12 +0000 judy 2301043@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ No I don't compromise to blend in.  And please, wear what you want!  Proudly!  Who knows who will be inspired!   I both miss and don't miss the days when people dressed up more.  It came with a lot of expectations and conformity and judgment.  Growing up in the fifties, and having to wear skirts and dresses all the time, the right colors at the right time of year, hats and gloves, that kind of thing.  It all changed completely in 1968 and I associate clothes with self-expression I think because of that timeline that I lived through.  But the pendulum has really swung all the way over now to casual, so it's always nice to see people who make a bit more of an effort than wearing what looks like pajamas! Bijou on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2301020 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 15:42:02 +0000 Bijou 2301020@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have compromised my dressing for work situations, dressing more conservatively to fit a role, particularly in my younger years when my work dress codes were very strict. How I treated that was that I had work clothes that were my work uniform and my social clothes that were more interesting and reflected how I liked to dress. It did not bother me too much at all. Currently, I don't feel that I compromise how I dress and feel very comfortable to be a bit more dressed up than others. I feel that by dressing well, you are showing respect to those around you. Dee on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2301006 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 13:20:30 +0000 Dee 2301006@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jussie, I too am introverted, and don’t enjoy being called out about what I choose to wear, so I’m sure that’s contributed to my need to want to blend in more, and as Olive Green mentioned, it can be a protective measure but when were given a definite environment to dress up in, then we will run with that too. Olive Green on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2301002 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 12:29:18 +0000 Olive Green 2301002@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am a blender in most environments. After the itinerant childhood and I cant really remember how many schools, some military, some local schools, on a couple of continents, it struck me early that protective coloration was a thing.  That was self preservation. May I suggest that some others found being beautifully dressed, or uniquely dressed, also served a protective function?  I know it did for my mum, who had been raised by very strict standards of what is due to an occasion.  Interestingly, when in an environment that allows and rewards creativity, I love flowing and luxurious fabrics. And much brighter colour.  Currently, at one with LaPed.  Jenni NZ on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2300995 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 09:21:02 +0000 Jenni NZ 2300995@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ PS to Jussie, when he was young and playing football I wore fancy gumboots on the soccer fields that had poinsettias all over them! Jenni NZ on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2300994 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 09:19:04 +0000 Jenni NZ 2300994@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have thought about this more. I don’t *think* that I deliberately change my outfits. I do get the occasional reaction from others that I look “dressed up” though. One from my own son just the other day. It was a day off and his Dad and I had been to the mall. Nothing special, and to a sort of variety store. But I had on earrings and a fairly nice jacket. He said “Are you going out? You look quite dressed up”. ( He is 26 and dresses casually). I said no, I had already been out. It didn’t bother me, I was just slightly surprised as I didn’t feel I dressed up any more than I ever do leaving the house unless just for a neighbourhood walk? But that was his perception, and it has been said by others at times. I dress fairly similarly for work and weekends as I am not sporty and don’t wear athleisure. jussie on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2300981 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 02:48:30 +0000 jussie 2300981@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I should add I do try to still be at least somewhat true to myself and my own preferences…. Eg with black jeans and a black puffer coat at my children’s frequent sporting commitments I will also add my blue doc marten boots to jazz things up a bit, but still feel like I “fit in”. It’s a very interesting topic. And like others have said, practical and weather constraints are huge. La Peds and Suz’s advice to think carefully about what you need in a practical sense across all areas of your life; and then make sure you are kitted out for them in a way that makes you happy is gold. And where I have come undone at times to be honest. It’s that old “purchasing clothing for a fantasy life” thing. Jaime on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2300980 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 02:45:13 +0000 Jaime 2300980@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Tricky question! On the one hand, I dress primarily for myself and my mood but, on the other hand, there are tons of constraints that I deal with including weather, planned activities, and the aforementioned mood. So I might in principle want to wear my most interesting outfits every day but when you get down to it I may wake up without the mood to actually put together something interesting. I don't dress to blend in, which is pretty ingrained, but am aware of my situation and how certain things might be perceived (particularly if they associated with certain sub-groups). So is it, as Jenni asks, just semantics? Still mulling it over. jussie on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look/page/2#post-2300976 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 02:22:29 +0000 jussie 2300976@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I’m going to have to go against the majority here and say…. Yes! I do compromise somewhat on what I wear to make others more comfortable. I used to get many comments; particularly at work, along the lines of “how can you be so dressed up?!” And “but how can you be bothered?!” Of course I get my share of compliments too… but still….it eventually made me a little uncomfortable to be honest, in the sense that I am introverted and didn’t like to always have that conversation in front of everyone…. Perhaps this is more of an Australian issue, but females here sometimes have a tendency to talk unkindly about other females who they feel are “trying too hard” to show off or be what is perceived as “fancy” relative to their surroundings. I’m not saying it’s right, not at all, but it is a factor here…. Conformity of dress seems to be valued. Jessikams on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300970 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 01:48:58 +0000 Jessikams 2300970@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ All the time! And our lives include a lot of “glamorous” events for professional reasons (at least, before covid— fewer events now). But still I am shocked by how people halfass the dressing up. Others seem to stick to mainly business casual all the time, no matter what the event! Whereas I prefer to tailor my outfit to the venue: sparkle and shine for night, texture for day, etc. I always get comments like people think it’s too much. Dee on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300967 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 01:39:54 +0000 Dee 2300967@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sally-  I agree that it can be disappointing when we’re the only ones who felt the need to dress up, occasions do feel more special when others make the effort too. Suntiger,, yes I do see how compromises have to be made to suit body types too.  LaPed, I was thinking more about compromising when attending social events, where people aren’t dressing up as much anymore. Style Fan, keeping our feet happy definitely can mean compromises to our footwear choices. Sally on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300958 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 00:47:39 +0000 Sally 2300958@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I can find myself overdressed or underdressed in different groups, but think it is better to be overdressed, and this is from someone on the forum who does tend to like a casual look. I always admire people who look dressed up or well presented even if they are more dressed up than me. I often think, I should have made more effort and vow to do better next time.  I was shocked on the first day of my son's high school to see all the mothers dressed up just to attend an intro day, and I did feel a tad uncomfortable.  Some of my friends also enjoy dressing up even when we meet up for a cup of coffee (I'm talking heels, make up and a nice dress) so I feel I can't just turn up in my jeans and I have started wearing a skirt or jeans, but with  loafers/oxfords/boots and a nice blouse.    I'm trying to dress up more but keep my authentic self as I go about my life, and I"m starting to enjoy it, however,  it can be disappointing when others are not doing the same.  I remember turning up for coffee with a group of colleagues, who are at least 10 years old than me.  They were all in gear and I was wearing a nice blouse and cotton pants, still casual, but not gear. I didn't feel uncomfortable, I just felt that the occasion would have been more special if people had made more effort.  They were all older than me.    The other day I went to the movies with my husband and son.  I wore a floral dress and necklace and my son said, "you look really nice Mum, but don't expect us to dress up like that."   I may have been watching too many French movies in the holidays,  but I think there is something inspirational about people taking the time to look well dressed.  People seem to spend a lot of time doing up their houses these days but will walk around looking sloppy.  What's that all about?   Style Fan on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300957 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 00:46:04 +0000 Style Fan 2300957@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ LaPed, your approach to the 4 season climate and how to dress is inspiring to me.  I tend to wear my fleece outfit and forget about style for the winter.  I need to work on some cold-weather outfits. I compromise because of my feet, the weather (I run very cold) and the location.  I have accepted my limited footwear options and started working my outfits around them.  It is a challenge for me to be warm in the winter.  I am outside walking my dog for a couple of hours a day.  My outfit is 100% functional.  I don't consider style.  I am going to give some thought to this.  LaPed on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300948 Tue, 10 Jan 2023 00:14:30 +0000 LaPed 2300948@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I have plenty of constraints to deal with when I get dressed (four-season climate, lots of outdoor activities, rural home, and I run cold!), but I can't say I ever really feel like I'm compromising. I absolutely dress up for certain social and arts events, and enjoy it to the max, but those outfits would be severely out of place in my day-to-day life, which involves things like carrying firewood, shovelling the driveway, recess duty, messy art/science/kitchen projects with kids, and walking or jogging on muddy roads and trails. I could despair about all the "boring" gear I end up wearing, but the gear I buy isn't boring to me. I just treat it like any other category of my wardrobe, waiting for pieces in colours I love, in cuts that flatter, and that are easy to remix with the rest of my wardrobe. I really believe the key is having options that are true-to-you in every category your own life demands, from gym clothes to formalwear. For me, that means a lot of gear-casual options (hiking pants and hoodies), plenty of town-casual options (denim and knitwear), and just a smattering of formal and festive pieces, most of which I can remix into smart-casual options by pairing them with jeans/sneakers/etc.  Anonymous on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300940 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 23:52:07 +0000 Anonymous 2300940@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I don't compromise to try to fit in to some casual norm, but I definitely compromise in a lot of other ways! I compromise for weather- wearing pants in winter cause tights are a PITA. I compromise for comfort/body type- choosing pull on pants cause they fit over a wider weight range and tend to be higher rise in back than "proper pants." I compromise on my hair cause I like to swim. I compromise by settling for what's available at retail instead of having everything made custom. As far as compromising to suit other people, no. When I am dressed more casually than I'd like, I am very self conscious and feel bad about myself. I dress to what I consider an appropriate level so that I can go about my day and forget what I'm wearing. Dee on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300933 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 23:17:27 +0000 Dee 2300933@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So true Jonesy that living is suburbia is playing havoc with my fashion mojo. Yes Suz, it seems the tides have certainly changed and now being too  “dressed up” can feel like a problem. Rachylou - its no heels for me anymore and CarolS too by the sounds of it. <div> </div> kkards on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300930 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 22:57:52 +0000 kkards 2300930@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jenni NZ,  I was meaning that my being aware of and respectful of who I’m with is not a compromise, it’s part of who I am and how I related to the world.  I don’t try to blend in with the crowd, but I don’t try distance myself from it either.  CarolS on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300927 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 22:51:58 +0000 CarolS 2300927@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Most of my compromises are due to footwear. Before my feet got so fussy, I had some Anne Klein pumps that felt dressy enough to me for most occasions - I loved those shoes. (pic 1). I also had a little sparkly slingback that wasn't exactly comfortable, but I know I danced the night away in it at least once! Those shoes are gone now. Firmly rejected by my fussy feet. So, when my nephew got married a little over a year ago, my outfit choice was largely dictated by what I could get for my feet.  Dresses and skirts pose their own fit and flattery challenges even without the footwear issue, so the were quickly ruled out. But I was lucky enough to have an EF silk evening pant/tank set in my closet -- a hand-me-down from my SIL that let me hide a not quite perfect pair of black patent loafers (worn, might I add, with socks to keep them on my feet!). (Find below and <a rel="nofollow" href="https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/wiw-to-dance-the-night-away">link to the outfit here</a>. Although I might have liked to wear something more exuberant (see Trinny example below) the pantsuit itself was not a compromise of my style -- I love its elegant simplicity. But my first footwear choice would have been an elegant sandal or pump. And my second choice would have been a ridiculously sparkly sneaker or shiny silver pointy-toed oxford. (The groom's cousin wore an amazing pair that I'd have run away happily!) I'm half-expecting my niece to announce an engagement one of these days, and if she does, I wouldn't object to being ready with a blingier, more colourul option -- no matter what the other aunties wear. :-) rachylou on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300926 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 22:09:22 +0000 rachylou 2300926@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ An interesting question. My family no longer dresses for dinner - no tuxes, no white dinner jackets, no long gowns - so I stopped in general. If I wear a fancy dress now, I’ll wear sneakers (or currently sport sandals), but this is as much to do with feet problems as anything else. And also, holidays are the busiest time of the year for me workwise now, so there’s no two hours of getting ready anymore. And I’m over the top in other ways still, like hair colour and pattern mixing. Every now and then I get clever for work, but it’s a bakery… not gonna wear a suit even on office days. I must say I don’t like being ‘all dressed up with nowhere to go.’ I don’t know if it’s a compromise to not dress. I do know it’s wretched if everyone wants to go on a hike and I’m in heels… Suz on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300920 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 20:54:52 +0000 Suz 2300920@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Nodding along with Jonesy's last comment. I find suburban living makes it all much more difficult. I don't really do anything socially with my neighbours, yet I'm pretty sure they think I'm "dressed up" when I go out for my daily walks if I am not wearing sports gear. Meanwhile, the conditions around here, admittedly, make gear the more appropriate choice, most of the time. If I want to walk on the nearby trails or even on the streets (many of which do not have sidewalks) I need real hiking boots or at minimum lug soles. It's just a much more casual lifestyle all around and pretending that isn't so will only lead to frustration -- hence my decision shortly after we moved here to beef up my gear capsule.  The trouble is, I'd rather not wear gear all the time!  The concern about standing out sometimes stems from bad experiences in the past -- people criticizing one's outfit or giving nasty looks, or somehow making you feel "less than." It's interesting to think about. I'll bet 100 years ago, the sneers or snide comments were probably more often in the other direction, i.e. people looked down on those they considered underdressed or "too casual." Whereas nowadays, it seems people reserve their eyerolls for those they consider overdressed.  Then again -- I think sometimes we imagine people are judging, when really, they haven't even noticed. Or, if they have noticed, they are enjoying our outfit!  Jonesy on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300916 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 20:31:29 +0000 Jonesy 2300916@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This is an interesting discussion! I agree with the distinction between feeling like you are compromising vs. choosing among an array of options that feel genuine to you, based in part on other people.  And I also relate to feeling like the suburbs (at least my previous suburb, and yours, it sounds like) are places where sticking out, fashion-wise, is less comfortable than, say, a city setting. Now that I have moved to a small city with a rich cultural life, I am definitely more comfortable dressing up, e.g., for dinner, going to the symphony or other live music, etc. Irina on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300912 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 19:28:36 +0000 Irina 2300912@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Yes to making compromises due to the weather. Other than that, I’d say no. I wear mostly plain clothes, it is suitable for any environments I might find myself in. Aside from my very small collection of dressy summer things, all my stuff is casual.  Dee on "The Compromised Look ?" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/the-compromised-look#post-2300911 Mon, 09 Jan 2023 19:18:00 +0000 Dee 2300911@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Jenni, I just miss the days when things like going to the ballet/theatre etc.. were definite dress up events.