https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Thu, 23 Apr 2026 12:03:30 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1620248 Wed, 24 Feb 2016 19:44:26 +0000 Barbara Diane 1620248@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This has been an interesting thread. Anne, thanks for the article by the reporter who gave up drinking. One of my friend drinks a lot when out with all of her other friends; this would be a good article to send her/tell her about if she brings up the subject again.<br />My only pressure is occasionally my husband wants to open a bottle of wine for dinner and I don't want any. So sometimes he opens it and sometimes he doesn't. But it goes bad before he finishes it, and he hates waste. It was easier before he was diagnosed with Celiac, back then he just had a beer with dinner.</p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1619330 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 22:43:21 +0000 Deborah 1619330@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Nothing further to add and you are a lovely friend.&nbsp;<br />I rarely drink. &nbsp;I enjoy the occasional glass of red wine but that is it. I never feel I have to explain myself but like Anne there have been times when I have felt like I don't quite fit into the Aussie culture. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1619215 Mon, 22 Feb 2016 19:01:19 +0000 texstyle 1619215@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>After not drinking for a little while recently (I usually like to have a glass of wine each night and maybe two with friends), I noticed that it's hard to be around people who *are* drinking, when you are not. It's sort of like seeing a different side of everyone isn't it? The jokes that they seem to find funny, may not be quite as funny sans alcohol. And it's easier to notice a slight slur of speech, extra loud voice or sudden clumsiness. Maybe it's that fact that makes people want to pressure everyone to join in - maybe they know themselves that the people *not* drinking will certainly see them differently.&nbsp; And it's not all that pleasant (to me) to smell wine if I'm not drinking. It's like garlic that way. ;-)</p> <p>I don't have a solution to that - other than avoid the drinkers or at least have my one glass of wine -&nbsp; it's just an observation. </p> <p>I think I read recently that over 50% of Americans drink daily. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1617086 Wed, 17 Feb 2016 04:15:11 +0000 Suz 1617086@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>TG, what a fascinating thread. I can't really add to the excellent suggestions you've received but I wanted to say that you are an incredibly kind and loyal person to support your friend this way. I can't think of a better gift.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1616479 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 22:44:11 +0000 unfrumped 1616479@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think you got some great ideas for how you'd like to play it.</p> <p>I think it's more of an issue if you usually drink and then you don't. It is not odd then for friends to ask, why? out of interest, or even concern, and it's not always booze pressure. </p> <p>So I like Gaylene's "not tonight" because that is my situation, I have some times I do and other nights I am not having alcohol,&nbsp; for one of several reasons, so it would be normal for either my hosts or dinner companions to offer wine or beer, or to say, we've already ordered&nbsp; &nbsp;glasses of wine--will you have some, or whatever,&nbsp;and I'll just say, oh,&nbsp;tonight I just feel like having&nbsp;____, and &nbsp;that's all I say, and maybe I'm lucky, but I never get any grief.&nbsp;If it's my very close friends&nbsp;I might discuss a typical reason, usually an early morning or long day or&nbsp;such because we share similar situations, but I don't have to. </p> <p>&nbsp;A lot of people I'm with are "into" various dietary kicks and reforms and they love to expound upon their journeys, and also like to learn things, so often it's genuine curiosity about "what are you eating", or someone has read about or tried or is doing for fun or health--same as exercise routines, or travel, or movies, even, &nbsp;so I don't get too wigged out. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1616440 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 20:46:58 +0000 Freckles 1616440@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What an interesting thread. &nbsp;I'm really quite shocked that anyone would care if you drank or not and if not the why of it. &nbsp;I am a drinker &nbsp;but don't &nbsp;every time I go out with people or whatever. &nbsp;When at a family dinner or something I usually have something else to drink with my wine at the same time, usually a coffee. &nbsp;The only person who ever gave me a hard time about it was my sister, quite funny that. &nbsp;I cook with wine more than drink it and always have multiple drink options in the fridge. &nbsp;What a strange look at society at a whole.<br />Glad you got a bunch of great suggestions. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1616339 Mon, 15 Feb 2016 17:47:03 +0000 Anonymous 1616339@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can't think of a better way to be with someone who's having trouble than walking the experience with them. It's a major challenge for people who need to ease up to socialize without drinking and especially if it's not a big deal to you, you're not drinking will be deeply supportive.</p> <p>Expect some enlightening insights into yourself, other people, and recreational drug use. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1615425 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 17:33:05 +0000 Helena 1615425@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Colette, thank you. Understated wins the day! Sarah, that is very insightful ... It's funny because I saw an article saying there has been an increase in teetotalism among young people ... Still small but growing. Partly this is explained (on what I read) by am increase in Muslims living in western societies, which in turn then creates more of a take it or leave it situation for everyone. But I wondered if its partly because of what you say ... As a society, we're calming down over the whole thing, neither prohibiting nor backlashing over it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1615289 Sat, 13 Feb 2016 05:40:54 +0000 SarahTheWhite 1615289@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is such an interesting thread. So thought provoking... I have so many thoughts swirling on this topic. I find the cultural implications particularly fascinating. What stands out to me the most is what has been described as an "old world"/"European" mentality when it comes to drinking, and it occurs to me that truly the US and Canada (among others) are very young in comparison to Europe. Despite our deep European roots, we are still experiencing the wild pendulum swings of nations trying to settle into *our* cultures. Just in my lifetime of 43 years (and even more accurately the latter half of that) there has been a huge shift in how "conservative" groups view alcohol. Many were raised to view any intake of alcohol as bad, and either conformed without forming their own opinions, or rebelled and spent seasons of wild over indulgence. It seems that the stigma in broader conservative society has finally been lifted, which has birthed an era of freedom where many are figuring out what they actually think, how alcohol makes them feel, and how to control it without letting it control them. The wave of euphoria that this period of freedom brings is intense, and I believe that is why it seems to have built into a crescendo of social frenzy. I think that we still have a ways to go before we settle into the European wisdom of children being taught how to drink and witnessing appropriate modeling of calm and reasonable indulgence, but I do hope that it comes. </p> <p>There are a few reasons why I think that non-drinkers get pressure from drinkers, and I'm afraid I may have been guilty of doing some of this - I just didn't realize it until now! People who truly enjoy the social experience of sharing a beverage that makes them feel mellow and warm and fuzzy really want to share that enjoyment and perhaps "help" that enjoyment happen for others. I am an introvert who measures every word and worries about all of the possible ramifications, and the relief that comes with a little bit of wine is wonderful. I suddenly realize that the world will not end if I speak without over thinking, or actually say what is on my mind! Who knew? Maybe you didn't know and you would enjoy that too... Maybe you say that you don't like alcohol but what if I can help you find that one delicious thing you didn't know you loved? And then you may not notice that I am saying what is on my mind and you will be lulled into thinking that I am witty and brilliant. Or maybe you have enjoyed a glass of wine with me before, and now that you're not, it just isn't quite the same fun, shared experience... (Although this one is kind of silly because it really isn't true. I've enjoyed a glass of wine with others who aren't drinking and fun was had by all!) Others may have been raised so strictly that someone who is conspicuously not drinking makes them feel judged and guilty, and in their discomfort they go on the offensive. I think that so many people have their own baggage and often drag everyone else along for the ride. You know... new world problems. I honestly think that most of the pressure comes from a place of clueless insensitivity, but I do believe that everyone should be sensitive to those who have a strong moral conviction on the subject, and those who struggle with alcoholism. There is no excuse for causing offense or making life difficult for someone who is struggling just because we allow ourselves a freedom that they don't or can't.</p> <p>Thank you for this! It has helped me to organize my thoughts a bit better on something that I have been observing for a while. And it has made me much more aware of my need to be sensitive and supportive to each individual's choices. </p> <p>Unfortunately I am a little more rigid when it comes to coffee. I just feel so sorry for non coffee drinkers - sorry Angie... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1615114 Fri, 12 Feb 2016 18:18:32 +0000 Colette 1615114@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's so nice of you to support your friend. I have nothing against drinking or people who do drink, I personally don't really enjoy it and rarely drink. And I don't make a big deal about it, I just order a club soda with lime when drink orders are taken. If I'm at a friend's home I just ask for water in a glass and again don't make a big deal about it. If questioned you could just say you are taking a break. If pressed and you do really feel you need to offer an excuse, you can say you are working through some gastrointestinal issues and you need to give your stomach a break. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1614467 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 13:19:54 +0000 Helena 1614467@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Anne, not at all! This is all really interesting. I am hearing things from you guys that I have thought but never voiced. It is all much appreciated!! I'll enjoy reading that article and will look for your book. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1614401 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 06:58:17 +0000 anne 1614401@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Torontogirl, we are going beyond your question her - I'm sure you've received enough advice by now, &nbsp;but I wanted to mention a book I read that I found very informative about this subject. It was written by a medical reporter with one of Australia's big papers and is called <a rel="nofollow" href="https://scribepublications.com.au/books-authors/books/high-sobriety/">High Sobriety - my year without drinking</a>&nbsp;but is goes beyond her personal account</p> <p><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/high-sobriety-20110409-1d8gz.html">Here</a> is an article she wrote a few months it which talks quite a bit about all that societal pressure. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1614394 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 06:01:30 +0000 Aziraphale 1614394@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If you're in a room full of drunks, it's them who have the problem, not you. </p> <p>Like Gaylene, I was raised to look at drinking a an accompaniment to a meal, especially a celebratory one. I probably had my first wine at a very young age. My parents had these teeny tiny wine glasses for kids (probably sherry glasses), and we'd have a sip and make a face because it was so gross. I remember thinking, this tastes like medicine, how do the grownups LIKE it? But I grew up thinking wine was for dinner, and getting drunk was not acceptable. I think that sets a pattern for life. That didn't stop me from getting drunk occasionally in my youth, but chronic drunkenness, even then, was an embarrassment. It's hard for me to picture a bunch of mature adults <i>still getting drunk on a regular basis</i> and not feel that something is wrong. Is it the culture? Are we that much of a drinking culture? I hope not. I drink wine regularly, as do many of my friends, but I almost never see anyone having too many.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1614334 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 02:35:16 +0000 Anonymous 1614334@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When I was in college, I did not drink. &nbsp;I didn't like the smell&nbsp;<u>or</u> the way I felt. &nbsp;I didn't have any opinion about others or their drinking habits, but they certainly had opinions about my choices. &nbsp;It bothered them immensely. &nbsp;They became obsessed with me drinking to make them follow feel comfortable. &nbsp;It was a really big deal to them. &nbsp;They didn't stop hanging out with me. &nbsp;I learned to drink beverages that "appeared" to be alcoholic. &nbsp; Stupid, I know. &nbsp;<u></u></p> <p>ETA: &nbsp;As I got still older, I continued to go out with these people. &nbsp;I would drink a single glass of wine and they would get hammered. &nbsp;In time, it was me that opted to stop going out with them. &nbsp;It was just no fun whatsoever. &nbsp;It is just not fun to be the only sober person in a room full of drunks. &nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1614301 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 00:30:55 +0000 Gaylene 1614301@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm another who was raised "old world" by middle European parents. I think I had my first "drink" when I was old enough to leave the children's table and sit at the "big people" table--probably around 10 or 11. My glass held a drop or two of wine mixed in water. I also remember the glasses that were used for wine in those days were quite small--about 3 oz. It was also understood a woman never drank more than the one small glass--sipping it slowly throughout the meal and never draining the glass. </p> <p>The whole drinking scene at university was bizarre to me. Having a drink was fine--no big deal--but getting intoxicated seemed stupid and ugly. My solution for a night out with friends was to order a single shot of hard liquor with lots of ice--no mix, just straight liquor. I could sit there with that tumbler all night letting the ice melt taking a couple sips every now and then. It was a strategy I learned from sitting with the adults at age 10 and I use to this day. If I'm dining out, I often order a small bottle of mineral water to accompany my glass of wine. After I've sipped about half, I start topping up my wine with water, just like my grandmother and mother did. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1614209 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 20:31:14 +0000 Helena 1614209@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks so much everyone - it's so nice to know from everyone that it shouldn't be a big deal Lots of great coping tips here. &nbsp;Viva, you are so right - as mentioned I have no problem with anyone drinking alcohol per se, but I am finding it increasingly noticeable how pervasive it is, to the point that its virtually a cultural expectation. The friend I referred to &nbsp;that having a struggle right now actually mentioned they would have to abandon social media because they feel so inundated with messages about drinking. I never noticed until she mentioned it, but it's so true!</p> <p>Rachy, well, I am from Irish parents so I'm sure you can guess how watered down things are!! Just kidding; actually there are as many abstainers and very moderate drinkers in my fam as there are enthusiastic imbibers. I do remember reading an article about Jewish and Italian culture, which (according to the article) traditionally include alcohol such as wine as part of a meal, but which have high expectations for moderation, and no social "requirement" to indulge, beyond perhaps a sip for a toast. I am sure those of Jewish or Italian descent can comment on whether this rings true or not - but regardless it seems to me that this type of relationship with alcohol is pretty ideal.</p> <p>Anyways - appreciate everyone's support very much!! Cheers, or not - as you prefer!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1614171 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 18:54:40 +0000 rachylou 1614171@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My neighbor and I have discussed our drinking styles... Because we lived in a building of alkies to be honest. The one thing we have in common is a non-American parent. We were both raised 'old world' with a little watered wine. We don't have that sense of 'let's go get wasted for fun,' which a lot of people do seem to have. I don't really get bars, for example. A cafe where you might have a glass of wine, yes. But bars, not really. I mentioned this to one of my work children, that I'd never go for drinks on a first date. I'm aware people do, but I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I don't want to be with a drunk stranger... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1614016 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 13:22:06 +0000 Helen11 1614016@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's sad that not-drinking is seen as such a big deal.<br />My husband doesn't drink at all, and is often questioned about it. &nbsp;He's also had drinks thrust into his hands after declining. &nbsp;He either gives them to me, or quietly puts them down later.<br />Love Viva's suggestions!</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice/page/2#post-1614014 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 13:20:47 +0000 viva 1614014@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't find Spoff's experience that odd, really. American society is riddled with alcohol. Khloe Khardashian has a new TV program that is based around the idea of her sitting with famous people and playing drinking games and talking while they get drunk on camera. And hav you ever heard of the show Drunk History?&nbsp;</p> <p>Neither my husband nor I drink but we do enjoy ordering an NA beer when we go out, and at least 80% of bars and restaurants do not stock this item nor offer mocktails on the menu, no matter what part of the country we are in, despite the fact that there are at least a dozen non-alcoholic beer brands on the market. (We like to go to small, hip places to eat and drink ... but I guess not drinking is not hip?)</p> <p>We are a drinking society. People who do not drink are not the norm. If I say nothing it's usually fine, but if i happen to say that I don't drink alcohol at all, it's a shocker and a point of interest to people (clients, neighbors, etc.) -- "EVER?" "Really?" "Why not?" My daughter, who is 20, is pretty much choosing not to drink and is finding it almost impossible to find a peer group. She left a traditional university in part because of the drinking culture and now lives in Portland where she hangs out with people in their 30s and 40s.&nbsp;</p> <p>I completely understand why TG needs to feel armored with some answers, just in case, and why Spoff got these questions from her SIL. You don't have to be part of some wild crew to shock people or to feel shocked by a non-drinker. Until society levels out a little, treats non-drinking equally with drinking (regularly offers adults both options on a menu, doesn't inundate the media with alcohol-ridden ads and shows), this is the world we operate in. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice#post-1614007 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 12:58:57 +0000 spoff 1614007@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rachylou that is great perspective. My SIL is a lovely girl so I wasn't offended at all by her line of questioning, I just found it odd. your take on it really helps me understand a little better where she might be coming from </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice#post-1614004 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 12:47:47 +0000 rachylou 1614004@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Spoff, that is fascinating. I hope you don't mind my saying... I think about it - it means your SIL has been immersed in a drinking society her whole life. Like deep in the heart of a jungle and she's never made it near any border for a glimpse of anything else. Or if she has, it was in a metaphorical flyover, distant and removed seeming, outside the window. That makes her kinda vulnerable. It is perhaps a good thing she has you for a SIL now... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice#post-1613996 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 12:18:54 +0000 spoff 1613996@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>i was never much of a drinker and over the years this has evolved into pretty much not drinking at all. Why people question this or care is always a source of fascination to me. I had a conversation with my new SIL recently that pretty much turned into the Spanish Inquisition. Her "Can I ask you why you don't drink" me " I just don't prefer it" her " so you don't have a drinking problem you just don't drink" me " right "her " does it make you sick give you headaches" me " no " Her " do you feel out of control when you drink" me "no " her " don't you want to relax and have fun " me " I am relaxed and I'm having fun" this went on for about half an hour and she finally said " wow I've never met someone who wasn't<br /> an alcoholic that didn't drink " me " well I guess I'm a unicorn"<br /> I wonder how the conversation would have went had I been the one questioning why she does drink. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice#post-1613940 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 08:21:24 +0000 Sal 1613940@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good luck to you TG!! &nbsp;Great to show solidarity with your friend.</p> <p>I do enjoy wine and beer, but give up a couple of times a year for 2-3 weeks, and drink moderately the rest of the time.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice#post-1613904 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 05:09:32 +0000 Nebraskim 1613904@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree with Gaylene above. Explaining is not necessary. When people question me about why I don't eat wheat, I reply "I'm curious as to why you're so interested in something that is solely my business and none of yours. Why do you care what I choose to eat?" That usually shuts them down because it throws the explanation back into their court. &nbsp;It's your decision and they do not need or deserve you having to defend your decisions. I applaud you for your decision.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice#post-1613884 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 03:39:58 +0000 Gaylene 1613884@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My "trick" is to order what I want--soda water with lime, mocktail, or whatever comes in glass that resembles a drink--and say nothing. If someone asks me "Aren't you having wine?", I just say "Nope, not tonight" and leave it at that. Explaining is not necessary, and often a bad move, since it makes people want to defend their choice or to try get me to change my mind. If someone had the bad manners to press me for a reason, I'd probably pause, look at them, and then change the subject by complimenting him/her. Usually startles the questioner and sends a clear message to the rest of the group. </p> <p>I do think, though, it's nice to have something in a glass in front of me to join in the toasts and celebrations. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice#post-1613879 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 03:23:54 +0000 anne 1613879@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>TG I'm glad you've got some great tactful lines to use!!</p> <p>I do drink, but not very much at all (as in I'll have one glass of wine every few months) and don't really feel like I have the whole drinking culture down pat - Australians on the whole are quite into drinking (often a lot) and my unwillingness to get drunk was somewhat of a barrier when I was younger. And I've never really had that whole "let's catch up for a drink" thing sorted and I do feel that I'd like to. (I do manage the odd after work drink ok.).</p> <p>Anyway - Lent is only for a few weeks!</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice#post-1613871 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 03:03:28 +0000 Anonymous 1613871@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't drink - never have - and have no problem saying, "Thanks, but I don't drink" whenever I'm offered something. Now that I'm older and manage chronic pain with meds. I have an additional reason to say no. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice#post-1613861 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 02:32:34 +0000 Anonymous 1613861@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Most of the time people will stop asking after initially questioning you. Be patient. Some need to test your resolve or have their own issues. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice#post-1613856 Wed, 10 Feb 2016 02:18:39 +0000 Janet 1613856@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree with Aziraphale. I was a big drinker a long time ago, and don't drink much now, but I do appreciate a glass of wine or a craft beer or a cocktail or two, maybe once or twice a week.</p> <p>However, many of our friends and family members do not drink for various reasons. Most of them have learned to field questions with a vague but polite answer, and I would say the question is dropped about 99% of the time after that. Most people really don't care and won't notice if you order a cranberry and soda or even water.</p> <p>I once attended a party held by a friend of my sister, and I just didn't feel like drinking more than a single beer. One of her friends kept trying to push another drink into my hands. I eventually just took it and then sat it down later without even taking a sip. My youngest stepson, who doesn't drink but is in a rock band (and spends a lot of time playing in bars and clubs) has to do the same thing many times. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/teetotal-advice#post-1613794 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 23:49:56 +0000 Helena 1613794@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Some great advice here, thanks all ... For the record I do know that the majority of people could care less what's in my glass I just know from experience there's always bound to be a comment here and there and feel better being prepared with a tactful reaction thx all!! As always!! </p>