https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 18 Apr 2026 22:06:06 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-836346 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 18:41:13 +0000 rachylou 836346@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Elisabeth is brilliant: Tell them you're not into yeast infections. Keep 'em ALL out of the hot tub. <em>Mwahahaha!</em> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-836287 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 18:06:22 +0000 lyn* 836287@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks lovely ladies, (still chuckling @ People Soup; which is what my dad calls it too), I'm off on my trip! I will try to keep all your wise words in my mind ... don't worry, the snarky people are not mental health people, but they are other residents - but their personal personas and their professional ones are very separate and they are nothing short of being excellent with their patients, although they are sometimes quite mean to their coworkers. </p> <p>Like my dad says ... you can tell how good a person is by how they treat their underlings, and not their superiors (although in this case, I think they're my equals!) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-836027 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 15:24:03 +0000 Aziraphale 836027@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>For the record, I do agree with everyone who's saying to just be honest and say you don't like hot tubs. I think that's really the only approach that will work. </p> <p>And I'm sorry that you've had women make open criticisms of your body. That's horrifying. I've never had that happen (all of my body criticisms have been my own!). But you are simply lovely, and don't forget it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-835999 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 15:03:06 +0000 Janet 835999@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lyn, you said: "I've never received snarky comments from men, but some women feel free to tell you that your abdomen is too fat or your arms still are waving after you've said goodbye ... and that makes me sad inside."</p> <p>That makes me sad too. I'm really glad I don't know those people. Please tell me they're not mental health professionals. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-835983 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 14:52:31 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 835983@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think it is obvious from the number of responders on this thread who share your lack of love for the hottub that it isn't uncommon. My partner refers to it as people soup. I think honesty is the best policy in this case. Just say you aren't a fan of hot tubbing and leave it at that. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-835970 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 14:42:22 +0000 Isabel 835970@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Despite my hot body , not really, this is what I hated most about conference : there was always a beach or swimming pool or "bathing suit" event. </p> <p>This is what I would do for the hot tub, (" I get headaches in that kind of heat. But I will dangle my feet in ......) Then I would either wear a tunic or show up in shorts and hang for a while. Once people started getting tipsy, I left. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-835926 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 14:08:54 +0000 Mander 835926@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am a fan of hot tubs but it would still be a bit strange to get in one with a bunch of co-workers. Maybe because they have a "sexy" connotation that I wouldn't want to associate with my professional colleagues?</p> <p>In any case, I vote for the "no thanks, I just don't like them" with no further explanation. If they press you on it, then they are being very rude and invasive, IMHO. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-834839 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 19:09:16 +0000 JAileen 834839@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When I'm asked to do something I don't want to do, I just say, " No thanks". If they persist, I repeat. Really, it's nobody's business why you don't want to do it, and it's rude of them to try to force anything on you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-834806 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 18:40:31 +0000 lyn* 834806@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh; we definitely psychoanalyze each other - especially the seniors who are doing their psychoanalysis training - and they're not shy to tell you their opinions! Sometimes they are quite hurtful, so I don't think I'm missing out on much.</p> <p>There is also cross-country skiing, and I'm also bringing my camera, so hopefully nice pics are coming up! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-834804 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 18:39:33 +0000 Amy 834804@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I vote for being honest. Not "accidentally" forgetting your suit. Just tell them that you're happy to spend time with them, but you don't care to use hot tubs. No need to say more than that. Hopefully, you can sit nearby and sip at a fruity cocktail and be sociable. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-834796 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 18:32:32 +0000 Anonymous 834796@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ok, right off the bat I can tell you, I can relate. When I was fairly new at my current job, I had to travel with this group of tub crazy people. Ehhh, really I don't see why my boss need to see so much of me, at all, so I politely declined for over 2 years. Just be upfront and say that you are not interested. I have to spend weeks at the time with people and I have learned that honesty is the best policy. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-834794 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 18:31:08 +0000 L'Abeille 834794@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Go to the African dance class, Lyn. You'll have a blast.</p> <p>Are they all psych residents? You can tell them you have boundary issues and then they can all psychoanalyze each other in the hot tub while you go shake your sillies out. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-834758 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 17:59:34 +0000 Aziraphale 834758@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I see what you mean, Christy. People might notice, and fleetingly wonder why a person doesn't want to join in a group activity (not just hot tub soaking, but anything, really -- softball game, board game, whatever), but nobody's going to stay awake at night thinking about it. It is true that we tend to focus only on what pertains to ourselves. :-)</p> <p>*I* would notice if only one person -- particularly a woman -- did not get into a bathing suit. But then, I have special radar for anything that hints at an eating disorder. Once you've been there, no matter how long ago, you never forget, and you can never not notice. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-834733 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 17:44:03 +0000 christy 834733@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Going back to Elizabeth's question about whether or not people would notice (my comment about people not noticing was a bit tongue in cheek regarding the level of cocktails that may or may not be involved!)...I don't think it's a question of people noticing. I think it has more to do with whether or not people really care all that much (to MPJ's point). I would never think twice if I were at a gathering and someone didn't want to get in a hot tub. If you treat it as no big deal, I don't think anyone else would really think much of it one way or the other. Know what I mean? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-834675 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 17:04:48 +0000 catgirl 834675@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Totally sympathize. I am SUPER self conscious in a swimsuit. That and not being able to nap spontaneously are two of my worst regrets.</p> <p>At Sundance we had a hot tub but I was not about to strip down in front of a bunch of directors, producers, and starlet-wanna-bes. So I just claimed (which was true) that I didn't have my suit, and declined the suggestion to go nude. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-834659 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:56:51 +0000 Mamapicklejuice 834659@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm with Diana. I tried a hot tub once and I felt like I was suffocating. Never again! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-834600 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:24:58 +0000 Diana 834600@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmm, well, I actually DO hate hot tubs and it has nothing to do with body image or swimsuits. (I even hate baths in general, I always shower). It's because the steam and heat make me feel dizzy and nauseous. Maybe you could say that? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to/page/2#post-834273 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 06:02:44 +0000 Mo 834273@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If it helps, my own BF, who crawled in the tub with me in the aisles at Home Depot, to be sure it fit us both, has only been in it with me like 6 times in over a decade. This is our private master bath I'm talking about! Some people just aren't 'tubbers'. I am He's not. It's okay. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to#post-834268 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:55:49 +0000 lyn* 834268@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>lol, elizabeth, I've never received snarky comments from men, but some women feel free to tell you that your abdomen is too fat or your arms still are waving after you've said goodbye ... and that makes me sad inside.</p> <p>Most days I dont' really feel like a totally awesome person, but that's a whole other can of worms :)</p> <p>I think some of the people in my group are going to do some kind of "African tribal dance" instead of hot tubbing. Could sound fun </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to#post-834252 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:42:21 +0000 Aziraphale 834252@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>When you say the men are less judgmental, do you mean that other women comment on how you look? And the men don't? How do you know that men are less judgmental? </p> <p>By the way, most women have a belly and arm fat. Some of the loveliest artist's models I've worked with had those things in abundance. And they also had a generous helping of confidence. These are women who happily strip down and let a roomful of people scrutinize their bodies -- I mean, to draw a model, you really have to LOOK. I think the root of things, with body issues, is how you feel about yourself as a person. Once you interalize how truly awesome you are as a whole person, your body shape will matter a lot less to you. Really, it will.</p> <p>I'm saying all this out of a desire to help. Because I've been there, and life is better if you can put those demons to rest.</p> <p>MPJ: you think so? I don't know. Maybe if a number of people didn't get in. But if I were at a work thing, and only one person didn't get in, I'd notice. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to#post-834245 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:38:22 +0000 Mamapicklejuice 834245@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree with Christy. I think sometimes we think all eyes are on us and everyone is going to notice us, and really, everyone is just thinking about themselves! If *you* don't act funny about it, the incident won't stick in their minds.</p> <p>Can't modesty and propriety also be reasons for not wanting to be in a state of undress around colleagues? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to#post-834238 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:32:54 +0000 lyn* 834238@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@Christy - As long as I don't get all the drinks mixed up :D</p> <p>@Elisabeth, I think you're right - I do swim regularly in terms of laps in a pool where I frequent where the other swimmers are men and I find they are less judgemental (also they are old so their eyesight is failing) - I am still very sensitive about certain body things (like belly and like arm fat) - I mean, I hope it is nothing and hopefully it won't come back or get worse. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to#post-834232 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:29:32 +0000 Aziraphale 834232@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lyn, I wasn't finger-pointing or anything....I just know that I did some hot tub avoidance in my late teens/early twenties, and although I said it was because hot tubs are gross (which they are, a bit), that wasn't the real reason. If your disordered eating is something you can manage, and you honestly don't feel that it is a reason you are avoiding the wearing of the bathing suit in front of your co-workers, then everything is all right.</p> <p>But I disagree with Christy. I think everyone will notice that you're not getting in. The trick is to not care. You get in or stay out if you want to. But don't let your lovely body be a source of shame. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to#post-834222 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:20:39 +0000 christy 834222@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm with Krista in the camp of not liking to mix bathing suits and co-workers! I think you can easily say that you aren't fond of hot tubs and just don't like to get in them, but would be happy to socialize while everyone else enjoys the hot tub. You can always offer to bring them drinks! before long they won't even notice you're not in there too! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to#post-834218 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:17:21 +0000 lyn* 834218@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@Mamapicklejuice, they sure do know I have shingles - because I went around asking people "do 27 year olds get shingles???" all two weeks :p</p> <p>@ Velvety, I think you bring up a good point. I will try to be as unjudgemental as possible :)</p> <p>@ Elizabeth, I'm perfectly okay wearing a swim suit equivalent ... like last time I was in a fitting room, the sales lady opened my door by accident (haha; door, it was more of a curtain) and I felt fine about it - she said something like, "I'm so sorry, that must be embarrassing." I kinda was like, "No, nothing to be embarrassed about." Because I'm not.</p> <p>There was another time I swapped tops on the sales floor because the sales person was all like, well, there are no rooms ... but that's another story and I was more mad than anything else :)</p> <p>I also can't find a psychiatrist willing to work with me on my eating disorder issues because they've been so chronic and they're not really that urgent anymore. I don't have any self-harming behaviours aside from disordered eating when I am very stressed out - and I generally try to avoid that as much as I can. I also dont' really look like I have any eating problems either; there are many girls in med that are a lot "sicklier" than I am. It's been definitely a challenge - and also my parents are encouraging me to stick it out on my own if I can. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to#post-834210 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:09:34 +0000 Aziraphale 834210@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have to ask: would you still want to go into the hot tub if you didn't have scars? If you hadn't had shingles? If it were hygienic? If not, you need to do a little more work on your eating disorder issues. I say this from experience. It's not a judgment. But you cannot be "over" your eating disorder if you have difficulty, psychologically, wearing a bathing suit in front of people. </p> <p>P.S. I think scars are sexy. (Shingles, not so much. I'm with you there). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to#post-834209 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:08:58 +0000 Adelfa 834209@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Elisabeth: can't stop laughing! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to#post-834206 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:06:17 +0000 Aziraphale 834206@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You could just say you have a yeast infection. You know, if you're into shock value. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to#post-834203 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 05:02:55 +0000 velvetychocolate 834203@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't think there's anything wrong with simply saying that you don't like hot tubs, and leaving it at that. There's nothing saying you can't lounge on a chair and socialize with those who do partake. I'm sure there will be at least a couple of other people who'd prefer not to do the hot tub thing. </p> <p>I don't think I'd bother saying you forgot your swimsuit or whatever, because invevitably, someone will offer to take you to a store to get one, or lend you one...yadda yadda yadda. </p> <p>Much easier to just casually state that you're not a fan of hot tubs. They're too hot or whatever. You don't need a medical reason or excuse - you simply don't like them, and that's that. Throw on some comfy pool-side lounge-type wear and join in on the socializing aspect (recline on a lounge chair close by) and I'm sure it'll all be just fine. </p> <p>Don't stress - it's ok if you don't like something, and you *can* do this without coming across as judgemental or feeling all awkward. It can be as easy as saying, "I always find them way too hot ..." or something along those lines. </p> <p>I wouldn't say you think they are "gross" though - because that could come across as a bit judgemental toward those who don't mind jumping in. It's simply that you don't like them because you find them uncomfortable or just plain too hot for you. </p> <p>Good luck and don't stress about this one. I don't like hot tubs all that much myself, and I also don't like saunas. I really *do* find them to be too hot, and they just aren't my thing. I can't imagine anyone thinking anything bad about me because I don't like hot tubs or saunas all that much. </p> <p>It would be a different story if I tried to come up with some other excuse - a forgotten swimsuit or what have you. No...I'm much better off simply saying I don't like hot tubs. No one is going to try and goad you into it or give you a hard time if you say something like, "I don't really like hot tubs all that much because they are way too hot for me..."</p> <p>If you don't like them, then it's as simple as that.</p> <p>editing to add: I like Adelpha's suggestion too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/swimwear-woes---is-there-a-good-way-to-tell-people-i-dont-want-to#post-834197 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 04:55:58 +0000 Adelfa 834197@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I would probably say, "I have sensitive skin, and hot tubs don't work for me." </p>