https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 19 Apr 2026 12:30:58 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792981 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 20:14:39 +0000 Isabel 792981@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow, Shannon, this is momentous. I am so impressed that you actually tackled this very difficult question. I think it happens to us more often than not. I just read Rae's post where announces her realization that she really doesn't like leather jackets on herself. And I thought, NEITHER do I (on me not on her )!!!! But I have a lovely blazer in leather. Why ? </p> <p>Some times, I also think that we don't trust ourselves enough. That if everyone else is singing something's praise or it useful to them, it SHOULD be to us. And some times, for no explicable reason, it just isn't. It is like being aghast if someone says that they don't like cashmere.....no !!!!!!!!!!</p> <p>And part of the reason that you feel you can't wear the same thing "too often" is that we have ALL (as women ) been listening to the subtle message that we shouldn't. It is somehow seen as a character flaw or an economic flaw. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792698 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 14:26:23 +0000 Janet 792698@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Shannon, thanks so much for sharing all of this. </p> <p>When I look at the "mistakes" in my closet, I realize that most of them were the result of stepping out of my comfort zone. The only way I would have prevented them is to stay in safe territory all the time. But then I see favorites in my closet that are also items that pushed my boundaries. </p> <p>So the way I see it, for every "mistake" (which in fairness, may not really be mistakes -- I may only wear them occasionally, or have to work a little more with them), there is at least one (usually more) success. I'm sure your success-to-mistake ratio is quite impressive, especially considering how willing you are to try new things! </p> <p>At least take consolation that I've probably spent a lot more money on my mistakes than you have on yours. </p> <p>Keep having fun!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792693 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 14:21:01 +0000 Astrid 792693@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That's so true! For me it was the colored skinnies, I just was in love with the idea of them and convinced myself I could make them work, even though I felt slightly uncomfortable in the dressing room. And see what happened? I maybe wore them five times, I just don't feel comfortable in them. This is a great realisation, Shannon! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792685 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 14:11:09 +0000 Suz 792685@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes, I do think I understand this, Shannon. It's learning to discern those gut-level feelings in the dressing room that tell us, "That is just not going to be workable!" </p> <p>It can be surprisingly difficult to hear those messages when we fall in love with the idea of an item. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792683 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 14:03:48 +0000 Transcona Shannon 792683@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh my goodness Suz - you didn't cause any stress at all honey pie In fact, quite the opposite. Your question was excellent and really brought out some good thinking. I enjoyed mulling it over and was pleased with the revelations it brought out for me. It cleared my head about a couple of things and actually relieved some stress. Seriously Suz - THANK YOU!</p> <p>It's true I didn't pay anything for the flowered jeans. But it isn't so much the cost that is the issue. It's when you put an item on and you know in your gut it isn't the right item (whether it be the fit of it, the style of it, working with the rest of your wardrobe, etc.) but bringing it home anyway. There's experimentation that is fun even if it doesn't work and then there's experimentation that ends up causing all sorts of angst. That's what I want to stop doing.</p> <p>I have the feeling through all of this that I will come out the other end with a clearer idea of what I want in a wardrobe and that is always a good thing.</p> <p>Please Suz - do not worry your pretty head - I seriously appreciated your thoughts and input. Ok?</p> <p>Thank youso much for your comments Thistle, Gaylene, RunnerChick, JR, Krishnidoux, Deborah and Shevia. You have all given me great insight and are helping me move forward. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792489 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 04:11:22 +0000 Suz 792489@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Shannon!! First off, I am SO SORRY if I caused you stress with my question. I was a bit hesitant to post it as I knew it was a toughie and I really didn't want to pressure you to answer if it would not be helpful or interesting to you; nor did I mean to put you, personally, on the spot - - and in fact I think this should perhaps become a more general question - which I will put to the forum, because I was really wondering if we fall into different categories in terms of the KINDS of mistakes we tend to make in our purchasing or not purchasing. I absolutely did not mean to point a finger at you or criticize your decision to buy these jeans -- or any other item in your wardrobe. And I hate the idea that I might have upset you when I know you are under so much stress already. So if that is the case, please accept my apology. </p> <p>Back to those flowered jeans, and so called "mistake" purchases....as a matter of fact, if I'm not mistaken, you DIDN'T "buy" these jeans....or spent next to nothing on them. Didn't they come home from consignment with you? So they cost you next to nothing...for a big learning opportunity. To me, that is not really such a mistake after all. </p> <p>Anyway, like the others, I am continually inspired by your willingness to try new styles, by your persistence in trying to make them work, by the FUN you have with all of this! And as others have already said, if nobody ever made mistakes, we'd never learn. It is all part of the process. (Besides, let me go on record again as not thinking these jeans were a "mistake." I think they are a super fun addition to your weekend wardrobe and I still think you could enjoy them come springtime.) </p> <p>The way I see it, if shopping is fun and a stress reliever, and it isn't hurting your budget, why the heck would you stop!?! The only reason to stop is if it isn't fun, or if the angst of trying to make the impulse purchases work creates more stress in your life. </p> <p>You know, when the stress-reliever ends up adding to the stress load, that's the time to question it -- not before. (I once signed up for a yoga class at a very difficult period of my life and can you believe it, YOGA became a huge stress for me!!) </p> <p>Anyway, I am all for making wise decisions and all for sober reflection and all that....but if YOUR way of having fun with fashion is buying a lot of clothes and regularly recycling them, then I see nothing to be ashamed of in that -- especially when you do it with as much panache as you do! </p> <p>I just wouldn't want you cramping your natural style because you think you "should" be like some ideal Vivienne files type lady. If it's not you, it's not you. And YOU are the one who is fab. SO fab. What would we do here without you? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792445 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 02:53:01 +0000 Jaime 792445@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think the aspect of fashion as your creative outlet is very important. You are obviously a very creative person, with a fantastic eye, and your ability to put outfits together is exceptional. I think you should take pride in that side of your personality and understand that the creative process necessarily requires experimentation and mistakes (unlike crunching numbers I would say). Taking on new challenges is part of it. Embrace the creative you Shannon! We are all your appreciative audience! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792404 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 02:03:50 +0000 Deborah 792404@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>One of the things I love is how you, Shannon, and others, so often articulate what I can't, or haven't quite got to yet. I relate to a lot of what you have shared here. Point 4 in your 'decisions' hit a nerve:) For some inexplicable reason, I have felt the same way but my time here at YLF has brought me to the same conclusion that like you " "I'd rather look good in the same item every week than look poorly put together in something different every day". Also I have had the revelation that, for me anyway, 'less is more'. For the record, when someone is well dressed, I rarely notice the repeats, just how fab they always look:)</p> <p>I do think your love of style and fashion will stop you from ever falling into a style rut:)</p> <p>A couple of questions I have started asking myself when shopping for clothes are:</p> <p>1. Does this reflect my personality and current style persona</p> <p>2 How do I want people to perceive me, and does this garment reflect that?</p> <p>Question 2 is not so much about what people think but more how they respond. For example, at work I wish to be taken seriously and treated with respect and like I know what I am doing.. so the question there for me is does what I wear to work evoke those responses.</p> <p>Enough from me... thank you for sharing your process, I really appreciate it and find it so helpful x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792392 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:56:18 +0000 krishnidoux 792392@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Very helpful! So true! I love this thread. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792385 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:48:54 +0000 JR 792385@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Very interesting reflections. I share the stubbornness concerning clothes. I hate throwing money away. And so often in the past, things that initially pushed my comfort envelope became favourites, so I hesitate to make snap judgments. I will try several things before I ultimately give up. So really, I kind of like that in you.</p> <p>Don't worry too much about wearing the same things too often. I have gone well over a month with no repeats of outfits with my much more limited wardrobe, and I haven't even begun to exhaust the possibilities. I am quite sure that you could stop purchasing for months now, and go just that long without repeating any outfits. Mind you, some of them are so good they are begging to be repeated. I bet if you went through your WIW files, you could put together a portfolio of fantastic work outfits that would easily cover a couple of months. And really, if anybody is so catty as to object to your wearing the same thing more than once, they are not the kind of people you want running your life. For them, you repeat outfits deliberately, just to bug them... LOL! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792378 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:41:16 +0000 RunnerChick 792378@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Same here - what Gaylene said ^^. I'm now thinking I should experiment with a pair of patterned floral skinnies, to see what it's about. </p> <p>You sure have gotten me thinking. I'll write a more thoughtful reply after I have thought some more :-), but I I just wanted to share that you have set some wheels in motion for me. Thank you for your thoughtfulness, insights, and the honesty to share them! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792341 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 00:07:02 +0000 Gaylene 792341@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Shannon, you are so honest about your style journey that I wonder if you know how many of us you have helped with your reflections, thoughts, and experiments. It was your determination to get those BFs to work that made me realize I needed to quit making so many snap judgement about trends. You demonstrated how tweaking and experimenting really opens up possibilities and that putting in a little time and effort can pay out in spades.</p> <p>As for you EVER falling into a style rut, the planets will stop revolving around the sun when that happens. The fun you bring to the whole process and your creativity in finding new ways to style the items in your closet make you a trendsetter. Why, you've even got me thinking I ought to try on a pair of patterned jeans... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792339 Mon, 10 Dec 2012 00:02:06 +0000 Thistle 792339@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Very insightful observations.</p> <p>Honestly, a mistake or three is part of learning, isn't it? I think even Angie, who has way more experience than all of us, still makes the occasional mistake!</p> <p>Body unhappiness is something I really relate with. Can't tell you the number of things I have tried or the money spent to try to change my body shape. For a time, I responded by simply not shopping. It doesn't really help, but it does stop you from making mistakes as well as feeling unhappy every time you buy clothes.</p> <p>Part of my style journey is understanding I will never, ever be 5'11" and 110 pounds. Ever. But learning to respect and love the body I have. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792335 Sun, 09 Dec 2012 23:46:01 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 792335@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I stand by my original position on those jeans - they look outstanding on you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792328 Sun, 09 Dec 2012 23:32:03 +0000 Transcona Shannon 792328@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Dianthus - I do indeed find fashion and as a result, shopping, to be a creative outlet AND a stress reliever. I'm a number cruncher in healthcare - not exactly creatively stimulating. But I need to temper that need for creativity with a sense of reality and what will really work not only on my physical body but with my wardrobe and overall sense of style. Wow... I have clarity??? (lol)</p> <p>Jayne - why is it I bought those jeans? That's the million dollar question.</p> <p>Mochi - I'm also noticing that I need to make a mistake every once in a while in order for a bit more thinking to take place. I struggled with a few BF/slouchy looks until I found the right way for ME to wear it, bought the hideous gorilla vest and then ended up finding the perfect vest right after that...and then I do the floral jeans. I'm definitely a "learn by trial and error" kind of gal! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792317 Sun, 09 Dec 2012 23:11:17 +0000 Mochi 792317@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is such an interesting set of observations. Some of them don't apply to me; others all too well. But clothes and women have been battling it out forever, it seems. I find it interesting that Shannon didn't mention trend buying, which I think many women succumb to (not me anymore, but I've been guilty of it). Rather, Shannon, your thoughts that you want to have a lot of variety and avoid some boring silhouette drive a bit of your going out on a limb to make things work. I think that concept (dressing to avoid repetition) could be a complicated discussion on its own. </p> <p>I have to admire Shannon's risk-taking and stubbornness, because with me it's more like, Forget it, that'll never work for me, helplessness, despair, etc etc etc before I even bother trying anything on! </p> <p>Impulse buying based on stress in other areas of life (that applies to me, anyway): would make sense. </p> <p>A lot to think about here! </p> <p>There are SO many ways of getting toward a decision on whether to purchase something, and I'm learning a lot from these glimpses into others' thought processes. </p> <p>I'm glad your basic principles of fit and flattery are there, in any case. Maybe you can hang the floral skinnies in one corner of your closet to glance at every now and then, as a reminder of how often you DON'T make a bad decision. . </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792295 Sun, 09 Dec 2012 22:14:19 +0000 jayne 792295@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I connect to these thoughts. Especially about not being able to tell the difference! I don't know about you, but I really don't feel I can look at a garment and see/feel whether there is quality there. Yes, I can learn about cut and sewing I guess, but that won't remove the limitation in experience that I am missing on being able to feel a good material, and judge a cut on my body. I have never much shopped at or tried on clothes at anything but chain stores. Now that I want to step up, I am considering a trick I saw on WTNW where they took their contributor to a department store and made them try on really expensive clothes to get the 'feel' of them. Of course, they were guided by professionals, but maybe if I go into a dept store (without credit card) I could try this out and learn something? What do you think Shannon?</p> <p>And I sooo get the try and try again attitude to make something work. BUT, when I finally stopped myself on a few items over the last 2 years, I am finding it easier to recognize a lost cause. I really notice when I get a sinking feeling in my stomach just looking at the offending party. Out with it! Looking back, my problem is buying clothes for the color, pattern, and maybe a bling here or there. OR because I saw a magazine or blogger do it. It is so hard trying to avoid those temptations now. Especially for a trend I just sooo want to join in. Why is it you bought those jeans? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792291 Sun, 09 Dec 2012 22:03:19 +0000 cheryle (Dianthus) 792291@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>A little introspection is good for the soul, right Shannon? </p> <p>Have you considered that perhaps you find fashion to be a creative outlet and that it helps to relieve stress or offset a less than creative career? Maybe the reason you want to partake of many of the trends is that you want variety and the challenge of figuring out the puzzle of how to individualize the look and make it your own.</p> <p>I agree that there are silhouettes that are rock solid for you but you have also taken some looks that most would not try on a petite frame and made them your own. We all experiment and sometimes it works and other times it doesn't. I admire your perseverance. </p> <p>Do you think it is through life experiences that you acquired the clarity and self-knowledge to so clearly assess your motivations? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/suzs-question-and-what-it-made-me-realize#post-792269 Sun, 09 Dec 2012 21:19:27 +0000 Transcona Shannon 792269@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>In my other thread about my dislike of skinnies growing (particularly in relation to the floral skinnies) Suz asked me the following: "So Shannon....not to delve too deep into territory you might not want to get into, but in case you DO want to get into that territory, WHY do you think you continue to try to make items work that just feel wrong to you?</p> <p>Is it feeling badly that you got caught up in the excitement of a moment and bought them? Or some other reason?"</p> <p>That's quite the loaded question Suz. I actually thought about this a lot last night after reading it and delayed replying until I really mulled it over.</p> <p>I think there a few reasons why I do this:</p> <p>1. I'm incredibly stubborn. When I buy something that I haven't really thought through (a whim purchase) I then do feel slightly mad at myself for doing so and then MUST figure out how to wear the item or I feel guilty.</p> <p>2. I think I'm worried I'll get stuck in some sort of style rut - i.e. dress/boots/blazer. I don't want to be completely predictable, you know?</p> <p>3. I'm not entirely happy with my body shape and weight right now so am maybe forcing it to look different rather than embrace my shape and work with it all the time.</p> <p>4. There are several things going on in my life right now that are out of my control and I'm not entirely clear in some of my choices as a result.</p> <p>So now that I've put those thoughts into writing and really thought last night about a few recent mistakes I've made some decisions:</p> <p>1. My body shape is not as bad as I think in my head and I wear a few silhouettes well and always feel good in those shapes. I will stick with those primarily, especially when I'm feeling stressed or vulnerable, but will continue to experiment here and there with items that I think will work for my style because every once in a while, I get it right (slouchy trousers for example). I need to trust my gut because it's usually correct - I knew the floral skinnies were pushing my comfort zone to the max and that shorter, thicker legs would not be flattered by a bunch of ill placed humungous flowers. As fun as they are, I should have listened to the little voice in my head.</p> <p>2. Shortly after midnight last night after thinking about your question and realizing a few things, I went through my closet and dresser. Hubby was up working on his photography so I had the room to myself. I pulled out several items that I liked when I purchased but haven't worn a SINGLE TIME. They were all items that I questioned in the change room but convinced myself they were ok and brought them home. Obviously I'm not going to wear them if I haven't yet. In the bag for charity they went (none of them were expensive BTW). I only want in my closet items I wear and enjoy wearing. There is no room for anything else because those are the items that frustrate me and end up making me feel bad. A closet should not be a competition to see who has the most stuff. </p> <p>3. I haven't been in a thrift shop now for a week. Now for some that wouldn't be a big deal but I'm realizing just how addicted I was to thrifting. Yes, I have found wonderful, fabulous things via thrifting but I've also brought home crap. Until I can thoroughly distinguish between the two, I won't be going back into those stores.</p> <p>4. I have some sort of unnatural fear of wearing the same items too often. When you work five days a week, 8-10 hours per day with the same people, you don't want them to see you in the same things too often. But I realize I'd rather look good in the same item every week than look poorly put together in something different every day.</p> <p>5. Fit and figure flattery is of utmost importance to me, more so than it used to be. Yes there are small fit issues that Wonder Woman can tweak but an overall good fit and shape on me has to be there. The exception to this for me is my new slouchy skinnies which are not traditionally flattering (especially from the rear view) but the fun, flare and edge that they bring trump that for me.</p> <p>6. I will be the boss of my clothes, not the other way around. Period.</p> <p>Suz - I can't thank you enough for asking me this tough question </p>