https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 24 Apr 2026 16:03:02 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512652 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 20:54:36 +0000 Kate 512652@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks everyone!</p> <p>We've been cuddling her to bits, or more like she's been cuddling us to bits! I've attached a somewhat blurry picture to demonstrate Liu's cuddling "technique". She shoves her face against mine, and kneads my neck as hard as she can. We left the bedroom door open last night, and I think that may have helped. She spent part of the night sleeping on the bed and part doing her own thing, and only woke us up meowing twice. I still don't understand why the first 5 nights without Jack seemed to be easier for her, but I guess I should be glad that she let us sleep through the night for a while before now.</p> <p>While Liu wasn't able to see Jack after he passed, she definitely knew something was up beforehand. We did bring home a snipping of his fur for her to sniff, and the pillow that he was on when he died, in hopes that she could still smell him (and maybe know what happened?) and have something to cuddle with. She did take a big sniff of the fur, but hasn't seemed to interested in the pillow. Several days ago we tried to get her to look at pictures and videos of him, but she wasn't interested at all.</p> <p>I'm not sure if I would do it differently if we could do it over. It would have been nice for her to get some closure, but I also don't want her to realize that the vet killed her brother (or that we let the vet kill her brother). I'll have to think about it more if/when we have multiple pets again. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512563 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 19:32:21 +0000 biscuitsmom 512563@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You've gotten great advice, so I have nothing to add, except to say how sorry I am for your loss...dont let anyone downplay it- it is a big loss when you lose a member of the family... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512532 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 18:57:07 +0000 mamaKate 512532@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Kate, how terrible. I'm so sad for you. Remember the time of Liu's grieving (and your lost sleep) will not last forever. Your extra attention will be a lasting gift to your beloved friend.</p> <p>I have heard the same thing that ButterflyLady said, about cats (especially littlermates) wanting to see and smell that their friend has passed. We have three 6-year-old littermates, and I remember when one of them disappeared for 12 days (and then came back!) our other two boys moaned and yowled as if to bring him back. </p> <p>Maybe this is stupid, but would it help to give Liu a photo of his brother? Or something fuzzy that smells like him? (a "blankie") </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512386 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 15:22:33 +0000 Sarah 512386@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry Kate.</p> <p>My 2 year old male passed without warning just over a year ago and left behind his sister, mama, and our two other non-related cats.</p> <p>I could tell the mama and sister were upset for several days. They were inseperable when he was alive! But within about four days they were back to "normal". They no doubt found him after he'd passed before we had (we were out for the evening) and I'm sure they payed their respects and had closure.</p> <p>I think what helped mama/baby girl was they still had each other.</p> <p>Hugs to you and your kitty. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512355 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 15:00:58 +0000 Mo 512355@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Butterfly lady, now that you mention it, we did take our boy kitty in with us to the vet when we had to put his gal pal down. They weren't littermates, but they were born 3 weeks apart and were together from kittenhood on. I believe the vet suggested this so he could sniff her as you said. So sad for everyone </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512263 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 12:24:05 +0000 ButterflyLady 512263@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am so so sorry for your loss.</p> <p>We had littermates in the past - a boy and girl. Thomas, the boy, became ill, and died at home in the night. Our girl cat, Cleo, spent some time sniffing him, before we laid him to rest, and after that she didn't seem to 'miss' him - I think she was able to say her own goodbye, and understood what had happened. When they were kittens they used to sleep curled up together, but the rest of the time they ignored each other! When Cleo was injured after being hit by a car, it was Thomas who alerted us to the fact, but standing at the front door, yowling (Cleo made a good recovery). </p> <p>Obviously if the cat has to go to the vet to be put to sleep, the other cat doesn't know what's happened - I'm wondering if it's this that is causing Liu's distress? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512245 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 08:54:52 +0000 goldenpig 512245@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss! And poor little Liu. Give her as many cuddles as she needs. The others gave great advice already so I won't repeat.</p> <p>Tarzy, I'm so sorry your kitty is gone! Not knowing is the worst.</p> <p>(Hugs to all those who have lost their pets before. I have two kitties now, but four previous ones throughout my life that I still miss!) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512240 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 07:48:19 +0000 catgirl 512240@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We put our 19 year old cat Riley down a year ago. His recent sister, Sera (now 3), howled and cried around the house for about 8 months after he was gone. It was that "I'm lost, where is everyone?" kind of crying that drove us crazy. And he didn't even really like her! He was too old and grouchy by the time we got her. Still, she's only recently started to sleep with us through the night again. Lots of cuddling and playtime to wear her out helped some, and like any grieving process, it just took time. </p> <p>So sorry for your loss - it is hard to lose a pet and worse when the other pets are sad too. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512238 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 07:43:16 +0000 rae 512238@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So sorry for your (and Liu's!) loss. Khris is right; cats are very stressed by change. Poor Liu has never known life without her brother - it has to be very scary and lonely for her right now. When cats don't understand what's happening, they imagine the worst. My sister and I had littermates when we were young, only mine developed congenital kidney failure and had to be put down. Her sister was so scared, angry and upset after that... and changes are even harder as cats get older. </p> <p>My thoughts are that Liu needs extra reassurance now that nothing horrible is going to happen to her. Make an extra effort to stick to your normal household routines. Don't move furniture or wash all the pet beds right now. A normal, predictable environment will help ease her stress. Playtime is also a good stress reliever for cats. </p> <p>Indulging her need for cuddles trumps the worry about reinforcing bad behavior, IMO. If it were a person waking up in the middle of the night, crying for their brother, cuddles would come first. Here's an article on cat grief from one of my favorite cat authors - she gives her advice near the bottom:<br /> <a href="http://www.wayofcats.com/blog/do-cats-mourn/3328" rel="nofollow">http://www.wayofcats.com/blog/do-cats-mourn/3328</a></p> <p>Also, I think you are right not to get a new kitten right away. This breed is usually very sensitive. The loss of her brother has already upended her world; another change could be too much for her body and mind right now. </p> <p>I hope I have not talked your ear off about this too much, and I hope you all find a solution that works for you. Big hugs and pets to you and the family. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512229 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 06:47:21 +0000 MsMaven 512229@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So sorry--just a couple of months ago we said farewell to our 100 year old Siamese cat Jasmine. (20 years, 7 months in people years.) Our young cats had only known her as a sick old lady, so it was different for us. Still, our girl cat kept asking where Jasmine was.</p> <p>For days after I kept hearing Jasmine's meow to come and attend to her. I still hear her once in a while. The only advice I can say is that with time the grief heals. It is hard to lose a beloved companion whether you are a person or a cat. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512145 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 04:23:14 +0000 Marley 512145@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so sorry Kate! What a beautiful little boy he was! As far as Liu goes - I would cuddle that cat as much as she wants. I would open up the bedroom door and let her decide if she wants to be with you at nights or not. I would not be concerned about giving her all of the cuddles she wants - I'd be cuddling overtime right now. IMO she needs to be comforted - she is trying to express herself and if she needs contact with you, I'd give it to her! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512144 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 04:19:28 +0000 Mo 512144@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kate, I just caught your thread. So sorry :(<br /> My boy kitty is on my lap as I type. We had to put down his pal 2 years ago and, yes, he has been pretty clingy ever since. He used to pounce on and dominate her, but now without her around he turns his attention ever more to us. He was always a very people oriented kitty, though, and has slept with us from the get go. Not sure if we should have gotten him another playmate or not . . . it's been 2 years now and at almost 12 I'm not sure he's flexible enough to welcome new paws.<br /> Big fat furry hugs to you!</p> <p>PS MiniMo caterwauls with the dawn and neither of us are early risers. We have yet to find a solution to this beyond trying to ignore him and not show any signs of waking. Sometimes he'll quit after 10 minutes and sometimes we are all up whether we like it or not - he just won't stop. Sigh. Gotta love them. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512141 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 04:16:30 +0000 Isabel 512141@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kate, I also have no words of wisdom. I am very sorry. </p> <p>When one of our cats was put down, the one that was left spent much time on a blanket that the sick one slept on. Luckily, my mom was retired and was able to stay with her at all times. It is so hard, because we can't explain to them what is going on. Though I know that they sense it.</p> <p>But like Tarzy, the kitty is just left wondering what really happened. </p> <p>Tarzy I am sorry. The not knowing is just horrible. </p> <p>Good luck Kate . </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512090 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 03:24:36 +0000 Angie 512090@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have no words of wisdom, Kate. But just want to extend my heartfelt condolences. Losing a pet is *extremely* hard. I wish you and your family strength and hope that Lui gets over the passing of her brother. ((HUGS)). </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-512079 Mon, 16 Jan 2012 03:15:12 +0000 Kate 512079@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks everyone!</p> <p>Kari, that's so sweet of Shadow to keep tabs on everyone! </p> <p>Denise, I've spent a good deal of time looking up advice on the internet, and most of what I've found says to just give her a lot of love. Does your cat in your avatar happen to be a Maine Coon?</p> <p>Khris, yeah, that first night without Jack my boyfriend remarked, "I hope that they weren't secretly best friends at night" We actually really want to get a new kitten, but we want a breed that will grow to be HUGE (Maine Coon, Siberian, or Norwegian Forest Cat) and we don't think our little Liu (she's just over 6 lbs) would take so fondly to having a quickly growing young whippersnapper around. Liu's also somewhat incompetent, and would also be a horrible role model for a kitten. </p> <p>Shannon, thanks for the good thoughts! I certainly helps to know we're not alone.</p> <p>Tarzy, my heart goes out to you, your family, and Aldo. I can't even imagine one of my kitties just disappearing out of the blue. Losing a pet is always hard, but I truly appreciate how lucky we were with how long Jack lived (and with a septal defect, no less), how relatively quickly his health deteriorated (we wouldn't have wanted it to be more drawn out), how happy he still was when we had him put down, and the amount of closure we got. I hope that you and your family are able to gain some sort of closure as time passes, and that you never have to experience this type of loss again. </p> <p>Louise, that's part of my concern too. She can be as clingy as she wants during the day, but at night we need to be able to sleep! I don't want her to feel abandoned, but I also don't want her to think that meowing in the middle of the night means she'll get all the cuddles she wants. I'm not sure if we'll leave the door open or shut tonight, but either way we will do our best to ignore her if the behavior continues. I really hope it was just a one night thing, and our cuddles and chats today will help her be in a better place tonight. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-511780 Sun, 15 Jan 2012 21:33:41 +0000 Louise 511780@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>(((hugs))) Kate. Might be worth speaking to your vet I've got a vague idea that by making a fuss of her when she meows you are reinforcing the behaviour?? We had a feliway diffuser which gives off pet pheromones which is supposed to calm cats, it worked on fur baby Marley but sent tigger hyper! Could be worth a go? X </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-511742 Sun, 15 Jan 2012 21:02:52 +0000 tarzy 511742@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Kate, I'm so sorry. Cuddle that cat as much as she needs. </p> <p>Aldo, my little boy cat (2 1/2 yrs) disappeared almost three weeks ago. We've searched everywhere, gone to the shelters, put up flyers, but I think something must have happened. (There are coyotes in the hills behind our house.) I'm absolutely heartbroken and still can't accept that he's gone. We got him after my other cat, 16 yrs old, passed. Like you, she was with us when she went, and I got to say goodby and grieve. This time, it's harder, because there's no real closure. I know that's part of having a pet, but it's so, so difficult. </p> <p>I have no idea why cats do anything they do. Did Aldo get tired of us and leave? Did he find another family? Does he miss me? Or is he just ... gone. I'll never know. All we can do is love them while we have them. </p> <p>Give Liu a kiss from me, okay? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-511731 Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:50:35 +0000 Transcona Shannon 511731@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm so very sorry for your loss Kate. We had to do the same thing with our dear cat last December and although it was the best for her, it's still very difficult. I'm afraid I don't have any advice on how to help Liu - I agree that maybe googling veterinary sights might warrant some assistance. Thinking of you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-511716 Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:43:03 +0000 chewyspaghetti 511716@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh how sad Kate- they are gorgeous. Change is really hard on cats- more so than other critters it seems. Even if he wasn't very nice to her, I'm sure that Liu is missing her brother. Maybe they spent time at night cuddling and sleeping together, even if they didn't during the day. I think just extra attention is the way to deal with it, since there's not much else you can do (unless you're ready for a new pet).<br /> I've found that even cats that don't seem to get along feel the difference when one is missing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-511713 Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:42:09 +0000 DeniseP 511713@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am so very sorry. </p> <p>Don't have any advice for you, except give her extra attention and cuddling. Hopefully, time will help all of you.</p> <p>Google this topic for opinions from the "experts." </p> <p>We're a cat family, too, and sometimes it's hard to "interpret" these wonderful, mysterious creatures! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-511710 Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:39:40 +0000 Kari 511710@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Kate, I am so very sorry for your loss of one of your two gorgeous kitties. I've never had two sibling animals so I don't have any suggestions other than to give Liu extra love and attention to abate her loneliness and to assure her that, though Jack is missing, everything is okay.<br /> My dog, Shadow, often gets stressed and has the same behaviors when someone in the family is not home at their usual time, like when my dad is on a trip or when I first moved away from my parents' house - it's as if she is reminding my mom "hey, so-and-so is missing! Aren't you going to do something about it? I'm worried!" </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/super-ot-advice-for-a-kitty-grieving-her-brother#post-511693 Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:30:35 +0000 Kate 511693@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We put down our beloved cat Jack this past Monday. His health had deteriorated over the past month, and he was ready to go. He could no longer pull himself up onto the couch, chairs, or coffee table, would sit in the same place for hours (instead of following me around like a puppy), wasn’t eating much, and was no longer going to the bathroom in the litter box. It was difficult, but we knew he was ready to die and, thanks to our wonderful vet, he spent his last moments purring while we pet him.</p> <p>Our other cat, Liu, had been doing ok, though she has been a bit more clingy than usual. Liu and Jack were littermates, and have been together for all of their 13.5 years. Jack was a bit of a jerk to Liu, and she was always cautious when he was around. We’re not sure if the increased cuddling is her way of grieving or just how she would have been all along if she hadn’t been so scared to cuddle with us when Jack could see it.</p> <p>Last night, Liu woke us up by meowing repeatedly in despair. After the first time I opened the door to the bedroom and put her on the bed so that she could be with us. I didn’t spend too much time consoling her, since I didn’t want to reinforce her behavior, but I assumed that having access to us (we’ve never let them in our room at night) would help. </p> <p>Apparently that wasn’t enough, because she proceeded to wake us up with her meowing three more times during the night (twice when she was in our room, and once when she was in the living room). She had access to her food and water, a clean litter box, and nothing was “wrong” around the house, so we’re assuming she was searching for, or just missing, her bother. </p> <p>Do you have any advice for how to console our poor little kitty? With any luck, last night was a fluke, but we really don’t want it to continue – both for her sake and ours. If you have any ideas for what to do if she wakes us up again tonight we would love to hear them!</p> <p>I've attached some pictures of the siblings. Jack is bigger and darker, Liu is smaller and whiter. </p>