https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Wed, 22 Apr 2026 08:27:00 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-931322 Mon, 13 May 2013 17:37:16 +0000 rachylou 931322@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Interesting dream, krish. Anger its best form, IMO, is the feeling of taking needed action. One needed action in life is untying the apron strings. This is tough because our moms' apron strings are always all knotted-up. When mom says jump, you jump, because that's what you need to do as a baby.<br /><br />I am trying to remember this as my freshly-returned-to-me (happy mother's day! hehe) 20-yr-old dd goes out with friends on the weekend when she needs to get a job. She's only been home a day and not gonna get a job on a Sunday night, must remember that. Must remember that! Lol.<br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-931231 Mon, 13 May 2013 16:04:19 +0000 krishnidoux 931231@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Eliza, thank you for your response which is full of insights and lead me to new&nbsp;thoughts&nbsp;about this. How interesting about the Velveteen Rabbit Story, which I didn't know about until now. Very similar to Pinocchio's plea. Also how interesting that despite the fact there were no dolls per say in your own story, you still related. Which goes to prove how we share similar struggles,&nbsp;without&nbsp;being aware of it. I don't know about you, but it makes these struggles less painful&nbsp;knowing they are&nbsp;human and not specific to just me, but happens to others too. Your words are very soothing to me.&nbsp;<br /><br />Thanks Angie. You are right. Thank God!&nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-931172 Mon, 13 May 2013 14:44:52 +0000 Angie 931172@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Krish, we can absolutely LOVE our Mothers very dearly, <b><i>and </i></b>feel anger towards them too. This is a normal feeling - things would be abnormal if this were not the case! <br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-931124 Mon, 13 May 2013 13:22:50 +0000 Eliza 931124@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Krishnidoux- just read your powerful post. &nbsp;I appreciate your sharing, as it provides insight into moments in history as well as your story.&nbsp;<br /><br />I understand your ambivalence about "doll" as an adult moniker going into this process of self discovery. &nbsp;Your appearance is self-possessed; being only a "doll" would not be enough.&nbsp;<br /><br />As your story unfolded, I (who never had affinity for dolls, even as a child), was able to understand some things that had never&nbsp;occurred to me previously. &nbsp;What is it that makes a doll compelling? &nbsp;Certainly, for your mother, the context increased the power of the doll significantly. The other thing about dolls is that they are steadfast, always look about the same, featuring a&nbsp;particular "look" and they stand by you, a constant. &nbsp;While part of your insight allows you to disavow the less useful aspects of "being a doll", &nbsp;part of your discovery allows you to see how special that role was to your mother, who wanted to both have and be a doll, a constant presence, in her own daughter's life. &nbsp;How hard to realize that your one constant can be gone in an instant, at someone else's hateful whim. While your mother may not have been able to move past the doll imagery, you have stirred in a big dose of real for yourself as an adult. I think of The Velveteen Rabbit story. Your fashion photos reveal a sense of cohesion that ironically is something that can be sought and illusive. &nbsp;Your&nbsp;big leap is palpable&nbsp;as you write about your heightened awareness.<br /><br />So true that fashion and appearance can relate to deep aspects of our identities. &nbsp;I think that is why it isn't always easy to "put ourselves together", simply by choosing flattering clothing. We want it to say more about who we are, we want to know who we are, we want to enjoy it, let go of burdens and so much more when we dress. YLF is full of deep thinkers. You have gotten some interesting feedback here. Best to you moving forward.&nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-931066 Mon, 13 May 2013 10:29:05 +0000 krishnidoux 931066@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you for all your feedback!&nbsp;<br /><br />Rachylou, yes, re Gen X, I think that is why finally a lot of literature is coming out about the Shoa, the war, occupied territory and Nazi collaborators. Because the generation to whom it happened were not able to talk about it for the most part, the trauma was too deep. It had to take a full generation (while the Boomers, born in between, fought other battles and had&nbsp;other concerns) to be able to put the experience in words. Speak the unspeakable.&nbsp;<br /><br />About your Mum's story: too funny! Out of the mouths of Mommies and mumblings comes forth truth.&nbsp;<br /><br />Tarzy, you said it: YLF therapy! And I'd love to read some of your articles. It sounds very interesting. I too think some objects like that can be an anchor for dreams, often leading to realizations! For example, I started making dolls myself, and you know when? Two Christmases ago, when I suddenly flew to my mother's side who had been hospitalized in ICU. I made the first doll for her while she was still there, then more came. She really&nbsp;appreciated&nbsp;them, but now I realize the whole signification behind this unconscious desperate gesture...<br /><br />Beth Ann, thank you for your kind words full of sagacity. I am still in the process of finding out so many things that I don't know what the result will be yet. But I know it will be good, and I already feel so free.&nbsp;<br /><br />Claire, how lucky you are to have your grandmother's memoirs! I hope you share some of it some day. I would be interested to know the impact on you.<br /><br />Fruitful, thank you. What you are saying validates me telling this story here. I also think that if I went through this, many others did to some degree and with varying circumstances. I am a firm&nbsp;believer&nbsp;that inner experiences are not that unique, in the sense that we as human beings share more than we think, just in the same way that we can all be affected by illnesses or experience pleasure.&nbsp;<br /><br />Firecracker, yes, clothes are EVERYTHING but superficial. But somehow we are made to&nbsp;believe&nbsp;it is not important. Nowadays they are also linked with money, unfortunately, which adds another layer of prohibition (one "shouldn't" spend energy, thoughts, nor money on them).&nbsp;&nbsp;But it is crucial! Thank you for your compliments about the outfits!<br /><br />Adelfa, let's have coffee My mother would recount the doll story by bits over the dinner table on Sundays - because she worked as a nurse during the week and hardly ever ate with us. I can't remember how young I was when I first heard it, but I know she told it more than once, prompted by us, adding some new details each time. But looking back now I know it was a terrible event for her and she relived the pain every time, I remember her face and how she would quickly brush up on that part of the story, moving on to how her cousin pulled her braids or how she would jump and swim&nbsp;in a pond, catch impetigo and later discover it was where meat carcasses were discarded!&nbsp;<br /><br />I had always thought the doll&nbsp;hijack part was incredibly cruel, and&nbsp;didn't understand why my mum put on her strict face when telling it, as if to show one shouldn't attach to material belongings... Now as an adult I realize it wasn't a strict face, it was a hurt face.&nbsp;<br /><br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-930979 Mon, 13 May 2013 04:14:09 +0000 Adelfa 930979@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I'm so glad this post got bumped so I could read it! What a fascinating and unique story. &nbsp;I can totally relate to remembering and feeling one's mother's story, and then looking to see what that has meant for the daughter. If we were having coffee and you felt like sharing I'd be so interested to know how and when you learned all these stunning parts of your mother's story. Because that's part of your story too. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-930971 Mon, 13 May 2013 04:01:17 +0000 Firecracker (Sharan) 930971@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you for sharing this moving story of your experience (and those of your mother and grandmother). It is obviously a post that has made quite an impression on your readers here; I'm so glad I read it! One of the larger lessons your story illustrates so well is that style is not superficial. Far, far from it. What we wear, how we wear it, how we move and present ourselves to the world--all of these things come from places we may hardly know.<br /><br />I like the outfits you posted. I'm not sure if we were to take them as examples of what you are moving away from, but as I scrolled through the photos, I thought, I would like to wear outfits like these, too! I especially like 3,4,7, &amp; 8. I was surprised to read that 4 was an outfit of your mother's and grandmother's--you have made it look so current, with the tights and oxfords. I like how you blend feminine, tough, vintage, and modern so beautifully. Wherever your style journey takes you, I'm sure you it will be illuminating and fabulous.<br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-930936 Mon, 13 May 2013 03:05:32 +0000 Fruitful 930936@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I too got chills from your and your mother's story. So much about it leaves me speechless. Your realisations about becoming real are profound and could have been said for me, maybe many of us. Thankyou for sharing this rich material which I'm excited for what you might use it for! https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-926412 Mon, 06 May 2013 22:21:49 +0000 Anonymous 926412@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Wow, what an incredible story! I have my great-grandmother's memoirs, and I often wonder how her experiences have shaped me. I love your idea for a book about this and clothing choices. You don't have to convince me how important they are! https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-926406 Mon, 06 May 2013 22:05:50 +0000 Beth Ann 926406@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Rich insights.&nbsp; Thank you for taking the time to put them so elegantly into words.&nbsp; I hope you can find great freedom in the self-knowledge you've gained and move forward with your closet and your life.&nbsp; The wound our parents and even our grandparents suffered can be passed down, along with the blessings.&nbsp; You have redeemed your mother's struggle.&nbsp; <br /><br />I look forward to seeing what comes from this --- books?&nbsp; terrific WIW?<br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-926403 Mon, 06 May 2013 22:00:10 +0000 tarzy 926403@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you for an amazing, inspirational post, and congratulations on your realization. YLF therapy at work! They say the truth shall set you free, and now that you've found your truth, you are free to take control over how you present yourself.<br /><br />I don't think dolls are necessarily bad things. I may be slightly biased because I write for the Barbie Collector site, which is for grownups who collect Barbie dolls. (Poor Barbie has been so maligned for years, and I don't want to get into a debate about Barbie doll's influence on very young girls - I write about adult collectible Barbie dolls.)<br /><br />Beyond the (sometimes amazing) fashions, many of those dolls tell stories, or allow us to dream and make up our own stories. Some remind us of people we know, or special events in our lives. I personally do not collect dolls, but every now and then I'll see one I wouldn't mind owning. Sometimes it's because of the outfit, and sometimes it's because the doll reminds me of someone in my life, but most often it's because of the story that doll conjures for me. <br /><br />Anyway, thanks for sharing <i>your</i> story.<br /><br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-926264 Mon, 06 May 2013 19:32:58 +0000 rachylou 926264@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ A really powerful story. It's odd you know, Gen X (our generation) may be the last to personally have some sense of WWII. I think about it. <br /><br />Dolls and daughters. You know, my mother was born in the late 1930s. She also had some new age spiritual director for awhile there, maybe 10 years ago, who was trying to get her in touch with her feminine side by dressing up dolls. My mother being completely the wrong sort of candidate for new age spiritual direction told her, quote-unquote, "I have a daughter."<br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-925903 Mon, 06 May 2013 11:19:14 +0000 Mona 925903@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Krish, thank you for sharing with us such a powerful and moving memory. It really touched my heart.&nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-925897 Mon, 06 May 2013 10:40:05 +0000 krishnidoux 925897@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Velvety, that is fantastic! I just wonder... where was it???<br />I know this prayer always work for me, sometimes even almost immediately. Our brains are more powerful than we think!<br /><br />Parsley, this forum is wise. We are wise to dare looking at ourselves differently, to dare submit it to the eyes of others, to help each other define our style and body shape. It has a great impact in the end. Thank you for your kind words.&nbsp;<br /><br />Shannon, Jenava, I am thinking of writing a book... to be honest I was thinking of writing a book about clothes and the importance they can have in a woman's life. My idea would be walking in a "walk-in" closet and let the pieces speak.&nbsp;I didn't think of this realization&nbsp;in particular, but I admit, it must be featured.&nbsp;This story could be one chapter among many, not just from me but from others. I still don't know how to go about it. Thank you for encouraging me.&nbsp;<br /><br />Thank you Lyn!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome/page/2#post-925892 Mon, 06 May 2013 10:00:23 +0000 Lyn D. 925892@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Having read this post from start to finish I should comment, but really it has all been said!<br />Thank-you for sharing and caring on this amazing forum. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925823 Mon, 06 May 2013 02:23:12 +0000 Transcona Shannon 925823@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This is one of the most moving and powerful posts I've ever read on YLF Krish - and I sincerely thank you for sharing such personal memories with us.<br />This recognition and remembrance can only serve to move you forward in developing your true self even more.&nbsp;<br /><br />I have to echo Suz's suggestion to write this down.&nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925818 Mon, 06 May 2013 02:11:14 +0000 Parsley 925818@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ It's amazing how who we are is influenced by so many things, even going back generations. What's uncommon is to have the wisdom to understand how you have been shaped by past events and to be able to move beyond those forces to become the person you want to be.<br />You are a wise woman, Krish!<br />Thanks for sharing your story with us! https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925806 Mon, 06 May 2013 01:49:30 +0000 velvetychocolate 925806@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ What an incredible post - and I'm so glad you shared your insights into 'where' you got your (beautiful) style from.<br /><br />I have goosebumps reading your post, to be honest. <br /><br />And ...just as an aside - and totally off topic, but I did find my black velvet jewelry box just a couple of days ago!&nbsp; Don't laugh, but I did try out your prayer (several times), and you know what? I think it worked :)&nbsp; <br /><br /><br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925650 Sun, 05 May 2013 18:54:18 +0000 krishnidoux 925650@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Gaylene, what an insight! Yes, and so many daughters of the 40-50 (and later) newly working women rebelled in their clothes (think of the 80's punkettes!). As these courageous women&nbsp;were struggling and sometimes having it harder than necessary in their corporate, lady-like suits, their little girls were silently observing, noticing, and maybe naively equating this unnatural, uncomfortable looking&nbsp;get-up to the pain that seemed to be experienced inside it. It would be interesting to explore it even further I think.<br /><br />Gaylene, thank you so much for your lind compliments, although I don't deserve them I think! https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925637 Sun, 05 May 2013 18:24:31 +0000 Gaylene 925637@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Krish, you are an amazing woman in so many ways, but especially because of your willingness to share your insights with this forum. Recognizing how others' perceptions have shaped us is not easy, but accepting and using that information to move forward in your life is something that many people just find too difficult. The fact that you can do this speaks volumes about your strength, courage, and integrity.<br /><br />Fashion,&nbsp; and defining a personal style, lends itself to thinking of it as something that exists in our present and future; until today, I'll wager that not many of us have thought of how our parents' histories and perceptions have influenced the style that we adopt as ours. Is my dislike of "ladylike" a rebellion against my mother's adoption of that style to help her navigate the uncharted waters of being a career woman in the late 40s and 50s when most of her peers married and stayed home to raise children?<br /><br />Thank you for such an insightful and inspiring post.<br /><br /><br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925620 Sun, 05 May 2013 17:59:36 +0000 krishnidoux 925620@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ MsMaven, you have it right there. That is the reason that was given to my mother. Paris was dangerous and unhealthy, plus my Mom was born premature. <br /><br />Ms Maven, Sarah,&nbsp;You are right. Positive changes can happen any time. I don't know what I would have done with this information when I was younger, but today, things are moving fast in my life. Like a huge mental constipation problem that has been&nbsp;relieved. Sorry for the horrible image. It is how it feels though! My mind is suddenly very free.&nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925619 Sun, 05 May 2013 17:59:05 +0000 Jenava 925619@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I thought exactly the same as Suz. &nbsp;What a fantastically intriguing story!! &nbsp;You should write a book!&nbsp; I'm so happy that you were able to see this and whatever it means, self-awareness can only be a good thing. &nbsp; https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925613 Sun, 05 May 2013 17:53:35 +0000 krishnidoux 925613@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sveta, you see it too, right? You are so right, the important is what I make of my life now that I am aware. It's what we all do with our lives in the future.<br />Missvee, as I say,&nbsp;I am pretty sure I would not have made this connection without the forum. I feel&nbsp;privileged.&nbsp;<br />Nancylee, thank you for your compliments! Yes, I sure am at a turning point right now, it's good to be reminded.&nbsp;<br />Alicat, Diane, thank you! I am looking forward to follow you guys too.&nbsp;<br />Angie, I had not thought of Mothers Day! Thank you so much for your kind words, and for naming me Queen Doll! LOL! That sends me into another daydream!<br />bj1111, I will certainly post more as it unfolds. I am touched that you are inspired.&nbsp;<br />Scarlet, Texstyle, Ingunn, Kkards, thank you so much for your positive feedback and compliments.&nbsp;<br />Pil, yes, I had some other&nbsp;stresses this year, and have decided to start eating correctly, which has had a huge positive impact in my life. It has resulted in me not always feeling pretty this year but now it's finally coming to an end. And yes, some of the vintage clothes I wore belonged to my mother AND to my grandmother, her Parisian mother. For instance Pic 4 use to belong to my mother.&nbsp;<br />Suz, you are so right. I have been toying with the idea of turning this into fiction. It's&nbsp;just&nbsp;so new right now.&nbsp;&nbsp;But I think it might be helpful to others. I agree 100% about the insight we gain from seeing ourselves through other people's eyes. I am amazed. The sincerity and truthful desire to help out in this forum is at the origin of this discovery for me. I am so grateful!&nbsp;<br />Vicki, thank you for your compliments! I admire your style too and am often inspired by your posts. I think the observer stance one can take in looking at their own life&nbsp;is another&nbsp;by-product&nbsp;of&nbsp;online&nbsp;social interactions , as we have the ability to step back and be removed from the experience as it is happening. Guess it's post-post-modernity.&nbsp;<br /><br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925598 Sun, 05 May 2013 17:33:50 +0000 Sarah A 925598@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Like other have mentioned I feel I dont know how to respond to your increadible story and revelation. It is SO intersting how our family stories shape us and what we can come to learn about ourselves and then how we choose to sue that information in transforming our own lives. I am excited for you at this point where you are looking to see about how you will treat this new information moving forward. All the best :)<br /> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925592 Sun, 05 May 2013 17:23:13 +0000 MsMaven 925592@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks for relating the two stories here--your mother's your own. &nbsp;I think it is important to learn about the lives and struggles of our parents and grandparents--we can gain an important insight into our own life stories as well. &nbsp;The effects of the struggles in both World Wars and the Great Depression were manifested in my parents' generation in ways that I did not begin to understand until I was well into adulthood. &nbsp;<br /><br />I wonder if children were sent to the countryside in the belief that cities were a dangerous and unhealthy place for babies--industrial pollution, bad water, disease epidemics. &nbsp;Add war and invasions to the mix, and the grandparents may have had loving intentions to provide for the good health and safety of their offspring. &nbsp;&nbsp;<br /><br />And, (cough cough) it is never too late in life to make changes that have a positive effect on our lives. &nbsp;<br /><br />Great post, Krishnidoux! https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925590 Sun, 05 May 2013 17:18:43 +0000 Vicki 925590@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Krish, this is such a powerful piece you've written as well as a powerful recognition of your doll imagery and the way it played into your subconscious level through your mother's experience.<br /><br />It's powerful on another level in that you can see this as an observer and move along with great awareness of your style. &nbsp;I am so taken by your beautiful gamine qualities and the photos you post. &nbsp;Today, I am drawn to #8 (gorgeous blouse and I love the white belt!), 6, 3, 4 and&nbsp;5. &nbsp;Thank you for sharing your story. https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925582 Sun, 05 May 2013 16:51:26 +0000 kkards 925582@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really don't know what to say. What an amazing journey you have traveled. Please keep us posted as you continue down this new path. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925542 Sun, 05 May 2013 15:37:14 +0000 Suz 925542@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ What an incredible, powerful insight -- and what an amazing story. Krish, you <b>must</b> write this. You know, write it creatively, as a memoir or as fiction --&nbsp;as I know you can. I feel this might be one of your most powerful pieces, if you do. There is so much contained within these few lines.&nbsp;<br /><br />And meanwhile, the self-knowledge you have gained by this is going to steer you in positive directions in every area of&nbsp;your life, not just in your wardrobe.&nbsp;<br /><br />Isn't it amazing how recognizing the way that others see us can give us insight into ourselves? This is such a gift. Thank you for sharing with us here! https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925527 Sun, 05 May 2013 15:17:31 +0000 pil 925527@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a moving post, Krishnidoux. As I recall, you resumed posting (about the same time I joined) after coming back from some stressors in your life. Now you're moving even further forward.</p> <p>You also posted some photos with vintage clothing. Weren't those your mother's pieces?</p> <p>Thank you for sharing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-moniker-and-the-pinocchio-syndrome#post-925520 Sun, 05 May 2013 15:11:27 +0000 Ingunn 925520@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I read your story as you posted it, and was very moved. I didn't know how to reply in a meaningful way at once, and I've been thinking about your post for a while. I admire your ability to articulate this the way you have, and I understand that it is a significant moment in your journey to understand yourself better. You are a fabulous and stylish woman in so many ways, and I'm very grateful that you shared your (and your mother's) amazing&nbsp;story.