YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Style Journeys (and a little whining)

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Style Journeys (and a little whining) https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 15 May 2026 10:18:10 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Anonymous on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/3#post-1898462 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 09:21:24 +0000 Anonymous 1898462@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks Gigi.   I decided to go to Nordstorms to have a Bra Fitting Session either this weekend or next.  I'd like to buy matching sets.   Krishnidoux -- I was truly very sad.  Forum Members jolted me out of that slump with their positiveness and extraordinary wisdom.  I am feeling better than ever.  In fact, with their help, I no longer grieve the demise of my former closet and am more than ready to start buying garments that fit my "now" body.   I will be ready to start evaluating my tops this weekend too.  I might have put it on hold ... until ... forever ... but I am feeling really strong today.  I am also following your new style journey and trying hard to incorporate some of that strong attitude into mine.   krishnidoux on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/3#post-1898350 Wed, 14 Mar 2018 00:24:55 +0000 krishnidoux 1898350@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sterling, what a journey! There are so many things in this thread.  I wonder why you feel so sad.  Change is never easy. You have ot find back your grove.  Starting by new under-things is very intelligent.  Gigi on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/3#post-1898294 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 22:13:10 +0000 Gigi 1898294@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Ooh, new underpinnings! New underthings can really be a psychological boost. Anonymous on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/3#post-1898198 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 16:42:06 +0000 Anonymous 1898198@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ DonnaF -- My UPS man is GREAT.  I know with out a doubt that my packages will always arrive on time and that he will treat those packages as if they were his own personal property.  I am lucky.   I decided new underpinnings will be my reward.  Huge psychologic reward.   DonnaF on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/3#post-1898193 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 16:33:53 +0000 DonnaF 1898193@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ So glad you're buying new undies! They will make your tops fit differently. I hope your UPS guy is as sweet as mine. My guy must wonder where I put all the stuff I order, but actually I probably return (to the store) about 80%. I nearly always regret when I don't order two sizes, because inevitably my size is the one I didn't order. And size charts don't seem to make a fig of difference. Anonymous on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/3#post-1898107 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 11:09:00 +0000 Anonymous 1898107@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Vix -- Your post was powerful.  I am so glad you brought up the Me Too movement and put it into context for me.  I have felt all these complicated and confusing emotions.  You said it perfectly:  we simultaneously feel empowered to condemn and expose gender-focused discrimination, harassment, and abuse/violence -- while at the same time the scope and scale of this treatment leads to feeling raw and vulnerable.   I work in a previously male-dominated world (that has changed over the years).  I witnessed first hand the effects of these abuses on real people (and it was across the board; it didn't matter what the company name was or what State that company was in).     The Me Too movement has allowed women I know in real life to start telling their stories out loud for the first time.  Each of them starts their story with "I never said anything because I didn't think I would be believed ....."  And then they watch my face/eyes carefully to make sure I believe them.  It is crucial to them that they be believed.  They reiterate how important it is that they be believed.   I do believe them.  The emotions are so deep and so raw.  The thing is that the men seem to still think this is just a few very isolated incidents.  They can't seem to grasp the scope and scale of the issue.  They minimize it by breaking it down to a single women's name or a single group of women.  Say how awful.  Then move on as if nothing had happened. I could go on.  I am going to stop because this may not be the forum to express all that I feel.  But suffice it to say, I feel this is such an important movement and that I hope with all my heart it does not loose momentum.    Anonymous on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/3#post-1898104 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 10:50:24 +0000 Anonymous 1898104@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Suzanimal!  I have been busy shopping the very expensive underpinnings that Angie buys and wears.  Truth be told, I have never purchased such expense underpinnings in my life.   Yet I have mentioned "rewards" in this thread many times.  I was never sure what type of reward this accomplishment merited.   Expensive underpinnings might be the just the thing.  At least one set, anyway.   Anonymous on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/3#post-1898103 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 10:46:21 +0000 Anonymous 1898103@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ You know, Smittie, I am wondering if maintenance really will be easier.  I'm not sure why the idea of maintenance is so scary.  I mentioned in one of my posts on this thread that I had not exercised during this weight loss journey.  I will be resuming my exercise program this week.  That will include a combination of cardio and weight training.  I'm pretty excited, but there will be muscle gain and I think increased eating.  Still I'm in a really good place and I should be able to handle it.   Anonymous on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1898102 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 10:42:52 +0000 Anonymous 1898102@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ LBD -- You are never late the party. And your voice/wisdom are always welcome. I just never realized how much wisdom you had to share. I have personally explored or thought about all of these subjects (with the help of a really good counselor). The single exception is “jealously.” That subject never came up in any of my sessions.  Your post was a stunning reminder of lessons learned during those sessions …. and somehow forgotten during the years. You are so right about not relying on other people for accolades. I learned this lesson years ago when I was in counseling. It was one of my hardest and most valuable lessons. I was a lot younger and somehow that lesson got forgotten through the years. It came crashing back. I could actually see myself in her office and hear her voice again. Your very kind post is an important reminder of lessons forgotten. Obviously I am going to have to tape your post to the closet door too. Your comments about jealously were fascinating to me. I had never considered it is that light. I plan to explore this concept in greater depth in the days to come. You are completely right about the negative comment. After hearing my friend’s comment, my sub-subconscious started to ruminate on the issue. My sub-subconscious began to wonder if this was all for naught. Somewhat like studying for a test (in my case, a blood test). Once the test is complete, you are done with it and completely put all those lessons out of your mind because you never really intended to embrace them. You were literally just prepping for a single-event test in life. I’m working even harder to make sure that is not the case this time. This single post has inspired me more than you know. The “once I get …” idea was very prevalent in my life (mostly, when I was in school). Once I graduate.....   Once I get a job.... Once I have some spending money....   I don’t know that it is a driving factor in my life at this moment, but it is certainly something I need to explore.  I did put my life some what "on hold" when I was trying to attain Goal Weight.  Perhaps those underlying thoughts need to be teased out.   The positive thing is that once something is brought to my attention, I am usually brutally honest with myself. You have given me a great deal to think about. I plan to spend some time and journal my thoughts.  Journaling is another lesson that feel to the wayside some time ago.   Thank you. A deep and immense Thank You. Anonymous on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897931 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 19:48:14 +0000 Anonymous 1897931@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I’m constantly in maintenance mode. I haven’t lost a large amount of weight but if I’m not careful, I will gain a lot. For me, maintenance is about keeping a close eye on the scale and not allowing more than a 5lbs. gain from my “perfect” weight. I am a steady weight. That said, I started a new exercise regimen, so am allowing a bit more upward creep due to muscle gains. Maintenance is easier, I’d say. I don’t have to pay that close attention and just listen to my “I’m full enough” signals from my body. That said, everybody is different and it’s really about working out which systems work best for you. Vix on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897919 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 18:59:07 +0000 Vix 1897919@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/  Hi Sterling -- Zillions of wise words upthread, and I'm glad that you're feeling better today. As a former official health educator and a longtime unofficial one, I wanted to point you to something you said: "I built a wardrobe up from scratch when I originally joined YLF so many years ago. I can do it again … in small, well reasoned increments." This sentiment will serve you so, so well on your health journey too. We are humans, and thus we tend to go backward and forward with our goals and habits. But you will never go back to your starting place -- because of what you have learned and accomplished, you will always be ahead of where you once were. [And Jenni and others have already covered the "medical model" mindset. Suffice to say there's often a gap in understanding that behavior change does not start and end with telling patients, "Do X, not Y." We all have our professional strengths and weaknesses! Here are a few more balloons from me, ha.] Additionally, I'm struck by your referencing both the MeToo movement and clothing as armor. I think so many women around the world are in this enormously fraught stage where we simultaneously feel empowered to condemn and expose gender-focused discrimination, harassment, and abuse/violence -- while at the same time the scope and scale of this treatment leads to feeling raw and vulnerable. The evil is systemic, global, and heart-breaking.  And yet trying to gain, regain, and/or maintain control of our bodies (and souls) is important life work.    So enter you (and others in the same space) trying to recalibrate after a big personal shift while this collective upheaval is going on.  Just...be kind to and patient with yourself as you rebuild your wardrobe. Did you know there have been studies that show people see any sort of change as a loss? Even a "good" one? Maybe you won't want armor, but clothing that manifests as "your heart on your sleeve." Or maybe what feels protective and powerful to you will shift. Good luck!  ps I'd try to build outfits around whatever pieces currently work. Think holistically vs category by category. pss I feel your pain on online ordering/returning. If your BF wants a concrete way to show support maybe he can jump into that "fun" with or without you. Suzanimal on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897914 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 18:42:37 +0000 Suzanimal 1897914@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sterling said... And yes, my underpinnings will most certainly have to be re-assessed. Icontinue to wear my oversized underwear.  Toss them and replace them with knickers. Don't knickers sound more fun?  Mary Beth (formerly LBD) on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897904 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 18:00:37 +0000 Mary Beth (formerly LBD) 1897904@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sterling, I am late to this party, and I have not read any of the replies, except for yours...  Let me start with the hard part - and I am basing this on personal experience:   In any worthwhile endeavor we undertake, none of us can rely on other people for balloons and accolades, because usually, we're not going to get them.   At least, not in the measure we expected and hoped for.  We have to rely on ourselves, for our balloons and accolades.   You have done some amazing things, and I know this, because I've gained 15 pounds since 2015, and I've been fighting to lose it pretty much since then.   It takes sheer grit, hard work, and bloody-minded stubbornness, and you have all of that in spades.    I really and truly hope you realize that you have done something wonderful for yourself! Give yourself the balloons and accolades, and if someone gives you more of both, that's just more icing roses on your cake :) Also... you have to tune out the negative voices around you.   That is jealousy.   An acting teacher I studied with, once told us, "Jealousy is the fear of being excluded".   I would expand on that:  it's also the fear of being left behind.   I think your friend, who made the negative comment, did so out of fear:  you've taken on this long-term task - weight loss/improved health - and so far, you have succeeded!    I honestly can't speak for her, but she's probably having to face up to her own shortcomings, and her fears that she is missing out, not measuring up, falling behind on life.    You have to take a deep breath, and choose to disregard her negative comments - and anybody else's for that matter.  You cannot control what other people say, but you can control how you react to, and feel about their words, attitudes, actions.   You're the captain of your ship, not them. When you talk about your grief at losing your clothes, I think perhaps it might be this:  you've had this series of big life-changes in your weight, and appearance.   You found these garments to clothe and armor yourself in, that made you feel amazing, happy, successful and strong.   Now those feel-great items are no longer useful.  And I think you're worried that you'll gain the weight back, and need these garments again. So... deep breath.   Conquer the fear, accept that the work you've done will hold, and trust yourself.   The right clothes will come along, but it might take time.   Be patient.   Wear what you have and love and that fits you beautifully right now.   If that means you're washing stuff out in the sink every night, that's fine.   I assume it's what most of our great-grandmothers did :)   It's often what I do, these days. There is one more thing, based on observation and personal experience.   I think we all have this tendency to believe "Once I lose this weight.."  "Once I've made X amount of money..."  "Once I get this promotion..."   "Once I get my home decorated perfectly..."  "..then everything will be perfect". We bank on this future perfection, and it takes us out our present enjoyment of our lives.    You were able to enjoy those clothes that are now too big.   Gradually make your goodbyes to them, phase them out, enjoy what is left.  And smile broadly and enjoy the next step in your wardrobe building, and in your life.   You deserve joy <3 And balloons! Anonymous on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897895 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 17:27:33 +0000 Anonymous 1897895@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thanks Toban!!  I'm excited to have reached this point.   Hi Katerina!! Thank you so much.  I feel so much better today.  The lesson here is never try to clean out your closet all at once.  It is demoralizing.  Best wishes to you.   Oh, I wanted to add, I see women wearing brooches every where now.  In real life too!!  You started something!!   Katerina on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897856 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:32:52 +0000 Katerina 1897856@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sterling, I am happy for your weight loss, it is an impressive and admirable success. I don´t have so much to add to what all the wise and supportive YLF members have already said, just wanted to say that I hear you, I recognise the reaction of your not so good friend (have met similar reactions) and have had similar feelings. Don´t give up. You are doing great and you are amazing. Love to you!     Toban on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897849 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 15:18:03 +0000 Toban 1897849@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Sterling, glad what I said helps. I haven’t hit maintenance yet, so I’m going to have to learn from you :). Glad you’re incorporating exercise now, participating in Weight Watchers mainenance program, and that your guy loves you at all weights. I have seen some very toxic relationships where this has not been true. Exercise will help your metabolism, which can be reduced from weight loss, and is overall an awesome health booster. I love being strong and fit. I hope you enjoy that journey! Anonymous on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897844 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 14:43:59 +0000 Anonymous 1897844@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Texstyle -- Very wise words.  I am going to focus on what makes me happy.  I am not going to make excuses for not being all things to all people.  I am just going to drive my own little bit of the road.  Focus.  Restraint.  Discipline.  My new motto going forward.   Angie -- I DO feel supported by the YLF Community.  I knew when I was hurting I could come to this very safe and encouraging place.  I could talk about my frustration as it relates to my wardrobe and they would understand and commiserate.  I could talk about my disappointments and they would understand and offer concrete advice to help me re-adjust my thinking.  I view the Forum as a very generous and giving Community of exceptionally wise Individuals.  I feel lucky to have chanced upon it.  I feel especially lucky that I took a chance and posted here.  (This is the only website I post on).   Thank you for sharing, Toban.  I am so grateful that you are on this same journey.  I follow in your path knowing that you have already experienced these emotions and worked your way through them.  You are one hundred percent correct.  It was my BF's lack of noticing that seemed to hurt.  I know he loves me equally at X + Y weight and at X weight and at every point in between.  I have always known this.  And yes, he was in a walking boot all of January and most of February.  He is now in a "walking sock."  Still can't walk distances or stand for too long.  Sigh.  It might be several more months before he can actually walk any real distance.  I'm glad that you inspired yet one more person to give weight loss a chance.  Sometimes you just need the right inspiration to make it work.  I am especially glad you already researched the probabilities of being able to keep off the weight.  I felt actual fear in my heart when she made that comment.  Weight loss is 80% nutrition [Check; I only made the nutritional changes that were sustainable!!!!!!  This resulted in slower weight loss than most, but I felt it was right for my body and my lifestyle].  YAY me. Weight maintenance is 80% exercise [Starting an exercise program this very week; I did not exercise from October to now because I was afraid exercise would "upset" my trending weight loss.  I know this makes no sense, but I felt in my soul that if something was working, I should not tip the boat].  I didn't mention this to the doctor or anyone in Weight Watchers.     I am continuing participation in Weight Watchers [Goal Weight achieved].  Learning maintenance as we speak.  YAY me.   Of note, maintenance seems harder.  Or is it just the great unknown in this equation????? texstyle on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897833 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 14:16:09 +0000 texstyle 1897833@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ First a big CONGRATS! on your weight loss success and continued goal. How fantastic is that? YOU GO GIRL!!! And of course new clothes are part of the journey so maybe the loved pieces can serve as inspiration pieces for the new things you choose? I love the look of the things you put above in your Finds so that's a great place to begin. Maybe some people don't want to acknowledge your weight loss because they fear they may just say the wrong thing? (like as if they didn't love you just as much before the weight loss, you know?) Sometimes it is hard to compliment someone on a physical attribute -- people are often criticized for "judging" when they do this. And I agree with Angie, try to focus on what makes you happy. And remember most everyone is so focused on thinking about themselves that they may not always be able to give us the focus we feel we want. Everyone here loves fashion so it's a perfect place to get that type of support :-). Angie on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897827 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 13:33:42 +0000 Angie 1897827@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sterling, SUCH words of wisdom here, and I'm glad you feel supported by the YLF community. I'm sorry that some of the eggs in your life have been less supportive - shame on them. (((HUGS))).  Psychologically, our disappointments are almost 100% based on expectation. The lower our expectation, the less likely we are to be disappointed (BF and doctor). It's a simple correlation to understand, but less simple to put into practice. It's a fine line in life to hope for the best and expect the worst.  It's wonderful to reach weight loss or weight gain goals - but is DOES mean you need a new wardrobe. That makes our style journey even more of a work in progress. Great, but yet another stepping stone in a long process.  Try to focus on the good of this situation, and reward yourself for doing an incredible job. We can spend too much time analyzing the stuff that makes us unhappy - (I am pointing the big finger at myself here and I did too much of that last year!) - when we can simply focus on what does make us happy and is good in our lives. Much love to you. xo Toban on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897816 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 13:00:58 +0000 Toban 1897816@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Sterling, I'm so glad you're feeling more positive today! Your inspirational silhouettes are awesome. And I'm glad to hear you're trying multiple sizes and cuts. I wanted to chime in on a couple things from my similar experiences with negative or unsupportive friends and loved ones. In reading between the lines, it sounds like your boyfriend's unsupportiveness was more of unawareness and lack of noticing? This is my husband, too. I've learned that it means that he loves me equally at X + Y weight and at X weight and at every point in between. It just doesn't matter to him. He thinks I'm beautiful, regardless. What matters to him is that I want to do fun, outdoorsy things with him. So, unless he's saying negative things, I actually find that his not noticing your weight loss is a huge sign of love. Given that he was willing to read this post and the comments and continue the discussion with you provides some support for this hypothesis. Or, if he struggles with his own weight, he may be facing his own internal demons. Plus hasn't he had a lot of his own health issues in the past two months and has been distracted? Just keep communicating your feelings with him. Now, if he's saying negative things, that is a whole other story.... Regarding your negative friend, that sucks, big time. This reflects her own internal demons and likely her own yo-yoing. I recently had a very similar experience with a negative nelly (it was clear it was their own experience) and I simply shared what I knew about weight maintenance (even though I was internally frustrated). Then the next week, the same person who had said let's see if you keep it off, wanted to share about successful weight loss strategies. Apparently, my keeping a calm head and sharing some of the things that I knew about successful weight loss and maintenance had inspired that person  to give weight loss another go. I've been on that yo-yo roller coaster too many times! There's a very big grain of truth in the potential for weight regain. In fact, I almost didn't start my weight loss journey because I was worried about regaining the weight and more. Before I started I researched the probabilities of me being able to keep off the weight and identified strategies that were most likely to give me the best chance of weight maintenance. By my readings, weight loss is 80% nutrition and weight maintenance is 80% exercise. For me this meant only making nutrition changes that I was willing to abide by the rest of my life, rather than just during my weight loss journey and by making an exercise routine key to my lifestyle. You're well on your way with continued participation in Weight Watchers, which has a fantastic maintenance plan and advice. Ask your questions there! You won't be the only one with these questions. I know that my weight is going to be a lifelong struggle based on my genetics and family history. I am pretty sure that I have a good strategy moving forward. However, I also know there will be set backs. It's important to me to love myself regardless of my weight. Anonymous on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897805 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 12:12:07 +0000 Anonymous 1897805@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you, Brooklyn.  I feel a lot better today!  More positive.  I am genuinely excited about building a new wardrobe today.  You are right, I should probably be looking at silhouettes that are the most accommodating of weight changes.  I genuinely had not considered that aspect of this process until literally just this minute.  I did come to realize that the pants in my wardrobe that had elastic waists have served me the best during these transitions.  Wearing them with semi-fitted tops is brilliant.  I looked closely at the paper bag style waist that Angie featured.  I seriously considered it and then rejected it because I didn't see anything that I liked.  But you are right, this is a style that is both forgiving and adjustable.  I will put it back on my radar.  I'll also look into the other styles you suggested.  As I get further along, I will post in finds.   Thank you, Windchime.  Your comments mean a lot to me (more than you know).  I have been trying to reward myself along the way with new wardrobe pieces, but I am looking for something significant that I can carry forth in life as a badge.  I am thinking jewelry or purses.  I have been searching for the right "reward" but have not found it just yet.   Thank you, Smittie, I am feeling and looking fabulous today.  Two pieces.  The pants look professional and have an elastic waist!  The sweater picks up the stripe.  I am wearing the sweater as a top.  The fit is good. I checked this morning.  The shoes are navy (not black).   So you're THAT doctor, Jenni!  I am kidding. Truth be told, I only lost 20 pounds when I saw the doctor in February.  I was wearing the same old, baggy, sloppy clothing so I should not have been surprised that she didn't notice.  And then who knows how many people she sees in a given day.  It is just that the weight loss was prominently on my mind.  I just assumed the entire world was as consumed by my weight loss journey as I was.  I was being unrealistic.    Anonymous on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897802 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 11:56:59 +0000 Anonymous 1897802@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank you, Lisa P.  I should have expected negativity from her because that is what she is known for. But her comment scared me. I imagined gaining all the weight back plus some additional weight. It was the “plus some additional weight” that really shook me up.  Posting here on YLF has been incredibly re-enforcing. I am back on track and feel much better about myself and my journey forward. I will limit my contact with her in the future. Sal – As always you bring up some very important points. I agree that the issue of saying something when a friend is losing weight is a landmine. First, it takes a while to notice weight loss. I myself could not see my body changing during the first three months. I could “feel” those changes, but my eye did not see them.  And then I continued to wear my over-sized clothing, thereby further camouflaging the weight loss. So not acknowledging weight loss is completely ok …. especially if there is the distinct possibility that you could hurt someone’s feeling by implying they had weight to lose or there could be an underlying health issue. In fact, I might have accidentally embarrassed a dear friend when she lost a lot of weight a few years ago. I thought she looked so fabulous, I know told her so over and over again. My heart was in the right place, but my foot was in my mouth. Many people found a way around those issues in my case. I don’t think it was until February that the weight loss was really evident to others (again, wearing over-sized clothing did not help).  The comment I remember the most and hold most dear to my heart is this: “You look taller. I never realized how tall you were before.” I think she was seeing weight loss and not realizing it … I just looked different to her and she commented on it.  I loved her comment so much, I wrote it down and read it to myself when I needed positive re-enforcement.   Mostly people did not comment unless they knew me very well. That was completely ok.   I didn’t expect a lot of comments from the general public, but I did expect my doctor and my BF to notice and comment.  Of course, in his defense, if he sees me every single day, he might not notice changes either.  I just don't know.   Brilliant Unfrumped. Part of this journey is about refocusing priorities and making myself a priority. Shopping and browsing the internet will certainly take up less time, especially during the work week. My life should become more balanced. I am also learning to practice restraint and discipline in future buying strategies.  I am going to write a separate post on that later this week.   YAY, FINALLY, BALLOONS. Thank you, Sarah. You made my entire day. I genuinely believe that the people who are finding my clothes at the Goodwill are thrilled. I certainly took really good care of my clothing. They were in pristine condition. You are absolutely correct. I have learned a lot about wardrobe building over the course of the past few years. I look forward to putting everything I learned into action. How many women get to start from a clean slate as an adult??? This recent shopping/buying/returning cycle has made me and the UPS man best friends. I am talking huge orders. Because I am tall, I am ordering every garment in two sizes in both regular and tall. That means to try on one pair of pants, I am having four items delivered to the House.  Luckily I have been able to keep up with everything and no company has blacklisted me.  So far, so good. Yes, Tulle, the fact that my BF has not really been supportive has been hard.  That was probably the origin of this entire post.  I was ruminating over how much that hurt.  I wanted him to say something without me having to draw it out of him. Although he has no reason to feel threatened, change is hard on everyone. I get that. I respect that. YLF Members are the most fabulous people in the world. They are kind and supportive. I knew they would provide solace. Jenni NZ on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897762 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 04:54:11 +0000 Jenni NZ 1897762@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sterling and J'Aileen, I am afraid I have been guilty of not cheering enough when my patients lose weight. Sometimes it is hard to notice enough. For example, I have a very large female patient in her 40s who was in last week. She is very tall and has weighed far too much all the say 6 years I have known her, we have of course discussed it and I have tried to offer support and help. She dresses nicely and professionally. So when she came in, I noticed something different. She looked imposing and had a shorter, blonder, more stylish haircut. I said wow, you've got an amazing new haircut, you're looking great. She raised her eyebrows and said " and a 50 kg weight loss". Of course I felt awful! I congratulated, asked how, we laughed, talked about hair... But can you believe I could not immediately "see" 50 missing kg ( not sure of conversion but around 100 pounds?). So for way less than that, I think I am more attuned to someone losing weight unintentionally in case it means an undiagnosed illness like in an older person. And balloons just aren't really a thing in a family doctor's surgery. Only when a staff member has a baby! I feel sympathy for your story x Anonymous on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897741 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 01:54:24 +0000 Anonymous 1897741@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sterling, Congratulations!!!!! You rock! You set a goal and achieved. Dieting is mentally taxing but you did it. I know right now, the wardrobe is looking a little thin, but I’m sure you’ll be able to pull a few excellent outfits together with a few strategic purchases. Perhaps there are some brands you really enjoy? I would start there and try on smaller sizes to see what works. Windchime on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897732 Mon, 12 Mar 2018 00:06:09 +0000 Windchime 1897732@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sterling, I’m so incredibly impressed about your weight loss. It’s really tough to do, especially in midlife and later. To stick with it for several months with the result you’ve had is truly an achievement. Can you think of new wardrobe pieces as a well-deserved reward for yourself, or as a way of acknowledging and honoring your progress? I love the styles and silhouettes you posted. Your plan to gradually supplement the beginnings of your new capsule sounds practical and workable. I wish you all the best; please keep posting about your progress here. Brooklyn on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897721 Sun, 11 Mar 2018 23:27:36 +0000 Brooklyn 1897721@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sterling, congratulations! I can understand your ambivalent feelings. If you care about style, your wardrobe is a big investment, not just in terms of money but in terms of time. It takes enormous effort to start again. Looking at your pics above, I think 1, 2 and 4 are the silhouettes that are most accomodating of weight changes. I think pants that are loose on the hips and thighs, with an elastic waist, would be a good choice until things settle. You could wear them with semi fitted tops. Do you like the paper bag style waist that Angie featured? I think this also could be a forgiving and adjustable style for weight changes. And it’s trendy :) In my own wardrobe, I have harem pants (not EF, alas, but still cute) and pleated, wide leg, elastic waist culottes. They are accommodating of weight changes and also more practical in the heat than slim fit pants. I know that heat is an issue for you too. (I would attach a find but I am away from home with one bar of internet reception, so I fear a drop out any second.) You might be able to just add one or 2 of these types of pants, then repeat wear until things settle. And all the best to you, S. You’ve got friends here. tulle on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897720 Sun, 11 Mar 2018 23:20:57 +0000 tulle 1897720@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sterling, the phrase that leaped out at me while reading your post was,  "my BF says he has been supportive, but I'm not feeling it..."  That, I think, is what stabs the heart.  Clothes are just clothes, and can be fun to replace, as long as someone you care about notices how good you look in your new things.  I  so want that for you!  I wish Angie could take you shopping, but failing that, do you have a fun friend with good taste and a generous heart who could spend a day out helping you to find some really pretty things, and telling you how fabulous they look on you?  Sometimes the people close to us are disturbed and threatened by our ability to change, just when we need their support and admiration most.  Your BF may fear losing you. Everyone in this forum, though, thinks your discipline and persistence in pursuit of good health are terrific, and we will be happy to see you in a new wardrobe!  Hang in there. SarahD8 on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897715 Sun, 11 Mar 2018 22:59:42 +0000 SarahD8 1897715@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Balloons Balloons BALLOONS Balloons Balloons BALLOONS Balloons Balloons Sterling, this virtual shower of balloons raining down from the "ceiling" is MOST sincerely meant. GO YOU. You set out to follow your doctor's advice and improve your health and you have done it. I am thrilled to hear that you feel healthier and more energetic since your weight loss. YAY. I absolutely understand why you might feel ambivalent about the wardrobe consequences though. You have worked REALLY hard on your existing wardrobe. You put so much thought and discipline into your purchases and how they would work together. Of course it is hard not to be able to enjoy the fruits of that labor for a while longer. Also, I have the impression that being efficient about your wardrobe and getting a lot of use out of your clothes is important to you (this is a very admirable attitude!!!), so of course it stings to contemplate passing them on before they are worn out. I believe though that the clothes that are now too big for you will be exactly right for someone(s) else, and that she (or they) will be very happy to find them. I also suspect that your previous efforts at wardrobe building have not been "wasted" although it might feel that way. You know SO much more about your needs, your style, and shopping strategies now. I am sure that knowledge will serve you well. I am right there with you in that buying/returning/searching for the elusive perfect fit cycle and yes it sucks but I really think that it will all "click" together for you in the not too distant future. Hang in there, and let us know how we can help.   unfrumped on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897714 Sun, 11 Mar 2018 22:59:33 +0000 unfrumped 1897714@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Here’s another take on things. I was getting caught up in a lot of sedentary activities ( possibly an oxymoron) and had to start paying attention to being more physically active every day. Guess what, that gives less time to think about wardrobe and do tryons etc. It is much better for my health and ultimately my style, as I’ll feel more confident and vigorous too, but then I have to help myself be satisfied with not having time to hunt down something that pops into my head or shows up in ads. I will have to be more focused. I think these habits will evolve together because they are reinforcing , so that’s good. Sal on "Style Journeys (and a little whining)" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/style-journeys-and-a-little-whining/page/2#post-1897713 Sun, 11 Mar 2018 22:57:37 +0000 Sal 1897713@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ This is a little off topic and I am not excusing your friend (who should have kept her mouth closed) - and this is a sensitive topic so I am treading carefully. I never know what to say when people lose weight.  Firstly I am quite unobservant and so may take a while to notice, secondly unless I know that they are making healthy lifestyle choices, there can be various reasons and methods of losing weight.  I also find it hard to know what to say - because I don't want to criticise how the person looked prior to the weight loss.   So as a rule I rarely comment on weight loss or gain unless I know the person very well and maybe they have told me what they are doing. I wonder if this approach has made friends and family feel unsupported in the past now - it may well have done so. I hope I have not offended anyone here - but if I have done so please advise honestly and openly.