https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 20 Apr 2026 18:21:39 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment/page/2#post-2008542 Fri, 01 Mar 2019 07:42:52 +0000 jussie 2008542@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sorry to hear it. You did the exact right thing, same thing I’ve done in the past when faced with that crap. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment/page/2#post-2007382 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 15:38:21 +0000 Christina F. 2007382@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p> <div>Thank you, Texstyle and tg, for your thoughtful words. I appreciate them. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I looked around for the guy in the same spot this past weekend, and didn't see him. I thought he might frequent that spot, as it seemed well chosen; I'm not ready to dismiss that notion yet. The cops are aware of him now too. Fortunately, when I'm alone, I can get a good look at that stretch of street and decide to cross instead if I need to. <br /></div></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment/page/2#post-2006976 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 22:40:16 +0000 Helena 2006976@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree with what Angie said ... I interpret your decision not to engage and potentially escalate as wisdom, and definitely not shame. I hope that awful person gets his due for that disgusting behaviour. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment/page/2#post-2004634 Thu, 21 Feb 2019 18:37:42 +0000 texstyle 2004634@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I would report him to the police - esp. if there is a police person who regularly monitors the area and you can speak to them directly. I also encourage everyone (women and men) to consider taking a self defense class.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment/page/2#post-2004083 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 23:00:21 +0000 Angie 2004083@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Christina,</b> you've got it all sorted. Rock on.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment/page/2#post-2004049 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 19:51:29 +0000 nemosmom 2004049@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh how terrible, Christina! It sounds like you handled it beautifully. I lived in downtown San Fran for 14 years and know how it feels to walk among crazy people. So glad you are ok. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment/page/2#post-2004045 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 19:27:04 +0000 Christina F. 2004045@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p> <div>Thanks, Angie! Per the comment just above yours, the area where it happened is unusually deserted, and easy to avoid if I scope it out and see a lone man loitering there. I will be running my usual errands and in fact went out yesterday on my own and just avoided that stretch of street. The police station is nearby, if I ever feel threatened.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I think escalating these situations is never the right answer. Now the guy probably won't remember me in particular since I'm sure I'm one of many women he's done that to. He knew just where to loiter away from lots of other folks--this is probably a habit for him. If I'd yelled at him, then he'd be much more likely to remember and target me in the future!<br /></div></p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment/page/2#post-2003994 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 16:20:29 +0000 Angie 2003994@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>URRGGGH. I'm sorry, sweet<b> Christina.</b> I think you acted and responded PERFECTLY. I don't believe in fueling the fire because it never leads to an improved situation. WELL DONE.&nbsp;</p> <p>Now, going forward. How do you feel about doing your errands in your hood?&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment/page/2#post-2003975 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 14:58:23 +0000 Christina F. 2003975@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><div>Thank you all for your support. Forgive me for not replying to you all individually, but everything every one you has said means a lot to me.</div><div><br /></div><div>Gail - I've felt safe in NYC 99% of the time, though I admit I haven't lived in Brooklyn. I <i>have</i> however lived in the Bronx, and since I always kept my wits about me and was cautious I never had any real problems there. My parents were terrified when I moved there, though!</div><div><br /></div><div>taylor, I'm sorry about your recent experience. It pays to stay vigilant, for sure. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Suz - I am angry about this too. But I suspect this person is mentally ill, and that the Me Too movement probably hasn't been at the forefront of his mind. That's not to excuse him, though. He clearly has messed up ideas about how to treat women.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Bijou - don't worry, I love my city and am used to dealing with the occasional crazy person or threatening situation. This happened half a block (albeit half a long block) from the cops. I could have walked over there rather than Starbucks if I'd felt really threatened. This happened on an unusual stretch of block that's long and only has one entrance to a campus of buildings (no entrances to any buildings right on the street), so it can be a bit even deserted during the day if no one else happens to be walking on it. I will probably avoid it and cross the street in the future if I look down it and see a guy loitering alone.<br /></div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment/page/2#post-2003938 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 13:27:40 +0000 Bijou 2003938@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Christina, I would have acted exactly the same way. I prefer to not engage with people who are looking to be obnoxious and start a fight. If this is near your house, you don't want the harassment to continue or escalate.&nbsp; Rachy has a very sensible set of rules.</p> <p>This abuse says nothing about beautiful you, and everything about the mean and angry person who abused you. Please just brush this experience off as part of living in a wonderful and vibrant city - that also attracts a few rats. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003936 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 13:23:48 +0000 Janet 2003936@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ugh, I'm so sorry. I have been through this enough times in my life that I understand the unease and anger. I wouldn't presume to tell anyone else how to react in that situation -- we all have to deal with these things in the way that works best for us. Some women are more confrontational, but I think that's not necessarily the best way to react for most of us. I believe in trusting your instincts -- you did the right thing.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003908 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 09:30:23 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2003908@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p> <div>I'm sorry to hear you've got such expertise in dealing with these guys. That speaks of way more of this than anyone should have to put up with--and no one should have to put up with any of it! It was smart of you not to show him where you live either. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I understand why you said it's unlikely he'll be caught, but if enough others report him, maybe he will be. They just caught a guy who was flashing at teen girls in our old neighborhood.</div><div><br /></div><div>Joyce B, thanks for your comment re my son. <br /></div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003844 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 02:43:37 +0000 Suz 2003844@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><b>Christina,</b> hugs!! That is creepy and obnoxious and just plain gross and it really stains a person's day. YOU DEALT WITH IT BRILLIANTLY.&nbsp;</p> <p>There is no one "right" response to these situations. Honestly, I think it's best to trust our intuitions in the moment. Sometimes our intuition is going to say, <b></b><i>Lay</i> <i><b>LOW</b>.</i><b><i></i> </b>Other times our intuitions might say: <b>Call it out &nbsp;loud!&nbsp;</p> <p></b>Either way might be right but no one who is not there can judge.&nbsp;<br /><b><br />And it just makes me furious that we are still continually dealing with this in 2019!!!&nbsp;</b> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003838 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 02:19:09 +0000 Echo 2003838@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ugh, the man had no right to say what he did and your friend had no right to judge your reaction. I would hope my reaction in such a situation would be the same as yours, and I agree that causing a confrontation could be unsafe.</p> <p>No one deserves to be treated this way, and I am ashamed of a society where this sort of thing is still so prevalent.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003827 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 01:30:53 +0000 Becky 2003827@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sorry you've experienced this, Christina. I took at women's self-defense course with my daughters last summer, and the instructor said something that has stuck with me: However you react/reacted in a situation (e.g., fight or flight) is/was the right thing for you, at that time, in that situation. No one else can decide what the right thing to do is/would have been. It sounds like you handled yourself well. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003818 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 01:08:12 +0000 taylor 2003818@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I always say ... no reaction IS a reaction... no need to confront a stranger on the street spewing vulgar garbage as women walk by .<br /> That doesn’t mean you are a victim, or ashamed . It does mean that you pick your battles and remain safe .<br /> I have experienced this as well, as most women have at some point . It happens less now that I am almost always with my husband , but it can be frightening and makes women feel vulnerable .<br /> I had a VERY scary situation happen to me recently that could have gone very badly for me . I am feeling very lucky and have warned every women I know to ALWAYS lock your car doors , even though my husband ran into a store for a minute as I waited for him ....bad actors are watching and waiting . </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003812 Tue, 19 Feb 2019 00:08:56 +0000 Gail 2003812@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ugh and shame on the creepy guy.<br />You reacted exactly as I would have done. I try not to &nbsp;worry about my daughter, who lives in Brooklyn walking home at night, but it's hard </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003799 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 22:18:14 +0000 Jane 2003799@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hideous and ugly and I feel for you. I think you reacted perfectly. I applaud you for talking it through here too and I hope it helps to ease the pain and discomfort. Sending you a big hug. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003770 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 19:40:30 +0000 Christina F. 2003770@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh, Gaylene. I’m still proud of how I reacted and wouldn’t do it differently in the future. I think my “friend” wasn’t fully understanding that this wasn’t the usual harassment. I’m angry that she seems fit to criticize me when she doesn’t know how she’d react in that situation - I believe you’re correct about that. This wasn’t some guy hollering at me to show off. It’s not my job to make her understand and the exchange was upsetting me further, so I let it drop. Context for my reaction - I hate being scolded publicly. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003768 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 19:24:13 +0000 Gaylene 2003768@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hmm, I suspect not even your “friend” could know for certain how she would react when faced with the situation you’ve described. The fact that you were proud of how you resolved the situation until you read her comment is telling.</p> <p>I’ve always used Rachylou’s Book of Rules in these situations: confront when I’m in a position to lay down the law, ignore when I am able to proceed without being constrained or deflected, and run like hell when I’m sensing something unpleasant or dangerous could happen. We need to learn to trust our own instincts when faced with risky situations instead of being influenced by others’ agendas and judgements. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003727 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 14:55:38 +0000 Christina F. 2003727@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>FYI you all, this took place not far from a police precinct. I reported but not much will happen since I didn’t get a good look at him. </p> <p>Joyce B, I’ve been safe in NYC for 18 years now, for much of that time in a less age neighborhood than my current one. Don’t usually have a problem with my headphones in the middle of the day. I wouldn’t wear them at night if I were alone. This was on a Saturday morning. It’s the first time in nine years in this area that I felt unsafe. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003723 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 14:35:20 +0000 RobinF 2003723@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a scary situation. I think you handled it as many of us would and have been taught all our lives, he was trying to get a reaction so we don't give him a reaction. Beside, it does seem like the safest option and that is the most important thing. Facebook is a horrible place as far as opinions, people are way too free with them in a way that they aren't in person. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003704 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 12:49:23 +0000 Joyce B 2003704@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Christina, sorry about that sicko. Maybe calling your police precinct to let them know could lead to a little more police presence in your area and maybe they have other suggestions. You will probably never see him again, but just in case he hangs out in the area.<br /> I know you were not wearing your headphones but please from now on do not wear headphones or walk while looking at your phone because those things can make people easier targets although not the only targets of course.<br /> And I am not saying it was your fault, of course it was not, it was the lousy creep’s fault.<br /> I would not have said anything to the guy, as you did, if nobody else was around. I would just have looked for where to go to get out of the situation and had my arms and my balance ready in case of need.<br /> Stay safe, Christina.</p> <p>@FashIntern, that was a good story. Your boy is smart in how he deals with stupid people who cannot tell from looking at a person and resort to ethnicity to make judgments. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003695 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 10:43:48 +0000 Stagiaire Fash 2003695@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p> <div>I've got to say, my mind may be changing on this as I watch my son grow and learn to deal with small slights he gets as a large black man. My mindset was that he should always call them out, to make others aware of them. But seeing how people laugh off microaggressions and looking at how much energy it would cost him to do that, I don't blame him for ignoring them, and I am amazed at his ability to let them slide off him like water off a duck's back. I'm so impressed and proud!</div><div><br /></div><div>Just for laughs, here's my best story of responding to a street comment, from when I was in Dar es Salaam. I stayed in an area that white people are usually advised not to enter, so was kinda a celebrity, just for being white. I always felt that, if something happened to me, it'd be easy to figure out, because everyone would know where the white girl had gone. People frequently called out "mazungo" (white person--comes from the word for corn silk, because it's like a white person's straight hair) at me. It's a very multi-ethnic city, and has been for centuries. It's entirely normal there to refer to people by their ethnic group, but I was sick of people hollering it at me in the street, so one day as I walked through a somewhat crowded area and a guy I was about to pass said it, I looked him dead in the eye and called out "Swahili!"&nbsp; So many people laughed--way more than I had realized were watching, some of them half a block away. And it turned out that what I thought about me being a general topic of conversation must've been true, because no one yelled that after me again. <br /></div><div>Not that I'd suggest calling out people's ethnicity in NYC.<br /></div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003655 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 04:06:30 +0000 Christina F. 2003655@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks everyone. I know I did the right thing, but it’s nice to hear that others think so. I also don’t blame myself or feel shame in the least! </p> <p>My FB friend later said that she thought the yelling at the guy would ensure that he didn’t bother me again. I am not convinced of that. It’s a fair bet that this person is mentally unstable. He could see me again and follow me to my doorstep. This wasn’t the usual macho posturing that we’re all used to. It came across as being much, much creepier. </p> <p>Anyway, I let the conversation drop after she said that, as I’d already told her that responding didn’t feel safe to me. Any response would just consist of me reiterating that, and anyway I don’t believe social media is the right medium for convincing people of stuff. I’m very angry with her right now but she’s not someone I see in the normal course of life, so I don’t have to engage with her right now if I don’t want to. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003651 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 03:39:01 +0000 bridgie 2003651@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Christina, I am so sorry that happened to you. You did the right thing! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003646 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 03:06:20 +0000 JAileen 2003646@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh I’m so sorry. My gut instinct would be to laugh, but not engaging is always a smart choice. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003635 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 02:17:51 +0000 Diana 2003635@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ugh I’m so sorry this happened to you! I think not reacting is the best reaction in situations like these. although I have made a scene in the past when this had happened, my older, wiser self now thinks that’s not really a smart thing to do. I think it’s important to trust your gut in this kind of situation, you know? If someone is signaling danger or instability etc (vs just obvious dumb guy bravado, if you know what i mean) it’s best to just walk away quickly and not engage, especially if you’re physically at a disadvantage as Rachy says. This guy sounds really creepy and scary, so I think you absolutely did the right thing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003620 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 00:53:22 +0000 Carla 2003620@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It seems that everyone has 20/20 hindsight on these types of insulting situations, and feel free, as your Facebook acquaintance did, to provide comment. Most often we are too shocked at the effrontery of the perpetrator to respond appropriately in the moment. When this happens to me, I sometimes wonder at the mental stability of the person making the utterance, and believe that ignoring the comment is the best defence. </p> <p>If this ever occurs again, especially the same individual, and you can recognize his clothing (if nothing else) do consider reporting him to the authorities/police. The individual may be a harmless nut, or have more sinister intent, but an incident like this warrants investigation.</p> <p>Please know, YOU did nothing wrong - either provocation or reaction. Take care of yourself, Christina. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/street-harassment#post-2003616 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 00:35:26 +0000 rachylou 2003616@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Scary. I agree with not reacting.</p> <p>From RachyLou’s Book of Rules: When you’re alone, I think it’s a bad idea to engage unless you think you can win a physical fight, unless you are ready to be the one to lay down the law. Because a person like that in a city like NYC isn’t just a chauvinist, they’re insane. I also think it’s important not to shrink in on yourself and walk faster... because there’s no ‘walk faster’, you can either walk normal or you to need to RUN. </p>