https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sat, 25 Apr 2026 16:49:29 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793800 Sun, 02 Apr 2017 14:27:42 +0000 Nebraskim 1793800@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The Kansas high school district where my brother was a principal had pretty wide-ranging dress codes that pertains to both boys and girls (no visible underwear (bras/briefs/thongs, etc.); shorts had to have inseams of at least 4 inches; hoodies OK but the hood must not be worn on campus unless inclement weather; no tank tops/camisoles without another garment covering; no exposed bellies, etc.) The rules were sort of purposely vague to be a wide net, but they offered some specifics. Infractions resulted in kids having to wear a coverup that was sort of like a choir robe or being sent home to change. My brother one day happened to be outside when a mother was dropping off her 9th grade daughter at about 11 a.m., 3 hours late. The girl was wearing blingy daisy dukes and a cropped tank top. He asked 1. why they were late and 2. why the daughter was so clearly in violation of the dress code, and the mother responded: "We were coming from her uncle's funeral and didn't think she had time to change."&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793788 Sun, 02 Apr 2017 12:26:38 +0000 Staysfit 1793788@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My experience with dress codes is they can be very hard to enforce in a large public school setting, especially if a cohort of students are making a fashion or style choice that breaks the established rules but it is in concert with what people wear in their community. For example, there was a time when most of the boys wore their jeans loose and baggy, without belts so they fell down and their boxers showed. There was no way to discipline all these boys, or to provide belts, or rope for all of them every day. The style trickled down to the very youngest and included kindergarteners too. I definitely saw fathers dressed like that. It was something that the boys adapted from their cultural environment and was not something that could easily be enforced with rules. (No underwear showing.). I think the same goes with some of the dress expectations here. When the girls see their favorite singers and actors/actresses dress a certain way, they will take their cues from them. A fashion icon has strong bearing on what people choose to wear. We all use them, and so do our kids. I can say with confidence that every cohort of teens finds a way to assert their uniqueness, but they will also borrow from their icons and cultural environment to do so. It is their developmental mandate to find a sense of who they are and where they belong in the world. Picking their icons and emulating them is a part of that. </p> <p>This may seem a bit tangential to the rest of the conversation, but I hope it's still relevant. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793729 Sat, 01 Apr 2017 23:46:42 +0000 Anonymous 1793729@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes. One of my daughters was skinny, and the only place I could find the khaki pants was at Gap. They had ones with drawstring waists. Finding the maroon-colored polo shirts they required was almost impossible. That's why I voted against the dress code. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793584 Sat, 01 Apr 2017 05:30:14 +0000 DonnaF 1793584@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am all for modest clothing, but dress codes have to be realistic in terms of what is available to buy.&nbsp; High school and middle school girls come in a huge range of shapes, sizes, and heights.&nbsp; For example, one might be able to find longish bermuda shorts in a size that would fit middle aged women.&nbsp; But have you ever tried to find them for a skinny straight hipped teen who takes a junior size?&nbsp; Or a fingertip length skirt or dress for a short armed, very tall, slender junior size teen?&nbsp; And junior size budget prom dresses run skanky IMHO.&nbsp; </p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793556 Sat, 01 Apr 2017 01:54:50 +0000 Anonymous 1793556@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree that there should be a basic dress code. However, my girls attended a public middle school that made them wear uniforms. The uniforms were not easy to come by, and I thought it was stupid.</p> <p>The dress code at the public high school they attended was not fairly and evenly enforced. The shoulder-showing dress that got my daughter in trouble was the same one worn by her older sister numerous times, at that very same school, with nary a problem. The high school turned a blind eye to the girls who wore sheer blouses that showed their bras and leggings without panties on underneath. So yeah, I have a problem with dress codes. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793529 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 23:08:03 +0000 Echo 1793529@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I agree wholeheartedly with Gaylene. Schools MUST have a dress code, both for school hours and for school-sponsored events, but the attempts of this school were misogynistic and ham-handed. As Gaylene mentions, boys are much more predictable in their attire, and offensive messages on t-shirts are generally as bad as things get. However, our school's dress code is universal, even if it mentions items that are typically worn by one gender - no spaghetti straps, no tube tops, no tank tops that expose the sides, no baring of the midriff, specific shorts inseam length, etc.&nbsp;</p> <p>I also am a big supporter of school uniforms. While nothing can ever truly erase signs of class or social status, I do believe schools should do all they can to mitigate those factors. Uniforms also reduce distractions in general. While no form of dress excuses bad behavior, people &nbsp;ARE human, and some types of dress can be distracting for all students, girls and boys alike.</p> <p>As we are all aware, there are simply some things that are inappropriate for certain occasions. Children and young adults are not always well-equipped to make such distinctions, and many of their parents are either absent or ill-equipped to make such distinctions themselves; there must be rules, IMO, to make navigating school-related functions easier. Indeed, there are strict rules about dress, speech and fan-related items allowed for sports - why would the regular school day or other school functions be any different? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793479 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 19:57:40 +0000 Gaylene 1793479@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Just a comment about the "Why do dress codes focus on girls, not boys?" conundrum. Simple reason is, as Rachylou pointed out, boys tend to be much more predicable in their attire. And, it's easier for a male or female teacher to take a boy aside to tell him to pull up his pants if said pants fall to a threatening position on non-existent hips. As a female teacher, I'd just sound like his Mum, but if a male teacher asked a female student to close up a few buttons, he'd be raked over the coals. </p> <p>The best most administrators can come up with to "equalize" the code is to ban tank tops and inappropriate sayings on T-shirts for males--both of which can apply to either gender. Most boys aren't much fussed by these restrictions, at least in the younger grades. </p> <p>And, one other story from my days teaching middle school. Most males develop the signs of maturity at an older age than do many girls. One male student I had was the exception in that he looked like an 18 year old male when he was just 13. He was six feet tall, with broad shoulders, a muscular build, and a beard. Older girls kept hitting on him and he didn't know what to do or say. Strangers spoke to him and treated him as if he was a man when he was just a boy who wanted to play with his friends. He was often in tears because he didn't have the maturity to deal with his appearance. His experiences made me realize that growing into adulthood when your outward appearance doesn't fit your inward self can be painful and isolating. Having a "uniform" that signals you are still a child isn't much of a solution, but it can help ease some of the confusion.</p> <p>ETA: I agree the images and "good girl" remarks were beyond stupid. I can only think it was some administrator's ghastly attempt at trying to be lighthearted which made communicating the expectations for a prom dress in that way seem like a good idea. I also think, after seeing hundreds of well meaning attempts at instituting a "sensible" or "reasonable" code for middle/high schools, that ultimately EVERY dress code is doomed when it comes to enforcing its provisions in a school without a set uniform. Having administrators measuring slivers of girls' abdomens or trying to determine if a "cold shoulder" top fits the no-sleeveless ban is humiliating for both parties.</p> <p>Dress codes are on their way out, but I'm not sure we've always picked the right target for our scorn. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793475 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 19:51:49 +0000 Anonymous 1793475@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm a parent who voted against a dress code when my daughters were in middle school. I don't know how the lines should be drawn, but one of my daughters got in trouble for wearing a dress to school that *WAIT FOR IT* showed her shoulders. The horror of it all! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793473 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 19:40:59 +0000 Janet 1793473@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>OK, well, I personally thought all those dresses were tacky too, but that's a taste issue. I'm sure girls today would think my entire graduating class's prom dresses were awful and dowdy because it was the 80s and everyone was far more covered up!&nbsp;</p> <p>School uniforms are understandable. And to be clear, I am in favor of dress guidelines for school events. I get what some of you are saying about clothing choices, but frankly, I think that as long as certain agreed-upon guidelines are met, *most* of what's left is best left to parents and children to hash out. It gets sticky when schools try to insert themselves in clothing choices, especially when it's a non-school-hours event, and we're talking about 17-year-olds, not 12-year-olds.&nbsp;</p> <p>Nonetheless, interesting viewpoints.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793472 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 19:38:02 +0000 Sal 1793472@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Definitely handled poorly, in a denigrating way to female students.</p> <p>I have no problem with a dress code, ideally drawn up by students and teachers together way in advance of these events. Teenagers can look to music, reality tv and acting idols for their inspiration for these events and recently looks have been very revealing for girls and very casual for boys.</p> <p>My sons wear uniform to school and the 15 year old also has rules around hair ( must be short , natural colour, no undercuts etc). It is a boys school of 2500. We knew what was involved and it keeps things simple and cheap with efforts going into other areas. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793471 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 19:31:00 +0000 Jenni NZ 1793471@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>In NZ we have school uniforms for high school. It seems to save a lot of hassle but can of course be expensive, and there is also inherent sexism in that girls' uniforms mostly have to be skirts and boys' have to be pants ( ha ha, only just realised that limits the freedom of both genders. Not helpful for Scotsmen or Pacific men either! )<br /> I'm kinda with Rachy about the first dress. And with everyone about "good girl" sounding like "good dog". How condescending. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793468 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 19:17:50 +0000 Ginger 1793468@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Excellent points, Gaylene. A custom from history, in a period I reenact, was that "coming of age" (i.e. courting age) for girls was signaled by lengthening the skirt hems to full adult length and pinning up their hair. But the flip side, it also served to keep pre- and young teens from receiving attentions they weren't prepared to handle. Modern reenactors have run into this situation as well. Some men in their 20s and 30s, acting "in character" with all politeness and respect, were appalled to find out later that the young women they conversed with were about 14 years old.&nbsp; They did nothing wrong, but they were responding to the cues from the clothing as they would have done historically. And it could have gotten more awkward very easily.</p> <p>Of course that's not to say this is any kind of a modern solution or justification. It's a vastly different culture now. But it's simply true that like a school uniform, the dress codes of the past sent signals and offered protection. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793458 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 18:50:59 +0000 rachylou 1793458@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have to agree, Gaylene, to having the same thoughts, every paragraph and esp with regard to other countries.</p> <p>I rather feel all clothing is a uniform, because clothing always inherently serves a purpose. </p> <p>Also, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say dress for boys is in some ways more restrictive. Variety is distinctly NOT appreciated in clothing for males. There was a boy out here set ON FIRE on a bus by other boys, for basically violating the jeans and t-shirt rule. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793453 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 18:32:03 +0000 Gaylene 1793453@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Schools administrators are fighting a losing battle trying to create dress codes for students. The only exception might be in an expensive, private school where parents view a mandated uniform as an emblem of exclusivity.</p> <p>I can't help but wonder, though, if our zeal to ridicule dress codes doesn't come at a cost to our children, especially young girls. I recently attended a Grade Six graduation where several 11 and 12-year-old girls wore strapless, super-short, tight dresses with tottering platform heels and full makeup. They looked so much older than the rest of their prepubescent classmates--as if they should be drinking cocktails instead of apple juice. The school in question had thrown out its dress code earlier in the year and left clothing decisions up to students and parents. Life became much easier for administrators, but I kept thinking did their comfort came at the expense of their students?</p> <p>One of the most striking aspects of traveling in developing countries is the sight of boys and girls dressed in their school uniforms. The uniform might be just a pair of shorts and a white shirt, but it is a badge of sorts which lets even a traveler recognize the child as scholar--someone who is attached to community and engaged in the serious business of learning. The impulse to create a dress code comes from the realization teachers have very early on in their teaching careers that students behave differently when they are wearing their "school" clothes. The idea that what we wear affects how we think of ourselves and how we behave is as applicable to school children as it is to adults on a fashion forum. The problem comes from a child's lack of experience in making appropriate choices without guidance. In an ideal world, guidance would come from a parent, but, for many children, their world is not ideal. </p> <p>Does a 12 year-old girl understand the implications of highlighting her evolving femaleness and fertility? Can she deal with the ramifications of setting herself apart from her less developed classmates? Or does she still need the "armor" of a child's uniform which signals scholar instead of fertile woman? It's easy to fling "body shaming" comments when schools try to enforce dress guidelines, but those comment negate the very real concerns teachers face when they see elementary school girls riding away in cars with older boys--usually without the parents being the wiser. The notion of a dress code may seem patriarchal and harmful to a girl's self-esteem, but the alternatives aren't that easy to live with either. </p> <p>School dress codes are disappearing because administrators don't want the hassle, but I'm not sure I'm as happy as some are to see them disappear. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793452 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 18:31:15 +0000 rachylou 1793452@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Am I the only person who thought ALL the dresses were tacky for prom? 'Good girl' and 'bad'.</p> <p>Where's the Taste Police when you need them? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793400 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 17:03:04 +0000 Summer 1793400@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>A simple, polite outline of the dress code would have been much more acceptable.&nbsp; I, too, find the "good girl" reference rather creepy and condescending. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793389 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 16:42:41 +0000 Style Fan 1793389@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Creepy.&nbsp; Good girl is what I say to my dog when I am training her.&nbsp; I don't use negative reinforcement so I don't say bad girl.&nbsp; And yes the focus is on the women.<br />JAileen said what I was thinking.&nbsp; Let her decide what she want to wear. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793374 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 15:58:28 +0000 ClaraT 1793374@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The phrases "good girl" and "bad girl" are super creepy in this context. What on earth were they thinking?!&nbsp;<br />Also, dress codes are problematic because what they are really trying to curb are dresses that are "too sexy." But it is the body inside the dress that really determines that--ask any large-busted/curvy woman who has been ask to "tone it down" while wearing a high-neck shell and cardigan. What looks appropriate on one body may look inappropriate on another. As usually, I agree with JAileen and say let the parents and girls decide. Enough with the shaming. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793348 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 15:03:52 +0000 Anonymous 1793348@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Good object lesson for those students! Looks like they handled their administration well! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793342 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 14:36:27 +0000 JAileen 1793342@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I loved the comment that it was a good thing they did this a week before the prom because it's not like everyone already had their dress! </p> <p>I think that if the girls and their parents think their dresses are fine then the administration should back off. The boys should control whatever impulses they might have. It's not the girls' responsibility to make sure the boys behave properly. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793303 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 12:48:04 +0000 Bijou 1793303@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Objectifying women and calling them "good" and "not good" girls is insulting and diminishing. I do agree with your comments about dress standards, but clearly this backlash shows that there are better ways to recommend the preferred dress code. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793301 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 12:37:26 +0000 RobinF 1793301@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>These kinds of stories bother me. And the good-girl-bad-girl angle is really distasteful. I would agree that there can be dress codes but there just has to be better ways to handle this kind of thing.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/speaking-of-dress-codes#post-1793298 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 12:16:58 +0000 Janet 1793298@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><a href="https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/03/30/us/good-girl-prom-dress-florida.html?smid=fb-nytimes&#038;smtyp=cur&#038;_r=0&#038;referer=http://m.facebook.com" rel="nofollow">https://mobile.nytimes.com/201.....cebook.com</a></p> <p>While I believe there are appropriate and less appropriate styles for a teenager to wear to a school dance, this was handled poorly to say the least. </p> <p>Hard not to notice that there are no such concerns about what the boys wear. </p>