https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 20 Apr 2026 11:54:25 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1270320 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 16:09:26 +0000 Mo 1270320@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>In answer to the question, for the most part I still just wear what I want. &nbsp;We often end up making jokes about each other's looks we don't like. &nbsp;He calls my ikat jeans Icky Cat and we both smile about it. &nbsp;I hated his blue and red check on white background flannel he would wear years ago. &nbsp;I told him it was bright as a circus. &nbsp;Ends up I just really dislike blue and red together. &nbsp;Way to much color coming at my eyeballs. &nbsp;Now he chides when he sees my 'favorite' color combination that he must buy it. &nbsp;<br />I think respecting another's opinion is fine, but yours is the one that counts in the end.&nbsp;&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1270313 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 16:02:55 +0000 Aziraphale 1270313@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If it were me, I'd just ask. Otherwise you're just assuming. Maybe he just doesn't like orange? Lots of people don't. (FWIW, <i>I</i> think that raincoat is fantastic). But you'll never know if you ask, and clearly it's affecting how much you like your coat!</p> <p>As to point (c), I know what you mean. My husband's taste overlaps a lot with mine, so he rarely dislikes any one article of clothing, but sometimes it happens. It does take the shine off a garment for me, and I don't know what to do about it. For example, he hated&nbsp;my bejewelled thong sandals and said they looked like something an old lady would wear. I still liked them, and wore them a lot (because they were my only pair of sandals -- we live in a climate where you don't need a lot of hot-weather footwear!), but I always had this nagging feeling that maybe other people thought they were old lady shoes, too. Eventually they wore out, so problem solved. But I will not be buying sandals with beads on again!</p> <p>That's why I'd ask about your orange raincoat. Maybe he doesn't dislike it at all -- or if he does, maybe his poison eye is something personal and associative, and it's not something that bothers you. I doubt there is something actually "wrong" with the coat. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1270312 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 16:00:08 +0000 MsMary 1270312@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If I were in his shoes, I would be horrified to think that because a favorite clothing item of yours was not my favorite, you were second-guessing yourself and taking less pleasure from something that had previously brought you joy.&nbsp; I would also&nbsp;be horrified to think that you felt like you had to explain or justify your sartorial choices to me.&nbsp; And honestly, it would bother me to have so much influence/power over how you feel about yourself and your wardrobe.</p> <p>Please, please, take him at his word:&nbsp; It doesn't matter that the coat is not his favorite.&nbsp; He only wants to be with you.&nbsp; You are at the beginning of the relationship and it is important to set the tone with which you want to go forward.&nbsp; And I think "you wearing what you love and him being happy because he is with you" is just the perfect thing! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1270262 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 14:47:55 +0000 LAR101 1270262@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Love what Jeanie said. &nbsp;I want to step into her advice. &nbsp;</p> <p>Something to think about: &nbsp;<br />I thought your guy was neutral on the coat when he didn't praise it, &nbsp;not that he didn't like it. &nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;Try some mantras to deal with the poison eye in your head and become more Jeanie-like:<br />'Somestimes 'OK' is really wonderful, &nbsp;especially for things like raincoats, parcas and winter boots'. &nbsp;<br />Or: 'I like this because it's comfortable and feels like me, &nbsp;and besides I like and remember all those compliments and I like it'.<br />Or: &nbsp;'Not feeling comfortable in clothes, does nothing for my confidence, ... especially when I like them.'<br />Or: 'I want to be with the 'confident me' and I only want to be be with people who do&nbsp;too!'<br />Or 'Needing praise for everything&nbsp;destroys my confidence'.<br />Or: 'Not everyone has to like everything I wear at every single moment.'</p> <p>And a notch higher: 'I want a guy who loves me as me, not the perfect dressed me. So this week I am going to dress like a slob, be difficult and onery and see if he passes my test: to love me as me - not some image.' &nbsp;:))<br />And 'I want this relationship to be about finding kindness,&nbsp;consideration, trust, loyatly&nbsp;in a two way street and loving imperfection in our human-ness, not about needing praise to fill a standard'<br />And: 'I respect my guy enough to see and trust that he&nbsp;loves me for who I am&nbsp;and would love me in major difficulties so that looking good is such a minor thing in our relationship' <br />&amp; 'I disrespect my guy, if I think I need to be wearing only things he likes, &nbsp;because he is not that shallow or controlling&nbsp;and if he is, I don't want that relationship.'<br />And: 'I will choose the relationship that meshes with&nbsp;my values, not imposes some outside ones.' &nbsp;It's about the dog wagging the tail and not the other way around.</p> <p>OK, so I went off here. &nbsp;But maybe you can find something that resonates for you here or maybe not. &nbsp;At least, I hope it's good for a laugh. &nbsp;</p> <p>Change your self-talk to change the poison eye in your head. Practice changing your self-talk with mantras. Fake it, till you make it. And you will become your confident radiant self. &nbsp;Good luck! &nbsp;and BTW I LOVE the raincoat. &nbsp;:)</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1270071 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 07:25:49 +0000 fuzzylogic 1270071@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lots of great advice here- we could start an 'Ask Alice' column!</p> <p>I feel as though I am just re-iterating....</p> <p>You love it- VERY important!<br /> Is he seeing something you/we aren't, or is he trying to change you to be his ideal? (Constructive or control freak?)<br /> Remain self-assured and non-defensive in discussion, as Suz says<br /> If he is able to suggest/purchase an alternative would you be happy to wear this with him, and wear your Lulemon on other occasions<br /> Relationships are about compromise- and I don't have all the answers...... Eeeep!! </p> <p>Enjoy your new relationship! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1270063 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 07:03:10 +0000 goldenpig 1270063@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It doesn't sound like he's said anything negative about the jacket (which I LOVE, by the way--both the shape and color are so flattering on you!), so I think maybe you're reading too much into it. He won't like everything you wear, and really would you want his and your styles to be exactly the same? That would be boring! I have plenty of practice with this as my DH has lots of opinions on my clothing. Usually I let it roll off my back and sometimes laugh with him when he comes up with a funny description of what I'm wearing. The only time I let it affect me was when he had a strong negative reaction to a faux fur jacket--I ended up returning it rather than let it drive a wedge between us. As modgirl pointed out, it was a date night item so there was no point keeping it if my date hated it. I agree, sometimes if our SO hates an item it does take some of the joy out of wearing it. Like he thinks camo jeans make people look "cheap and low-class". So I rarely wear it because it's not really good for work, and on the weekends I'm mostly with him so I don't like to wear it too much. But overall, I do think it's good for couples to retain some individuality, so that applies to fashion choices as well. Your SO sounds like he really cares more about you than what you are wearing--sounds like a really nice guy. Don't worry about the jacket--wear it and love it and realize how lucky you are to have such a great guy! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1270024 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 05:09:50 +0000 Jeanie 1270024@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I had a pair of overalls way back when that my DH hated. &nbsp;I kept wearing them because they were "me" and comfortable. I believe it's important to keep your&nbsp;identity in a relationship. &nbsp;I like when he enjoys something I wear but I know that he is not going to like everything that I wear. &nbsp;But other people may enjoy some of the things I wear or maybe it's just me who enjoys it and that is enough. &nbsp;I love that orange coat and think you should keep wearing it. &nbsp;I agree with Rabbit that confidence is the most intriguing trait and it comes from being who you are. &nbsp;He said he only wants to be with you. &nbsp;How cool is that. &nbsp;That is a nice guy. &nbsp;That is a guy that just wants to see you shine in your fab orange coat!</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1269995 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 04:34:57 +0000 rachylou 1269995@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Eh, I shouldn't answer... people don't comment on my sartorial choices unless they want to know where they stand on the fashion spectrum with their yellow *Hawaiian* shirts from the '80s.</p> <p>No, they run out and try to find me what I say is good. But please note, I am always kind when they do this and wear what they buy. No matter what it looks like.</p> <p>Except for bulbous silver heart necklaces and giant plaid flannel shorts. Those are sneaked out ASAP. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1269994 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 04:34:47 +0000 anne 1269994@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lots of wisdom here. I specially like what Suz and rabbit said </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1269962 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 04:13:06 +0000 rabbit 1269962@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Alternatively, just wear the coat, strut your stuff,&nbsp;and remind yourself that you are beautiful and look great in it. &nbsp;People (including guys) respond to your self confidence and the energy you project. &nbsp;Sometimes if they avoid criticism or confrontation about something, it's because they honestly don't care that much about the difference of opinion/personal taste&nbsp;and don't want to make you feel bad, but also don't want to be dishonest. &nbsp;Or they have an idea that this is how to be chivalrous and fixate more on the fact that you are a woman than a person -- (in which case I try to put them at ease a little, because that's pretty awkward).</p> <p>To your question about 'the poison eye getting to your head'. &nbsp;You have two options as I see it -- either ask him directly mentioning specific things about the garment&nbsp;(say you are considering what to get as rainwear in the future for example once this garment needs replaced), and then you will know what he is thinking. Or realize that it's not him, it's you. &nbsp; You are projecting uncertainty onto this question of clothing, but maybe it's not really about the clothing, and it's worth thinking about why you are feeling the way you are and being kind and understanding with yourself.</p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1269946 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 04:00:57 +0000 Suz 1269946@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I wonder if he would open up about why he dislikes the coat if you were able to ask him in a really non-defensive way. You know...just..."I'm curious about this...maybe you don't really know why....but is it the colour, the shape...how it makes me look to you..." etc. And assure him that you will not see this as "criticism" but instead as information for you to consider in making future purchases. Maybe you can also tell him that since this is a coat and it gives you pleasure and fills a need, you'll still be wearing it, but that you've registered his dislike and respect his opinions -- something like that?&nbsp;</p> <p>Ultimately, I think you should wear what gives YOU pleasure, but find some way to let him know that you do value his ideas and will take them into consideration in future purchases (if you intend to do that.) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1269933 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 03:36:48 +0000 Fruitful 1269933@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lol this would certainly not damage our relationship I am just wondering how you all deal with this. I really enjoy my outfits more when he likes them and it bothers me that I like this less because I know he doesn't like it. I am sure if he knew I was posting in a forum about it he'd feel bad and maybe even tell me to wear it constantly to make up for it!&nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1269932 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 03:34:00 +0000 deb 1269932@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am with ik, if he does not like what you are wearing&nbsp;that really is&nbsp;his problem. It is a new relationship and if clothing will break it then more important issues will definitely cause much more grief.</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1269918 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 03:17:27 +0000 ironkurtin 1269918@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So what if he hates your coat. Sheex. If he loathes it that much he can suggest an alternative. Otherwise he can get over it or hit the curb. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1269901 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 02:46:57 +0000 Anonymous 1269901@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's hard not to get DH's poison eye in your head. If he doesn't say that he dislikes it, I would probably keep wearing it. I don't usually wear things that DH doesn't like when with him but then there's nothing as essential as a coat. If others compliment you on it, I think I'd listen to those voices and your own fondness for the coat and wear and enjoy.<br /> BTW, my DH is not fond of hoods on things for himself and rejects a coat without a removable one, a problem when trying to find him a new waterproof jacket. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1269900 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 02:45:51 +0000 Carla 1269900@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>He wants to be with you, so relax! Clothes are secondary (unless he is in the fahion biz!). Just do all the regular things you are doing together and have fun. Maybe at some other time, when you are having a wide ranging conversation about things that aren't too deep, you can talk about clothes, style and fashion. That way you can get a sense of what he likes-- for himself as well as for you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sos-poison-eyes-how-do-you-deal#post-1269890 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 02:34:40 +0000 Fruitful 1269890@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I was enjoying Transcona Shannon's post&nbsp;<a rel="nofollow" href="http://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/significant-others-poison-eyes">http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....oison-eyes</a></p> <p>and read it to the end. Now I need answers! What should I do when faced with such a poison eye?</p> <p>Unlike many of the posters I am in a relationship of only a few months, and this after years of being single. A feature of our relationship is that my dear man takes a great interest in my outfits, usually praising them to high heaven. He lets me know if he doesn't like a garment only by complimenting all the other things I am wearing and leaving that out!</p> <p>I figured out he dislikes a coat which is my pride and joy, which I get stopped and complimented on and which I sometimes need to wear for practical reasons. (I posted about it here <a rel="nofollow" href="http://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/my-new-love---orange-raincoat">http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....e-raincoat</a>)</p> <p>I now try not to wear it around him which is somewhat limiting. When I do need to wear it around him I feel somewhat self conscious, and last time I had to grab it out of the car when he asked me if I had a jacket I said "only the one you don't like!" He said something to the effect that it didn't matter because he only wanted to be with me.</p> <p>So now I am a) trying to be mindful and avoid wearing it around him; b) wondering exactly what he disliked about it but embarrassed to ask as he hates to be direct with criticism,&nbsp;and second-guessing other garments before he sees me in them (i.e. I have a new hooded jacket - should I wear it? Was it the hood he hated? Or something else?); and c) feeling the polish has come off the joy of wearing it, because even not around him I now have it in my head that&nbsp;there must be something wrong with it.</p> <p>How do I deal with these three things? How do you?</p> <p>Please especially address point c) - the poison eye getting in your head! </p>