https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 20 Apr 2026 06:18:58 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-739328 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 20:43:47 +0000 biscuitsmom 739328@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh Mander, I couldve have written this post myself, I so identify with it....you've definitely posted this in the right place, with the YLF community being so supportive. I really hope you take their kind words and wisdom to heart, for they speak the truth...I wish you could see what the rest of us see in you! You are a very lovely, brave woman.... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737833 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 14:54:28 +0000 cheryl 737833@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mander, you have already received so much good advice. I'm sending big hugs to you. You are a beautiful woman and we are all our own worst critics. I am short and curvy and can't rock some of the looks I would like to but I have learned what I love and what I feel comfortable in and I embrace those items. Fun tennies are one of my favorite things. They are easy to find, comfortable and make me happy when I wear them. Try and find your version of fun tennies, whether it be jewelry, scarves, vneck tops or whatever and go from that starting point. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737825 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 14:51:54 +0000 celia 737825@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mander, without looking up the other answers let try to give you an answer.</p> <p>It is extremely hard to acknowledge that we don't feel pretty, especially to so many people at the same time so I salute you for that, it takes courage and the will to change your own perception of yourself.<br /> Of course that seeing some photos of yours I really don't get what you see , great eyes, great skin and hair, fantastic lip shape, this is what I see, and this is because I only found face photos when I went to look for it.<br /> But I get it, sometimes we look in the mirror and just want to not look in the mirror again, I have been there. And when we feel like that we tend to dress things that don't look good on us or in anybody else which even makes us feel worse.<br /> For me a good technique was to pretend I was not dressing myself.I would picture someone who I thought had the same kind of body shape as mine and I would go into my wardrobe and choose a good looking outfit for that person and wear it myself.<br /> The truth is that we are much kinder to others than to ourselves and I actually was able to look nice.<br /> How does this make you purge your closet? Well, there is YLF and if you post your outfits there is always someone to applaude what looks fab and suggest a few alterations if something needs it.From there you can choose what to stay in your closet and what to go.</p> <p>You are a beautiful woman who has great potential to look extra fab.</p> <p>Big hugs. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737819 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 14:49:18 +0000 Debora 737819@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hello, friend. You've received some excellent advice above and I'm just chiming in to extend my support. You are such a valued member of this community and we are here for you. I wish I could give you a big hug in person, but a virtual one will have to do for now. You are very brave and thank you for sharing this with us. xo </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737792 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 14:31:44 +0000 Sara L. 737792@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Purging your closet is a big task and my advice is to start small so you don't feel overwhelmed. Pick one item to work on, like maybe jeans. Try them all on, take photos either on you or just laid out flat, and let the forum help you. Everyone here is very helpful and honest with their feedback and suggestions. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737779 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 14:18:50 +0000 bj1111 737779@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>you are brave for sharing this burden with us. plenty of good advice. echo the suggestion to treat the root cause of depression with diet and exercise, talk therapy and/or medication as your comfort level will allow. you can get through this. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737672 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 08:55:28 +0000 Deborah 737672@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mander good advice here from all. May I just add that you have a lovely feminine figure and you look lovely with your waist defined and wearing straight skirts (and that's just to start). Self esteem issues are challenging and we do tend to be so hard on ourselves - for example I have what look like thunder thighs in my post today - but I know logically that its not as bad as I think If you are comfortable, let us work with you. Post your outfits and we will support you with gentle feedback. One of the advantages of YLF is that I now have outfits that I know work (cos you have all told me), so that when I am having an off day and feel nothing looks good, I can pop one of those outfits on and KNOW I look good even if I don't feel it. Lots of love. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737662 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 08:09:10 +0000 Caro in Oz 737662@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lots of love &amp; support coming your way (no don't duck) you are not alone. You have a great starting point here. Do you have anything you love/feel great in/ think works? I wouldn't stress about cleaning out your closet - start with the good stuff. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737630 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 05:27:04 +0000 Aida 737630@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>*BIG hugs all around!!* </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737578 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 03:32:40 +0000 Jaime 737578@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I hope it helps to see that a lot of other women share these feelings. It certainly helps me, and what Sona said particularly resonated with me. You may not feel like it, but posting would probably help because everyone here is extremely supportive and helpful. You are not alone. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737570 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 03:16:30 +0000 Suz 737570@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mander, as someone who has also battled with depression and self-esteem and body image issues, I send you my support. You have already received some great advice and I am not sure I have anything to add. I like what Ariadne said about starting off with those items that seem to make you feel good or at least not actively bad, and building from there. I promise that clearing out that closet will clarify a lot for you -- when you are ready to tackle it. But it can be a big job, and overwhelming even to those who are not depressed, and so be kind to yourself if you possibly can. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737559 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 02:59:08 +0000 Ariadne 737559@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>ETA a warning that this is a ridiculously long response and I may be totally projecting myself onto you, Mander. I hope I haven't overstepped, but if I have, I humbly apologize and please just disregard me. &lt;3 I will probably delete most of this post in a few days because it's a bit personal for me to leave on the Interwebs for all eternity.</p> <p>*hugs* Mander. First off, one practical suggestion--I know you said you can't seem to differentiate between your items, but is there possibly even one or two pieces of clothing that make you feel good, or at least okay--not ashamed or embarrassed? That would be a starting point. Then wear that outfit or combination as much as possible, partly just to help you feel better about yourself! And go from there. Posting keep/toss threads can really help, too.</p> <p>Now I am going to over-share a bit because I want you to know you're not alone. It's OK if you don't want to read my ramblings.</p> <p>I know what you are describing--I've been there, many times over, and it's not fun, to put it very lightly. Unfortunately the result is that I don't have much good advice to offer--but you have all my empathy and sympathy and undestanding. One of the primary sources of my lifelong struggles with depression and anxiety relates directly to being bullied as a child for years because my clothes weren't trendy. </p> <p>I still struggle hugely with this when it comes to selecting clothes, putting outfits together, and seeing myself clearly. Some days I do really well and others, not so well--and getting to this point, where at least *some* days are good, has been a years-long process for me. </p> <p>The great thing is that I've realized that when I *do* hit upon an outfit I really feel good in if almost functions as a kind of therapy; I feel much more confident and capable in other areas of life as well.</p> <p>The thing is, I can only experience that when my mental health issues are at least moderately controlled. If I'm actively, diagnose-ably depressed and/or anxious, my self esteem is thoroughly trashed and no amount of pretty clothing will lift me out of that. I cannot see myself or my life clearly and everything just spirals down to guilt, shame, fear, embarrassment, helplessness, etc. It sounds like that happens/is happening with you, too.</p> <p> I'm going to gently suggest that you focus as much as possible on addressing your depression (which is probably the main cause of your self-esteem struggles--and the self-esteem struggles feed into the depression--it's an evil cycle). Have you been successfully treated (whether with meds, therapy, diet/exercise, meditation, some combo... anything) before? I'm not an expert at all but if you want I'd be happy to share about some of the things that have worked for me. </p> <p>When your depression starts to lift, I'd bet money you'll be able to make more progress with your closet. Until then, go easy on yourself. Really, really, *really* easy. Maybe even take a break from trying to sort out your clothes. If you're going to try to tackle them anyway, do something positive first, like watch a movie you love, so that you're in a good headspace going in. Put on happy music and wear sparkly eyeshadow, or something else that makes you feel good.</p> <p>\\ </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737508 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 02:17:04 +0000 Krista 737508@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mander,<br /> I totally understand what you are saying. I get these great ideas about what to wear and then, when I actually execute the outfit, I am disappointed in what it looks like. Kind of like "expectations don't meet reality" kind of stuff. But Ceit is right, post the photos anyway and just try to gather the information/feedback as objectively as possible. I will admit that I used to get lost in the spirals of negativity, but forcing myself to post outfits (occasionally - I just don't have the time to do it every day) has helped me to be more objective about myself; as in, I am starting to see myself differently and see what others see. Over time, I am finding myself trying new ideas and being more gentle with myself about how I speak to myself about my outfits. I am also purging my closet like crazy, even more than I used to (and that was a lot!).<br /> It takes time, though. You get to dictate the pace. The great part is that you have asked for help - and we can help! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737507 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 02:17:01 +0000 BethL 737507@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mander, I just wanted to offer my support as well. I have been dealing with on-going depression for a long time, plus I'm sick a lot, so I think I have some sense of what you're up against. It's hard, I know. There's some really good advice here, and I hope it helps you feel like you're not alone. Hugs and good thoughts coming your way. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737505 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 02:16:07 +0000 catgirl 737505@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mander, sending a hug. You deserve to look and feel your best always! I just read a really good article about Stacy London (NEVER watch her show, but the article is in InStyle) about how she was first anorexic and then a binge eater and weighed close to 200 pounds at one point, and how horrible she felt at both ends of the spectrum. She was really emphatic about women needing to be kind to themselves - if you get a chance, I hope you'll read it. </p> <p>We are here for you if you want to post - I know it's hard but it will be a step if you need our eyes, or as others have said you can enlist a trusted friend. Believe me, no one sees us as harshly as we see ourselves. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737487 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 02:05:49 +0000 kellygirl 737487@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You've got some great suggestions! I just want to chime in offer my support. I like the idea of doing small batches of a basic capsule. If you can, snap a few pics. I get the most helpful feedback here--I trust YLF more than my own family! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737485 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 02:04:29 +0000 ironkurtin 737485@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I believe in you, Mander!</p> <p>Cleaning out a closet is a wonderful way to clean out mental cobwebs. Defeat the funk and think of it as sweeping bad feelings out the door. Clothing is armor for life. If it isn't armoring you, toss it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737481 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 01:53:01 +0000 JulieJohn 737481@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Dear Mander, thank you for sharing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737453 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 01:35:34 +0000 Sona 737453@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mander: I actually found YLF therapeutic and it helped me work my way out of many a downward depression spiral but there have been times I've been too down to post/comment. That has almost become my self check: if I don't feel like logging on/commenting or posting on YLF- its a signal that my mood is getting worse.<br /> The reason YLF can be therapy is because Angie and Greg at the helm have created a warm, genuine, supportive community. The people here are true gems- and are always here to help: every step of the way.<br /> Please let us help you in any way we can. And remember: you look fab. period. its the mantra!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737436 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 01:26:25 +0000 Angie 737436@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for opening up, Mander. </p> <p>Such great suggestions from Anna, DCJ and Ceit. Know that we are here to help you every step of the way - be it with the nuts and bolts of the closet edit, or with helping you realize that you ARE a gorgeous lady. We believe it - and will go to great lengths to help you believe it too. </p> <p>Style is not a size. Style is not a budget. Style is not about one way of dressing. Style starts to grow from what it's your heart and the rest can be learned. You have heart - the rest will follow. </p> <p>(((HUGS))) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737266 Tue, 02 Oct 2012 23:37:46 +0000 Anonymous 737266@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Use everyone here! Post keep/toss photos -- even without you wearing the clothes if you aren't comfortable with that at first. If I may use a horrible archy metaphor, it's like the mountain of backdirt you have to screen through. Then you can bag all the artifacts that pop up, and finally, wash and catalogue them (and throw out the billion little rocks that fieldschool students love to keep because it might "be something"). Heh. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737260 Tue, 02 Oct 2012 23:34:10 +0000 DeclawedJaguar 737260@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mander, I deeply empathize with your situation. Having seen a few of your pictures, though, I know that you are a strikingly beautiful woman. We all tend to be very hard on ourselves for one reason or another, but the flaws that seem awful to us are most often not even noticeable to other people. Would it be possible for you to post some Keep or Toss photos, with the idea that we as outsiders may be a little more objective? Maybe do a small batch to try out this idea at first? Anna's idea of enlisting a friend is also good. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737249 Tue, 02 Oct 2012 23:28:31 +0000 annagybe 737249@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Can you enlist a friend to help you? A fresh set of eyes can do wonders.<br /> I did a big closet purge by inviting a friend over, I had wine and snacks as bribery. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorting-out-your-closet-when-you-feel-deeply-un-fab-a-bit-rambly#post-737244 Tue, 02 Oct 2012 23:26:11 +0000 Mander 737244@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is sparked by a comment I made on the blog post about October closet goals. Angie thought I should ask you all for your input. </p> <p>I have been trying to clear out my closet and build a functional wardobe for months now, but I seem to be hung up on issues of self-esteem and just plain feeling ugly. I get many interesting style ideas from reading YLF but my own versions of them just seem to fall flat because I feel like nothing looks good on me. When I look in the mirror or look at photos of myself I just feel bad about what I see. I find it hard to notice any positive features at all.</p> <p>As a result I am really overwhelmed when trying to clear out my closet. I know I have way too many clothes, most of which are not flattering, and that is part of what is driving my poor self-image, because it is so hard for me to get dressed. But at the same time I find it really hard to decide what to get rid of because I cannot seem to choose one thing over another. When I try to evaluate items they all seem equally bad and I get so discouraged and overcome with shame, guilt, etc. that I just give up. </p> <p>Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can overcome this? I do have a long-standing history of depression, so that of course is a factor but one that I have been working on addressing. I would like to at least develop a core group of items that I can work with and put the rest of the stuff out of sight somewhere while I try to improve my view of myself. </p>