https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorry-i-need-a-rant Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 10 May 2026 16:43:58 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorry-i-need-a-rant#post-60186 Sat, 11 Apr 2009 22:26:14 +0000 Louise 60186@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks everyone will keep being positive and hope for the best- do you know what makes it worse, like me the woman works with children!!!! Obviously doesn't apply good practice to her own child!!!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorry-i-need-a-rant#post-60165 Sat, 11 Apr 2009 19:23:44 +0000 Maya 60165@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Shiny, it's actually the opposite for me. I think it depends on the parents. I can dismiss what my dad says more easily because, like I said, he lives in a bubble where he can stay slim no matter what he eats. He doesn't realize that it's just a natural blessing. He thinks he's just very active and eats well, even though neither of those things are true. Still, it does suck. Not too long ago, I was stretching my arms and my shirt pulled up a little, exposing my tum. He told me I was "becoming a fatso." Honestly, I don't care who it's coming from. That is just not a pleasant thing to hear. </p> <p>My mom on the other hand is one of those moms who could never see me as anything but perfect. She would always tell me how pretty I was, even when I was an ugly duck. I could wear a yarmulke and a Hefty bag and she would still tell me how stunning I looked. So when my mother is getting concerned about my weight, the effect is pretty harsh. I'm not used to hearing anything but praise from her.</p> <p>They are both of the opinion that my former size and weight is my "natural" size...the size I was meant to be. I certainly looked better then, but I don't know if it's natural. That was the size I was as a teenager through my early 20's, and I'm not a teenager anymore. I know I'll never be 95 pounds again, so I'm trying to make reasonable goals (not necessarily losing weight, but toning/firming up a bit, hopefully losing an inch or two around the tum). I don't even know if my reasonable goals are achievable though. This might just be the way I'm meant to be. When I tell my parents that, they shoot back by telling me I'm becoming complacent and defeatist. </p> <p>My brother, on the other hand, really is overweight. I may be flabby and out of shape, but I'm still a normal and healthy weight for my height. I can see why they constantly bug him about it. In his case though, they always seem to discuss it from the perspective of his health, whereas with me, it seems to be more about my appearance. I do think much of it is cultural, and they can't help it, so I try not to get too angry, but I can't say it has no effect on me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorry-i-need-a-rant#post-60160 Sat, 11 Apr 2009 18:57:15 +0000 shiny 60160@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think Maya hit the nail on the head. My ex makes these sort of comments to our two teens all the time. It bothers me to no end, and I have had several stern talking-to's with him about it. I have even resorted to enlisting their pediatrician to talk to him about this. And yet, he continues. Even when the girls tell him to stop. It bugs both of them. </p> <p>I know he does it because he is simply worried about their health, and doesn't want them to be overweight like he is. It's not about appearances - he claims. It is about health. But there's a big difference between encouraging your kids to get off the couch and go on a bike ride with you (which he is very good about doing - I do have to give him a lot of credit there), versus saying "your jeans look too tight" or "you don't want to get fat like your dad" (which yes, he does say). </p> <p>Maya, I don't know if you would agree with this (I am curious), but I tend to think it is 10X's worse when the comments come from your dad than your mom. It sucks either way... I'm just saying that girls look to their dad and this shapes how they think all men in their lives view them. Does that make sense? While my mom may have said certain things to me that negatively shaped my self-esteem, my dad NEVER did, and I for that I am quite grateful. I think it would've messed with my head even more. </p> <p>And what really sucks is that neither of my girls are overweight. Well, DD16's weight crept up this past year because of a med she was put on. She is now back to a size 2, since going off the med. I personally think she looks too slim, but the doctors say this is normal for her. She eats well and participates in sports. DD14 is a pickier eater and can often eat a lot of junk, but she is also in sports. And the ex's comments started long ago, it's been going on since they were children but has ramped up more so now that they are young women. </p> <p>Loulou, I know you just wanted to vent, but if you wanted my two cents of advice, I'd say you are doing just the right thing, and otherwise you can also work with the child to help her learn to manage the relationship with her own mother. This is what I do with my girls and their dad, since talking to him myself doesn't seem to make any difference. I'd also let your boyfriend know that he can be a dramatic positive influence on his daughter. If their dad lets them know they are perfect just the way they are, that will go a long, long way as they enter adulthood and start dating. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorry-i-need-a-rant#post-60149 Sat, 11 Apr 2009 18:03:46 +0000 Maya 60149@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's mean and unacceptable to talk like that to anyone, much less a child who is still so vulnerable, but I am still hesitant to judge because my parents are the same way.</p> <p>In my case, I think it's mostly cultural. When my parents came here (to the US), my mom was 95 pounds and my dad was 120 pounds. They can't understand how at my age, not having had any kids, I can weigh nearly as much as my dad did then. It's especially annoying coming from my dad because he is just naturally thin. He can eat an entire bag of chocolates (and sometimes does) and not gain an ounce. He can't comprehend that not everyone has that good fortune. </p> <p>My mom is nowhere near the 95 pounds she once was, but she always makes a point that she didn't gain any weight until after she had kids, so it has to just be something I'm doing wrong.</p> <p>You all tell me how thin and dainty my arms are. Well, the other day I was downloading some old pictures off my camera, and my mom commented on how thin my arms once were. When I said they were still thin now, she disagreed. Honestly, I thought they looked about the same size, but she won't miss a chance to mourn how big I have become. </p> <p>While all of this is annoying and clearly not helping my confidence, I know at the end of the day they are trying to help. My mom just doesn't want me to become like her. Both of my parents don't want me to end up like my brother, who is quite overweight. He, like me, used to be very skinny, but rapidly gained weight in his 20's. They're afraid I'm on that path.</p> <p>So, like everyone else already said, just keep giving her positive vibes. It's all you can do. Parents do and say stupid things, but you might be able to undo a little bit of that. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorry-i-need-a-rant#post-60141 Sat, 11 Apr 2009 17:25:30 +0000 Inge 60141@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think it's wonderful that she felt happier at the end of your shopping trip LouLou. So glad you were able to find some beautiful things too!</p> <p>It's hard, especially at that age, isn't it. Even a casual remark can hit harder than it was intended, and BlondeAmbition is right, confidence issues often start in childhood. Do keep telling her that she looks great just the way she is. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorry-i-need-a-rant#post-60131 Sat, 11 Apr 2009 16:45:07 +0000 Louise 60131@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It cost us a fortune in M &#38; S but we managed to find some clothes she looked great in and while i felt a fool standing in the changing rooms oohing and ahhing and saying thats gorgeous etc it was worth it to see the smile on her face x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorry-i-need-a-rant#post-60127 Sat, 11 Apr 2009 16:35:59 +0000 BlondeAmbition 60127@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Body image issues don't pop up in adulthood. They are instilled in us by our families, culture, expectations, and teasing. I'm sure the mother is hoping to motivate her daughter to lose weight so she doesn't have to suffer being overweight when she's older but attacking her confidence will probably lead to nothing positive. I can understand your frustration and I hope you're doing your part in telling her she's beautiful and perfect the way she is. We can't hear it enough as little girls.</p> <p>My little cousin's mother always told her her ears were too big and never allowed her to wear her hair pinned back or in a pony tail. Now that she's a young adult and has grown into her ears she still hides behind her hair and eventhough she has a beautiful figure she seems uncomfortable in her own skin. </p> <p>We all suffer from some kind of setbacks in our self confidence, I just hope there are enough people in this little girl's life that will assure her she's beautiful enough to combat her Mother's potent criticism. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sorry-i-need-a-rant#post-60121 Sat, 11 Apr 2009 15:24:09 +0000 Louise 60121@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My boyfriend and i have just taken his 10 year old daughter shopping. She's carrying a little weight round her middle and she said her mum has told her "you're getting fat like your dad" and "fat people can't wear jeans". Is the woman trying to send her daughter anorexic! </p>