https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Fri, 10 Apr 2026 17:57:28 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress/page/2#post-1021031 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 15:59:41 +0000 AnnieMouse 1021031@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'ts kinda funny, how our addictions can manifest themselves in crazy, unrelated ways. While I have known the triggers for my drugs of choice, the same illness wants to prevent the acknowledgement when it manifests itself elsewhere. Willful blindness in order to maintain itself to the detriment of its host, perhaps? </p> <p>Time to deploy the treatment of stinkin' thinkin' in new directions. VenusCow, thank you for that perspective. That really made it a bit more stark as to how I need to approach it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1021026 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 15:46:31 +0000 VenusCow 1021026@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Congratulations. The first step to breaking any compulsive, repetitive behaviour is to confess and accept you have a problem that is making you miserable and not getting you what you really want. You cannot buy your life and compulsive, OCD behaviour over shopping for things you don't need or really want, but just to get the fix is where you are now. You know it is stupid so therefore you will get it under control. Keep fighting and start thinking about building a wardrobe of staples that see you through all seasons when you accessorise. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020993 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 14:57:12 +0000 Vix 1020993@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Hi AnnieM --</p> <p>Great insights; thanks for sharing. Obviously many on a style-related forum can relate (I'm one of them, though I've been on the "spend nothing" side too).</p> <p>Annoying, I find for me&nbsp;spending on hobbies (clothes)&nbsp;is like healthier living/eating...mindfulness matters and makes me feel better in the long run, but it takes so much more planning than feels natural! </p> <p>I really have to leave room for spontaneity in both areas or I feel deprived and then tend to make rash decisions.</p> <p>You and others really capture the delights that the rush of the new brings,&nbsp;too. I was soooo careful/thoughtful with my fall/early winter purchases but now&nbsp;I have a "fantasy-life" event (dressy wedding weekend) on the radar. </p> <p>Can you say Rationalization Station?</p> <p>Between my needs -- well, they seem like needs vs wants -- and helping others find stuff&nbsp;I've spent SO MUCH time looking at&nbsp;pretty pretty stuff that I never "get to" wear in my fairly staid life. I've purchased options and have&nbsp;yet to hit the right note for myself, but aside from the bad fit/wrong color ones&nbsp;I kind of want to keep everything. Uh, nooooo.</p> <p>Due to budget and lifestyle&nbsp;I have drawn the line at one TBD Dancing With the Stars-y outfit, which is one more than I would have owned a month ago...and yet that feels like restriction. </p> <p>Crazy, and I'm sure related to some stressful things going on.&nbsp;Know thy triggers is so right! Your post was very timely, so again, thanks.</p> <p> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020987 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 14:49:48 +0000 donnat 1020987@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great thread,. Since joining ylf, I discovered I was buying for my fantasy life, buying duplicates, just shopping for the thrill of it. I have a better grasp on it now. I am learning to look for wardrobe holes and to stop and think before pulling out the debit card. Just because it looks great, that doesn't mean it should come home with me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020961 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 14:12:47 +0000 T-Rex 1020961@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>AnnieMouse, here is a blog you may enjoy if you haven't discovered it already. Devoting some time and thought to the subject of fashion and what it means&nbsp;isn't a shallow pursuit, so don't feel guilty about it. :-)&nbsp; </p> <p><a href="http://iheartthreadbared.wordpress.com/" rel="nofollow">http://iheartthreadbared.wordpress.com/</a> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020895 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 12:48:16 +0000 AnnieMouse 1020895@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It really does me good to know that a) I'm not alone in this! and b) that this is a useful/ appreciated thread. I spend a lot of time thinking about fashion, its place in my life, how I react to it, and its impact on myself/ my presentation &amp; interpretation of self/ the greater world, and how cultural norms and perceptions change. Most of my friends don't seem to spend much time thinking about it, and I always feel... kinda shallow, somehow? That I *do* think about it, and how much. </p> <p>Which is a way of saying thank you and also: there will likely be more rambling posts from me about this sort of thing. </p> <p>As I said earlier/ elsewhere:&nbsp;A lot of what I post and will be posting is to noodle things out in my head and get a better record for myself of what I wear, and what doesn't/ works about it. I've been photographing outfits for a while, but having the feedback is immeasurably helpful, as is the varying perspectives on my mental processes. Knowing that I am engaging in compulsive behaviour, as a result of the "high" is super crucial -- and tough to recognise, I think, without a LOT of consciousness. </p> <p>Consciousness is crucial. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020889 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 12:34:04 +0000 Janet 1020889@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Terrific insights. I am an emotional, recreational shopper -- I learned it from the best, my mom! I definitely have collecting tendencies, and I crave variety, but I tend to go a bit overboard when something new hits my radar, so I totally understand your musings about compulsive behavior. </p> <p>I need to continue my recent inventory-and-evaluate projects, while also realizing that I'm getting to an age where some experiments are just not in the cards (although I always want to keep my mind open!). Thanks for sharing your thoughts. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020850 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 11:31:38 +0000 Lantana 1020850@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great thread, thanks for starting it Annie Mouse. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020763 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 05:45:53 +0000 ManidipaM 1020763@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great insights, especially the dopamine cycle. And I too have struggled with useful duplication vs choosing endless variations of the same texture/colour/silhouette mindlessly 'because I know I like this and wear it so at least it won't be an orphan'... only to find at least a few of those are passed over often due to preference for a similar but better (in some way) version. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020730 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 04:09:03 +0000 FlorenceFearne 1020730@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I empathize. I love to shop, but I have always measured how well I did by how much I got, not by how versatile or practical the pieces were. As though $100 for 10 tops you'll never wear is really a better value than $100 for 3 tops you wear 2 days a week.&nbsp;</p> <p>I do have the opposite problem from some though, in the sense that I need to buy MORE similar/duplicate items. I love a uniform, but I keep buying closet orphans.&nbsp;I've been wearing the same 3 cardigans and 2 blazers into the ground. My black maxi dress and my black maxi skirt are both disintegrating. So why am I so hesitant to just spend the money to replace these, knowing I will wear them a lot? Why can I not get the idea that it's worth investing in a piece like that?&nbsp;I think because I also come from having very little money, and I have a lot of shame and fear&nbsp;around the idea of not having enough - or having anything at all. So I like to have an overflowing closet that proves I'm doing OK, because I have plenty, whether I need that stuff&nbsp;or not. </p> <p>I've been really focusing on this recently, and becoming more disciplined. I had a clothing swap, and sent my friends home with bags and bags of things. I'm also filling up 2 more bags to send off to the charity shop.&nbsp;My last trip to the store I tried on about a dozen items, and left only with a pair of docs I already have about 6 outfits planned for, and a grey maxi dress I can tell I'll wear to pieces also. EVEN THOUGH everything else was also&nbsp;affordable, and fit me. It can be done!&nbsp;:D&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020727 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 04:01:56 +0000 Day Vies 1020727@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's nice when you are actually able to be observant of your habits because that means you're present. Being present is definitely a sign of a life well lived. </p> <p>I used to find myself buying multiples -- justifying it because "it's on sale!" Now there are some instances when I think having multiples are a good thing. I buy white long-sleeved tees and white tanks by the threes because these are basics and white can easily end up with a stain that won't come out. I do the same in black. I also buy multiples in trousers and shirts that fit particularly well, usually I stop at 2. But I think you are correct to limit the leopard purchases. Way to go Annie! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020715 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 03:48:38 +0000 TraceyLiz65 1020715@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am so happy to find myself at a similar stage of really examining purchases. After losing weight and rebuilding an entire wardrobe, it feels so great to be here! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020705 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 03:27:17 +0000 Firecracker (Sharan) 1020705@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You've given a great description of your discomfort with some of your shopping, and it's one I can relate to. Especially the part about feeing uncomfortable, even though you're not spending that much. I sometimes get to a point where I feel uncomfortable with a purchase, even though I know it's not going to make me have trouble paying the bills or anything drastic like that. It's just--a step too far! I appreciate your candor here, and it's so good to hear about your successes. Those are terrific examples of self awareness and restraint. Great inspiration! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020586 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 00:51:26 +0000 Lisa 1020586@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am nodding my head right now.&nbsp; I also fall prey to the "high" from shopping and this year when I overhauled my fall wardrobe with NAS, having so many new items at one time, it was a challenge to get myself to STOP shopping.&nbsp; I had quite a few return visits to nearby stores as I talked myself off of the shopping ledge.&nbsp; </p> <p>It took me&nbsp; a very long time to purge my wardrobe to a size I am now happy with, and as I started to run out of items to donate (I try to follow one in/one out) so my wardrobe stays small, it finally clicked, "hey, you've got enough new things."&nbsp; A few years ago, I would have kept going, until I was buried under too many new items to wear during the season.&nbsp; </p> <p>Also for the first time, when I purged my closet, I realized items I was donating I have actually worn (no more tags still on unworn clothes in the donate bag) and while items were still in decent shape, I was generally ready to move them on instead of feeling guilty getting rid of "perfectly good clothes." </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020542 Wed, 04 Sep 2013 00:10:36 +0000 Caro in Oz 1020542@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What Suz said - mindfulness is really the key that stops the gorging - whether it be food, clothes or whatever.</p> <p>The other thing that really helps is to go through everything, like Janet is doing with her shoes, &amp; either wear the stuff or let it go - I found that VERY &nbsp; &nbsp;sobering. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020316 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 19:19:03 +0000 Anonymous 1020316@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>What a great post AM and you have made great progress by the sounds of it. I feel very similar to KKards in that I am being much more aware of my need to step away from fantasy lifestyle purchases. I also feel like Raisin in that my DH too will say 'have it if you want it' because he knows I never overspend either, but I need to think twice about things more now.<br />I love YLF for helping us all to take off the rose tinted purchasing specs! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020272 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 18:27:14 +0000 unfrumped 1020272@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great insights!<br />I'm doing more stop and think, too.<br />For one thing, I have a varied schedule so that a month might fly by before I can wear certain types of things and then, boom, the weather has changed.<br />So I'm really asking, how many times in the next 12 months can I really wear this?<br />Also, because of the fun of YLF, I'm thinking more about "game changers". Yes, I need FFBO's and "uniforms" but I can also try to think, would this item open up a new area of fun, or style? Or is it just filler?</p> <p>And less repeating just to be repeating. For example, I bought some ballet-type flats in an important color that allowed me to start wearing several skirts and dresses that had been sidelined, and wearing same in the summer. The flats are comfortable enough for long days and&nbsp;are a major brand. I could "repeat" them in different colors or silghtly different styles (if on sale--yikes) .&nbsp;However, &nbsp;they're not EXACTLY where I'd like my footwear to stay, or go. So, they are filling a very important need but I am waiting and browsing rather than duplicating. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020256 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 18:09:52 +0000 AnnieMouse 1020256@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>kkards, that's a concern for me. But then I rationalise with "but I have a varied life!" I have learned that as much as I LOVE a pretty dress, and WANT to love it, it is going to go unworn in my closet. I have my formal events dresses (weddings, cocktail parties - because I won't wear black to a wedding), one sundress, two sheaths for work, and a date night dress. That's just about all that will get worn. Having six sundresses, no matter how flattering, just doesn't make sense for me. That was a hard - I felt so guilty, as though the dresses' feelings would be hurt (I know: seriously ridiculous). </p> <p>I also am right-brained enough that I have a hard time categorising broadly, so that was another stride for me, recognising that I had six sheaths, all in shades/ variants of black and/ or tweed. To me, they are all different, so OF COURSE, I need them all, just in case. Deciding to keep one tweed and one woven to cover my needs was a leap of faith, for sure. I dislike repeating, to some degree, also, so even though I might wear the tweed once every two months, it <i>feels </i>quite frequent to me. Interestingly, I don't have that same response to certain of my "statement" jeans (you'd think I'd get sicker more rapidly of those leopard jeans, for example).</p> <p>I will say this, though, Suz - I very rarely think "I've nothing to wear," though I do find myself thinking "I'm not in the mood to wear anything I have." </p> <p>Raisin: Exactly!</p> <p>PastryGirl: Yes. It's that "... uh oh" feeling, of sliding. </p> <p>ClearlyClaire, SarahA: yes! "I love this style/ sihouette, therefore, I must buy all options that make sense, because that is EASIER." I found a button front fluid fit blouse this spring, and I was so excited to have a button front I liked, I bought 6 versions of it! (And thanks for the kind words about my boot DIY :)</p> <p>Elly, that makes sense to me, but fom a different angle. I believe that part of my compusion comes from a less-than-privilaged background, so I shop to prove to myself that I *can* now, and out of a fear that if I don't NOW, I won't be able to later. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020242 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 17:48:20 +0000 pastrygirl 1020242@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I can relate to some of this. Since finding YLF, I've put serious brakes on buying repeats -- even things that are only similar but not the same, like tall black boots. Just over a year ago, I realized I needed to stop the thrill from shopping. It became clear that I was more into the hunt than the actual wearing of acquisitions.</p> <p>Now that I'm stocking my closet again, trouble is brewing. I'm trying VERY hard not to get back to the place where I was before I started my blog. I thought I had changed, but sheesh, given the chance and justification to shop, I go right back to square one. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020240 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 17:46:51 +0000 Elly 1020240@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think this is a great realization. I find mindfulness incredibly important when shopping. Becoming more mindful of my buying patterns has definitely eliminated some of my personal shopping pitfalls, like overbuying or buying orphans because of the thrill of shopping or because they are on sale. </p> <p>My issues came from basically only being able to shop a couple times a year in brick and mortar stores, or having to go through a big hassle with old-style online shopping where shipping things back was a more painful process than many retailers have made it today. So, instead of thinking of my shopping in terms of planning a wardrobe or even as money, I thought of it as my only OPPORTUNITY to shop and made me feel like I had to get whatever I could. </p> <p>Although I still have limited opportunities to shop, I think of purchases these days in terms of what I need an will use them for and have to be very practical. I also think in therms of wanting items, and wanting items in terms of budget versus other wants outside of fashion. I think it is important to think of what else the money could go to, especially with impulse purchases.</p> <p>This has been good in some ways, but I definitely think that currently I am one of the ladies that Suz describes. Circumstances in my life (not necessarily the mindset change) have caused me to swing in the direction of those who so rarely purchase items that I've stagnated, both wardrobe-wise and how I view money and shopping for myself. I'm defintely one who needs to make a few very well-planned purchases to "prove" to myself, as you will that spending the money on myself and wardrobe improves my life to get myself out of this rut. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020215 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 17:04:47 +0000 Sarah A 1020215@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great post! And great logic... I tend toward duplicating and although YLF has help in some regards for my to avoid that, I also find that the fab YLFer's open my eyes to new things... that i didnt even know I needed! But of course I then need to stalk and acquire. I've been busy so mainly lurking lately but your posts are great. Love your DIY boots from you weekend post too. Glad you are here! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020206 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 16:54:34 +0000 Anonymous 1020206@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Brilliant revelations. It reminds me of when I discovered I could wear button front shirts and overnight, wound up with 11 of them! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020205 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 16:53:39 +0000 kkards 1020205@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>ylf has really helped me to realize that i need to stop buying for my fantasy life. i returned 2 pieces this weekend becuase while i really liked them, and they looked great, they were not everyday real pieces for me. just trying them on at home drove it home, i didn't even need to post the k/r. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020195 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 16:27:29 +0000 Raisin 1020195@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Great discussion! I so agree with the feeling that its easy to overspend when your DH is a nice guy and doesn't say no. Mine is the same way and as much as I love him for it, I sometimes think I need to put the brakes on. It's hard to where the line should be, cause like you it's not like<br /> I'll go into debt over clothes but I do tend to buy in spurts and then not again for a long time. But it seems like during the spurt period it could get a little out of hand. You seem like you have the right idea and a good attitude about it so I think you're doing well! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020191 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 16:15:22 +0000 Sara L. 1020191@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think your comment about being accountable to YLF because people will give a more honest assessment is spot on. I find everyone on the forum to be so nice and supportive but at the same time honest. I feel like I can trust the forum to tell me that something I've bought doesn't look quite right. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020181 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 16:08:33 +0000 catgirl 1020181@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have similar moments.&nbsp; They make me feel like a bit of a hoarder.&nbsp; You're making progress by recognizing them and gaining the mental willpower to say no to more of the same! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020156 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 15:16:40 +0000 AnnieMouse 1020156@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I tend to blog thought processes for myself, so I can see where I'm growing or falling backwards. I am also VERY talkative to myself - if there was a way to blog the thought process without blowing up the forums, I would do that instead I just don't have a lot of friends locally who care to discuss fashion and the introspection it can inspire! </p> <p>T-Rex, I think a lot of people struggle with these sorts of things, but it's really hard to acknowledge it openly. I prefer to lay it out for myself this way, because by putting it in the light, I take away its power to rule me, somewhat. </p> <p>Last year, I lost a fair emount of weight, and for me, I found that making myself accountable to other people who are not invested in my daily life made a huge difference - my friends have associations with my clothes and history. My partner doesn't like to tell me no, because he likes me happy. But I trust you ladies to speak frankly, because you haven't got those emotional ties to me or my Stuff. So being more thoughtful around my consumption here is with the goal of making myself accountable to YOU, even if you aren't specifically policing me. </p> <p>I'm sure that makes NO sense. But if I tell you ladies I'm on, say, a shopping restriction from boots, and I buy new boots... I know someone will say "... those are great, but..." And I think at this juncture, I need that transparancy. </p> <p>So, uh, thanks in advance! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020128 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 14:30:46 +0000 ClaraT 1020128@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I appreciate your post. I am drawn to items I already own (or rather, that look like items I already own), so I, too, have grown more careful/thoughtful about my choices in order to have a wardrobe with more varied 'looks' in it. Good job on being financially responsible. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020124 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 14:25:52 +0000 T-Rex 1020124@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you for posting about this. I have similar tendencies, and it's kind of nice to know I'm not the only one here who struggles with this. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/shopping-triggers-and-introspection-personal-progress#post-1020121 Tue, 03 Sep 2013 14:21:15 +0000 Suz 1020121@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>These <b>are</b> huge steps!! Enormous, really.&nbsp;</p> <p>That moment of mindfulness, where you say: Hmmm, wait a minute!&nbsp;</p> <p>That's the moment that ultimately leads to a coherent, cohesive wardrobe that's just the right size and shape for your life. Rather than the higgeldy-piggeldy closet that leaves you standing, staring at its laden hangers, thinking, with embarrassment, "I have nothing to wear!"&nbsp;</p> <p>And to stop yourself from needlessly duplicating is important because eventually it allows you to diversify a little -- to expand or develop your style in new ways.&nbsp;</p> <p>It can work the opposite way, too. Some women almost never buy anything for themselves at all, and certainly nothing "nice." For them the big step is making a pricier purchase. Or any purchase.&nbsp;</p> <p>I had to learn both lessons.&nbsp;</p> <p> </p>