https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 19 Apr 2026 14:28:08 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help/page/2#post-785134 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 13:36:16 +0000 Freckles 785134@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>In my book gracious and respectful is always the way to go. A personal exchange, in person or on the phone, always wins out in my book. So glad that this crisis is over with and that you're on your way on the trip of a lifetime. Take care. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help/page/2#post-785054 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 07:42:05 +0000 goldenpig 785054@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You were very gracious MaryK and handled it exactly right. So glad it worked out. </p> <p>And your before and after hair, OMG, what a transformation! You look like your own daughter now! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help/page/2#post-785038 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 06:08:56 +0000 lynne 785038@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well done, Mary K. Gracious behavior is never a mistake. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help/page/2#post-784897 Fri, 30 Nov 2012 01:21:04 +0000 Anonymous 784897@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We have maybe talked this out but I had a strange hair experience ay my present salon. Tom was doing my hair and abruptly left, I was crushed. But I was quickly given to Dean, whom I love. Then just as abruptly Tom came back and the first time I saw him, I was in Dean's chair, covered in foils. </p> <p>I cringed, we all said hello and the receptionist told me not to worry, it was Tom's problem. It all worked out and I was the most stressed. I think clients moving around is the norm in hair salons. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help/page/2#post-784842 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 23:15:16 +0000 rachylou 784842@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Image is definitely important. One of my bosses made me buy a car. Not that my job was on the line, but he whined a lot, lol.</p> <p>In that light, you know... forget disloyalty, stylists are vastly underpaid... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help/page/2#post-784818 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 21:50:31 +0000 Isabel 784818@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>YAY !! I am so glad it is resolved. I do hope that he does get the help he needs. </p> <p>( Rachylou - yup, GREAT word. I will have to work it into dinner conversation tonight with my kith .....)</p> <p>Your perspective is very interesting to me, as are your points. Yes, installing multi-million dollar equipment is a very different "parntership" but no more important, IMO. I think that for professional women, in particular, one's hair is almost like a million dollar "installation"/investment. Just like men in "high" places depend on bespoke for a certain look. I think that unless one is John Mayer, showing up for work unkempt would be a problem. One works with people just the same. If someone earns $50k a year for 20 years, that is a million dollars and he/she better not have scraggly hair. One depends on one's look/appearance as part of the work milieu and hair is such a huge part of that for women. ( Though I am not sure this has anything to do with Maryk's hairdresser anymore LOL !! ) When I worked, my look was very important so the people around me helping me attain that were too ( tailor/hairdresser), they had an investment in my "success" , if you will. ( I used to work with a woman who was FABULOUS at her job and her customers LOVED her. But she wore black sneakers and wore her hair in a pony tail with flyaways all over the place. The customers didn't care, but management did. They gave her three WRITTEN warnings that if affected the company image. Finally, she was put on a two week notice. She got a GREAT haircut and comfy shoes. And the people at Neiman Marcus became instrumental to her. )</p> <p>Anyway, I enjoyed your perspective AND especially, your vocabulary lesson ! : ) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help/page/2#post-784803 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 21:18:14 +0000 Caro in Oz 784803@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well done MaryK!<br /> It was hard but you handled it so graciously:)<br /> Have a great trip. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help/page/2#post-784801 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 21:13:05 +0000 MsMary 784801@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Such interesting comments! I will say that the salon owner is all over the situation... She suspended him and wouldn't let him come back until he'd been to rehab for two weeks. Believe me she is watching him like a hawk and if there is ever a next time (coming to work impaired) he will be gone.</p> <p>Great point about false intimacy. I think "close acquaintances" about covers it, and I do feel like calling him was the right thing to do. </p> <p>It's just sad. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help/page/2#post-784786 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 20:49:47 +0000 tarzy 784786@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Whew! Sounds like you got it all figured out!</p> <p>(I just want to add that I love Zapotee's grandma! She sounds like a great woman to have as a guide through life.) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help/page/2#post-784754 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 20:22:23 +0000 Suz 784754@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>So interesting to know that this is something that is tough for many of us! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help/page/2#post-784752 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 20:15:16 +0000 rachylou 784752@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's a good word, isn't it?</p> <p>It's interesting about the stylist thing. It's an emotionally close relationship. It's intimate... this person runs their hands through your hair. But it's not the kind of close, financially intertwined relationship where the client makes the supplier build factories and install million dollar equipment.</p> <p>Unless, perhaps, you put your stylist on retainer and demand they drop whatever they're doing and fly to you at the drop of the hat. That kind of client, yes... definitely owes the stylist something. Like a severance package. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help/page/2#post-784748 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 20:08:14 +0000 Isabel 784748@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rachylou, I had never heard of "kith". I LOVE that word. </p> <p>IMO, it is a close business relationship that has been fostered for years. One based on good will and I think it is important in business to to be fair and to communicate. It is a "partnership" if you will. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784738 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 19:56:28 +0000 rachylou 784738@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>There's a false intimacy in the salon, I think. Unless you go out to dinner with your stylist, the reality is you're not kith and kin. You're close personal acquaintances... anybody remember that term? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784733 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 19:47:36 +0000 Isabel 784733@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yikes, MaryK, I can't stop thinking that this guy could drop a pair of scissors on someone's eye or dump a whole bottle of acid on someone's face. I am really disappointed in the owner and manager that she can't see that., she is being a coward ( I say that respectfully, of course LOL ) ........Stay safe FIRST !!!! Because one doesn't have the luxury of style and fashion if one is physically in danger. And the good hair cut will follow. : ) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784729 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 19:35:24 +0000 Isabel 784729@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This SUCKS ! Breaking up with a hairdresser is almost as bad as breaking up with a significant other. There have been pyschological studies that show this is one of the most stressful things for a woman to do.</p> <p>Now, to your question. You are a very generous woman in your thinking. I do think that when someone crosses the line to where it could be dangerous ( being intoxicated while holding scissors or acid/hair chemicals ) puts it in a category out of the bad hair cut realm. Everyone has a bad day and doesn't always perform top notch. But this is dangerous. It is unfortunate that the owner hasn't handled this. I would talk to the manager and say that you are switching because you are concerned about safety and that you would appreciate appointments when he is not there. I would then write this person a note saying that you have greatly appreciated all the work and dedication and that it is time for a change. You could say that you do this every few years to stay "fresh" and that you hope he will one day be your hairdresser again. Further, you are in a situation where you have to be able to count on someone being there for appointments and you feel that your current schedule isn't doable anymore ( which is true ). ( Mentioning the drinking is a slippery slope. Could the boss get sued for divulging that ? The boss could also be nudging customers away so that he ends up with no customers and leaves or gets fired. But that has nothing do with you. Don't get dragged into it. The manager/boss is NOT handling this well. You should not know it is an intoxication problem and she should remove all clients from this person for liability reasons. YOU shouldn't even have the choice.........you should be "reassigned" immediately. ) I would send along a Christmas "bonus" with the note, as a final thank you. Good Luck !!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784718 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 19:24:28 +0000 shiny 784718@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well I am a wimp and I confess that anytime I had to break up with a stylist, I simply switched salons to avoid awkwardness. </p> <p>That said, I do think that after 7 years your hairdresser can get bored cutting your hair, and you can get bored with them, and this is natural and normal and nothing for anyone to get upset over. I might just roll with that... old guy needs a new challenge, you need a fresh perspective. In that way, it's not a character flaw. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784672 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 18:08:37 +0000 bj1111 784672@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>awww...mk, you are such a doll for inking of his feelings. but you did the right thing, you brave girl. hiw's your heartrate now?</p> <p>on the plus side you will look FAB for your amazeballs cruise.</p> <p>ps. i moved cities to dump a stylist. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784669 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 18:06:19 +0000 keruchina 784669@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think that sending him a Facebook message to communicate that you are switching would likely be less awkward than calling him. </p> <p>It might also be nice to drop a card at his station while you are there just saying that you are thinking of him and hope he's ok. I think it would be nice to give something indicating that even though you are breaking up with him as a stylist, a completely appropriate decision, you still care about him as a human being. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784667 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 18:06:00 +0000 Gaylene 784667@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well, I'm part of the older generation, so take that into account.</p> <p>My way of figuring out what to do in a situation like this is to imagine what I'd prefer if I was on the receiving end. After having a relationship for seven years, I'd probably appreciate hearing the news in person; it just seems more gracious and civilized.</p> <p>I don't think you need to explain or justify your choice. I'd follow Suz's lead of telling him you appreciated his work but were ready for a change. I wouldn't mention the issues, and, if he brought them up, I'd just repeat my appreciation and decision to change stylists. I'd be gracious, brief, and wouldn't apologize or offer excuses.</p> <p>This is exactly what I just went through a couple of months ago. My previous stylist, who had done a good job when I wore my hair in a longer bob, was a disaster when I decided to wear my hair shorter. While he was on vacation, I went to a younger stylist at the same salon who gave me a cut that I adored. It was a bit awkward when I stopped in to make my next appointment, but, in retrospect, I'm really glad that (1) I told him in person and (2) that I'm not sitting in his chair any longer. His client list has definitely become smaller over the past year, so obviously I'm not alone in choosing to go elsewhere. But keeping up one's skills is important in his industry and, to be honest, I think he had just gotten lazy.</p> <p>ETA: Sounds like you handled it just right. Isn't it curious how we grown women can end up feeling so inadequate at dealing with our stylists? I manage a roomful of strangers talking about a controversial issue, but get weak-kneeded at saying farewell to my stylist. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784666 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 18:03:56 +0000 RoseandJoan 784666@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well done Mary, I always think that when something weighs on your mind you should deal with the issue straight away.</p> <p>I can't believe your trip is here already! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784664 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 18:02:52 +0000 rachylou 784664@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Have a nap, MaryK! 20 minutes!</p> <p>I read this wonderful book once; it was hilarious. This woman measured all her interactions with people in terms of recovery time. Nod to paper boy: 30minutes. Hello to Postman: 1 hour. Chit chat with neighbor: 1 day. Etc. etc. Lol. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784663 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 18:02:49 +0000 Suz 784663@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It WAS the right thing to do, IMO. </p> <p>As Lynne said, it is more respect than most others have probably showed to him. </p> <p>I am proud of you. That took courage. </p> <p>Now do something good for yourself! Breaking up with a hairdresser is almost as tough as breaking up with a friend. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784662 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 17:59:21 +0000 Sona 784662@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Breathe..... breathe...breathe....</p> <p>Guess what: IT'S DONE!!</p> <p>:))))))))))))))))) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784659 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 17:53:39 +0000 MsMary 784659@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Okay, it's done. I called him on his cell and told him, "Old Guy, I am calling to tell you that I have decided to ask New Lady to cut my hair from now on." He immediately responded "That's okay," and the rest of the conversation was me apologizing and him telling me it was okay.</p> <p>I feel equal parts awful and relieved. Now I'm waiting for the salon to open so I can book the appointment with New Lady.</p> <p>And.... I feel like it was the right thing to do and I'm glad I didn't see Rachylou's and Taylor's eminently sensible posts before I did it! LOL</p> <p>I wonder when my heart rate is going to get back to normal... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784656 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 17:50:34 +0000 Transcona Shannon 784656@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Oh what an awkward and uncomfortable situation MaryK - I think you're gonna just have to swallow hard and have that moment where you tell him. Think of it like ripping off a bandaid - you dread it, make it fast, it hurts for a second, and then it's over. Good luck! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784654 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 17:46:26 +0000 taylor 784654@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Mary, as a stylist 30+years I have seen this time and time again due to alcohol /drugs or habitually late or the stylist just doesn't show:(.<br /> I would make your appointment with your new stylist.. Preferably on a day or time he isn't normally in the salon. Drop a note / card off at his station if you are so compelled but offer no opology !! There is a lesson to be learned here for him . Don't dwell on this too much .. He seems to have a problem and his livelihood is on the line and needs a wake up call!<br /> Have a great trip:) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784653 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 17:45:49 +0000 rachylou 784653@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>You're grey looks platinum to me, MaryK...</p> <p>Anyhoo... maybe I'm a millennial generation forerunner (and not really gen X), but I don't see why one has to discuss anything or make explanations. My bf could dump me by text and I'd be so thrilled that I could get on with it already... 'course, he's a babyboomer (slacker generation forerunner), owns 5 CDs (4 Neil Diamond, 1 Kenny Loggins), and doesn't even have a candybar (that's a smart phone to all y'all ;&gt;).</p> <p>So, I'd just change the appointment. That's how I ran away from my stylist... hehe... just didn't book another appointment. I mean, I don't see what talking would do, except delay the getting on with it. It wouldn't bring back his power to cut hair instantaneously. </p> <p>Do you want to talk about it? </p> <p>... You know, in this vein, I'd send him a Facebook message if wanted to say anything. Like, "Salvatore, I need to change my appointment. I'm gonna book with Jenny." The one thing about messaging, people have a chance to think about their response... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784650 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 17:39:57 +0000 lynne 784650@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>While emailing and FB messages allow him to digest in private, those kinds of messages lack intonation and inflection and can be misread. If you are summoning up the fortitude to let him know you are moving on and why, then speak to him in person, either by phone or in person. It shows a level of kindness that I bet he isn't getting from others who have left him. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784646 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 17:34:24 +0000 Sona 784646@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>this is sticky. I had a situation like this and ended up changing salons and love my current stylist but it took a while to find her. I would say since you know this other person does great work despite being in the same salon maybe some kind of confrontation is necessary. Not a cop out but maybe talking to the owner/manager who could break the news to your stylist may be the easiest way... if not the best....</p> <p>sticky one. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/semi-ot-breaking-up-with-a-hairdresser-help#post-784640 Thu, 29 Nov 2012 17:24:04 +0000 Suz 784640@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That's what I wondered, Mary. </p> <p>The war inside me would be similar: I like the idea of digesting (and allowing others to digest) in private. </p> <p>I don't like the idea of FB so much. </p> <p>Do you have his real email? That might be a way....</p> <p>Although you do not want to end up in an email discussion about it. </p>