https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 19 Apr 2026 05:04:13 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2198692 Sat, 29 May 2021 15:15:48 +0000 Gingersnap 2198692@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I changed my name at young first marriage which ended in divorce. &nbsp;Several&nbsp;children. &nbsp;Did not revert to maiden name. &nbsp;When I remarried years later I had a career under current name and never considered changing. &nbsp;My second husband was easily placated by a work related reason, but the real reason from my perspective was that my family identity had to do with my children and their surname, not with him and his. &nbsp;Years later that was borne out since &nbsp;all of my children, daughters in law, and grandchildren have the same surname. &nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2198390 Fri, 28 May 2021 02:02:54 +0000 shiny 2198390@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I kept my ex's name as the kids were young and it was just easier on them, also I had made a career with that name. Then he remarried and I thought I should change it back to my maiden name, but his current wife is a doll and she told me it didn't matter to her at all, so I didn't.&nbsp;</p> <p>Then a few years later I remarried-- and I have now been married to my second husband aka current and last husband-- longer than my first.&nbsp;</p> <p>But back then remembering what a hassle it was the first time to change all the documents, when I remarried I filed to be legally called Shiny *middle name* *maiden name* *ex's name* *current husband's name.*. Lengthy, I know. But this means I can use all and any of the names legally and did not have to change ANY documents at all!!! Including I can sign my checks any which way.&nbsp;</p> <p>Professionally I continue to use ex's name even though my kids are nearing 30 now. In personal life, I use current husband's name. It's kind of nice having the two split like that. If a coworker and I are close enough, they know my married name and can find me on Facebook. But if we're just coworkers and not that close, they have no idea and can't find me on Facebook--- and I'm perfectly fine with that! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2197601 Tue, 25 May 2021 05:56:31 +0000 elpgal 2197601@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I kept my &nbsp;last name and did not take my husband’s last name. We have a son and have to admit I feel a pang when I get cards from ‘The Patel family’ or get invited to a party at ‘The Marshall Manor’. On the plus side, I feel connected to my paternal roots because none of my all female cousins kept this last name .&nbsp;<br /><div><br /></div><div>One option could be to go back to your full first name+birth last name for professional reasons but go by Khris socially.&nbsp;</div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2197096 Sat, 22 May 2021 20:22:57 +0000 Jonesy 2197096@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Fascinating discussion! I love DonnaF's suggestion to consider getting creative! I married once and kept my last name. When we had kids, we created a new last name for them that combined a few letters from my last name with a few letters from his, thus breaking the fathers' last name tradition. Of course, people were puzzled ("can you DO that?") and there continues to be some puzzlement about it, but I love that they have unique names derived from both of us. The bottom line is to do what feels right for you and your new partner, stay true to yourself, and don't be afraid to get creative! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2196514 Thu, 20 May 2021 12:36:01 +0000 Murph11 2196514@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I married at 40 and kept my name as my professional / business name, and legally took DH last name. My YLF username is the mashup of both names, which is what my family refers to us ;-)</p> <p>There’s no rush to decide. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2196301 Wed, 19 May 2021 12:49:56 +0000 Bijou 2196301@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I hyphenated my surname and like that my name retains my maiden name but also includes my married name. Our son has DH’s surname. My surname is long but it works well together and I like it more than either name individually. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2196235 Tue, 18 May 2021 21:45:25 +0000 Echo 2196235@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I was thinking about this today, and while I cannot say I am particularly attached to my last name (Dh's last name), it DOES rhyme with "scary." As a teacher, that's kind of fun! It's all in good fun because the kids who know me know I am not scary, but those who do not generally follow directions without being told twice!</p> <p>Oh, my SIL also teaches, and she was substituting in a room where I went to get some students for their reading interventions. We share the same last name (by marriage), which the Middle School students noticed. The students asked why that was, and she explained that we had married brothers. Their comment was, "Isn't that illegal??" It makes you wonder what they're thinking sometimes! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2196228 Tue, 18 May 2021 21:12:09 +0000 Anonymous 2196228@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I've only been married once, but changed my name twice!<br /> First I hyphenated, because of my music career, which I quit about 8 years ago. I dropped my entire original name, chose one more fitting, and just kept DHs last name. Best decision I ever made :)<br /> *DH is Celtic and I do hear "YOU don't look Irish" regularly though* </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2196213 Tue, 18 May 2021 18:02:13 +0000 Jules 2196213@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>That is a lovely tribute Style Fan. It actually makes me rethink my decision not to take my husband's name from a new perspective (that of loss I haven't experienced but may someday). And it's not something I've ever had second thoughts about after the initial thought process and decision. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2196067 Mon, 17 May 2021 20:36:10 +0000 Style Fan 2196067@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is an interesting discussion.&nbsp; I didn't mention in my previous post that when I got married the first time, I took one of my first husband's names as my middle name.&nbsp; I didn't have a middle name, and it always bothered me.&nbsp; When I was a child, I imagined having a wonderful middle name that would sound amazing.&nbsp;&nbsp;<br />So, when we got married, I took one of his names for my middle name.&nbsp; It was not the wonderful, magical name that my child self would have chosen, but I finally had my middle name.&nbsp; And now, for the rest of my life, I have a part of him as part of my identity.&nbsp; And that means a lot to me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2196062 Mon, 17 May 2021 20:17:25 +0000 nuancedream 2196062@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Today is my third wedding anniversary. Before we got married, I made the decision to change my last name but I kept my maiden name as my middle name. I wasn't going to do the hyphenated name because it sounded sort of awkward, at least to my ear. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2196058 Mon, 17 May 2021 19:54:53 +0000 Kate 2196058@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>My name was and is very important to me. It's the name I was given at birth, and it's the name I first knew myself by. As such, it's an integral part of my identity. My mother hated it that I wasn't planning to take my husband's name—though he didn't care—and we fought about it literally up until the day I got married. I caved at the last minute in the spirit of peace.</p> <p>I loved my husband, but for four years I mourned the loss of my name. So, I hired a lawyer to manage all the insane paperwork my birth state required of a legal name change, and then had to appear before a judge who signed off on the name change request. He questioned my decision, wondered why I wanted to ditch my husband's name, and delivered his thoughts on the issue. I was furious. My female lawyer grabbed my hand, a move fortunately disguised in the folds of our dresses, drove her nails into my palm, and I remained silent. We laughed at it, wryly, later. But the important thing was, I had my name back. Joyous day for me! My husband was happy. He had warned me when I agreed to take his name that I would regret it. He knew me well. We are still happily married 42 years later, and like MsMary's husband, he's always delighted when he's referred to by my name because he knows it's my credit card on the table! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2195981 Mon, 17 May 2021 16:46:10 +0000 RobinF 2195981@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Fun discussion! I was young when I got married and took my husband's name without too much thought, although I did expect to have kids and wanted to keep things simple for them. I've never really regretted it and now that we've been married for 36 years it's more my name than my maiden name was. My only regret is that I didn't make my maiden name my middle name when I was changing it legally. I don't have a legal middle name so it would have been perfect. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2195978 Mon, 17 May 2021 16:33:52 +0000 RoseandJoan 2195978@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This has been such an interesting thread and I believe too Khris that you should do what feels right for you and not societies expectations.</p> <p>I have been thinking this over on the train, I've been visiting my father and returning home to my husband, and I've realised I do not hold a great attachment to either my maiden name or my married name, it's just one of the many labels I wear on a daily basis. This is in no way a reflection of my love or commitment it just doesn't feel particularly important. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2195971 Mon, 17 May 2021 16:11:06 +0000 MsMary 2195971@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Coming back to say I was discussing this thread with my husband and he said "I like it when we're on vacation and they call me Mr. Yourname because that means it's your credit card on file!" ;)&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name/page/2#post-2195923 Mon, 17 May 2021 13:17:45 +0000 Kathie 2195923@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p><div>My husband and I don't share a last name, and in my generation of our family, we all have different last names from our spouses, with kids who share a last name with their fathers. So, I have the same last name as my nephews, but not my children. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>A good friend of mine went through your decision making process. Married in her mid-20s, changed her surname to match her husband's, had a child, then divorced. She decided to change her name again a few years later when she went through a career transition. She considered at a bunch of different family names that were meaningful to her, finally deciding on one that works well with her first name. She's now remarried, but has never switched again. We also have friends who chose a new family name, combining aspects of their previous names into something unique but still easy to spell. I love their surname- almost wish that my DH and I had been that creative.<br /></div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195905 Mon, 17 May 2021 11:52:23 +0000 Eliza 2195905@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>We have been married for over 40 years, with two adult children. Never changed my name; kids have Mr E’s last name and middle names from my family. When were married, my career was getting launched and mostly, I didn’t want to change my name. Husband’s only request was that he not have a hyphenated last name, for simplicity’s sake. Raising kids here, many of their peers had parents with different last names. Daughter recently married and also decided to keep her last name. Good to trust your preferences on this one, whatever they are. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195853 Mon, 17 May 2021 03:30:31 +0000 Janet 2195853@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have only been married this one time, but married at the relatively old age of almost 38 (we started dating when I was 32, and he’s been married twice before me). I kept my maiden name for a few years, as it was part of my business (my domain name and all) and I didn’t feel a huge desire or preference either way, so for simplicity’s sake, I didn’t make a change. However, after a few years of marriage, I changed career paths, and decided to take my husband’s last name at that point — sort of a marker of my new phase in life, and a tribute to our partnership. Quite frankly, the career change would not have been possible without him, so it felt right. I’m a firm believer in doing what feels right for each person in their own individual situation — I would never judge anyone for changing their name or not changing it.</p> <p>Honestly, I never loved my maiden surname — it was the source of lots of teasing as a kid — but now I still use it as my middle name. I like that my new name is alliterative too, and both my husband and I are “JJ.” My husband didn’t mind at all when I originally didn’t take his name, but was pleasantly surprised later when I did. No regrets here. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195839 Mon, 17 May 2021 01:43:17 +0000 Carla 2195839@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>With a German mouthful, rarely spelled correctly, and easily twisted into a taunt, &nbsp;I was happy to exchange my ‘maiden’ name for my husband’s (wonderfully short) family name when given the opportunity. &nbsp;(Having dated a bunch of guys with easy, short, last names - my family teased me about screening potential partners by brevity of moniker - and saying ‘yes’ to the shortest one on offer!)</p> <p>My sister had two children with Mr. X after sharing his name. &nbsp;They divorced and she married Mr. Y - and had 2 more children. &nbsp;She goes by &nbsp;Name X-Y since two of her kids have the X name, and two have the Y name. &nbsp;</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195807 Sun, 16 May 2021 22:48:46 +0000 rachylou 2195807@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>An interesting conversation. I’m not married. My mother kept her name as a middle name. On my father’s side of the family, everyone uses my grandfather’s name, I’m talking down to third cousins, regardless of their actual last name, because it’s kinda a clan thing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195784 Sun, 16 May 2021 21:17:35 +0000 Anonymous 2195784@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Sometimes a surname, or at least a variation, can resurface as a first name for a grandchild. My sister in law has five children with their father's last name but one child's first name is her maiden name.</p> <p>Although I switched back and forth, I never really "lost" my maiden name because it was my middle name during marriage, my last name after divorce, and is now my middle name again, a process which I thought, until reading this post, was standard. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195783 Sun, 16 May 2021 21:04:47 +0000 Christina F. 2195783@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I never changed (married at 32, no kids). I didn’t want to by then,&nbsp;and my husband’s a hyphenate. His parents were super progressive when the married and hyphenated in the 70’s - they both took the new name. But it’s a pain in the butt, as Lisa P points out. I have a Portuguese last name that I decided I didn’t want to lose as well. &nbsp;<br /><div><br /></div><div>That all said, it’s a very personal question, but I at least hope that we now live in a world where people can decide for themselves rather than defaulting to changing. People in our lives accepted it pretty well after some initial confusion. Most people don’t call me Mrs or Dr (I have a PhD) his name anyway, though I always figured I wouldn’t mind too much socially. &nbsp;Do what feels authentic for you.</div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195780 Sun, 16 May 2021 20:04:16 +0000 Jenni NZ 2195780@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Well it is nice Synne to all have the same family name, and I have experienced that for 30 years since the oldest child and nearly 25 years since the youngest child (of 3) of there being 5 of us with the same name. And it’s certainly traditional. I think I allowed that feeling to override my previous egalitarianism/feminism, even though I didn’t feel like the “property” of my husband and he is quite enlightened and feminist himself. But as the decades have gone by I do feel the loss of my original name. With all the opinions in this great thread ( thank you Khris!) it seems a bit like there are advantages and disadvantages for all options especially when you have children.<br /> I would have quite liked a hyphenated surname but both of ours were quite long and difficult to spell correctly, it would have been such a mouthful I didn’t want to saddle the kids with that! And I feel it can only last one generation because the next one down won’t want surname W-X-Y-Z! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195777 Sun, 16 May 2021 17:45:12 +0000 Synne 2195777@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I kept my own last name when I married my husband, but am seriously considering changing my name to his, esp now after kids. We are a family after all. A little unity. Why not share family name. My mother and all my aunts and respective children kept their own names when coupling up. Almost by default. There wasn't even a question to doing it differently, egalitarianism and all. Now I see it as truly romantic to take one's husbands name. "I commit to thee..." Rose colored glasses! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195774 Sun, 16 May 2021 17:11:12 +0000 anchie 2195774@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I haven’t changed my last name when got married, and my kids have my husband’s last name. That did cause some issues when traveling alone with kids when they were little, and I had to bring birth certificates with me to prove the relationship. I do regret that I did not give my last name to our daughter because I have german spelling last name, and now that we live in Austria and that she was born here, it would be much more convenient for her. But recently she asked if it is ok to change her last name to mine so maybe I will have my wish. Keeping my last name was important to me, as previously also mentioned, because I feel that it is part of my identity. But there were also some minor reasons like not really liking my husband last name and being lazy to change all the documents to different name </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195734 Sun, 16 May 2021 06:59:07 +0000 JAileen 2195734@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I do not feel owned by my husband. &nbsp;And he knows better than to try to tell me what to do. &nbsp; :)</p> <p></p> <p><div>I wanted to add that I use my maiden name as my middle name, with no hyphen. &nbsp;I still have my middle name, but don’t use it, except here. &nbsp;</p> <p>Our son is not married, but his girlfriend told us that she would not take his name. &nbsp;I liked that she felt comfortable saying so. &nbsp;</p> <p></div> </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195733 Sun, 16 May 2021 06:49:23 +0000 Jenni NZ 2195733@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Yes our lovely female relative aged 65 really didn’t want to change her name but mostly did. Yet the younger generation ( she has 2 sons and 2 daughters) have 3 out of 4 changed! Now she feels weird that she is Mrs W. and her two much younger daughters-in-law are also Mrs W! One of her two daughters changed the name but the other kept her maiden name.<br /> I know I changed mine. I feel the patriarchy is still alive and well. Apparently we used to have to change our names because we became the “property” of our husband instead of our father. So I am kind of pleased my daughter is keeping her name even although it’s her father’s name. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195731 Sun, 16 May 2021 06:39:06 +0000 Barbara Diane 2195731@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I kept my name, and my sons have my husband's name. DH was not happy that I kept my name. I offered to hyphenate but he refused to meet me half way. I had felt since I was a teenager that I would keep my name. It was mine. I did not care as much about which name my children would have, so they have his.&nbsp;<br />Both my son's wives took their last name, so while I am not Mrs. or Ms. X, both of them are. Which took a little getting used to. None of the younger female relatives kept their names, which is quite different from my friends. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195730 Sun, 16 May 2021 06:21:11 +0000 Jenni NZ 2195730@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks for that Khris. I relate to the spelling issue! My full first name is Jennifer, as a child the short form was spelt Jenny ( as is most common) but when I was 15 Mum said you know, you could change it to spelling it with an i if you like- after all, your full name is Jennifer not Jennyfer. I decided that looked cool but in retrospect if I had realised I would be saying “Jenni with an i” for the next 45 years ( since I am now 60) maybe I wouldn’t have done it!<br /> That part is very much identity-related, like if mine is spelt Jenny now it doesn’t feel like me. Which is why I keep correcting people, even old friends who forget.<br /> I still think that hopefully your heart will tell you, maybe try out saying and writing and reading all the combinations and see what still feels like you. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/second-marriagechanging-name#post-2195729 Sun, 16 May 2021 05:17:51 +0000 DonnaF 2195729@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Would you and your fiancé consider a completely new made up last name that both of you would adopt?</p> <p>I kept my birth name after I married because to give it up would be erasing my Japanese ethnicity. My daughter has a Japanese given name, my last name as her middle name, and her dad’s last name as her last name — or at least that was the theory. She was supposed to also have her late aunt’s name as a middle name. But her dad screwed up when registering her birth. So I think she has our two unhyphenated last names as her last name. Growing up, we used a shortened version of her first name and her dad’s last name. As an adult, she uses her full first name and both last names or sometimes just my last name. </p>