https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Tue, 19 May 2026 17:32:14 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250917 Mon, 15 Nov 2010 03:46:43 +0000 Katiepea 250917@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"Hon" doesn't bother me at all, particularly if it is coupled with a genuine(ish) smile. Ignoring me, sneering, scowling or being surly most certainly does.</p> <p>After reading comments thus far I'm fascinated to read a couple of negative comments regarding the use of the term "ma'am". </p> <p>I must say "ma'am" is a form of address I use all the time at my work. I'm now wondering whether there are any other (or better) generic forms of address I could use - I'm dealing with strangers, English as a second language, all ages and nationalities? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250572 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 06:47:15 +0000 Refugee 250572@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>There was a time when being addressed by certain terms would have sent me over the edge. I have come to be of the opinion that word choice is so much more about the individual experience of the person using the word than their attitude toward me. I also work in the service industry and it has taught me a lot about interactions with people. Whatever their word choice, when I go to shop, if their demeanor is friendly, they smile, and they want to be helpful, I know I'm going to enjoy my shopping experience. And I'm going back to that store and looking for that SA again. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250540 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 03:49:16 +0000 Dusty 250540@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I don't know. Yeah, people can be rude, but my reaction and my feelings are my own responsibility. No one can offend me if I don't decide to be offended, so I generally try not to make that decision. Hon has never bothered me, but "ma'am" really skeeves me out - I don't know why - but I know that in some places it is seen as a perfectly polite (and even required) way of addressing a woman. So, I try to take ownership of my dislike of that word and not be offended when others use it. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250481 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 01:33:16 +0000 shana 250481@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Tina, I grew up in Balitmore too! And yes, "hon" is very common in Charm City so I never think twice when someone uses this term. I've been called everything from ma'm to darlin' and the only thing that has ever bothered me was being called "girl" or "girlie" when I lived down south. Hated that. But I have to say, when I left the south, I remember talking about how sick I was of the fake politeness and I just couldn't wait to get back up north where people were genuine. Now I think I'd rather have fake politeness than genuine rudeness!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250386 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 19:59:11 +0000 HeelShields 250386@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>After spending a few minutes with the Sales Associate, I always ask their name, so I can address them by their name and they usually ask for my name so for the remainder of the time we spend together we are each called the name we prefer. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250295 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 15:38:57 +0000 Kate 250295@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Chewy and Jonesy, yes gender matters a ton! Context is everything. In high school a male friend (who is one year older than me) asked if I would "be a doll" and do something for him. My response was along the lines of "sure, but I'm not going to be a doll". Dolls (very literally) have no agency or power, and so to be asked my a male to be a doll and do something for him really rubbed me the wrong way. However if I had done the task for him, and then he had said "thanks, you're a doll" I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it.</p> <p>I think perceived sexual orientation could also be a factor; I can imagine things that I would be offended if a straight man called me, but ok with a gay man calling me the very same thing. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250137 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 01:56:07 +0000 Jonesy 250137@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Chewy, yes, I would wager that gender and age are both relevant here! I remember when I was in college, I worked at Denny's as a hostess (a crappy job, with no tips). Most of the waitresses were women who were in the 50-60 years old range, and the manager was a man who was probably mid-30s. I remember we had to wear these awful brown polyester skirts, but there was a discussion about getting new uniforms. Many of the waitresses wanted to move to pants, because they were always leaning over tables to clean them, etc., but the manager said "I like my girls in skirts." To my ears, and to the waitresses, this was very offensive, though I'm sure he wasn't intending to be offensive/sexist/inappropriate. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250129 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 01:40:46 +0000 annagybe 250129@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Have you been to the American South? They use all sorts of endearments there. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250128 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 01:39:46 +0000 chewyspaghetti 250128@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I wonder if it evokes a different emotion if coming from a man rather than a woman? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250126 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 01:37:57 +0000 MNsara 250126@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I wonder if terms of endearment towards strangers is more of a regional thing. I can't remember that last time I was called 'hon', 'sweetie', etc. by a stranger! (Unless I am somehow sending out "back off" vibes?) </p> <p>I think I'd first be startled, then I'd ignore it. I wouldn't let the wording bother me, if the interaction was appropriate.</p> <p>I do recall being called ''dear" by some much older lady. At that time I figured it was a generational thing. Maybe when I'm that old (she was MUCH older than me!), I'll resort to those words too </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250119 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 01:24:34 +0000 taylor 250119@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>nicole 470..Amen sister.! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250117 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 01:16:48 +0000 Debora 250117@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Interesting conversation. I'm not so much bothered by terms such as hon, but what does bother me is being treated in a condescending way, especially from someone younger than me. This happened in Blockbuster today. I noticed the salesman speaking to an older woman in front of me in an exaggerated, overly solicitous tone. I was a little turned off by it, thinking he had no right to treat her that way just because she was older. Wouldn't you know, when my turn came he acted just the same way with me! Ouch! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250108 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 01:02:33 +0000 nicole470 250108@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>As a SA, I call everyone 'darl' - it is a word I picked up from a girl I previously worked with and became a habit that I just couldn't stop. I was horrified by it at first and thought it was very small town of me to say that, but then I realised I AM in a small town and everyone calls each other 'darl' around here! </p> <p>From SA's point of view, it is not really a term of endearment to anyone, it is just a way of saying a friendly hello, as in 'Hey darl, how you going today?' to people that you don't know their names. As soon as I find out someone's name, then I will always address them by their name and then try and remember something about them that they have told me in conversation, so that next time they come in I can ask them about their job, husband, holiday etc etc. I just think it's showing that you appreciate your customers and you want to give them a personal and welcoming experience when they are shopping in your store. Yes, some SA's may have other agendas and they've probably had their fill of rude, unappreciative customers that day and there may be a barb in there, but I would suggest for the majority of SA's, it would not be the case.<br /> What gets right up my nose is when I say hello to a customer and I get grunted at - that is WAY ruder than being addressed as 'hon' or 'sweetie' to me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250103 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 00:56:21 +0000 wilson 250103@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Ok, ok, I admit; I do assume some malice sometimes!!!! Looking back, I've been given the "Hon Sandwich" more than once where a clerk is clearly hot and bothered by what I am asking and still refers to me as hon. And that is why this bugs me! It leaves me guessing if the term is genuine or not. I promise I'm not a weirdo who looks for things to be irked by. I don't mind it a single bit when an older man or woman calls me hon; I never walk away from that wondering what it was all about. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250102 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 00:47:33 +0000 wilson 250102@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Maybe I'm much too overly sensitive to this (I'm a seasoned car salesman so I automatically assume I'm leather-skinned). When we had our own dealership and sales staff I would have had a talk with an employee who called a customer hon, especially a younger to an older (none ever did as far as I know).</p> <p>Please don't misunderstand me; I don't assume evil behind the intentions. I assume disrespect and a careless attitude and was curious if this bothered anyone else when they shop. Maybe there is a social shift happening, much like when society stopped calling everyone Mrs. Last-Name and started going to first names. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness/page/2#post-250094 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 00:35:44 +0000 Claudia 250094@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>The topic of this thread caused quite the discussion among the women that I work with earlier today. It was a pretty even split between those that thought it was offensive and inappropriate, and those that saw nothing wrong with it at all. Much like the postings about it here. </p> <p>One thing I really like: when an elderly man calls me "young lady." That totally makes my day! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-250082 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 00:20:33 +0000 greenglove 250082@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am with all those that Taylor agreed with. It has never bothered me in the least and is in my experience an expression of warmth that there is much too little of in our cold fearful world. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-250076 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 00:12:54 +0000 tina 250076@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm from Baltimore and it's part of the local culture to be called "Hon," especially by those of the older generation. I usually find it endearing. It reminds me of my childhood. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-250060 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 00:05:29 +0000 Megan 250060@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm with Maya et al. on this one- it doesn't bother me what the SA is calling me if she is being polite and helpful! </p> <p>I </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-250059 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 00:03:41 +0000 MsMary 250059@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is such an interesting thread! Upon reflection, I agree with Maya that absent clear evidence that sombody is being intentionally rude, we are responsible for our reactions and should own our idiosyncratic preferences.</p> <p>OTOH, I do think that in pretty much any business setting, including retail and food service, over-familiarity is inappropriate. I think we can all agree that "hon" is overly familiar. Some might think "ladies" falls into the same category; I tend to think "ladies" is an appropriate collective noun for a group of females.</p> <p>On still another hand, it is undeniable that (to recall our very interesting Mad Men discussion on the blog the other day) certain people in certain settings most certainly do use terms of endearment as a way to establish their one-up position. Think about the boss who calls his secretary "Sweetie," or refers to his assistant as "my girl." Or the obnoxious drunk in a bar, calling the waitress "Honey." Definite hierarchical posturing going on there.</p> <p>My rules: </p> <p>1. Terms of endearment are best left for those with whom one is truly intimate.<br /> 2. One should never presume intentional rudeness. If one is the object of an inappropriate term of endearment, one should assume the endearment-user has benign motives rather than evil ones.<br /> 3. If one is the object of an inappropriate term of endearment, one may<br /> a. Say, "Please, call me [insert preferred form of address here]." or<br /> b. Assume the endearment-user wishes to initiate an intimate relationship and respond in kind, with "dear," "honey," and similar terms. or<br /> c. Rise above it, as my mother would say, and let it go. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-250047 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 23:49:43 +0000 taylor 250047@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rude? You think they are being rude?</p> <p>I am with Maya, Angie, Kim and Marianna, R&amp;J and others on this. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-250030 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 23:29:29 +0000 Queen Mum 250030@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>so how about this one...<br /> Just today the grocery clerk chuckled when I offered my ID for purchasing wine... and then called me ma'am. LOL<br /> AND he was clearly 10 years older than me. Life is too short to get uppity about these things. I just chuckled all the way to the car </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-250019 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 23:18:37 +0000 Angie 250019@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>These responses are eye opening. We all have different buttons!</p> <p>This type of naming does not offend me. I almost don't even hear it. Is that weird? </p> <p>Last week, I did have a very young SA suggest to my client that she wear hose type leggings as pants - right in front of me. After I picked my jaw off the ground I suggested a pair of leans and we moved on. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-249949 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 21:50:33 +0000 Katja 249949@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>It's hard to see how anyone can do the right thing for everyone!</p> <p>My example always is that I grew up (mostly) in Virginia, and am still nonplussed when people are insulted by being called "ma'am", as in my book it is a term of respect and really has nothing to do with age - and it's <strong>certainly</strong> not an insult. That said, I try hard never to say it anywhere outside of the US South, but I'm sure I slip up. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-249911 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 20:29:07 +0000 wilson 249911@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I forgot about that scene Claudia! Her character also refused to wash her hair for weeks...right in line with Angie's post yesterday. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-249906 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 20:22:01 +0000 Jonesy 249906@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Without a doubt, individual people have different responses to different terms. One person may be bugged by hon, another by babe, a third by ma'am. Someone else might not care what salespeople call them. Of course, the way a particular term feels can vary depending on the context, the relationship, the genders involved, the ages involved, etc. I know when I was younger, I didn't really think about these sorts of terms. I was usually called miss (or occasionally sir--presumably because I'm tall!) and that would slightly irritate me, but not too much. But now, especially when a younger person seems to be condescending to me, it feels annoying to be called certain terms. Bottom line: from a business standpoint I would think that salespeople or waitstaff would want to avoid annoying or offending people if at all possible, so why use these terms at all, when there is no need to? </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-249895 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 20:08:23 +0000 Queen Mum 249895@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am not offended at all by the term "hon". I take it as a term of endearment when spoken by a woman older than myself.<br /> As for being addresses as ladies by a waiter, I take that as a compliment as well. It means that he notices that the table is full of lovely ladies out for an evening of fun. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-249891 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 19:58:50 +0000 Deb 249891@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm totally okay with "hon" as well as with waiters referring to a table of female friends as "ladies."</p> <p>"Hon" from a female sales associate establishes a friendly encounter - for me, anyway - and I sooooo prefer it to sales associates who simply look over my head or stay behind their counter chatting. </p> <p>As far as "ladies" goes - I think it's simply a polite way of addressing a group of women. If I'm in a meeting with all men, or emailing only men, I typically will address them as "gentlemen" as in "Good afternoon, gentlemen..." and "Gentlemen: I 've a couple of ideas I'd like to share with you."</p> <p>There certainly are occasions when a person will use those terms to belittle and condescend. Perhaps they need to be taken in context.</p> <p>As the saying goes: You can call me anything - just don't call me late for dinner!</p> <p>:o) </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-249884 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 19:32:40 +0000 biscuitsmom 249884@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>wow...I never thought of it that way. I was a grocery cashier for 21 yrs and quite often called my favorite customers 'hon'. I certainly never meant any disrespect or was trying to belittle anyone...I had only one lady (and I use the term loosely) complain- she wanted to be addressed as 'mrs.' which I did and she only seemed to give me the 'slightest' bit of respect when she saw my wedding ring and realized I am also a 'mrs. ' it just seems natural to me to say 'hon 'to people I like... In fact Ive called several online friends that....hope no one took offense to it! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/sales-associate-passive-agressive-rudeness#post-249875 Fri, 12 Nov 2010 19:20:49 +0000 RoseandJoan 249875@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I call my daughter Honey all the time and she rolls her eyes and says 'no Teah' with a cross look on her face. </p> <p>I have to say I would not be offended by the term, in fact I would probably find it slightly amusing. I guess it would all depend on the tone of voice. </p>