https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Sun, 05 Apr 2026 12:12:17 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-998817 Mon, 05 Aug 2013 04:14:29 +0000 lyn* 998817@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thanks lovely ladies. I will go and twirl with my pretty skirts and ignore them </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-998814 Mon, 05 Aug 2013 04:12:56 +0000 Sveta 998814@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I am late too and did not read all comments because I did not have time.<br />Honestly I would not stoop to these people to explain why you buy what you buy and how much do you pay for that. For me I would ask plainly: why is it a concern for you? You do not audit my bank account do you? I think any explaining of anything looks very much like apologizing and will make them feel they have a right to talk to you like this.&nbsp;<br />They were plainly rude and out of line and I would put them back where they belong! I don't really have patience for people like this... </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-998811 Mon, 05 Aug 2013 04:08:22 +0000 Sparky 998811@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I haven't read through all the replies, but here's my take on a creative reply:</p> <p>"It's the boobs, hon.&nbsp; They get me what I want for cheap."&nbsp; </p> <p>"Life is full of mysteries, isn't it?" </p> <p>Seriously, people who overstep boundaries like that don't merit an explanation of any sort from you.&nbsp; They deserve either an outrageous retort or a flip reply to shrug it off, or else the more direct response that calls them out on how inappropriate their behavior is ("why on earth would you care how much my clothes cost?" or "what an odd and personal question to ask me!").</p> <p>I am so sorry you have to deal with this.&nbsp; (I haven't posted in the forum in ages but just had to express my indignation on your behalf!)</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-998616 Sun, 04 Aug 2013 19:05:40 +0000 MsMary 998616@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Team "I never discuss finances."&nbsp; Good Lord. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-998601 Sun, 04 Aug 2013 18:38:56 +0000 lynne 998601@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Shocking. You don't owe anyone any explanations. Just smile and say "thank you". It isn't rude, but makes the point that you don't care to explain your wardrobe choices. It also highlights another's rudeness. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997899 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 18:40:33 +0000 Missey 997899@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I honestly don't understand why we feel compelled to come up with tactful responses to tacky questions/comments. A completely appropriate response would be "Thanks for the unsolicited advice/comment". </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997866 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 17:45:33 +0000 lyn* 997866@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@ Isabel &amp; Gaylene - That's what my mom told me: that I need to grow up! HAHA.</p> <p>@ Zaptoee - You're right! It has been. Sometimes it's hard to remember.</p> <p>@ Louise - I've never thought of my car as Vintage, but you're right! It so is! It has Vintage Charm! :)&nbsp;</p> <p>@ Christine - It is theraputic. I should recommend it to all my patients!! All of them not in my size, that is ;)</p> <p>@ Isabel - That's actually an interesting thought about the mom thing, because I'm pretty sure that certain aspects of my mom relationship has gotten me into clothes. Other people can dress up their little girls (or their little boys these days!) but I can only dress up myself :p</p> <p>@ Day Vies - I need that on a t-shirt.</p> <p>@ Jenava - Well, I have offered before, and they said, "ANTHROPOLOGIE? WHO CAN AFFORD TO SHOP THERE?" ... so I put that option away. LOL. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997844 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 17:06:41 +0000 Jenava 997844@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think you should say, "see, I'm living proof that you CAN look nice without breaking the bank!" &nbsp;Cause this points out that they're only calling you out because they think you look nice, and it also highlights that they probably DON'T look as nice as you...Maybe you could even offer to help them shop...(-; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997834 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 16:23:02 +0000 Day Vies 997834@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I really can't stand it when people want to steal the joy you generate and have in pulling yourself together everyday. The jealousy is EVIDENT in these comments and as to how I would handle them (I was just relaying your story to DH who took offense to these comments as well). I would cut straight to the chase and<b> tell them this: </b><br /><b>"It doesn't take a million dollars to look like a million dollars it only takes effort, attention, and a spark of creativity. Since I chose to invest my talent and creativity in looking my best I don't look like everyone else. I'm sorry that you've allow your financial situation to dictate how you look. I choose not to be limited in that way." </b><br />Yes this is a flip comment and I don't recommend you say this unless your comfortable -- but it's the truth. I have had the same thing happen to me time and time again where people assume that I'm sitting on a pile of money and try to make me feel like I have a shopping problem simply because my clothes fit and don't look like I borrowed them from my little sister or my big brother. </p> <p>Rachylou had an excellent synopsis of this kind of dynamic on a thread earlier this year. I'll see if I can find it and post it here. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997824 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 15:57:41 +0000 Isabel 997824@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Lyn, I just went back and carefully read the responses. &nbsp;Some very good advice. &nbsp;It strikes me as sad that women so often feel they have to explain or defend what they do when it doesn't affect anyone else.&nbsp;</p> <p>I am going to laugh all day at what Rachylou said.&nbsp;</p> <p>I had forgotten that you were in psychiatry. &nbsp;Sona's line was great in giving you advice, from an internist. So that got me thinking, if it &nbsp;happens again, maybe you could ask if they had "issues" with their mothers and that you are always available to help them unpack those issues. &nbsp;You could also prescribe for their obsession with your clothes. LOL !!!! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997774 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 14:24:31 +0000 christieanne 997774@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I work with a bunch of hair stylists and there is a lot of hair touching. It is odd. This instructor person has issues of her own and sounds like she may run into the wrong person with her inability to self sensor. <br />I think a bunch of people discussing someone else who is in the room (!!) is so incredibly rude. Very personal - one's clothes, car, budget, etc - and I think my response would be something like "bargain hunting is my own kind of therapy - what so you do" but I tend to self depreciate in these awkward moments. </p> <p>I think the priceless answer has got to be raising an eyebrow and asking why they felt the need to know. </p> <p>I suppose if you do work in the "crazy bin" as you say, you will have a lot of job security </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997680 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 08:07:58 +0000 Louise 997680@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>How very rude! My usual response to such comments is 'I don't drink, I don't smoke so clothes are my vice' works especially well with smokers and drinkers as you can add in ' at least I have something to show for MY money'</p> <p>ETA another old car driver here, an 02 Seat Leon with 105,000 miles on the clock. I like to think of him as vintage (can vintage be only 11 years old?) he's spotlessly clean and always polished and stills runs as sweet as a nut x </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997661 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 04:30:38 +0000 ManidipaM 997661@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I love IK and rachylou's thoughts. But L'Abeille/rae, #4 from becky and zap's are easiest to deliver. Together with two steps back and absent-minded but vigorous dusting off of whatever part of garment was touched...</p> <p>I couldn't think of anything not outright aggressive when I first read this though I never have a quick comeback myself and typically start fuming or explaining. Now have managed to stop explaining and smile mysteriously or disinterestedly (polite but glazed over expression). With me it was more about colleagues commenting on food choices or ecological attitudes...clothes only now that I dress to be visible. I stopped explaining when I realised that not only was it uncalled-for but that it made no sense as someone ordering a $5 coffee each day but buying battered, half-dead veggies by way of groceries would. not. understand. these priorities as 'valid'. Same thing here, mutatis mutandis. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997649 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 03:45:54 +0000 Anonymous 997649@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Here is my one liner: Life is good to me. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997585 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 01:09:43 +0000 Isabel 997585@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>This is just...weird. &nbsp;Some one just wrote about this in OT and the Coldwater Creek thread. &nbsp;It is weird but it seems to happen all the time with women. &nbsp;I don't understand the need to make it sound as if it is a character issue to pay a certain amount for clothes. It is like the woman ( and I know her ) that says, " I would NEVER buy full price, " &nbsp;when I tell her that , "No it was not on sale. "There is some sort of pyschological issue behind it. Though I have no idea what it might be.&nbsp;</p> <p>I like Gaylene's thoughts. &nbsp;As I have gotten older, I have learned also to not have to excuse my choices. &nbsp;Maybe you need to turn it around on them, " I am not sure why you are bringing that up. " </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997579 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 01:05:35 +0000 Isis 997579@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I would not explain one iota.</p> <p>It doesn't matter if you bought Anthro clothes on ebay or in the store.&nbsp;</p> <p>It doesn't matter if you drink Starbucks or a cheaper coffee.</p> <p>It doesn't matter if you drive a Lexus or a beater.</p> <p>Those are your choices and no one else's business. &nbsp;You don't have to to justify your decisions.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997573 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 01:00:12 +0000 Classically Casual 997573@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Another technique I use to analyze these situations after the fact, is to try to imagine men having these conversations with each other.&nbsp; And usually I can't. I realize that I may sound simplistic here, but women often try so hard to be nice, and not to offend, when men would not tolerate the behavior.</p> <p>If there's an employee tugging/grabbing&nbsp; people's clothing and asking what clothing items cost, it appears they've crossed a very visible line in the workplace. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/3#post-997543 Sat, 03 Aug 2013 00:24:46 +0000 froggiebecky 997543@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm late to the party, but I can't help but reply to this. I'm sorry it happened, but please remember you are never required to justify, defend, or explain your purchasing habits to anyone (except perhaps yourself, if you're not meeting your other goals. But that's no one's business anyway). I'm one of those, though, who would tend to meet rudeness with rudeness, even if&nbsp; that's not the point of manners... Such as:&nbsp;</p> <p>1. "I've got my budget under control, thank you."<br />2. "My budget isn't up for general review, but thanks for asking."&nbsp;&nbsp;<br />3. "I've got a great financial planner. Would you like his number?"&nbsp;<br />4. "It's called a budget, hon." (I'm from the south..."hon" is allowed.)<br />5. "Are you asking the cost because you're looking for one for yourself? I'm happy to help others improve their wardrobes."&nbsp;<br />6. "I'm glad you like my skirt (or whatever)!&nbsp;How's your student loan payoff going?"&nbsp;</p> <p>Bonus points for delivery with a smile and a sweet tone of voice. :)&nbsp;I wouldn't even mention ebay. You're not required to explain your sources...and even then, they've shown they don't deserve to know where you score your bargains! </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/2#post-997506 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 22:55:21 +0000 lyn* 997506@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>@ Shedev - I kinda walked in the opposite direction to avoid that instructor :p The poor doc looked shocked.</p> <p>@ Tarzy - You're so lovely and classy </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/2#post-997504 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 22:41:10 +0000 tarzy 997504@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>"That has urine on it." My new favorite YLF quote!</p> <p>So many great responses here. I totally agree that no explanation or justification is required, because that implies that if the item was expensive that would somehow be wrong. </p> <p>I have one friend who is very wealthy. She spends tons of money on clothes - probably more than I make in a year. She also lives in an amazing house and drives an incredible car. And... so what? I would never mention prices or question her right to spend her money however she sees fit. Just as I know she would never make me feel inferior for buying on deep discount. It's just not anyone's business. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/2#post-997502 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 22:31:28 +0000 shedev 997502@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>How'd the MD react? That&nbsp;instructor is lucky she didn't get decked. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/2#post-997491 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 22:13:34 +0000 lyn* 997491@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Thank you all for your lovely and thoughtful replies!&nbsp;</p> <p>A strange follow up to this - today, another MD was wearing a long white lab coat over her outfit, and the same instructor -ran- up to her (ACTUALLY RAN) and grabbed the two edges of her open lab coat and PULLED IT BACK to reveal her skirt to stare at it. I am starting to think she simply does not have any personal boundaries.</p> <p>Also, glad it's not just me.</p> <p>Sometimes I think I work in a crazy house.&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/2#post-997417 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 19:41:54 +0000 T-Rex 997417@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Wow. I'm stunned. I can't believe how rude those people were to you. </p> <p>In my currently stunned state, the first thing that comes to mind is "these people don't know you". They are making assumptions about your disposable income (which may or may not be a refection of your salary), your values, your interests, and even&nbsp;your willingness and/or ability&nbsp;to put up with their rudeness. </p> <p>If someone I knew who was otherwise friendly toward me made a comment like that, then I would enlighten them on my willingness to search for a bargain on ebay. I might even compare my interest in clothing to their interests, if I knew enough about them, just to put things into perspective for them. But if these people aren't friendly toward you in general, then you don't owe them anything. That said, it's hard to stay quiet when you are the subject of a group&nbsp;discussion like the one you described. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/2#post-997405 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 19:29:20 +0000 Lisa 997405@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm sad to hear that some people are so rude, and inconsiderate.&nbsp; The lack of manners now-a-days never ceases to amaze.&nbsp; You are a savy shopper with an excellent eye and taste.&nbsp; While I don't think you should really have to say anything to defend yourself, I'd probably just retort with "I'm a great sale shopper" and change the conversation. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/2#post-997390 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 19:00:48 +0000 Irene 997390@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I have to admit to having commented on people's clothes prices. They were close relationships though, friends and the like, and I never meant it in a bad way. Just saying, 'whoa, you're lucky you got the money' or even 'well, it's your well-earned money'.</p> <p>I would NEVER comment on a colleague's budget. It's just none of my business. Seriously, don't people learn some manners or something?</p> <p>PS: I do love to say how cheap some of my things are when I get complimented on them. Like my summer handbag. I got it for a really low price and is not good quality or anything. It's almost embarrassing. I bought it out of necessity because I just needed a comfy bag in a lighter color. Yet it receives compliments now and then. A guy (ok, it <i>was</i> a guy) even thought it was real leather. I think people think I spend more than I really do in my clothes because I have variety and even if they are very inexpensive (I might be one of the cheapest members in this forums), they fit nicely and are sort of well-made, have ok fabrics, etc, so they look fancier than what they really are. </p> <p>This is how I look at it: If you want to look nice, you either need to spend your money or your time. Sometimes both. It's that simple. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/2#post-997382 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 18:54:26 +0000 Kim 997382@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I think it's Glory for the win! LOL</p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/2#post-997378 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 18:51:46 +0000 MovingFashionForward 997378@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>If I were in your situation and this happened to me, I would definitely not say anything that might be taken to be explaining myself, apologising for my spending habits, or accepting their right to make such comments. If anyone touched me the way you describe, the look I would give them would let them know that that was not acceptable behaviour. Were this to happen, I would conclude that I needed to project a less friendly, more 'professional' (unapproachable, reserved) manner to discourage such outrageous comments in the future.&nbsp;</p> <p>In no way do I think you are being unprofessional, I hasten to add. I would simply decide to make small changes to&nbsp;project a slightly more cold, businesslike manner that would discourage such interactions.</p> <p>I like the "Hmmm" suggestion above. It is simply none of their business. You do not have to justify yourself to them.</p> <p>Sarah </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/2#post-997372 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 18:41:58 +0000 Janet 997372@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>I'm LOLing at Rae's and Glory's suggestions! I love it!&nbsp; </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/2#post-997365 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 18:31:39 +0000 Anonymous 997365@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>Rae, L'Abeille - Hands down, this is now the only response to give... <i>"You seem very interested in my budget. How does this make you feeeeel?"</p> <p></i>Rachylou, I agree! I'm not creative or quick enough to think of responses like that. I will most definitely use this line in the future if someone's rude enough to bring up the subject of how much I paid for something. </p> https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/rude-comments-about-outfit---how-to-respond/page/2#post-997313 Fri, 02 Aug 2013 17:26:47 +0000 Glory 997313@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ <p>How about - Thank you for noticing. I am so deeply in debt, can I borrow money for coffee? </p>