YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Retirement Dressing

YouLookFab Forum » Topic: Retirement Dressing https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing Style Advice for Fashion Lovers en-US Mon, 06 Apr 2026 18:06:56 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/search.php Aquamarine on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing/page/2#post-2378361 Wed, 15 Jan 2025 02:32:44 +0000 Aquamarine 2378361@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I’m so sorry you are going through a difficult time with your husband. Dementia is so so hard. But you are looking fantastic. I hope that gives you self-confidence as you navigate the changes ahead. Debbie on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing/page/2#post-2378356 Wed, 15 Jan 2025 02:11:02 +0000 Debbie 2378356@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Thank all of you! Lisa, Star, Susie, Cat2, Kkards, CJH, RobinF. Thank you for your thoughtful comments I really appreciate it. Laura-Thank you so much for the recommendation. I am going to try it and see if I like it. I really appreciate it. Laura on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing/page/2#post-2378333 Tue, 14 Jan 2025 15:00:32 +0000 Laura 2378333@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Hi Debbie, you've received tons of great support and advice here, so I'm chiming in to add one small idea. You mentioned journaling. That's such a good idea! I wanted to share the idea of using an online journal called 750 words. <a rel="nofollow" href="https://750words.com/">https://750words.com/</a> The idea is to write anything that comes to mind with a goal of hitting 750 words, which is three pages. It's based on the concept of morning pages from writer Julia Cameron. But even if you don't hit 750 words, it's still a fun way to journal. They do a substantial free trial. When I found I enjoyed it, I paid for an annual membership.  Hope that's helpful! RobinF on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing/page/2#post-2378320 Tue, 14 Jan 2025 13:30:44 +0000 RobinF 2378320@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I am sorry you are going through this tough time. I am not retired yet but am looking forward to it, although I do know it will be a huge adjustment. I love all the wonderful advice you have received here and don't have anything to add. Just hugs and sympathy.  cjh on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing/page/2#post-2378319 Tue, 14 Jan 2025 13:06:27 +0000 cjh 2378319@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Congratulations on retirement and may you find satisfactions with your new routines and opportunities. A tough road ahead, and it sounds like you have lots of support through struggles, so I’m just adding my best wishes. Take care, But I do want to second Nancy’s words regarding addressing hospital delirium. If a patient’s family is not familiar with it, it’s a frightening shock which no one explains.  kkards on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing/page/2#post-2378315 Tue, 14 Jan 2025 12:34:08 +0000 kkards 2378315@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sending hugs and positive vibes Your outfit was/is fab, but then I love an outfit that lets the footwear be the star!   cat2 on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing/page/2#post-2378314 Tue, 14 Jan 2025 12:32:29 +0000 cat2 2378314@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Are you someone who likes peer support? There may be support groups for caregivers in your area. Even if he has a different more rare diagnosis, people with spouses with Alzheimer’s may be helpful resources. If you find that unappealing there a lot of resources online to help caregivers. My parents were both very resistant to having other people in their home so we had to kind of sneak in help slowly. Sisi on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing/page/2#post-2378306 Tue, 14 Jan 2025 09:32:32 +0000 Sisi 2378306@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ You look fab in that outfit - well done! I am sorry for  what you are going through. Sending positive vibes and hugs!   Star (Lise) on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing/page/2#post-2378299 Tue, 14 Jan 2025 07:14:26 +0000 Star (Lise) 2378299@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Love your outfit. Perfect retirement dressing; cute shoes for interest, pretty necklace and you look awesome in black. It pops with you hair. Hugs to you from the Black Sea. Lisa on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing/page/2#post-2378298 Tue, 14 Jan 2025 06:27:40 +0000 Lisa 2378298@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Sorry to hear about your husband, that's a touch situation to be in. There are already excellent suggestions here so I won't repeat them. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself first, so that you can take care of your husband. There's a reason why on airplanes they say to put on your own mask before helping someone else. The black top paired with your silver hair is a striking combination, you wear black very well! The necklace and the leopard sneakers are a dash of fun to a casual outfit. You're looking great in retirement! Debbie on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing/page/2#post-2378289 Tue, 14 Jan 2025 03:26:45 +0000 Debbie 2378289@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ JAileen, Catherine, Jamie and NancyW- Thank you so much. Every comment is helping. NancyW-His neurologist has already told me she is going to talk to the anesthesiologist and see what ideas they can come up with to prevent it from happening. He had a heart attack about a year ago and the anesthesia really did mess him up. He has FTD dementia and it effects his behavior greatly. NancyW on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378287 Tue, 14 Jan 2025 02:42:35 +0000 NancyW 2378287@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ You look great in the photo. Your outfit is classic and the booties add a touch of personality and verve. I am in my sixth year of retirement and sixth year of living in the south and I (maybe) have an outline of what I want to wear in the long, hot summer! So much good advice in the thread already, but want to add to Carla’s suggestion about the library. Our public library sponsors a book club and that may be a place to connect to others who are in retirement also. From my experience with my father I would like to suggest that you ask your husband’s team what their plan is if he develops delirium in the days after the surgery. Their plan should not be lets solve that if it happens. If it happens it will be difficult and you will not be able to just manage it yourself at his bedside. This is a risk for dementia patients that was not discussed with us before my father’s knee replacement surgeries we were bewildered and underserved by the hospital staff. Take care of yourself, body, mind, and spirit and remember that with your glorious head of hair you are always halfway to looking fab. Jaime on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378284 Tue, 14 Jan 2025 01:06:48 +0000 Jaime 2378284@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ You have received so much wonderful advice above I do not have a lot to add. Give yourself grace both to adjust to a difficult transition and do not feel guilty about needing support in your own personal challenges regardless of what is going on in the world. Once you find your new routine things will seem less daunting. catherine on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378272 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 23:10:15 +0000 catherine 2378272@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Debbie, this sounds very tough, and I can’t offer any advice.  I have struggled with retirement but do not have the challenge of an unwell spouse right now. Sending empathy, good thoughts, and much strength your way. JAileen on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378270 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 21:56:26 +0000 JAileen 2378270@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ The best time: when I stopped working.  The worst time: when my husband stopped working.  Haha!  It’s been five years, and  I’m pretty used to it now.  <div> </div><div><div>I don’t have any advice re dementia, I’m sorry.  My mother is starting to slip.  She lives in a retirement hime and wasn’t taking her medicine.  The medical people wanted her to go into assisted living which she has absolutely refused. The compromise is they call her every day to have her come take her medicine in the health center.  At some point this won’t work anymore, but so far so good. I agree that getting help in so you can go out is a great idea.  You need to keep your connections with friends.  Even professionals have time off. In the picture I love your hair!</div></div> Debbie on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378267 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 21:39:52 +0000 Debbie 2378267@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Suz-thank you! We have to take care of ourselves too even though that is hard for me sometimes. The Texas Health Science Center has a separate program for dementia and they are extremely helpful with classes for caretakers and counseling. Thank you everyone for all your help. Debbie on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378266 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 21:24:40 +0000 Debbie 2378266@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Angie Runcarla and Bridgie-thank you for your comments on my outfit. It’s been a lot of running with more to come. Irina-thank you and thank you for the thrift store suggestions I look very going just to walk through. I collect blue and white dishes and display pieces. Texstyle-Thank you for your suggestions. I will make sure they check his iron levels. He did have that problem after heart surgery. My husband fights me on medicine. The help and medicine have definitely been discussed with his Dr. it is a work in progress. Ms Mary- he did not want me to retire because he felt like he would be watched too closely. They have given him mood stabilizers but I have trouble with him taking them. I was sweeping yesterday and found pills just dropped on the floor by the baseboards. I called my housekeeper earlier and begged her to come back. She is and I will leave with him or stay here when she is here. I am planning to have lunch with a friend tomorrow and a yoga class on Wednesday. Hopefully that will help. Yes I am looking forward to volunteering some. Thank you for the comment on my outfit. Kinnick-I have done everything I can to protect myself and our assets. I also have all the legal paperwork taken care of. Thank you So much for bringing that up. It may help someone else. Suz on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378264 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 21:02:35 +0000 Suz 2378264@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Debbie, I'm slow to reply and I'm not retired, but I want to echo the amazing advice and encouragement you have already received here, and cheer for today's outfit. You look FAB!! The necklace and the shoes are fantastic on you! And now that your hair is silver, I think you look even better in black.  I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's dementia. Caregiving is a huge responsibility. Anything you can do to lighten that load -- someone to clean, someone to do yard work, etc. is money well spent. I love texstyle's idea of combining tasks with getting out of the house, if you can.  I 100% concur with what others have said about making time for YOU in the midst of it all. During the pandemic, my husband struggled with some mental health challenges related to his retirement and our recent move. And I was caregiving then because he really could not function. The one thing that saved me was ensuring I did at least one thing just for me each day -- a walk, a phone call with a friend (often at the same time, so I could vent a bit), time in the garden, music, etc.) Exercise was also key, for me.  Of course, some of this might be easier said than done, if leaving your DH alone is a risk. In that case, I think you need to go against his wishes and find a way to get help, because otherwise, the situation is not sustainable. It might not mean in the home help, at least not beyond cleaning help, at this point. But probably in the future. In fact, it might be helpful to see if there is some kind of counselling available to caregivers in your situation in your area. With a counsellor's aid, you could plan better for the future and get some immediate emotional support yourself.  What Ms. Mary said about routines...routines may benefit your DH, too. There is something soothing in regularity.  When it comes to dressing, it might take a little while and a little experimentation to find your new groove, but it's worth the effort because you will feel more. yourself if you dress in a way that is both practical and stylish. It might be your regular casual (work) clothes; it might be upgraded athleisure. Whatever it is, make sure you love it.  Definitely come here to share your outfits, to vent, to ask questions, and to share what is working!  kinnick on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378262 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 19:57:12 +0000 kinnick 2378262@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I didn’t realize your husband has dementia.   There is a lot you need to do to protect yourself financially (assuming you are in the states) when your spouse has dementia.  All, and I do mean all, of your assets could end up being spent on care for your spouse leaving you with no assets.  At some point you won’t be able to take care of him on your own and he will need in-house care which can easily exceed $10,000 per month in later stages of dementia.   Since he already has dementia you won’t be jointly accepted at facilities that have graduated care built in to their model.   <div> </div><div>I am so sorry for what you are going through but feel like this is information that you need to know to properly plan for the future.  Dementia is just an awful disease.  </div><div> </div> MsMary on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378259 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 19:47:04 +0000 MsMary 2378259@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oof, Debbie! You are in a tough spot!  I retired a bit over a year ago and I am loving it, but my husband is having a pretty hard time with it, so I can relate to you. Here are some things I am doing: 1. I try to do One Thing every day. Maybe lunch with a friend, a class, a long walk, even a trip out of the house to run errands or a medical appointment. If I've done my One Thing, I feel like it's been a successful day. 2. YES to elevating your casual/workout clothes. I agree that you look AMAZING in the outfit you posted. When I'm at home I wear my very casual clothes, but at this point I have a nice capsule of casual things I really like so it's all fine. I put on a bit of makeup every day and also at least a pair of earrings and that makes me feel a bit more put together. And when I leave the house, I take the opportunity to get a little more "dressed." 3. Couldn't agree more with the suggestion to get more help with your husband. He may say he doesn't want it, but gently, he isn't fully himself and if he were, he wouldn't want you to be overburdened. Definitely look into some mood-stabilizing meds for him. My dad went on them and it made a big difference. 4. To the extent you can create a routine, that helps. My husband and I have breakfast together, then we have our "computer time" in our shared home office, then after that we generally get going on our One Thing activities. We always eat lunch together, outside if the weather is nice enough. Afternoons we do our own thing for the most part, then we cook dinner together and enjoy our TV time after dinner. It's a quiet life but we (well, me, anyway) enjoy it. 5. And yes, volunteering is great. Great way to get out of the house, great way to make new friends, great way to feel like you're giving back. Much love and hugs to you! Carla on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378258 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 19:13:03 +0000 Carla 2378258@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Agree with bridgie.  Your sneakers are the best!  And, I’m jealous that you have a botanical garden where you can volunteer! bridgie on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378257 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 18:17:20 +0000 bridgie 2378257@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Debbie, I have never seen you look so good as you do in the current outfit you are wearing! texstyle on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378256 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 18:01:14 +0000 texstyle 2378256@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Debbie, I'm barely on here these days but I caught your post and wanted to write some words of encouragement. First, I agree with others, you look fantastic in your outfit today.  <div>I have a feeling many people have husbands that would not be "good" patients. Men seem to be raised to be strong and ignore their emotions and often times their health more than women so when they do need help, it aggravates them and they tend to react. Anyway - that's my take on that part. </div><div> </div><div>I am not retired (and may never retire totally) but I do work at home and have a lot of flexible time to pursue things other than work on a daily basis as I am a long time business owner. </div> <div>I don't miss having to dress a certain way to please my work mates or clients -  I did that for years and I am more of a casual person. So I embrace that and still try to make sure *all* my clothes are things I personally enjoy - including what I lounge or sleep in. I don't necessarily get "dressed up" daily, but I do make time to do my hair, a little makeup, whatever favorite tee or blouse I want to wear, great fitting jeans when I wear them, etc.</div><div> </div><div>As far as ideas for staying busy, I agree to make manageable "dates" with your friends for coffee, a bookstore, walk, or just a talk. If you can, schedule curbside for your groceries and go early so you can meet up for lunch or that coffee before you pick up your order. This gives you an "excuse" to get out and get something practical done at the same time.</div><div> </div><div>Regardless of what my husband might say he wants, if he has dementia, I'm likely going to need and obtain some assistance - if for nothing other than some of the housework, but likely for at least some care taking so I can get out of the house. You have to have some time for yourself - I've always said you can't trade your own life for someone else's life. You have to insist on balance. If your husband gets angry, you may need to speak to his doctor (with or without him present) to figure out how to handle it. I don't love medication but sometimes it is the only option. I'd probably make sure he gets extra B vitamins and minerals like magnesium (ask the doc first of course) as I think it can help with his mental well being. His knew surgery may help his mood once he recovers. Make sure they test and give him iron if needed after the surgery!  So often, they neglect this and people feel so much worse when they are anemic. </div> Irina on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378255 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 17:57:42 +0000 Irina 2378255@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ A lot of good advice here already, Debbie. <div>I’m adding my two cents as a new retiree. </div><div>I wear sweatpants and sweaters at home and to my daily fitness activities (lap swimming, yoga, fitness class and gym). I know some like to dress better at home but it’s not me, at least for now. I use opportunities to dress in my usual clothes when I’m out and about. I try to come up with a couple of occasions every week - medical appointments, coffee with a friend, a free noon concert at the city’s opera house, going to a new bakery, checking a second hand store (I started collecting tea cups). </div><div>My DH still works and our weekends remain the same. Our main activities are planned for those days. Maybe later my weekdays will be more occupied once I settle into my new lifestyle but for now I have to come up with ideas to get myself out more and to achieve more balance in my daily life. </div> Angie on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378254 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 17:43:06 +0000 Angie 2378254@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Debbie, you look KILLER fab in today's outfit for the tasks at hand! You are off to an excellent start. Proud of you :)  Debbie on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378253 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 17:36:37 +0000 Debbie 2378253@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Dee-Thank you! I am feeling good in it! Debbie on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378252 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 17:34:44 +0000 Debbie 2378252@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Cat2-I am trying to set some goals for each day especially in the exercise department. I have a membership with botanical gardens and I am going to see if I can carve out some time to volunteer. Angie-Thank-you for always being a supportive friend. It is definitely a change. I am going to make a point to get dressed and focus on the positive. The knee surgery is positive because he will be able to move more. I think I will start journaling again too. Kinnick-I have thought about buying an elevated workout outfit right now I am set but will consider for a future purchase. Walking outside is a great suggestion. Roberta-Thank you! It is a definitely a change and I am sure it is a revolving one at that. Thank all of you again. Dee on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378251 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 17:23:37 +0000 Dee 2378251@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ Oh Debbie, that is a terrific outfit. Love the pizazz of the leopard booties, and the lovely half moon necklace too. I hope you feel great wearing it, because you look great in it. Debbie on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378250 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 17:12:23 +0000 Debbie 2378250@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ I want to thank all of you for your thoughtful reply’s. They have given me a lot to think about. Sal-Your suggestion of doing one nice thing for yourself everyday hit home. Just being a caregiver you need that break. Run Carla-your suggestions are very helpful. I have joined the senior citizen center but have not gotten to participate much yet. I am signed up for a yoga class on Wednesday. I am planning to do some classes at a local bead shop. My husband has dementia and refuses outside help at this time. So the caretaking is falling to me. I have started going to the grocery and running errands early and find that it definitely goes faster. Star-Yes getting dressed no matter who sees me is now a goal. Jenni Z- I am going to start dressing for the day even if no one sees me. I am going to try and change my mindset. I have enough clothes and need to pair down work wear at some point. Siri-Thank you! Dee-This will definitely be a season of finding myself. Olive Green-it’s a challenge for sure. No my husband is a horrible patient! Outfit for 2 appointments and a class for knee surgery for my husband. Black, sweater. Jewelry and leopard booties. Roberta on "Retirement Dressing" https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/retirement-dressing#post-2378248 Mon, 13 Jan 2025 16:59:19 +0000 Roberta 2378248@https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/ My only advice - as others before me have been right on the money - is not to force yourself into anything. It's a journey, especially when you have new burdens and tasks in the moment. You don't have to conform to any idea of what you are "supposed" to be or do.  If you feel like wearing your work clothes because those combinations are familiar and easy, go ahead! If you want to buy a set of Vuori lounge wear and put them on every day for a week, do that! (Angie makes this point better than I have.) You don't have to clean out your closet first thing, and you are entitled to reflect on or miss whatever aspects of work strike you in the moment. I loved those first weeks of retirement, and then one day about 11 AM, I realized that all my colleagues were starting to wander down to the staff lounge for a second cup of coffee and some chat, and I wasn't there for it. I am still realizing what a big change retirement is, three years later.